Forbidden Forever

by Christy Dilg

  Standing, he reaches for my hand. "I have something I want you to see."

  I take his hand and his eyes do a onceover of my completely naked body and smiles that damn wicked grin I love so much. We walk into the bedroom covered in white walls and white linens. The smell in here has a musty and clean scent like him. Any woman would take a deep breath to inhale that scent. Most of the women at work talk about it and love when he walks into a room. I would almost bet they drool over the thought of that, if not more naughty thoughts of his body under that doctor's coat. I am lucky enough to see under that doctor's coat and all those thoughts they are having can't even compare to the real thing. If I were wearing panties right now, they would be soaked.

  The room has a large window overlooking the golf club and ocean. The view is spectacular, but it's what Chance wants to show me that I am interested in. I walk over to the huge white rose bouquet on the dresser and read the card set there for me. I am saying goodbye to the life I had before in hopes of saying hello to a new one with you. The papers are complete and the moment you say yes I will finally be complete, too. I love you, Laney. Let me make you my world.

  A tear rolls down my face. "Chance, I love you, too. I have to figure out how to tell the kids and I am so scared to break their heart. I will do it soon because the sneaking around is killing me. I have never lied to them before, and I hate that I am doing it now."

  Chance smiles and wraps his arms around me, lifting me up and swinging me around. Giggling, I playfully slap him on his bare ass.

  "So you want to play?" he growls.

  Chapter 12

  All in one quick motion, he throws me on the bed and starts tickling me like crazy. I can't control my laughter or the excitement; you would think we were 8 years old. I don't remember the last time I just let loose and was just happy without fear of doing something wrong and pissing someone off. We go into the kitchen and Chance starts making ham sandwiches for lunch, all while telling me stories of his childhood. I can't believe he went to private school with the bad guy image he has. I laugh about the time he played a prank on a teacher at school by putting a sign on the copier that said this copier is now voice activated. She yelled at the copier all day trying to get it to work. I can see the deviousness in him and wonder if he would have done better or worse in a public school.

  Chance and Kaleb would get along great, and I'm afraid he will teach him more things to do to get him in trouble. Chance lifts me up and says he has one more room for me to see. Walking down the lightly lit hallway, we make our way to the last room. He stands back and holds his arm out for me to open the door. Opening the door, I see a teal colored room with white furniture and large sliding glass doors leading to a balcony. I look around and see another bouquet of flowers with a card next to them. Reading the card I nearly fall apart.

  This is for my future stepdaughter, Callie, the one I will see as my daughter, and I will cherish her as I will cherish you. The room across the hall is for Kaleb, my future son; I will work every day to show him how a man should treat a woman. I will spend my days making sure I can give you three what you need, and spend my nights showing you all a world of happiness and love.

  We can build a life together as a family. Tears are pouring down my splotchy red face; a lump in my throat has formed from trying desperately to hold back the tears.

  "I can't believe that anyone would want me so much that they would take on all my baggage and two teenagers. I know how I feel about you, but I have yet to see what you see in me," I shamelessly admit.

  Putting his hands around my waist, he turns my body toward the full-length mirrors that line one side of the room. "Look at yourself! See the woman I see before me. She is a vision of beauty. What is there not to love? I will one day make you see how remarkable you are and see that you are a rare jewel, my love, something that is irreplaceable. You are the ending to my fairy tale, my happily ever after."

  The tears pouring down my face are tears of happiness for myself. In fourteen years, I have been put down and broken. Now I have finally found someone who lifts me up and completes me. We spend the rest of the day talking and sharing our hopes for the future and goofy things we did as children. It was time to go home and I felt like a piece of me was breaking when I said goodbye. Going home to Michael was not as appealing as staying here with Chance. But, I have to go to my home and leave his.

  Sunday evening, I try to be the loving wife I have always been, holding my pain inside and not showing my sins on the outside. Callie and Kaleb head off to bed and I am left alone for the first time with Michael. He doesn't even look at me when the kids aren't around. It's like I am invisible until he needs something or becomes angry with the thought of me. I wish I could have made him happy. All I ever wanted was for us to grow old together and be extremely happy together. No matter what I did, it never was good enough. Now looking back, I should have seen the signs that my weight had to do with my husband's hatred toward me. I went from being full of life to being someone closed up and insecure.

  Michael had changed me, but I also let him take over my life with his. A marriage should be a husband and wife together, experiencing their dreams and goals with each other. Instead, I set every part of me aside to become Mrs. Collins, perfect wife to Mr. Collins. Little did I know it was the PERFECT part I needed to work on in order to save my marriage and myself. No matter the hours I put in at the gym or the days I starved myself, nothing seemed to work for me to get the weight under control. I am a size 12, all-natural woman who needed to be a size 5, perfectly tanned woman. Lost in my thoughts, I jerk up once I feel something hit my arm. I look up, stunned that Michael is standing over me with his hand in a fist.

  "What are you doing, Michael?" I fearfully ask.

