by Lisa Heidke
Anyway, now he was wiped and just like that, I was down to one hundred and fourteen friends.
I got to thinking, if there was such a thing as love at first sight, which I believed in, could it happen more than once? When I met Liam, I truly believed it was possible. I’d gravitated immediately towards him. I may have been with another guy, but suddenly, he no longer mattered. As I recall, nothing else mattered that night except Liam. I wanted him… was drawn to him and fell instantly in love with him, despite being with someone else.
Why had it come to this? Liam and I separating, when many others, in Rosie’s words, would have ‘sucked it up’.
‘Not,’ she’d hastened to add, ‘that I would have. It’s just that so many of you breeders do.’
‘Rosie!’ I’d said to her. ‘The word breeders makes me sound like a dog or a cow.’
‘You know what I mean. Simon and I could divorce easily because no children were involved. We only had ourselves to think about. You have other concerns.’
‘So you’re saying Liam and I shouldn’t split permanently?’
‘No. I admire your courage. Like I said, others would have soldiered on. Kept up the pretence of living a happy life.’
‘But Liam and I did have a happy life.’ As I said the words, the miscarriage crossed my mind.
‘If that’s the case, then you should be thinking about why you’re separated and why you’re also happily cavorting with a married man.’
I glanced at the bedside clock. It was after two in the morning and I was wide awake. Eventually, I drifted off, replaying the sex Blake and I had had on the South Coast.
13
The next day, it was a real effort to get the girls to school. Not only did neither of them want to get out of bed, I wasn’t inclined to nag, but eventually they both made it out of the house in time to catch the bus.
It was only after I’d tidied up and was making a cup of tea that I noticed Evie hadn’t taken her lunch. Part of me thought about putting it in the fridge and then telling her tonight not to be so forgetful, but then I remembered how picky she was being with her food. Besides, this morning I had made sure I prepared her salad roll specifically according to her instructions.
After stopping in at Evie’s school to drop off her lunch, I was heading into the clinic to catch up on some neglected paperwork when my mobile rang. It was an unknown number but I answered it anyway.
‘Hello. Friday? My name’s Penny. My friend, Maria, recommended I call you. She thinks I need mood enhancers.’ She laughed. ‘So, I’m after a good naturopath.’
Well done, Maria! She was turning out to be a fabulous resource. ‘That’s great. Where do you live?’
‘Near Maria, but I’m often on the north side for work. I could see you at your clinic or home if you prefer?’
My home? I was horrified. My home office amounted to a cramped corner in the kitchen, where I competed with the house computer, school notes, bills and an assortment of letters, real estate notifications and takeaway menus. If I was serious about taking this business to the next level—in fact any level—I needed to become more professional. Get myself sorted.
‘The clinic’s fine as long as you don’t mind the trek.’
By the time we’d organised to meet, I was at the office and, before I knew it, it was mid-afternoon and I was driving over the bridge to drop off the potions I’d promised Maria. On the way, Blake kept popping into my mind. It was insane that someone I’d met for such a short amount of time could have such a profound effect on me.
‘Darling,’ Maria said, opening her massive front door. ‘Come in. I’ve been waiting for you. Just about to pop a bottle.’
I trailed after her into the kitchen. It was exactly how I remembered it, all white marble and gold. Tidy but gaudy.
‘Moët?’ she asked, holding up a magnum.
I grinned. ‘Great!’ I’d never refused Moët before.
‘And M2’s made some delicious canapés, haven’t you, M2?’
M2 stared at her a second before going back to arranging smoked salmon, cream cheese and capers on dainty wholemeal crackers.
‘We’ll take our afternoon tea on the outside patio,’ she said brightly to M2 before handing me a full glass. ‘Come on.’
I followed her outside, still clutching my bag of herbs and potions. We sat on her glorious sunny patio overlooking the pool and gardens. Heaven.
‘Your friend, Penny, called. Thanks for recommending me to her.’
‘No trouble, darling,’ she said. ‘Now, show me what goodies you’ve brought.’
From my bag, I pulled out a tub of Calm X and unscrewed the cap so Maria could smell the powder. She wrinkled her nose.
