by Sara Daniell
She grabbed her keys and purse, kissed us all on our cheeks, then left.
"So who wants to take me to Hobby Lobby?" I asked as I put Scott on the floor so he could go over to Havock. He jumped up and yipped, trying to get his attention.
HAVOCK
It was late when we all got home. We took Reese to hobby lobby where she spent way too long. I ended up smoking half a pack of cigarettes outside the front of the store by the time she got done. We then all went out to eat and laughed over pizza. I walked in and went straight up to my room to grab a movie to watch with Reese. When I opened my door it made a beeping sound. I closed it, scrunched my eyebrows, and then opened it again. I cursed when it beeped again.
"What's that noise?" Reese asked from behind me.
It sounded like I was entering a department store, except louder. I shut it again and did it again.
"No they didn't," I said through a clenched jaw.
"Oh yes we did!" Dad laughed from the bottom of the stairs.
Mom walked up with a huge smile on her face.
"Every time that door opens I will hear it. Your dad will here it. Garrett will hear it. Even Reese. That is so you know that we all know when you leave that room."
"What if I get up in the middle of the night and have to pee? Or get something to drink?"
She smiled. "Then you'll know to bring your happy self right on back to your room."
I opened it again and looked around the door for a wire or something I could destroy when she wasn't looking.
"I dare you to tamper with it, son. Next it will be one of those tracking things they put on convicts ankles."
Reese picked up Scott who was trying to get her attention. She chewed on her bottom lip then mouthed window without anyone but me seeing. She then headed downstairs.
Had Reese seen what it looks like outside my window? There are bushes, no trees. I'd have to jump pretty far to get down there. But I'd do it for her.
Mom smiled proudly. "If she has nightmares I will go make sure she's alright and if she needs you, I will come get you."
"Can I go get a movie now to watch with her or is that not okay?"
Mom nodded and I walked into my room.
After I got the movie, I opened my door again. Beeeeep. I closed it and grinned. I continued to open and close it just to annoy mom and dad.
"Havock!" Dad yelled from downstairs.
I laughed and did it one more time.
"Are you sure you're almost eighteen?!" Dad yelled.
I answered by opening the door and making it beep again.
He started to say something else when I opened it to interrupt what he was saying.
And I did it again.
And again.
He came stomping up the stairs.
"STOP!"
I laughed. "Didn't completely think that plan through, did ya dad?" I patted his back and went down to Reese's room to watch the movie.
She smiled at me and shook her head. "You're a mess." She chuckled and went back to drawing in her art book.
I set the movie on her dresser and walked over resting my hands on her desk as I looked over her to see what she was drawing. She tried to close her book quickly, but I stopped her.
I moved her hair and kissed her neck. "What is it?"
"I don't let anyone see in this one," she whispered quietly.
"Good thing I'm not just anyone." I held my hand out for her to hand me the book.
She blushed and handed it to me. I opened the book and had to sit when I made it to the fifth page.
She groaned and put her head in her hands. "Maybe you should give that back."
It was me. In the hall when she ran into me and made my towel fall. I raised both eyebrows. All of me. I smiled a little and turned to the next page. I grinned wider when I saw me and her making out in her bed. I turned the page and burst out laughing when I saw me punching Aiden. I turned back to the page of me and her. That was my favorite.
"So movie," she said as she jumped up and went to put it in.
I grabbed the back of her shirt then got my arm around her waist and pulled her into my lap. Her face was bright red. I moved her legs so they were straddling my lap then kissed her.
"I want to show you something. I'll be right back." I picked her up with her legs still straddled around my waist then laid her back on the bed. I kissed her one more time before leaving her room.
I hurried upstairs and went in my room. I grabbed my book of poems and things I've written and started to leave then stopped. What was I doing? No one knows about this. Was I really ready to share this with her? This was every thought, every tear, every happy and dark moment of my life. Who I am, my desires, my dreams, fantasies, everything is in these pages. I couldn't show her this. Not yet. Maybe not ever. It was too personal. I stuck it back in my drawer and locked it. I went back to her room empty handed.
"I couldn't find it," I lied. "Maybe I'll show you later."
She smiled at me. "Movie time then."
I adjusted her pillows until I was comfortable then she laid her head on my chest.
This was the first time that I've ever just watched a movie with a girl. And I was okay with it.
