He didn’t need to be in the room to know that their precious baby didn’t make it. His legs gave out, and he slid down the wall to the floor. He placed his face in his hands and bawled, not even caring who saw him.
chapter THIRTY-SEVEN
FRIDAY, APRIL 6, 1973
These past two weeks have been the hardest of my life. All I do is cry, even when I know it’s not fair to Curtis. He’s hurting, too, but he’s so strong. He continues to push through, taking care of me when the only thing I want to do is sleep. He assures me that it will get easier over time, but I’m not sure this is something I will ever recover from.
SUNDAY, MAY 20, 1973
We went for Sunday dinner at Mrs. Walker’s house today. I’ve avoided going over there for the past couple of months, ever since… Until now, it has been too hard to be around people. It has been two months since we lost our baby. I’m no longer crying all the time, and sometimes I feel guilty about that. I named her Susanna; although we don’t know for sure that she would’ve been a girl, it’s just a feeling that I have. Curtis agreed that’s a beautiful name. He seems to be holding up fairly well, though I think he thinks I blame him. It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t even my fault. I know that now, but it hasn’t been easy.
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 20, 1973
Curtis took me out to pick the peaches off the trees today. I didn’t know it, but he’s been maintaining the trees for the past few years, and he said this has been the best year yet for the fruit. I didn’t even know the trees were there. It’s so exciting. He told me that he knew that peaches were my favorite, so he wanted me to have all I ever wanted. Mrs. Walker is teaching me how to make peach preserves. I think Curtis knows that I need this, something to look forward to.
chapter THIRTY-EIGHT
SATURDAY, JUNE 30, 1973
If ever I had doubts—which I have had many over the past three months—I don’t have any about Curtis. After all I’ve put him through recently, he has proven to be the strongest, most amazing man I have ever met.
After taking care of the necessary chores for the morning, Curtis made a quick stop at his mother’s house before going home to Lorrie. Without knocking, he pulled open the screen door and found his mother standing in the living room, smiling.
“What’re you doin’?” he asked, baffled because she appeared to be staring at air.
“I’m thinkin’ about all the incredible memories that’ve been made here. Did you know I had eight babies in this house?”
Curtis smiled. “I wasn’t around for all the births, but I’d heard a rumor.”
“Y’all lost your first teeth here,” she noted.
“I knocked one of Joseph’s out if you’re keepin’ count.” He laughed at the memory.
Mary Elizabeth’s smile widened. “Smartass.”
“Momma!” Curtis covered his mouth dramatically, eyes wide as he stared at her. “Did you just swear?”
“Oh, hush your mouth,” she said with a giggle. “Are y’all ready to move in here?”
“I haven’t told Lorrie yet,” he said, watching her face closely.
Not telling his wife that he had decided that they would be moving into Momma’s house was a risk he’d been willing to take. For the past few months, things had been tense between them. Although he’d grieved for the loss of their baby, it was taking Lorrie a lot longer. And he understood completely, which was the reason he thought that moving into the big house—making it their own in the process—was the right thing to do.
The guest house had been a temporary plan in the beginning. Now that they’d lived there for the last five years—since he’d returned from the Army—he figured a new start was what they needed. It wouldn’t make up for the loss they’d endured, but he hoped it would be a way for them to start moving forward.
“Have I mentioned how proud I am of you?” Mary Elizabeth asked as she passed him on her way to the kitchen.
“Not lately, no.”
He couldn’t deny how happy he was to see his mother’s spirits up. He could still remember those dark days after his father’s death, the way she would drink herself stupid from morning until night, not even bothering to get dressed most days. These days, she was a much different woman, so healthy, so vibrant. She’d told him more than once that he had Lorrie to thank for that. While he’d been gone, the two of them had bonded, and Mary Elizabeth had found a ray of sunshine in all the clouds.
“Well, I am.” She smiled. “I’m proud of all my kids, but I’ve seen you go through so much, and I’ve envied your strength.”
“I have my moments,” he joked.
“Don’t let it go to your head.” Mary Elizabeth leaned back against the counter.
There was no kitchen table to sit at any longer because all of the furniture had been moved to his mother’s new house, a nice little three-bedroom with a small fenced yard closer to town. She’d told him about it as soon as it had come on the market, and he’d immediately taken her to check it out. Curtis was fairly certain she’d fallen in love with it instantly, although he doubted she would ever admit as much. His mother didn’t want anyone to think that she hadn’t loved the big old, drafty house she had raised her children in.
Curtis leaned against the doorjamb.
“Thank you for helping to get us situated,” she told him. “But you’re not off the hook for mentioning to Maryanne that we could get a dog.”
He grinned. “A dog’ll be good for you.”
“Not for me,” she said quickly, laughing. “I’m makin’ your sister take care of it. I’ve raised enough kids. I don’t need a four-legged one on top of the eight I have.” Her smile widened. “I think Lorrie’s gonna love it here. I remember back when you were gone, she would talk about all the things she would do to this place if she had a house like it.”
