WEDNESDAY, JULY 26, 1967
Today I turn nineteen. Not that it’s any different from when I turned eighteen. I still don’t get to spend the day with Curtis. I haven’t received a letter from him in a while, which makes my heart hurt. I know he’s okay because Mrs. Walker made Gerald find out for sure since he’s the only one who calls. Gerald tried to reassure Mrs. Walker, telling her that Curtis didn’t have the same privileges as an officer. I get that. Kind of. The good news, Curtis is not in combat, but he is in Southeast Asia, I’m told.
Once again, I’m starting to wonder if he is purposely not sending letters or calling. It didn’t slip by me that he never responded when I stated in my letter that I thought he was avoiding me. I mentioned it to Mrs. Walker one day, and she told me to remember that this is just as hard on him as it is on me. I know that. I do. I think I might lose sight of that at times because I miss him so much.
I just want to hear from him, and the more days that pass, the harder it gets for me. I still cry every day, though not quite as much. I’m wondering if I’ll ever stop crying. Then again, the day that I do might not be a good day after all.
FRIDAY, AUGUST 4, 1967
I’ve been watching the news a lot more lately. From what I’ve seen, we now have around five hundred thousand troops in Vietnam, and they just sent forty-five thousand more. It hurts my heart to know that Curtis is one of them. Gerald has already been over there, fighting, even getting wounded. Curtis was right, things are escalating. Now, the only thing I seem to do is pray. I can’t stop worrying that he’ll get hurt, maybe killed. This is serious. They’re fighting day in and day out, and it’s only escalating. I need God to keep Curtis safe, to bring him home to me.
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 25, 1967
It’s been another one of those days when I don’t feel like pretending anymore. I need to hear from Curtis. I’m slowly going crazy. At times, I’m so upset I want to stomp my feet and scream until I can’t scream anymore. I’m doing my best not to let anyone see that side of me, but I know I can’t hide it all the time, even if I try. I can’t wait until he comes home. I keep reminding myself that will be soon. I hate that I’m beginning to get angry. I told myself in the beginning that I wouldn’t. I can’t seem to help it, though. With him being gone, I feel abandoned.
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 14, 1967
I went to see Momma today. I don’t know if she was happy to see me or not. She acted like she was, but she made the comment that I hadn’t bothered to come until now. She said Mitch comes by a couple of times a month. I didn’t bother to remind her that she didn’t go to my wedding or even my high school graduation. It’s not worth arguing about. I didn’t see Daddy, but that was on purpose. I made sure he wasn’t going to be there before I went over.
We talked for a little while and I played with Owen. He’s so cute. Kathy and Celeste weren’t there. Everything seemed so different than when I left. Momma looks a lot older now. She doesn’t smile very much at all. I asked her if I could come by again, and she said yes, so that’s what I’m planning on doing.
I’ve also started counting down the days until Curtis comes home. It should be soon. It’s been almost three years. I can’t wait to see him.
Letter from Curtis:
November 2, 1967
Lorrie,
It seems like it’s been forever since I’ve sent you a letter. Maybe that’s because it has been. I would like to say that it’s because I’m always busy, but that isn’t entirely true. If I’m being honest, I haven’t been able to send letters because it hurts too much. I write them, then stow them in a box. I pull them out and read them, reliving all the things I want to say to you. I’m hoping that by not sending them, you’ll focus on you for a while. Momma tells me that you’re doing better, that you’re actually living your life. That’s what you need to do, baby. It breaks my heart to hear you cry or to know that you’re hurting because of me. That’s the last thing I ever want to do.
I’m not sending this letter to upset you, although I know that’s what will happen. I need to tell you that you shouldn’t be expecting me home in December like we planned. My three years is up soon, but Lorrie, I’ve volunteered to stay for longer. Please, baby, please don’t be upset with me. When I first left, the only thing I could think about was coming home. But now that I’ve been here for so long, these people are like my family. I just can’t bring myself to leave yet. These men have become my brothers, and they need me.
I’m sorry, baby. I really am. I love you more than words can say.
Curtis
Letter from Lorrie:
December 14, 1967
Dear Curtis,
I don’t even know what to say. My heart is broken, and my tears won’t stop long enough for me to write you back. I wish I could say that I understand, but I don’t. I thought you loved me, Curtis. I thought we were going to spend our life together.
Love,
Lorrie
chapter NINETEEN
~ 1968 ~
SATURDAY, JANUARY 6, 1968
I wonder if I’ll hear from Curtis. He should be receiving my letter soon. I’m scared that he’ll be mad, but I don’t regret sending it. I need him to know how much he hurt me. The fact that he volunteered to stay without talking to me first is the worst part. We’re married. That’s what married people are supposed to do. Talk to one another.
On top of that, I was talking to one of my friends, and she said that her brother calls often, and he even has come home while he’s been enlisted. Curtis told me he couldn’t. Maybe that’s true, but I know he could’ve called me a lot more than he has. It hurts to know that he is purposely pushing me away, but I don’t know how to talk to him about it.
WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 14, 1968
This might just be the worst Valentine’s Day ever. I haven’t heard from Curtis since the last letter that I sent. Mrs. Walker said she hasn’t heard from him, either, but she has assured me that he is okay. Apparently Gerald is calling and sending letters even though Curtis isn’t. But at least now I know that it isn’t because he isn’t capable. He just doesn’t want to. My heart hurts.
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 17, 1968
Daddy died today. I’m told he got kicked in the head by a horse while he was working on the ranch. Killed him instantly. I’m not sure how I feel about that yet. Kathy came over to tell me. She was very upset. I couldn’t even cry when she told me. I haven’t seen him since the day Curtis and I got married four and a half years ago. I’ve seen Momma a few times, but I don’t go over there when Daddy’s home. Now, I guess I’ll never get that chance.
Letter from Curtis:
June 15, 1968
Lorrie,
I’m not sure if you want to hear from me, but I’m writing this letter anyway. I have some things I have to tell you, things I’ve been bottling up inside for a while now.
Baby, I know you’re upset with me, and I can’t blame you. When I received your letter, I dropped to my knees and cried. Knowing that I hurt you crushed me. I never meant to. I never wanted to let you down. I’ve been trying to figure out how I can say this, how I can tell you without upsetting you, but there’s no easy way, so I’m just going to get it out there.
When I signed up for the Army, I didn’t do it because I wanted to serve my country or because Gerald encouraged me to do the right thing. I did it in order to put some distance between us, but I suspect you know that now. For the sixteen months we were married before I left, things were a little uncomfortable. I wanted to believe it was the newness of it all, but I don’t think that was it. Although we both smiled and laughed, I knew deep down that you were too young for marriage. But I don’t regret marrying you. In fact, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat because I’m selfish like that. Especially when it comes to you.
You are the reason I breathe. The reason my heart beats. I will go to the ends of the earth to make you happy. I hope you know that. Not hearing your voice, not seeing your beautiful face… Those are the things that te
ar me up each and every day. But I can still hear you crying on the phone when I did call, and your tears have the power to break me. You are my only weakness, Lorrie. I knew I couldn’t do what needed to be done, knowing that you were so upset.
And when I volunteered to stay on a little while longer, it really was because I couldn’t bear to leave my fellow soldiers when they needed me most. It damn near killed me to agree, but I knew it was the right thing to do.
I am ready to come home, Lorrie. I am ready to come home and be the husband that you deserve. But what I need you to know is that I need you in every way. You told me in your letter that you were ready to make love to me. I’ve been away from you for a long time. My desire for you has intensified to the point I can hardly sleep, hardly eat when I think about coming back to you. I need to be able to bury myself inside your sweet body for the first time, to hold you in my arms, to feel your skin against mine. The only thing I think about is sinking deep inside you and never leaving. And that is why I put these years between us. I wanted to give you time to grow up the way you deserved.
But since I’m being brutally honest, I want you to know that when I come home, I do plan to make love to you. Day and night. Until I’ve had my fill. And I’m warning you, baby, I will never get enough of you. Never.
I love you.
Curtis
SATURDAY, JUNE 1, 1968
Mrs. Walker took me shopping today. It felt a little strange, but it was fun at the same time. I hated that she insisted on spending money on me, but she told me it was my money, not hers. She went on to explain that Curtis had made sure I had whatever money I needed, but he’d also warned her that I would never ask for anything unless it was a necessity. It’s true.
But today, I got some new dresses and a new hat, and Mrs. Walker convinced me to buy some shorts. They’re so cute, and I can’t wait to wear them. For the past few years, I’ve made a few dresses, but it’s not the same as buying one on the rack. I still won’t get used to anyone spending money on me like that, no matter where the money comes from.
I did, however, splurge a little. I bought Curtis a Zippo lighter. Mrs. Walker explained that I could get it engraved, so I decided to do that. I’ve always remembered those words he said, so I had them put on the lighter. “You are my love that lasts a lifetime.” I hope he’ll like it. Mrs. Walker actually had a tear when I told her what I wanted it to say. I miss him so much.
TUESDAY, JULY 23, 1968
Funny how I can be so angry and so hurt but one letter changes everything. One letter makes my heart soar once again. The things Curtis said to me… They weren’t what I expected to hear from him, but I cherished every single word. I still blush when I reread the letter because I know exactly how he feels. I feel the same way. Maybe it has been the time apart that has made me want him so much, but I can’t change that, and I don’t want to. More than that, I don’t want to hide how I feel for him. I never want to turn into my mother. I never want to be the type of woman who serves a man. I want to be Curtis’s equal in every way. I want to love him the way he deserves to be loved. And that is exactly what I intend to do when he comes home.
I only hope he knows what he’s getting himself into because I’m no longer the girl he left behind. I’m no longer scared of what he makes me feel. The war has made him grow up, but it’s made me grow up, too.