I sniffed it, too, and smiled. ‘Pineapple flavour, one of the better ones.’
‘What’s it for?’
‘As the name implies, to calm and support you when you’re stressed.’
She sipped her champagne. ‘Okay. Next.’
‘This one,’ I said, holding up a white plastic bottle, ‘is for nervous exhaustion. And this one,’ I showed her a smaller white plastic bottle, ‘is to help elevate your mood.’
‘Can’t I just continue drinking this?’ Maria said, topping up our glasses, though I’d barely drunk a third of mine.
‘You could, but the supplements are probably healthier.’
She took a few minutes to examine the bottles and read the various instructions. Finally, she said, ‘Do I really need to take twelve capsules a day?’
‘To begin with, just until that va-va-voom feeling kicks in without you needing to drink half a bottle of wine.’ Maria raised her eyebrows. I spoke again before she could protest. ‘The tablets and powders all have different functions. Trust me, you’ll start to feel the benefits within five days. Your mood will be elevated and you’ll have more energy.’
Just then, Maria’s husband walked outside along with M2, who was delivering an afternoon spread that could easily have fed ten ravenous footballers.
‘Maybe you could prescribe something for Ronald to give him more energy, if you know what I mean.’ Maria smirked before officially introducing us.
Ronald took my hand and kissed it. He did look remarkably similar to Danny DeVito. Maria towered over him. ‘So you’re the Friday Maz talks about. It was confusing in the beginning.’
‘I get that a lot,’ I agreed. ‘Occupational hazard being named after a day of the week.’
‘Could’ve been worse,’ he said, taking a seat beside Maria and patting her knee. ‘Imagine how unpopular you’d have been if your name was Monday!’
‘Ronald!’ Maria admonished. ‘Drink your beer and sit quietly.’ Then she splashed more Moët into her glass.
I took a sip of my champagne when Maria left to answer the front door. I turned to Ronald and said, ‘I like your portraits. You’ve met some amazing people.’
He looked embarrassed. ‘It makes Maria happy and if Maria’s happy…’ He trailed off.
I smiled. ‘Looks like she’s having fun with them all.’
‘Ah, Maria’s ability to have fun is never in question.’
I was amusing myself watching two tiny Pomeranians in matching red sweaters throwing themselves against a glass window pane when I heard a familiar voice, or at least, a voice I’d heard before. I couldn’t quite place it though.
When I turned around, time seemed to stop. The farmer, and presumably his teenage daughter, were standing barely two metres away from me.
The last few weeks came rushing back to me: my infatuation and erratic behaviour, the tears, his sexting and intense messages, Kiama… and, now, this. I was speechless. Speechless was putting it mildly. I was gobsmacked. Mute.
Maria was beaming. ‘Blake, you remember Friday.’
‘Of course,’ he said, cool as a cucumber. ‘Friday, lovely to see you again.’
‘And,’ continued Maria, ‘this is his gorgeous daughter, Katie.’
I wanted to die. An easy, quick shot to the temple and I’
d be done.
I still hadn’t found my voice when Maria handed Blake a Heineken. I was in shock. Stunned that he was here, at Maria’s, on a Thursday afternoon, casually drinking beer.
Ronald and Blake chatted amiably, both looking in my direction from time to time. I gulped the rest of my drink while Katie played with the dogs and Maria studied the instructions for the supplements I’d given her.
I felt hot and flustered. My hands felt clammy and were visibly trembling. ‘Excuse me, I think I’m going to be sick.’ Of course I didn’t say those exact words. Instead, I excused myself and walked inside in search of the bathroom I had used the first time I’d visited. Once past the framed portraits, I found the room, entered and closed the door.
What the hell! Talk about mortification times one hundred. Heart pounding, I splashed my face with water to cool down while my mind feverishly ticked over. I needed to invent some pitiful excuse so I could leave. It wasn’t like Maria was expecting me to stay long anyway… Evie and Olivia would be wondering where I was. They were teenagers, after all. They thought about me and my feelings twenty-four-seven.
Just as my breathing was returning to normal, the door opened and in stepped Blake.
