by Lisa Heidke
More and more, Brad was getting on Liam’s nerves. Truthfully, Liam was tiring of bachelor life. All the local pubs were loud and full of university students and twenty-somethings. Sure the chicks were good-looking, what with their short skirts, high heels and ample cleavage, but sometimes he felt like they were staring at him as if he was a perve, a lecherous old man with dated hair, out for a good time.
Hmm, might have comic potential, but did he want to poke fun at himself? Serious fun?
Part of him hadn’t wanted to say goodbye to Friday on Monday night. Despite the evening’s hiccups, he’d felt comfortable. He’d loved talking to her about his classes and she’d seemed genuinely excited for him. It felt so easy, so natural. He’d wanted to stay with her and keep the conversation going. Then when he’d dropped her home, before all hell had broken loose, Liam was thinking he wanted to kiss her, maybe stay the night, but instead they’d fought.
Now, Friday would be angry for days.
Thinking about it, he did want to kiss Friday again. She was his wife. Could she be seeing someone else? Blake maybe? The thought made his stomach turn. She wouldn’t. Besides, she would have told him… or would she? And he really had meant those things he’d said to Evie. Fri was one of a kind. He remembered the way she used to look at him when they first got together, like he was the only person in the room… the only person who mattered, anyway.
Had he lost her? What would he do if that truly was the case? What would become of him, them, if their marriage was truly over? It wasn’t something he wanted to dwell on and that’s why when Friday had pressed him for answers, he’d had none. Liam hadn’t thought the separation through. He hadn’t thought about what might happen tomorrow or the next day, let alone next week.
He dialled Friday’s number.
‘Sorry,’ he said when she answered.
‘What for?’
‘The other night. Going off like that about the girls. I was in shock. You’re not a bad mother.’
‘Thanks for the vote of confidence.’
‘I said I was sorry. How’s Liv?’
‘Remorseful. Hopefully, because she knows what she did was wrong, but I’m thinking she’s only sorry because she got caught.’
‘I reacted badly.’
‘You’re her father. You don’t know how you’re going to react to a situation until it hits you in the face.’
‘How can you be so calm?’
‘Valium.’
He didn’t know what to say to that.
‘I’m joking, Liam.’
‘I know. It’s just… Olivia may be fifteen going on twenty-two, but she’s still my little girl. There are going to be lots of boyfriends and broken hearts. I want to protect her.’
‘Maybe you should be telling her that.’
‘I have. She didn’t say much, just “whatever”.’
‘Liam, that’s just Liv pretending she doesn’t care. And, really, she does.’
Liam thought for a moment. ‘I didn’t mean for this to get so out of hand, Fri. I’m sorry for hurting you. For saying I felt trapped.’
‘I appreciate your honesty. Better than living a lie.’
‘But what happens if this is the end? If we don’t get back together?’
‘Then that’s the way it should be.’
‘How can I make things better between us? I want to fix everything.’
‘That’s just it, Liam. You can’t fix everything.’
‘But we can make it better. We don’t want to throw away our marriage, do we?’
He could hear Friday sighing on the other end of the phone before she spoke. ‘Liam, as I said the other night, I need a husband who wants to be at home with his family, not see living with us as a life sentence he has to endure. No relationship is perfect and even if one problem is fixed as you say, there’ll always be another to deal with.’
‘I know that. I’m trying,’ he said, doubt creeping into his voice. ‘I don’t want to lose everything we have worked so hard for.’
‘That’s a start, I guess.’
‘I hope so. I also rang to thank you for your support with the comedy classes.’
‘Liam, I’m on your side. You can be very funny.’
‘But?’
‘No buts. You’ll be brilliant.’
After they hung up, Liam sat on the sofa, thinking Friday had sounded distracted and tense. The last few months had been tougher on all of them than he had imagined. Were they ever going to get that connection back?
When he’d been living at Newport, heading out on the weekend and getting hammered with Brad was all Liam could think about. Now that he could do it every night of the week if he wanted to, he realised he didn’t. He wanted his home, his girls. Brad’s apartment wasn’t a home. A home had warmth, candles, flowers, home-cooked meals and homemade crunchy chocolate-chip biscuits, not nights of endless takeaways, pubs and beer.