  He hits me again. This time I jump up and try to run towards the kitchen. Michael has never hit me before. I am at a lost as to what he is thinking. I am screaming for him to calm down and stop. He comes closer and raises his fist at me again; however, this time Callie is behind him and yells, "DADDY STOP!"

  Michael's eyes burn into me. He leans into my ear and sharply whispers, "Look what you have done now. Callie has to see me angry because you won't do anything to make me happy, you fat bitch." I pull away from him and walk over to Callie. I assure her everything is fine and that her daddy needs a break from things for a while. I go into the bedroom and grab a bag to pack up, then tell Callie to do the same. I walk to Kaleb's room and tell him we have to leave and to pack some things for a couple days away. He has no clue about what is going on, but there is no time to explain. We just need to get away from here and let him cool off.

  We all three walk past Michael in the living room to the car. Callie is crying and I am deeply saddened that she had to witness him being violent. Kaleb is completely clueless as to what is going on. Once in the car and safely driving away from our home, I place my hand on Callie's and ask, "Are you is okay?" She nods through her tears and she wonders why her dad is such a jerk.

  She proceeds to talk about how hateful he is to me and why I would stay with him so long. I am floored of what I am hearing. I thought I kept it all from them, that they never knew the real man he was and that they'd never seen the monster she is talking about now. "Mom, I just thought this is what happened in marriages, fighting was normal. Seeing him raise his hand to you is when I knew it wasn't normal." Callie explains.

  My poor daughter thinks it is normal to have a husband who treats you badly and makes you sad. Wow, I did this all wrong. I was supposed to be teaching her that marriages could last and be wonderful. What I should have been teaching her is that depending on a marriage to complete your life is not always the best for all those involved. Kaleb doesn't talk much but seems to take it all in, as though he doesn't quite understand.

  We reach a hotel and once in our room, I decide to talk to Callie and Kaleb and tell them the things that I have always tried to hide from them for so long. Callie already knew more than I expected and that crushed my heart wide
open. I forgot how smart she was during those times I was trying to hide the pain and the monster lurking in our home. What a brave young girl to see so much and hold that in without even expressing any anger toward her father. Kaleb just sat on his bed and plugged into his iPod, blocking out what was going on. It has been a long night and Callie and I are trying to hold our eyes open for each other. I wrap my arms around her and we fall asleep, still hoping the hurt will be gone when we awake.

  I am supposed to be at work this morning; however I do not think that is a good idea. Callie doesn't need to be alone and she hasn't slept enough to go to school. Kaleb is going to let it loose sometime soon and he will lash out in ways I'm not ready to see. I walk into the bathroom and call Chance. His deep, smooth voice answers, "Good morning, Sapphire!"

  "Hi, I will not be able to come in today. Something's happened and I will be spending the day with Callie and Kaleb. I left Michael last night and we are in a hotel."

  His voice turns softer. "Laney, you have a key to the condo so please feel free to go there and you all try and get some rest. If you need anything, call me. I won't be there till late this evening so you don't have to worry about interruptions."

  I agree and hang up. Stepping out of the bathroom, I see Callie sleeping. I lie next to her and wrap her in my arms. I only want her to feel safe and I know that with her home broken she is feeling anything but that. About an hour later Kaleb wakes up starving. We get ready and go to the Ihop in our hotel. After breakfast I ask them if they would like to go to my boss' condo.

  They both look at me, confused, and say, "Sure, but is your boss there?"

  I assure them that he is at the hospital and will be gone all day. He offered to let us stay the day there since it is more relaxed and not in this stuffy hotel room. The thought of taking my daughter and son there is going to be totally weird. I don't even know why I would consider it except when I am there, it feels safe. Pulling into the long circle drive, Callie's eyes widen at the sight of the large building. We let valet have our car and walk through the doors into the lobby. It is covered in brown and gold tones and centers a large delicate chandelier. Once we reach the elevator that will lead us to his condo, I put in the special code for his floor.

  Callie's mouth drops open and Kaleb yells, "Dang."

  I can't help but laugh at the look on their faces. "Mom, he must make a lot at the hospital? You need his job," Kaleb says.

  "Yes, I suppose he does, honey, and it sure would be nice to make that kind of money," I acknowledge.

  Chapter 13

  The elevator opens to the foyer, and before the door fully opens, Callie and Kaleb run to the large glass doors that lead to the balcony in the living room area. "Oh my God! Mom, it has a water slide and a lazy river. Man, I should have brought my bathing suit. You think maybe we can come back on a normal day?" Callie squeals.

  I am so glad that this has lifted their spirits. I hate seeing them so hurt. I nod. I go get a drink out of the fridge for us and walk on the balcony with them and set the drinks on the table in between two chairs. Kaleb lays out on the chaise lounge while Callie and I sit in the two chairs. We spend most of the day talking and watching the people outside. I am trying to decide if I should tell them about Chance or if I should wait for the dust to settle from last night. I don't want to put too much on them at once. I decide to keep the secret a little longer because the thought of them looking at me like they are their dad is too much to handle at this point.

