by Lauren Wood
“Yeah, we are a team,” I snipped. “It seems like the only person who ever causes any weirdness or tension between us is you.”
“Maybe because I’m the only one being realistic here,” he barked. “Come on, Cat. Be realistic. How far can this thing really go before this blows up in our faces?”
I felt a crack in my heart that I wished I was immune to. I wished I didn’t feel the ache setting in, that I hadn’t let him get to me enough to be capable of that.
My throat tightened, and it took everything in me not to cry. Silly me. I thought that maybe it could go on forever. Why not?
Because apparently Jordan didn’t feel the same way. That was why.
“I’m sorry,” he offered, seeing the hurt in my face. “This has been fun, but…I really think we need to put our careers first. That’s more important than…”
“This thing,” I sneered. I leaned back and crossed my arms, looking out the window at the people walking by on the sidewalks. I had to look at anything that could distract me enough to keep me from crying in front of him.
I never cried in front of a man. As a woman in my field, I knew all too well that crying meant game over. Men were already waiting for any chance to say we proved them right—that we were too emotional or irrational to rise to their ranks in business. I never let myself give them that chance. My motto had always been to be just as ruthless as they liked to think they were themselves.
Maybe it was the excitement of closing the deal followed by such a downer from Jordan, or just all the stress and high emotions from the past couple of months. But something had me feeling more emotional than usual.
“I don’t want to spoil the day for you,” he said softly.
“Well, don’t worry about that,” I said, standing up and grabbing my purse from the back of the chair. “Nothing, not even you, could ruin this day for me. Especially not you. I’m going out to celebrate, and if you don’t want to join me…well, then I guess some other rich, powerful man at the bar will just have to use this as his golden opportunity to take me home for a good time.”
“Goddammit, Cat,” his fists pounded lightly on the table, just enough to keep from causing a scene and drawing too much attention to himself.
But I was already halfway out the door. Of course I wasn’t really in the mood to go to the bar and pick up some random guy. What I really wanted to do was go home and cry.
I did just that, even though I hated to succumb to the dark cloud that had settled over what was supposed to be such a monumentally glorious day. A day I had been dreaming of ever since I knew I wanted to follow in my father’s footsteps. It was the first leap towards the rest of my long and lustrous career. And yet here I was sulking off back to my apartment…weeping over some stupid man.
The hardest part to swallow was that he wasn’t just any man, he was the man. The one I had been enjoying calling my own…and dare I say—maybe he was even The One.
I was trying to hold everything together as I walked down the sidewalks, rushing as fast as I could to finally be alone and out of view from anyone so I could just break down. But as I rounded one corner, I felt a rush of nausea. It came on so fast, I barely had time to realize it was more than just a passing feeling and grab a trash can from behind the closest bodega. The poor cashier watched in horror as I puked right into their bucket!
“I’m so sorry,” I sniffled, my cheeks turning bright red. That guy and everyone for a whole block had just seen and heard me puke my guts out.
As I hurried off to avoid the embarrassment, a terrible thought crept into my head.
Oh no. The nausea, the sudden random puking, my emotions running on all high…My period was late, wasn’t it? I had been vaguely aware that it was, but I just kept pushing it off to the back of my mind to deal with later. I thought maybe after the deal I’d go see a doctor to find out what was up.
But now I was afraid I was figuring out exactly what was up.
I took off into the closest drug store and kept my sunglasses on, doing my best to hide my face from anyone who might recognize me. My hands were shaking as I paid for the pregnancy test and hurried home.
My nerves only got worse as I locked myself in my apartment bathroom and followed the instructions on the box. While waiting for the results, I tried to close my eyes and take deep breaths. But I wouldn’t really be able to breathe at all until I knew the answer to my dreaded question…Was I pregnant!?
I was scared to look when the timer on my phone went off, but I sucked it up and forced myself to anyway. This wasn’t going anywhere, and I had no choice but to face it. But even as I peered over the bathroom counter, I was still mostly convinced this was nothing more than paranoia. We took precautions…most of the time, anyways. And there was no way I could be pregnant! Not me! Not now!
But all of that proved to be false when I let the two little pink lines on the stick sink in. There was the answer…staring me right back in the face. I’m pregnant.
Several short, panicked breaths came out in bursts, followed by streams of tears down my cheeks. It was the worst possible time for a knock to come to my door, but I rushed to open it anyway. I wanted to believe it was Jordan. He had realized what an idiot he was being and was coming over to apologize. I could tell him what I just discovered so we could figure out what to do, and so I wouldn’t have to process it alone.
But my heart sank when I flung the door open. It wasn’t Jordan. It was my father.
“Daddy,” my voice cracked.
“Honey?” he instantly perked up with alarm. “What’s wrong?”
He rushed in, taking me into his arms as he kicked the door shut behind us. I collapsed against him, crying onto his shoulder.
“The worst thing happened…with the worst possible timing,” I sobbed into his jacket.