‘Hey, bud,’ said Brad, walking into the room. ‘You feel like heading out?’
Liam didn’t look up. ‘Not really.’
‘Why not? Babes are out there,’ he said, waving his arms around. ‘Waiting to hook up. Besides, I won a huge contract today. Mercedes. I’m flying high.’
‘Congratulations. That’s big.’
‘Yes, it is, so let’s celebrate.’
‘Looks like you already have been,’ Liam said, taking in Brad’s less-than-sober state. ‘Look, it’s nine o’clock—’
‘How old are you? Sixty?’
‘Sometimes I feel it. Anyway, I really don’t want to bump into Anna.’
‘So you’ll hide for the next five years?’
Liam didn’t answer.
‘Come on, we’ll go to a different pub. There’re plenty to choose from.’
‘Brad, are you really happy living this life? I mean really happy?’
‘What’s not to love? Mercedes, man!’
‘It seems a bit shallow.’
‘What? Who are you to judge? I don’t tell you how to live. I’m happy for you to stay and bring Liv and Evie here and now you’re dumping on my lifestyle choices? Not cool, Liam. So I’m not married? I have a kick-arse career, girlfriends and stay in five-star resorts whenever I want. I’m not you. I’m not the perfect son. Shoot me.’
‘That’s not fair. I never said I was perfect.’
‘Really, because you’re making a damn good show of trying to prove you are. You’re unhappy, dissatisfied. I get it. I can’t see why. You had a sweet life. Friday’s a babe but, whatever, I’m not married to her.’
‘Okay. Sorry.’
Brad was shaking his head in disbelief. ‘Look, you don’t know what you want, Liam. But right now you have a leave pass, man. You can do whatever you want. Don’t sit here in this brick box eating curry and drinking warm beer. Live a little.’
‘I’ve lived a lot.’
‘You know what I mean. Meet a few women. Have some fun.’
‘Been there, done that.’
‘So? Do it again.’ Brad was pacing the floor. ‘Come. Don’t come. Hook up. Don’t hook up. Stay here. Go back to Friday. Sweet Jesus, it doesn’t have to be this complicated. Just make a decision and stick with it.’
‘Where did the last twenty years disappear?’
‘Not one of these conversations again. Have you heard a word I’ve said?’
‘I mean it. One day we were looking forward, we had it all ahead of us, and the next, we’re staring back over our shoulders wondering what the hell happened. Where did it all go?’
‘What?’
‘Our youth, Brad. We’re old. Every time I get a headache or sunspot, I assume I have inoperable cancer.’
‘Steady on. Your headaches are due to eye strain. Have you seen yourself reading the morning papers?’ Brad stretched his arms as long as they would go. ‘You need glasses. Have another beer.’
Now it was Liam’s turn to shrug. He stared at his half-drunk Heineken, feeling defeated. ‘Okay, let’s go, but only for an hour. I have work in the m
orning.’
‘So do I, buddy. So do I. Mercedes, here I come, but in the meantime, let’s party.’
Liam grabbed his wallet and keys. ‘Think Mercedes will advertise on Beat?’
‘Sure, if you kick BMW to the kerb.’
‘I’ll see what I can do.’
Fifteen minutes later, he and Brad were at yet another of Paddington’s fine establishments and Brad was chatting up several women.
‘Yo, Liam, come and join us,’ he boomed, arms outstretched.
‘You must be Brad’s younger, better-looking brother,’ said one of them and stuck out her hand. ‘I’m Lily.’
‘Liam. What brings you out on a school night?’ He regretted the question as soon as he asked. She could almost pass for a teenager.
‘Ha. That’s funny,’ said Lily. ‘How did you guess I’m a school teacher?’
‘Wow, teachers have changed since I was at school.’
‘In more ways than you could ever imagine,’ Lily purred.
Was it Liam’s imagination or was she staring at his crotch?
She tucked a stray blonde hair behind her ear. ‘Teacher ever spank you?’