  "So what are you going to do, Mom?" Callie says.

  "Honey, I have stood behind him for years when the pain from his words hurt so much at times I couldn't breathe. I just don't think I can handle going back after being hit. A person should not live their life in fear; however they should live it in love. I have been in constant fear for fourteen years, fear for getting fatter and fear that it would turn out like this. I don't know what to do about where we will live and how our lives will be now that I have left him, but I cannot go back, and honestly, I don't want to."

  She smiles at me and adds, "Mom, I am so proud of you for leaving a situation that is no longer worth losing yourself for."

  That's all it took for me to be one hundred percent sure that I would not go back. Kaleb still hasn't said much and I'm not sure what it will take to get him to open up. We all take a walk along the beach and the view from down low is just as spectacular as the view from up top. Golfers are on the greenest grass I have ever seen, and the beach is lined with blue umbrellas and lounge chairs. The blue and teal water is glistening from the sun's beams. This time of day the beach is nearly secluded which leaves little for distraction. I finally break the silence and start explaining to them the choices I have made by staying with Michael, and how we should never settle for anyone who treats us poorly, not even for our children. I know they will understand because Callie in return explains how she would see the way the little jabs would affect me.

  My phone vibrates with a text message from Chance.

  "I wanted to check on all of you and let you know I will be home around 8pm. How are Callie and Kaleb? How is my Sapphire?"

  "Callie is a brave young girl with a heart of gold. She has handled this like a champ. Kaleb is more reserved and holding things in. I wish he would talk about it, but he has to deal with this his own way. I am surprisingly calm and ready for a new beginning," I tell him.

  "A new beginning with me, I hope. Laney, you are my rare jewel, my treasure after years of searching through the rubble. You are the perfect piece to fill my heart, my soul," he says.

  "I want to be with you and I think it's time I end things on my end to make it happen. I'm ready to wake up with you every day. I'm ready to let you in my world. I am going to take Callie to Elizabeth's, then Kaleb to Dylan's before going to my house to tell Michael what I have decided. I will be back tonight to stay with you, if that is okay," I let him know.

  "There is nowhere I would rather you be every night than in my arms. See you tonight," he says.

  I sit in my car, waiting for the courage to walk through the door. Michael hasn't tried to contact the kids or me all day. I don't know what is going through his mind or where his head is. It's time to be brave and face what is behind the door. Michael is standing by the kitchen counter when I walk in. He looks up and his eyes are on me. He looks sad, like he just lost his best friend; however, I know that it is not me that he is sad about losing. It is Callie and Kaleb. He has been drinking; there are alcohol bottles all over the kitchen. He normally doesn't drink, so this is something new.

  He utters, "Are the kids with you?"

  Getting right to the point, I announce, "No, they aren't ready to come home after last night. I came to tell you that I want a divorce and that the kids and I will be moving out."

  His eyes harden and I can see the anger building in his face; he is about to blow. Preparing myself for the hurtful words he is about to unleash, I repeat to myself, I am strong, I can do this, I am strong, I can do this. He slowly walks around the counter to stand in front of me; I can feel the fear circling my throat, choking me. A burning sensation stings me across my face from something hitting the side of my cheek. I never saw it coming. I didn't have time to respond to his fist hitting my face. I grab a hold of the counter and try to stand straight up but before I can get upright, I feel another hit to the back of my head. This time it felt like a metal pot instead of his fist. I try to run, but the pain is overwhelming and I trip and fall to the ground. I put my arms around my head so he doesn't hit it anymore, but instead he just kicks my stomach over and over.

  "You bitch, you have fucked up everything. My kids hate me because of your lard ass. I knew I should have left you for something better. You are nothing but a fat piece of shit. You have done nothing in this marriage. I wish you would die," he yells.

  Tears are pouring down my face as his blows are getting harder and the words are cutting deep into my heart. I try to reach for my phone in my pocket, but the kicks keep coming and I try to protect
myself. I roll into a ball and that gives him access to my back. He tries making me stand up, but I know once I do, he will continue to hit my face, so instead I struggle to drag myself to the door, hoping I can get it open and scream for help. I get my strength from adrenaline or the fear, I don't know which, but I finally reach the door. Once I get to my knees, he slaps my face, then grabs my hair and pulls my head back to the wall. I grab the doorknob just as he takes my shoulders and turns me around. I was almost free.

  His face is full of hate and rage. His breath is in my face and I can smell the alcohol. He grabs my throat as he yells, "You aren't going anywhere, you fat bitch. I want our kids and you home." A minute of not being pounded on is all I needed to get my stamina back and kick him in the crotch. I had just enough time as he falls to his knees to get out the door and get into my car. Cranking the car, I see him bolt out the door and pick up a brick stone next to the porch. He runs and throws it at my windshield. I dodge so it misses my face. I pull out of the driveway and call 911. I pull into a handy-way about a block from my house so they can meet me there. I have blood running down my face, my clothes are ripped, and my stomach feels like I was beaten with a baseball bat instead of human hands.