“What is it sweetie?” he whispered, rubbing my back. “You know you can tell me anything.” He got the bright idea to try and lighten the mood with a joke. He always did hate to see me cry, but he had always been terrible at knowing how to stop it. That was Mom’s job. But this time his attempt really took the cake.
“Come on…What could be so bad after what you just accomplished? You’re not pregnant, are you?” he scoffed with a laugh.
I lifted my head and looked back at him with two big round watery eyes that told him everything he needed to know.
His face melted in disappointment and worry. “Oh, no. Kitty-Cat. Who’s the father?”
“You know him. Pretty well, in fact,” I croaked.
He flashed an angry smile. “Of course. I should have known.”
19
Jordan
I was pacing my apartment, reminding myself over and over that it would only make things worse if I went and tried to talk to Cat again. She hated me now, and she had every right to. But I trusted her to pull it together when it was time for work to resume. She would put on a smiling face and we would be professional. It was better this happened now than later on down the road, wasn’t it?
But the longer I sat in the feeling, the more I realized this wasn’t what I wanted at all. As I walked through my penthouse, I noticed one of her shirts still lying by the bed. I couldn’t resist picking it up and drawing it to my nose to take in a deep breath of her scent. It hit me like a train. I didn’t want to lose her.
My fists clenched as I thought about her being out there with some other sleezy guy right now, trying to get in his pants just to spite me. I knew I’d have to get used to the feeling. We’d both have to move on. But my throat tightened with the realization that I wasn’t so sure I wanted to.
My hand was so close to reaching for the phone to call her, even though I knew that would only make things worse. Sooner or later, this was just the harsh reality we would have to face…This was how things needed to be. I wanted to rip the bandaid off now before we got in too deep. But the question nagging at me…Was I already in too deep?
I was snapped out of my desperate state by a knock to my door. I hesitated
to answer. I was in no shape to see anyone, and I doubted that Cat wanted to see me. She wouldn’t have shown up here, but she might have been the only person I was willing to answer the door for at that moment.
Another series of loud bangs rattled through the door, growing stronger with each passing second. I growled and went over to answer just for fear of the neighbors getting pissed at me. I didn’t need another problem on my plate right now.
But that was exactly what I got, and it was way worse than any angry neighbor could be.
Mark stood there in the hall looking mad as a charging bull. He pushed past me into the apartment and flew into a rage.
“You’ve fucked up big time, buddy!” He pointed his finger at me, practically spitting with anger. “You’re going to regret ever laying a finger on my daughter!”
“Okay, I see what this is about,” I raised my hands in surrender. “Calm down, Mark. I can explain everything.”
“What is there to explain!? You’ve been sleeping with my own daughter behind my back! You knocked her up and broke her heart!”
“I didn’t mean to…”
Suddenly, I froze. The rest of what he said sank in, and I felt like I might pass out. Somehow I managed to keep it together enough to wrap my head around the words.
“Wait. What did you just say?”
“You heard me,” he seethed. “What did you think was going to happen!? Oh I guess that’s the problem…you weren’t thinking at all, were you!? You thought you could use her just like you have with all those other women. I know how you are. I just never thought you’d stoop so low as to drag my Catherine down into your games.”
“I need to sit down,” I murmured, looking aimlessly around the room. I wished there was some escape route. Not just from Mark…but from the whole damned situation which was apparently more complicated than I realized.
But my thoughts went shooting off in rapid fire. Maybe I was grasping at straws, but a glimmer of hope surged inside.
“No, impossible,” I insisted. “She can’t be pregnant. I just saw her a few hours ago and she didn’t say anything.”
“She was supposed to tell you while you were breaking up with her!?” he thundered.
“I didn’t break up with her. We weren’t together like that. I just said we couldn’t keep…”
My words stopped dead with the daggers he shot right through me with his eyes, and it was for the best. Whatever dumb thing I was about to blurt out certainly wouldn’t have helped matters any.
“I already know what she was to you,” he grumbled. “And it’s taking everything in me not to pummel you right now. So if I were you…I’d keep your mouth shut.”
“Of course,” I mumbled, stumbling over to the couch. “I don’t want to seem disrespectful. I’m sorry. I just…This is a lot to take in. Cat is pregnant!?”
“Yeah,” he fumed. “And yes, you’re the father. So don’t even ask.”
I didn’t have to ask. Of course it was me. I had spent so much time inside of her over the past weeks that she couldn’t have possibly had time to sleep with anyone else. I made sure of that.
I sat for a moment, despite Mark’s obvious desperation for some kind of answer, and let the news wash over me. I was going to be a dad.
Oddly enough, a fog seemed to lift from the room. Maybe it was terrible to think, but things actually felt better this way.
“Is it horrible for me to say I’m relieved?” I confessed. “I’m sorry. I know you’re furious. But really, Mark…You don’t know what you mean to me. I’ve hated lying to you all this time, and I really did feel terrible about messing around with her behind your back. That’s the only reason I ended things today. I didn’t think you’d ever let us be together.”