It won’t change the fact that Curtis went to the Army to put space between us, but in an odd way, it makes sense. Still, I’m going to let this husband of mine know that if he expects our marriage to work, communication is the key. It’s no longer only up to him. He doesn’t get to make these decisions for both of us anymore.
PART THREE
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
~ Lao Tzu
chapter TWENTY
FRIDAY, JULY 26, 1968
Today I received the best birthday present ever.
Curtis wasn’t sure that he would be able to pull off the surprise, but with help from his mother and from Joseph, his arrival back in Granite Creek had gone undetected by everyone. He’d known he was coming home since he’d sent the last letter to Lorrie on June fifteenth, but he hadn’t told her that. Instead, he had told her all the things he’d wanted to tell her for the past three and a half years.
He was finally home, and it looked as though Lorrie was completely unaware, at least until the moment he stepped into his mother’s living room to find her sitting on the couch in front of the television. No one said a word as he stood there with his heart in his throat while he watched as she talked quietly to his sister Daphne.
Although she’d sent him pictures, nothing prepared him for how incredibly beautiful she was. There before him was a twenty-year-old woman who had taken the place of the sixteen-year-old girl he’d left years ago. His heart skipped a beat or two in his chest, and it felt as though an anvil had been dropped on his ribs.
How in the hell had he stayed away so long?
Clearing his throat, he waited for Lorrie to turn around. He watched as she slowly pivoted on the couch, her eyes seeking the reason for the sound. When they landed on him, she inhaled sharply, tears forming in her eyes, and he found his were wet, as well.
“Curtis!” Her whisper was so rough he barely heard it.
In the next second, Lorrie was on her feet, staring at him from across the room as though she thought he might not be real. Her shaky hand went to her mouth as tears began streaming down her cheeks.
He could feel the pressure in his chest as he stared at her. He’d waited so damn long for this day.
“C’mere, baby,” he said hoarsely, his voice rough with emotion.
The next thing he knew, Lorrie launched herself at him, her lips finding his instantly. The kiss surprised him so much he stumbled as he held her to him, putting his hand on the wall to keep them upright. Not caring that his mother was in the room, or his brothers and sisters, Curtis cupped her face in his hands and crushed his mouth to hers, savoring the taste of her. She tasted like heaven, so damn sweet and just as he remembered. She was still the softest thing he’d ever touched, her skin like silk against his fingertips.
When they pulled back for air, Lorrie didn’t release him, instead burying her face against his chest. He cupped the back of her head and slid his other hand up and down her back as she sobbed, his heart pounding uncontrollably. God, he’d missed her so fucking much.
“Are you home for good?” she whispered, her words barely audible over her sobs.
“For good,” he told her. For a while there, he hadn’t thought he’d ever be able to say that, but it was true. His time as an active-duty soldier was over. It was time for him to focus on the life he’d left behind, the one he’d seemingly been running from.
Curtis looked over Lorrie’s head at the others standing around. Joseph was there, grinning as though he hadn’t a care in the world. While Curtis had followed Gerald’s lead and gone into the Army, at twenty, Joseph had decided he wouldn’t unless they made him, which they knew might be a real possibility. Until that time came, Curtis wanted the kid to live his life, enjoy every second of it. It was completely up to him how he chose to do that.
Then there was David, who looked so different from the fourteen-year-old kid he’d been when Curtis had left. Of course, Daphne was now barely older than Lorrie had been when Curtis had married her, and she looked all grown up. Too grown up, if he were being honest. Frank Jr., who’d been a royal pain in Curtis’s ass, had officially become a teenager. That left Lisa and Maryanne, the two youngest of the bunch. They were watching him as though he might just disappear into thin air.
The only person missing was Gerald, who was still making a career out of being a soldier, leading his men and encouraging others to serve for their country. Not an easy task at the moment, considering the US’s feelings on the war, but who was Curtis to argue? He’d done his time, he was proud of what he’d done, and he was now ready to get on with th
e rest of his life.
“You’re home,” Lorrie repeated, her body trembling as he held her.
“I’m home,” he agreed.
She looked up at him with watery eyes. “I’m not imagining this, right? I’m not dreaming?”
He smiled. “Nope. I’m here, darlin’.” He had acquired time while in the army, time he had never used because he’d been too scared that if he came home to see Lorrie, he wouldn’t be able to leave again. And though he’d re-upped for another year, he’d completed eight months, and now he was done.
“Are you hungry?” his mother asked.
“Starving,” he growled, looking down at Lorrie. He didn’t bother clarifying that he wasn’t hungry for food. Based on the heat he saw in her eyes, she knew.
Sliding his hand over her hair, he kept his gaze locked with hers.
The only thing he could think about was taking her to their little house and burying himself inside her all night long and never, ever letting her go. For the first time. For both of them.
His dick hardened, but somehow he ignored it.
Being with her was the main thing he’d thought about for the past painfully long three years and eight months. Making love to his wife for the very first time.
Curtis (Coyote Ridge) (Volume 1) Page 11