“It’s a big house,” he told her. “But I plan to fill it with kids one day.” He felt the ghostly ache in his chest as he said the words. According to the doctor, there was no reason they couldn’t expect to have full-term, healthy babies one day. Still, when he thought about Susanna, his eyes filled with tears. He missed her so much, and he’d never even had the chance to meet her.
“And I’ll be right down the road, ready to spoil ’em rotten,” Mary Elizabeth stated, pulling him from his thoughts.
“Of course you will. And you’ll be right down the road so we can drop ’em off to spend the night at Grandma’s.”
“Maybe I’ll mention puppies.”
Curtis shook his head. “Don’t even think about it.”
Mary Elizabeth stood up, grabbing her car keys from the counter. “I guess I better head on back to the house.” She chuckled. “It sounds a little funny sayin’ that.”
He could only imagine. “I’m gonna go home and get Lorrie. I wanna surprise her tonight. Thought maybe we’d camp out on the floor.”
“You can always drag your old mattress out here.”
He’d forgotten about that. Everything in the house was gone with the exception of the furniture in his old room. His mother hadn’t had a place to put it, so she’d told him it now belonged to him. Since there were six bedrooms in the house, he didn’t think he’d have an issue finding it a permanent home if Lorrie decided to keep it.
“That’s not a bad idea.” He glanced around.
“All right, kiddo. I’ll be at home if you need me.” She giggled again. “Still strange to say.”
Curtis hugged his mother after walking her out to her car, then he stood there for a minute after she pulled out of the driveway. He looked at the big house, then in the distance to the guesthouse they’d been living in. He was definitely ready for this change. It felt right.
And he only hoped it would feel right to Lorrie, as well.
“Where’re we goin’?” Lorrie asked when Curtis ambled into the house and told her to be ready to leave in five minutes. He hadn’t bothered to elaborate, even as he headed right past her, where she’d been relaxing on the couch.
“It’
s a surprise!” he called from the bedroom.
“You better tell me what it is,” she insisted, following him into the room.
She watched as he opened the closet door, then reached for a box at the top. It was her box of scarves. He pulled it down, lifted the lid, and pulled out a dark red one before putting the box back where he found it.
“You do know it’s summer, right?” she asked, bemused.
“You don’t say.” His smile was wide as he came toward her.
“And red’s not a good color on you,” she added, still watching him. Red was actually a really good color on him.
“You got three minutes left. You ready?”
No. She nodded, then shook her head.
Crap. Figuring she would find out what he was up to soon enough, she ran to the bathroom, brushed her teeth, combed her hair, and tried to make herself presentable. She was wearing an old T-shirt and a pair of denim shorts. She contemplated changing into a dress, but then decided not to. If he was only giving her five minutes, he had to deal with how she looked as she was.
She ran to the closet, pulled out a pair of sandals, and pulled them on as she stumbled back to the living room. Lorrie found him waiting by the door, the red scarf draped over his shoulder.
“Ready?”
“Not really,” she mumbled, unable to keep from smiling.
“Come on then.”
He took her hand and led her out to the truck. After opening her door and helping her inside, he then moved closer.
“What’re you doin’?” she asked when he wrapped the scarf around her neck. She tried to move away, but he grabbed her thighs with his big hands.
“Turn around.”
She frowned at him only to have him respond to it with a smile. He didn’t say anything more, though, so she eventually gave in and turned around, giving him her back.
He situated the scarf over her eyes, tying it behind her head.
“Curtis Walker…”
“Don’t worry, darlin’. I’ve got you.”
She knew that to be true. In the almost eleven years they’d been married, he’d proven he could and would take care of her. Rather than argue the way she wanted to, Lorrie nodded, then allowed him to turn her so that she was once again sitting in the truck correctly.
She heard the door close, then the driver’s side squeak open before the seat moved when he got inside. The engine started up, and the truck started rolling forward while she kept her hands in her lap, fidgeting.
Less than a minute later, the truck stopped.
“Why’re we at your momma’s house?” she asked, but he didn’t answer. They hadn’t driven far enough to be anywhere else.
The door opened, closed. Then her door opened, and he was helping her out, holding her hand as he then led her down the dirt drive and across the small gravel path that led to the big wraparound porch. She could tell they were going to the front door rather than the back door that led to the kitchen. She didn’t say a peep as he guided her up the stairs.
“It’s not my birthday,” she told him, trying not to smile.
“Nope, it’s not.”
“It’s not your birthday, either,” she added.
“Nope.”
“It’s not Valentine’s, Easter, or Christmas,” she said, ticking the holidays off on her fingers.
“Correct again.”
“Then what’s goin’ on?”
Curtis led her into the house, stopping in the foyer, and she heard the front screen door gently close behind her.
“Curtis Walker…” She didn’t finish her sentence because she heard the way her words echoed in the space. It was as though there was nothing else in the room.
He moved away from her.
“Leave it on for a minute,” he warned when she reached to remove the scarf from her eyes.
“Curtis…”
“It’s okay, darlin’. I promise.”
His words were echoing, and she could tell he was moving farther away from her. For a good minute, she stood stone still, listening, trying to figure out what might possibly be going on around her. The only thing she heard was the random scuff of his boots against the hardwood floor.