His face scrunched up. “Be together? You mean…You’re actually serious about this thing with my daughter?”
“I know, I know. You don’t have to say it. I know you’d never approve of me being with her. That’s why I lied for as long as I could, but finally…I just knew I couldn’t anymore. I knew ending it was the only right thing to do…for you and for her. But I swear…I had no idea she was pregnant.”
Now he was the one letting things wash over him. The air seemed to be knocked out of him for a moment, forcing him to sink down onto the couch next to me.
“You want to be with her?” he asked in shock. “Like really be with her? As in taking care of her and this baby?”
“Maybe I didn’t know it at first, but…Yes.” I bucked up, rising to my feet so I could face him like a man for the first time since this whole thing started. “I want to take care of her, and if there’s going to be a baby…Then I want to be there every step of the way. As much as she’ll let me. I know I’ve probably fucked everything up beyond repair as far as how she feels about me. But I do love your daughter. Maybe in another life…if I ever had the chance to go back and do things the right way…”
“The right way,” he scoffed, but it eased into a soft smile. “And just what would you do then? If you could go back.”
“I wouldn’t have lied to you. I would have come to you first and told you I was interested in her, so we’d never have to sneak around behind your back. And if you told me to never speak to her again…well, then I would have respected that.” I considered it for a moment. “But I gotta tell you, Mark…Knowing what I know now, I can’t say I think things would have been better that way. I’m glad we’re going to bring a child into this world together. If we can never be together in any other way…That’s fine. But I’m glad to have that much.”
I sat down beside him again, letting out a long exhale. “Because Cat is the most amazing woman I’ve ever met in my life. I’m lucky to have her as the mother to my child, and I’m lucky to have had this short time I did with her. I really do love her.”
He was quiet for a long time, and I wouldn’t let myself wait for whatever he was formulating in his head. I wasn’t naive enough to think he’d ever approve of me really being with Cat now. And outside of that, there was nothing else I could say or do. I just had to hope they’d still let me be a part of their lives enough to be involved with our child.
“I’m not the one you should be saying all of this to,” he sighed finally.
“Who else would I say it to?” I laughed sarcastically. “Cat hates me. As she should. I deserve it. I made her feel used. And there’s no point in pouring salt in our wounds. Especially not now that we have to find some way to move forward in a civil manner to raise this baby.”
He stood up and put a firm hand on my shoulder. “I’ve always thought of you as a son. You know that? But I never realized you were so dumb about love. You have to go tell her how you feel.”
“I don’t want to cause you any more trouble than I already have,” I argued.
“Then go talk to her,” he shot back. “Go make this right.”
“Wait. Are you saying…”
“I’m going to need some time to come around to all of this. I can’t stand here and pretend like that’s an easy thing for me to do. But I could see something was making Cat happy in the past couple of months…Happier than I’ve seen her in a long time. I realize now that it was you. So, if you really love her…”
“I do,” I assured him.
“Then if she’ll have you back…you have my blessing,” he nodded. “But if you ever hurt her again, I’ll beat you to a bloody pulp.”
“If she gives me a second chance, I’m going to make her the happiest woman alive or die trying. I can promise you that.”
“You better,” he warned. “Now what are you standing around here still talking to me for? Go get her.”
“Yes, sir.”
I extended my hand to shake his, then we set off for Cat’s place. Finally, I knew exactly what I wanted. Her. All of her—not just sex. I just had to hope she wanted me too.
20
Cat
I felt completely crushed under the weight of everything that had happened. Not only had Jordan proven to me t
hat I meant nothing to him this whole time, but now I knew I was going to have his baby.
When I was fifteen, I would have gushed at the thought. Working side by side with Jordan Ashford. Yes, please! Having sex with him? Oh god, yes—please. Having all of his babies? Swoon.
But I wasn’t a little girl anymore. There was too much on the line. My career and my heart.
I always promised that no matter how much I thought I loved a man, I would always love myself more. And in this case, that meant picking myself up and brushing myself off. It wasn’t going to be easy to keep up with my career, while seeing that bastard every day—pretending like everything was fine, all while raising a child. But if anyone could do it, it was me. I didn’t have time to be sitting around feeling sorry for myself.
I peeled myself up from my seat by the window and plotted a course of action. I was going to treat myself. After doing some shopping and spoiling myself a little, I’d have a trip to the spa. I was one of the executive owners of Heartstring now. I still deserved to celebrate that, despite everything.
I put myself together and freshened up before grabbing my bag to head out the door. But when I opened it, I was surprised to see my father standing there again.
“Dad? What are you doing back here? Did you forget something?”
“Apparently,” he grumbled, showing himself in. “It appears I forgot to factor certain possibilities in when we talked earlier.”
“What are you talking about?” I puzzled. “What possibilities?”
“Like the fact that Jordan might actually love you.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “I know because I’m your daughter you’re obligated to think every man on earth loves me, but obviously that’s not the case here. He just broke it off with me this morning, remember?”