‘Hey,’ he said in a cavalier manner.
I glared at him bug-eyed, disbelieving. ‘What are you doing in here? Get out.’
He smiled. ‘I thought we could…’
‘Are you mad? Your daughter’s outside. You’re… married.’ I spat it out like it was a new revelation.
‘So?’
‘So, no.’
‘What? That’s it, after all we’ve done together?’
‘I don’t know what I was thinking.’
‘Come on. It’s been nine days and I’m as horny as fuck.’ He went to kiss me.
I pushed away his chest. ‘I mean it, Blake.’
‘I’m so hot for you now, and hard.’ He grabbed my hand, pushing it down to his crotch. He was hard all right.
I snatched it back. ‘Don’t! It’s not fair. This isn’t what I want.’
‘Babe, you’re killing me. Just kiss me. Let’s have a little fun.’
I shook my head. ‘In a bathroom? Next to a toilet?’
He smiled. ‘Opportunity. Plus, you’re gorgeous. How can I resist?’
‘I can’t believe I was so taken with you,’ I said, shaking my head, remembering back to when I was first enamoured by him. ‘When you told me you loved musicals—’
Blake looked confused, then laughed. ‘Okay, whatever! I’m actually more of an opera buff.’
‘But Sweet Charity? I thought—’
‘That? Katie played Charity in the school play. I had to endure three performances.’
‘Endure?’ The words stung. So that’s how he knew about Shirley MacLaine playing the lead in the movie.
Blinking back tears, I reached for the door handle.
He pulled me back. ‘If you walk out now, it’ll be over, Friday.’
I raised my eyebrows.
He bit his bottom lip. ‘Is that what you want?’
‘It was never on to begin with.’ My hand was shaking as I opened the door and rushed out into the hall. I briefly paused to compose myself before walking back outside to the group and straight up to Maria.
‘I have to leave.’
She looked concerned. ‘Won’t you stay a bit longer?’
‘Yes, please stay,’ said Ronald.
‘I wish I could,’ I explained. ‘But duty calls. My children are waiting for me at home.’
‘Some other time then,’ said Maria.
‘Leaving so soon,’ said Blake, who had appeared behind me.
I couldn’t wait to go. I felt ashamed. Dirty. I needed a shower and I needed one quickly. Before I left, I glanced again at Katie, then quickly turned away, my cheeks burning.
Maria walked me out to my car but I didn’t prolong our goodbye. Strapped into my seat, I sped off, still wobbly.
As I was hurtling through the Harbour Bridge Tunnel, my phone beeped. It was a message from him. Sorry I upset you. I just felt so damn horny when I saw you. When can I see you again, properly? Incredible!
He was sleazy. The affair was sleazy. It was all wrong. Nasty and humiliating. Soulmate? I don’t think so.
Once on the main road, I pulled over into the emergency lane and texted back, Never! It’s over, Blake. Don’t ever call me again.
His reply was instant. You can’t be serious.
I’d only just started the engine, and hadn’t pulled out onto the road, so texted, Please don’t contact me again. I hit send, crying as I did. Gutted is the only word to describe how I felt. But I hoped that the bolt of morality that had kicked me in the guts would stick.
I was truly horrified at what I’d become. The over-the-top infatuation? What was that about? I was still married. He was married. What kind of woman was I to go after a married man? What did that say about the sisterhood? Stephanie’s words rang repeatedly in my ears, and as much as I tried, I couldn’t shut her out.
There but for the grace of God, I thought to myself. I’d really dodged a bullet. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. I drove down the freeway, driving blindly, tears streaming down my cheeks.
14
On Friday afternoon, I picked up the girls from school. ‘We’re going shopping,’ I said happily when I saw them both.
‘Why?’ Evie was suspicious. ‘Shopping? It’s very strange.’
‘Do I need a reason to take out my two favourite girls?’
‘Usually.’
I wasn’t trying to buy their affection, but I’d been living in my head too long and I wanted to break the habit. I needed to live in the moment more and appreciate all the good stuff. I like that saying, ‘Yesterday’s history, tomorrow’s a mystery and today’s a present.’ It goes something like that, I’m sure.
