“I guess it really was just a matter of time before you got a better offer. Know there is always a place for you for here.”
“Okay, not to be rude, but can you stop with the vague answers?”
“I got a call from San Diego General. They asked about you.” He slips a piece of paper from a thin folder and gives it to me.
“This is a job offer.” I keep reading the letter and my eyes widen. “They are offering me the opportunity to be Chief of Neurosurgery! Are you serious?”
“I know. It’s pretty amazing.”
“It’s the dream. It’s been my dream since med school.”
“It’s the dream,” he repeats, folding his hands in front of him. “You’re going to take it, aren’t you?”
“Of cou—” I catch myself, remembering the reason why I came to this town in the first place. “I don’t know. I didn’t come here for this job. No offense, Dr. Rawlings.”
“I understand. This isn’t anyone’s first choice. Small town. Nothing to do. I get it. What brought you here then? If you don’t mind me asking.”
I scratch my cheek, sighing. “I came here because of what my best friend wanted in his will.”
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you. I had to agree to come here and help raise his daughter.”
“Ah, so there are complications in making the decision?”
“There are many reasons to decline, yes.” I stare at the offer letter, but I can’t find a start date or when they need to know. “Did they tell you when they need an answer by?”
“Yes. By the end of the week. I know I shouldn’t be happy about your anguish, but I am. I really want you to stay.”
“End of the week, huh?”
“End of the week.”
Not a big deal. That’s only three days from now. “Thank you, Dr. Rawlings. You’ll hear from me soon. If you don’t mind, I’m going to head out early. I need to call Molly. My, uh, the other person who is watching Posie, my friend’s daughter. If I go, we all go.”
“It’s a big decision.”
“You could say that, yeah. Thanks for this.” I hold up the paper and stand to leave.
His voice stops me. “You deserve it. You’re young, but I’ve never seen such talent in all my years of practicing.”
I nod and walk out of the door in a trance. I put all my dreams and goals behind me when Brandon died. This isn’t supposed to be an option anymore. Molly isn’t going to want to leave. She isn’t going to leave. They are buried here. I don’t think I can leave them either. All of them.
“Oh, no. I don’t like that look,” Nancy says.
“Yeah.” I hold my face in my hands and sigh, trying to think of another alternative solution. “I don’t know what to do, Nancy.”
She takes the paper from my hand, and her brows raise as she reads it. “I guess you’ll still be working on the happy ending, won’t you?”
“Looks like it.”
“I know it is hard right now, but it will all work out.” Her name gets called over the pager. “I need to go, but if you ever want to talk, you know where to find me.” Nancy runs down the hall to the room that needs her, leaving me alone, staring at the paper laying in front of me. Things are about to change.
“Fuck,” I say as I hang my head, lacing my fingers behind my neck. “It’s going to be fine,” I tell myself and stand up straight. I pull my phone out from my coat pocket and send a text to Molly, telling her to meet me at the Glendive Grill and Bar in the next hour. I want to get the conversation over with. I don’t have it in me to wait until later. My stomach is a mess of nerves and anticipation. A little bit of dread, too. Excitement, for sure, but all of it mixed together makes me feel sick.
My phone pings. It is Molly telling me she can meet me and that she will see me soon. She sends another text with a heart emoji. It helps me breathe a little easier. “It’s going to be fine. Everything is going to be fine.” I try to convince myself. This can either go great, or she is going to sling a drink in my face.
I grab my keys from my locker and head out. It’s a rainy day, making me feel a little doomed. The windshield wipers go back and forth, making that terrible, high-pitched noise bumping along the glass. I pull into the parking lot and shut off the car. Right as I open the door, it starts to pour, thunder rolling in the distance. “Great.” I mutter and step out of the car, placing my foot right in a puddle. The water soaks my socks and I lift my jacket over my head as I run over to the awning. Shaking the water off, I step inside, and the door jingles, alerting the hostess that someone has arrived.