Liam shook his head. ‘I never got in trouble.’
She grinned. ‘A challenge if ever I heard one.’
Two hours later, Liam, drunker than he’d been in months, crawled back to Brad’s with Lily. Since when were women so easy? And so young? When he’d said he was going home, she’d slipped her fingers through his and smiled. ‘Where’s home?’
Liam told her and here they were. Liam didn’t care. He was tired of endless nights alone. For an hour or two, he’d lose himself with her and feel better about himself. If Friday didn’t want him, there were women like Lily who did.
Fleetingly, Anna popped into his mind, but he was too drunk to think about consequences. Lily was here, beside him. Keen as. It was one night. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to fuck her. Hell, even if he wanted to, he wasn’t certain he could. Again, memories of his less-than-stellar encounter with Anna flooded his head. At least this time, he’d snatched a couple of condoms from Brad’s bathroom. He’d laughed when he’d read the label: Tinkerbell Condoms. With Anna, sex had been a no-go because he didn’t have protection. Now he did. In his bedside drawer. If Liam wanted, he could have sex… if he wanted to.
Standing awkwardly in the kitchen, Liam realised he had nothing to offer Lily. ‘I’ve got water, oh and beer,’ he said, opening the fridge and pointing. ‘Not much food, either, I’m afraid.’ He glanced at the two pieces of cold, stiff naan on the kitchen bench. They looked shrivelled and burnt. Then he spied the Scotch. Just the thought made his stomach turn.
Lily grinned. ‘I didn’t come here for the food.’
‘Then the view, perhaps?’ Liam led her out on the verandah, mainly so he might sober up some more in the fresh night air.
‘LOL,’ she said, wrapping her arms around his neck. ‘Didn’t come here for the view, either.’ She paused. ‘At least, not this view.’ She kissed him, her tongue exploring his mouth.
Minutes ago, he thought he was just going through the motions but now, as their kissing became more intense and urgent, he could feel his erection growing.
They made their way, groping each other, into Liam’s bedroom. Their lips met, tongues connected and Liam slid his hand beneath her top.
‘Don’t stop,’ Lily moaned, urging him to keep going.
A moment later, her top was off as well as her jeans, and she was arching her back, pulling Liam in closer. But Liam found himself hesitating, not sure if he really wanted to screw her. He was thinking about Friday. They’d made some headway the other night, a connection, before Blake had walked in. Right now, Liam’s brain was uncertain, verging on walking out, but his horny cock thought otherwise.
He was torn. If he fucked Lily, really fucked her, he’d be truly unfaithful to Friday. In addition to Susie, Anna and online porn, sleeping with Lily really would be the premeditated nail in the coffin of his marriage. But, then again, they were on a break, weren’t they? He missed living with Friday, missed the comfort of them being together, the ease they shared with each other. Maybe, but he’d still gone out, picked up another woman and taken her home, a couple of times.
All this was going through his mind as he and Lily got more hot and sweaty between the sheets. This wasn’t him. It wasn’t what he wanted, and yet, here he was in bed with a perfectly lovely woman who seemed eager to please. This was his moment, an opportunity to recapture his youth.
What the hell.
He went with the flow, justifying his behaviour by saying that anyone in his position would have done the same. Metaphorically, he puffed out his chest. That’s right. Who in their right mind would knock back a root when it was laid on the table in front of them? Or in his bed, as was the case tonight?
But, and here’s the thing. In the heat of the moment, they almost neglected to use the condom. Touch and go. That’s not to say the sex was bad, it was bloody good—and, thankfully, she left soon after—but now, in the early hours of the morning, staring at the stark reality, he was agonising over whether the condom had been completely effective. What if he’d caught a disease and was going to die? If he died, it would be his own stupid fault. How could he have been so careless? He wasn’t sixteen.
When he woke up the next morning, his head was cloudy and he felt nauseous. Something wasn’t right. And then he remembered. Lily! What the hell was he doing? Liam thought, as, hung-over, he showered, shaved and dressed for another day at the station. As he was leaving, he caught a glimpse of a redhead walking out of Brad’s room. He sighed. Another one. Wonder what time he’d dragged her home.