I couldn’t change yesterday. All I could do was put my encounter with Blake behind me and hope for a better future. But at least I had control over today. More specifically, my life today. I needed to make the most of it and seek happiness. Enjoy being with my girls.
At Diva, Evie and I parted company with Liv when she spied a group of friends.
‘This is so embarrassing,’ she grumbled.
‘What? Being seen with us?’
She looked me up and down. ‘Yes.’
Two minutes later, she scampered off and Evie and I were left bonding over cheap gold jewellery.
Evie bought ‘best friend’ necklaces to share with me—best on one chain, friend on the other. I got the best, because Evie said, ‘You’re the best mum ever.’
I wanted to cry.
We ventured into Smiggle (I immediately thought of Chloe) where I spent oodles of money on non-essential items like automatic erasers and novelty pencil cases and then I offered to take Evie for a salad.
‘Mum, I’m not a vegetarian anymore. Sushi’s fine. I’m eating fish, just nothing with eyelashes.’
We were eating California rolls—well, I was. Evie was picking at a seaweed salad, sipping mineral water and absent-mindedly chatting about school.
‘I have so many questions, like why is the word “big” so small and yet “small” is big?’
I shook my head. ‘I don’t know.’
‘And who decided on language, like how can words like wear and where mean something so different? I can wear clothes and ask you where my clothes are and both sentences make sense. It’s confusing.’
‘I’ll say.’ I was starting to feel tired and headachy.
‘And, Mum,’ she blurted, ‘I think my boobs are shrinking.’ She thrust her chest towards me. ‘Feel them.’
‘Evie.’ I sighed. ‘Put them away.’
She glared at me. ‘I’m telling you the truth. I’m starting to look like an eleven-year-old boy.’
‘They’re not shrinking, trust me. Please eat something and then they’ll grow.’
‘So you do think they’re shrinking?’
‘Nope!’ I finish
ed my miso soup and picked up the takeaway for Olivia’s dinner. ‘Come on, let’s go and spy on Liv.’
‘Sure,’ she replied, still cupping her breasts.
Olivia wasn’t hard to find—she was out by the huge fountain with Brodie and a gang of about fifteen jaded-looking teenagers with varying degrees of bad clothes, hairstyles and attitudes.
‘I’m bored,’ said Evie, after we’d been spying on them a few minutes.
I hugged her. ‘Agreed.’ I thought it would be more fun than it was. ‘Let’s go to the pet shop instead.’ So we did, admiring the white-and-black-spotted dwarf lop-eared bunnies and a couple of adorable puggles.
‘I miss Baxter,’ Evie said sadly.
‘So do I, honey. He was a good dog.’
‘My best friend. I used to talk to him for hours. He was the best listener.’
I smiled. ‘I know.’
An hour later, we were home, but I still wanted to hang out with them both. ‘Let’s bake cupcakes,’ I said brightly.
‘Mum,’ said Liv. ‘I’ve spent all afternoon with you.’
I turned to Evie. ‘Evie?’
‘I love you and everything, but I think we’ve shared enough for one day, don’t you?’
‘You sure there’s nothing you girls want to talk about?’
They stared blankly at me.
‘Anything? How are you feeling about your dad and me?’
They looked at each other and sighed.
‘Mum, it’s no big deal,’ said Olivia. ‘Can we go now?’
I nodded and was alone in five seconds flat.
Even though they said they were fine, I was worried. Despite their bravado, no matter how you played it, your parents deciding to live apart was a huge deal. I wanted to talk to them about it, but every time I mentioned it, I was blocked.
Had Liam and I, as Rosie suggested, rushed into a separation without thinking about the consequences? Had I agreed too easily to Liam moving out the first time and then when he’d hesitated the second, pushed him? Demanded he leave. So many conflicting thoughts. We needed to sit down and talk through our issues.
I dialled Liam’s number. Usually, when I called, he was ‘about to go into a meeting’ or was rushing off somewhere and hurriedly said, ‘I’ll call you later, Friday,’ but I was hoping as it was five-thirty in the afternoon, he’d have time to talk today.