She looks up from the podium and gives me a warm, welcoming smile. “Hi, welcome to Glendive Grill and Bar. How many?”
“Three, please.”
“Sure. Right this way.” She takes a few menus in her hand and starts to strut away. I follow her to a booth that is isolated in a dark corner. “Is this okay?”
I shuck off my jacket and hang it on the side of the booth. “Yes, thanks. Is it okay if I go to the bar and grab a drink while I wait?”
“Absolutely.” She gives me a quick look over before walking away, putting a little more sway to her step.
I need a drink to calm my nerves for the talk that is about to take place. I sit down on the stool, placing my elbows on the dark wood. There are bowls laden with a variety of nuts all the way down the bar.
“What can I get you?” A tall, young man behind the counter asks. He must be the bartender.
“Doubt gin and tonic, extra lime. Muddled, please.”
“You got it.” He tosses a small square napkin in front of me.
“Thanks.”
“Dr. Jackson?” A soft, familiar voice pierces through my thoughts.
I turn my head to see Dr. Yuri, an OB/GYN at the hospital. “Please, outside of work, call me Caden.”
“If that is the case, please call me Victoria.” She sits next to me, placing her vodka cranberry on the bar.
She is a pretty woman with long, red hair and piercing green eyes. She is someone I used to want, but she doesn’t compare to Molly. I don’t think anyone ever will.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Molly
“Hey, baby girl,” I coo at Posie, who is smiling and giggling as I reach for her and pick her up from her car seat glad for the break from the rain. “We are going to see Uncle Caden. Yes, we are. I bet you can’t wait to see him. Come here.” I hitch Posie on my hip and grab my purse. My hip hits the car door, shutting it. I smile at a local and Posie gurgles. It never fails to make people grin. The stranger waves and says hello in the very familiar baby voice.
I don’t know what it is about babies that brings out the sweet side of adults, but I’ve noticed that is when I see a moment of pure happiness. I take her wrist and wave it back at them, making her say hello. Posie lets out a playful scream and the next person who opens the door sees that my hands are full and allows me inside before them. “Thank you so much,” I tell the man who looks to be the same age as me. His hair is also blonde, but instead of brown eyes like me, his are blue. If it wasn’t for Caden, I’d be interested. The man is very handsome, but not as handsome as Caden.
“It isn’t a problem,” he replies, handing over a business card. “Call me if you need anything, beautiful.” He winks, and any attraction I felt for him disappears. The way he said the word anything makes my skin crawl.
I’ve learned the difference between cocky and confident. Caden has the air and swag of confidence, but this guy? This guy is cocky, and I don’t think he realizes how unattractive that is.
“Thanks.” I adjust Posie on my hip and make sure to not touch the guy as I slink through the doorway.
“No, thank you.” He bites his lip and blows me a kiss before heading out, disappearing.
Pig.
“How can I help you?” the hostess asks, flipping her black hair over her shoulder.
“I’m just meeting a friend,” I say with a smile and scan the room, searching for the man
that makes my body come alive. When I don’t see him in the lobby, I check the bar and my smile fades.
He is laughing, throwing his head back. A woman that I have never seen before places her paw on his arm and rubs down it, sipping her drink with the little black straw. She is gorgeous. Her red hair gleams like fire, and the dress she wears is tight, pushing up her breasts. Her laugh is loud, gaining attention from all the men at the bar, but she doesn’t realize it.
Great. She is modest.
Any hope I have for us falls and breaks along with my heart. Those jagged pieces become sharper and stand up to guard me, ready to cut anyone who comes near me. “Looks like they aren’t here. I’m going to go outside and call them.”
“Sure, no problem, ma’am.”
I nearly run out the door and to the car, buckling Posie back in her seat. “Change of plans, sweet girl. We are going to go home.” My hands shake as I try to buckle her in. My eyes water from the millions of thoughts running through my head. A million doubts. A million ‘I told you so’s’. A million reasons I ignored Caden.