Throughout the day, Liam struggled, disappearing several times into the men’s room to hide in a toilet cubicle for ten minutes or splash cold water on his face. At the wash basin, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He looked washed out and pale, with dark circles under his beady eyes. His hair was more dishevelled than usual. Liam was a wreck, an exhausted, emotional shell. He’d been really drunk last night.
At 10.40, to further add to his fragile state, Lily texted. Hey, Liam, it’s Lily. L and L. How do you like that? Anyway, last night was loads of fun. Let’s hook up again real soon. Byeee.
He couldn’t recall giving her his number but, then again, things got hazy towards the end of the night. It was only the cool air that had revived him on their walk back to the apartment. To ring or not to ring? Maybe he could get away with texting her, like she had done? Or he could pretend he never got her message and, if he bumped into her, blame an unreliable telephone network. Forty-two and dodging text messages from a one-night stand.
Because that’s what Lily was. He didn’t want to think about it too much, but she had to have been ten years younger than him. Not that he was good at estimating ages. He should have been euphoric given that he’d scored with someone like her, but he wasn’t. He was just bloody tired. For now, he’d ignore her message and hope she’d take the hint.
Inside a toilet cubicle for possibly the sixth time that day, he noticed the back of the door—a poster promoting safe sex. Of course he’d seen this advertisement hundreds of times. It was only now that it resonated. Safe sex. He’d had no intention of shagging Lily—with or without a condom—it had just happened. Despite the condom, what if she got pregnant? His life would be ruined. What if she had a disease? Liam knew he was catastrophising. He’d worn a condom. It hadn’t broken. They’d had one hundred percent safe sex. Still, it was madness going around bonking every available woman just because you could. If he continued down that torrid path, he was going to get into trouble. Fast.
As he was walking out of the bathroom, Chuck took one look at him and said, ‘Mate, you look worse than you did this morning. Got the flu or something?’
Liam laughed without humour. Or something. ‘Yeah, flu,’ Liam agreed. ‘It’s going around.’
Chuck grimaced. ‘Stay clear of me. I’m going to Tahiti next week, which remind
s me, we need to run through a few things before I leave.’
Liam nodded. ‘Sure.’ He was barely keeping his head above water and felt he could go under at any moment.
That night, when Brad came home, Liam pounced on him. ‘How do you do it?’
‘Do what?’
‘Screw a different woman every night of the week.’
Brad smirked. ‘Haven’t we already had this conversation? And I wouldn’t say every night.’ Then he saw Liam was serious. ‘What’s up?’
‘That woman last night. I… it was almost too late for the condom. What if…’
‘Hey, it’s cool. Calm down.’
‘I can’t. What if she’s pregnant or worse, has a disease and I…’
‘Jesus. Hang on. I need a drink.’ Brad walked into the kitchen and retrieved two beers from the fridge. ‘You’re saying you didn’t use any protection?’
‘Yes, of course, but not till the end. It’s been twenty years. I don’t even know if I put it on right.’
Brad laughed. ‘I know it’s not funny, but you’ll be fine,’ he said, patting his brother on the back. ‘Hey, maybe we should go on a surfing holiday, just you and me.’
Liam raised his head. ‘Maybe.’
‘Come on, surfing’s the new golf for middle-aged men like you.’
Liam noticed Brad didn’t include himself in the definition. The idea would have appealed to him a couple of months ago, but now? For starters, he didn’t think he wanted to be a free man. Liam realised his silence was becoming conspicuous, but still, he had nothing to say.
Finally, Brad spoke. ‘You okay?’
Liam closed his eyes, then opened them. ‘Guess so.’
Life kept moving on. That night, he spoke with the girls. They’d gone to school, squabbled over food, friends, and boyfriends. They talked excitedly about the weekend, how Liam would take them shopping and to the markets. Meanwhile, he assumed Friday would hang out with Rosie and assist with another divorce party. He wasn’t sure what else Friday did. He seemed so removed from her life these days and that made him uneasy.
The next night, Liam caught up with George at a nearby pub’s open-mic night.