“Okay, take off the scarf.”
Hesitantly, Lorrie reached up and pulled the scarf down, allowing it to circle her neck.
Her eyes widened as she stared at the empty room, moving deeper into it. Well, it was empty other than Curtis standing there, grinning like a fool.
“What d’ya think?” he asked.
She did a slow circle, taking it all in. It was completely empty. Not a lick of furniture. No flowery couch, no television on the far wall, no picture frames on the mantel. The drapes were even gone from the windows. She leaned over a little and peered around the wall. The dining room was nothing more than hardwood floors and wallpaper.
“What’s going on?” She wasn’t sure she wanted to know. A sadness consumed her as she thought about what might’ve happened. She’d just seen Mrs. Walker last Sunday. Surely…
“My momma’s all right,” he said reassuringly, as though reading her mind.
“Then why is her house empty?”
“’Cause it’s not her house anymore,” he stated, moving closer.
Her eyes widened in horror. “You kicked your momma out of her house?”
Curtis nearly fell over laughing. “God, no, baby. I got her a new one.”
Lorrie was confused. She didn’t understand.
Curtis moved closer, taking her hands in his and then leading her farther into the living room. He turned her to face the mantel, his hands on her shoulders, his chest pressed against her back.
“This is your house now, Lorrie. Our house.” He kissed her temple. “A house big enough for us to have a hundred kids running around if that’s what you want.”
Lorrie’s legs felt weak, her heart beating a little too fast.
He held her tightly as he explained. “Momma wanted a smaller house, and we knew this would be perfect for us. And you can do to it whatever you want. I’m willin’ to work to make it ours, darlin’.”
Tears filled her eyes, but she fought them back. She couldn’t believe he’d done this. For her.
Then again, she shouldn’t have been surprised. The man had renamed an entire town for her.
“Mrs. Walker’s okay with this?” she asked, her throat tight.
“She’s happy we’re gonna make it our home,” he said. Curtis moved, coming to stand in front of her. His big hands circled her face as he tilted her head back. “Are you okay with it?”
She nodded, trying to hold the tears back. “It’s … more than I ever dreamed of.”
And it really was.
With Curtis there, her life was more than she’d ever dreamed of. Despite the hard years, despite the loss of their baby… This one man still completed her in ways she had never imagined. And the fact that he still held out hope that they’d have a house full of children…
She smiled, her heart filled to overflowing. “I love you, Curtis Walker.”
He tugged the scarf, pulling her closer before leaning down and brushing his lips over hers.
“And I love you, Lorrie Walker.”
chapter THIRTY-NINE
TUESDAY, DECEMBER 25, 1973
For some reason, this has been the best Christmas yet. Perhaps it’s because we spent it in the new house, or maybe it’s because my heart is once again settled. I don’t know why exactly, but it has been a wonderful day. Curtis and I have been doing the work on the big house ourselves, actually living here now that the bedroom is redone. That took a while, but I have to admit, watching Curtis work … mmm. Probably my new favorite pastime. Merry Christmas!
FRIDAY, AUGUST 9, 1974
I am an aunt once again. Mitch’s third child was born today, a sweet little boy they’ve named Seth. He’s precious. I have to admit, today was bittersweet. Part of me was hoping we’d be pregnant again by now, but the other part of me is scared. I can’t go through wh
at we went through before. Losing a baby… I never dreamed it could be so hard. On another positive note, Curtis’s brother Joseph announced that he is getting married in a small, private ceremony on New Year’s. He’s been with Rosalynn for almost a year and a half, and they’re trying to keep it secret, but she’s pregnant. The baby is due in May.
SATURDAY, APRIL 5, 1975
Today was an incredible day. Gerald and his new wife came to visit. Although we just saw them back in February at their wedding (it seems all of the Walker men are getting hitched these days), it was so great to see them again. The whole family was together for lunch, and let me tell you, that was a lot of people. I asked Gerald if they’d considered moving back to Coyote Ridge, but he says he’s quite content where he is. His wife, Sue Ellen, was born and raised in El Paso, and she says she wants to stay there with her parents and siblings. I can’t blame her for wanting to be close to them.
WEDNESDAY, JULY 16, 1975
Once again, another precious child has been brought into this world. Joseph and Rosalynn had their baby today. A little dark-haired boy they named Wade. We went to the hospital for a little while, but when we came home, I broke down and cried. I know it’s selfish of me to do. I’m happy for the proud parents; I simply want a child of my own. I know Curtis hates to see me cry, but I can’t seem to help it.
chapter FORTY
SATURDAY, AUGUST 9, 1975
Well, it’s officially been twelve years (tomorrow) since Curtis and I got married. And it has officially been the first time I’ve been inside a bar, the first time I’ve had a “real” drink (and maybe the last time, too). At twenty-seven, I think it might be safe to say that I’ve taken my time getting to this point.
“You ready, baby?” Curtis called to Lorrie from the living room.
He’d helped a couple of the hands take care of a few things that afternoon, then come home, showered, and changed, all in preparation for tonight, only to realize that women needed a hell of a lot more time to get ready than a man.
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