Posie’s hand lands on my face. It is wet and slimy. “You are so gross, but I love you.” I kiss her arm, and she kicks her legs out, happy and full of energy.
“Uncle Caden has some explaining to do, doesn’t he?” I rub the apples of her cheeks with my fingers. I don’t have a husband, but now, with Caden going on dates with random women, we will have to figure out a schedule for him to see her. “This is the part where you tell me I told you so.”
She blows raspberries at me, spewing spit all over my face. “That’s about right. Thank you for that.” I wipe my face off, grimacing when a big blob of spit hangs off my finger. “So, gross.” I sit in the driver’s seat and give one last glance toward the front door of the grill.
“I should have freaking known better.” I reach my arm around the passenger seat and turn around to look out the back window. I’m one of those people who doesn’t use the fancy rearview camera. I don’t trust it. And half the time, mine freezes when I back up. I need a new car, but that is far down on my list of things to get when I have Posie to look after. Especially if I am about to become a single parent. Not that I’m not single now. It’s just complicated. “I hate complicated. Don’t you, Posie?” The trees blur together as I speed down the highway, back to the house that Caden bought.
I might need to start looking for a place to live on my own. The ride back home is quick. I snap out of my daze when I turn down the road to the house. Wow, I’m already home. I can’t even remember where my mind wandered off to. I check the rearview mirror to see Posie yawn, and I check the clock and see that it is time for her nap. The breaks squeak as they slow the car, and I put it in park.
I take a deep breath, leaning my head against the seat. I keep my hands on the wheel and try to relax, but I can’t. Caden isn’t meant to be part of this kind of life. He is the guy that everyone wants, and everyone wants to be. Chaining him down to something domestic isn’t realistic. He isn’t meant to be. He likes to flirt. He likes to go out.
The thought of him with another woman makes my skin crawl and stomach turn. The past month has been nothing but ups and downs. My eyes hurt from creating tears, but they will not stop pouring down my face. I step out of the car to feel the storm’s wind blow across my face. Thunder rolls in the sky, and the clouds get larger and darker, threatening rain.
I unclip Posie from her carseat and make my way up the steps and unlock the door, setting my purse down on the cherry wood coffee table. I take Posie to her playpen. “I’ll be right back, sweet girl.” I lean down and kiss her forehead as she yawns again, closing her big brown eyes. They seem to run in the family.
I go to the bathroom and notice the red light flashing on the answering machine. My parents usually leave a message on here because apparently calling our cell phones increases the probability of us answering. I don’t know what is going on with them, but whatever they are dealing with, they need to get it together because Posie needs her grandparents.
I press play, waiting to hear my mom’s voice. When a man’s voice replaces it, I pay more attention, staring at the machine as if it is actually talking to me.
“Hi, Dr. Jackson. It’s Dr. Rawlings. I couldn’t get you on your cell phone, so I called the next number on your file. I heard from San Diego. I know I told you that you have until the end of the week, but they need an answer by tomorrow. I’m sorry for the rush. I know you said you have a lot to think about, and I don’t mean to pressure you, but they need an answer. Sooner rather than later. I’ll see tomorrow. Bye.”
“What?” I rewind the message and play it again. Is that why he wants to meet me? To tell me that? If that is the case, why was he talking to another woman? The better part of me mocks my decisions because I knew before we jumped into bed together that I may not be able to trust him. I will never forget the look in his eyes as he stared at the redhead from the bar.
It doesn’t matter now since he is leaving, apparently. The answering machines beeps, signaling the end of the message. I turn, brokenhearted and in a trance, as I float to the couch and sit down. I stare at the high ceilings, wondering where it all went wrong. I don’t regret giving myself to Caden. I’ll never regret that. He makes me feel like a powerful, sexual woman—something I have never felt before. He was gentle, kind, and attentive, and isn’t that all that matters?
“Pity party over. The laundry isn’t going to do itself.” I push myself up from the couch and walk toward the basement door, flipping the light switch on. The light illuminates the carpeted steps, leading down to the dark cavern.
“I hate basements.” I shiver when my foot lands on the first step. The air is colder, wrapping around me like snow during a blizzard. I run down the steps and hurry to the laundry room, throwing the clothes in the dryer and dash back up the stairs, careful not the slam the door behind me. It’s so creepy down there. And it isn’t just our basement—it’s all basements.
Even the fear of the basement doesn’t deter my heart from sinking when I think of Caden. I try to busy myself—cleaning the house, folding clothes, and editing a manuscript. I go to my purse and grab my phone at which point I see ten messages and five missed calls from Caden. I sigh, sliding all of the notifications off the screen. I don’t feel like dealing with him at the moment. I don’t want to deal with the lies and sugarcoating he will do. I know him. He knows he can charm the panties off anyone he wants, probably men included if he were into that kind of thing. He isn’t, but I’m just trying to make a point.
Opening the French doors where the floor-to-ceiling windows are, I step out onto the porch, wrapping my cardigan tighter around my waist. I watch the tall grass surrounding the lake blow in the breeze. The lake seems darker, menacing, reminding me of a black abyss. The clouds are threatening and lightening veins across the sky, reflecting how my soul feels. I put my hands down on the arms on a porch chair and sit down.
My phone buzzes again and Caden’s name appears. I ignore it again. I need time. I need space from him to clear my head. I want to put my thoughts together before I talk to him. I don’t want to say something I don’t mean because then I’ll have to live with that for the rest of my life, and I don’t want Posie’s life to be awkward. Him and I can be friends and make sure she has a life full of love and peace.
She does not need parents that fight. And that is all me and Caden’s relationship is based off of. It’s our foundation. It’s how we are built, and how the hell can something succeed off something so unstable?
It makes sense, you know, because of our jagged edges and all. They have to come from somewhere, and with our cracked foundation, building a home will be impossible because the pieces may fit, but it will collapse, leaving us under rubble. Caden will come out unscathed and perfect, but I’ll be left in his dust, picking up the broken pieces of my heart. It’s my fault, though. I allowed him to take a sledgehammer to it.
I close my eyes, and the first drop of rain hits my face. I get
up and go back inside, watching the rain get heavier and heavier, until it is so heavy I can’t see the lake. I walk to the kitchen, grab a bottle of wine, and pour myself a glass.
If the house is going to crumble, I might as well enjoy myself.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Caden
I check my phone for the twentieth time, but Molly hasn’t returned any of my messages. It’s been an hour since she was supposed to meet, and she isn’t here.
“Somewhere you need to be?” Victoria asks, swirling the straw in the glass she drank out of.
“Actually, yeah. My girlfriend was supposed to meet me here and she isn’t here yet. I’m getting worried. I’m sorry, but I have to cut this short.”
“Your girlfriend? Oh, wow. I misread this completely.” She fiddles with her hair. “I feel a little embarrassed.”
“What do you mean?” I fish out my wallet and throw a few twenties on the bar.
“I thought we were hitting it off. I didn’t know a man like you would have a girlfriend.”
“A man like me? I’ll try not to be insulted,” I say with a smirk, so she knows I’m kidding. I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but that is very insulting.
She almost chokes on her drink as she waves off what I just said. “Oh, I didn’t mean any offense. I mean, look at you. I thought a man like yourself would have so many options lining up at the door that you wouldn’t want to settle down.”
It’s back to that. I know it is something I have to work on with Molly. I have to build that trust again for us, but I’m willing to do that for her, and only her. “Men change.”
“Are you saying someone has changed your ways?”
I stand and decide to throw another twenty on the bar to cover her drinks. “Even if I was that man, I don’t mix business and pleasure. Excuse me, Dr. Yuri.” I brush past her and run to get my coat.
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