Scott started barking from the floor and he tried to jump up on the bed but couldn't. She sat up so I could help him up. Once he was up there, he snuggled in-between us.
"He may be a tad spoiled already," She said as she chuckled. She kissed me softly then moved him so she could snuggle next to me, then she put him on her lap.
I laughed. I needed a cigarette bad, but I didn't want to ruin what we had going here. My fingers started drumming on her back.
She tilted her head back and looked at me. She scrunched her eyebrows together then looked at Scott.
"I think Scott needs to go to the bathroom. You want to go outside with me?" she asked as she gave me a small smile.
"Yeah." I got up and walked with her to get our jackets. Mom smiled at us from the couch as we walked out.
I felt in my jacket pocket, but I was out. I went to my truck and searched my glove department. Dammit. I pulled out my phone to text Jude. He didn't live far.
Me: Got any cigarettes?
Jude: Yup
Me: On my way.
I got my keys from my pocket and looked at Reese. "Want to ride with me to Jude's?"
She nodded and picked up Scott. "Can Scott come or do I need to take him back in?"
“He can come.”
I sent a text to mom to let her know where I was going then got in the truck. Reese hopped in and smiled at me.
It only took two right turns to be at Jude's. I pulled up, and he was already waiting outside.
"I'll be eighteen in two months and won't have to worry about being out and not having anyone to take me to get them anymore. Thanks, man." I lit one right away. Jude looked in the truck.
"Reese is with you?"
"Shit. Dude, I forgot to tell you."
“Tell me what?”
I motioned for Reese to get out of the truck.
She got out with Scott in her arms and walked over to us.
"Hey Jude," she said with a small smile.
I put my arm around her.
Jude smiled. "Is this okay?"
I exhaled. "As long as no one finds out."
Reese's smile faded. "I'd get taken out of the house if anyone found out."
I took my arm off her and put a little bit of space between us. But I didn't like it so I scooted close to her again and put my arm around her. Keeping this a secret was going to suck.
Jude lit his own cigarette and offered Reese one.
"No, thank you," she said sweetly.
He nodded and stuck the pack in his pocket.
Reese's phone dinged. She took it out and looked at it. She scrunched her eyebrows and tried to put her phone away quickly.
"What are you hiding?" I asked as I reached for her phone.
"I think your mom gave my number away," she said quietly. "I didn
't want you getting angry." She shrugged. "I'm not planning on answering."
I looked at her phone and saw Aiden's number. I went into her settings and blocked his number from her phone. I handed it back to her.
Headlights appeared at the end of the road and Jude laughed as he flicked ashes.
"You two may want to leave."
Reese put her phone in her pocket and looked at me. "What's wrong?"
Jude laughed again when the car stopped in front of his house.
Oh shit. Selena. I stepped away from Reese because she was the mouth of the school. She'd have it out before morning that we were together.
She walked up to me and slapped me on the ass then walked over to Jude and put her mouth to his as she stuck her hands down his pants.
Jude moved her away, but not too far away. "Selena, this is Reese."
Selena smiled kindly then pulled a joint from her pocket and lit it. She walked up to Reese and blew the smoke right in her face.
"Did you come to join us?" she asked as she made rings with the smoke.
"No. We were just leaving. See you guys at school Monday," I said quickly.
Reese walked with me to the truck. Or she started to, but Selena stopped her.
"It's more fun when there's more of us."
I felt like I was gonna die. Right then and there.
“Not interested,” Reese said firmly.
Selena shrugged then jumped on Jude's back and he carried her inside the house.
His parents weren't home. Obviously.
We got in the truck and I didn't know what to say.
Reese looked out the window. She looked lost.
Do I apologize? Or what? I'm not used to feeling guilty.
"Talk to me."
"Am I just a good time? Like Selena?" she asked quietly.
I laughed. I couldn't help it. We haven't even had sex yet. I was getting impatient but I'd wait for her.
"No."
"Okay," she said as she moved to the middle and put her head on my shoulder. She held Scott and petted him.
My phone rang.
“Yes, Mom?”
"You didn't say Reese would be going with you. Home! NOW!"
"Already on our way."
Mom hung up. We pulled up to the house and I stopped her before she could get out. "What happened back there..." I locked my eyes on hers. It was the only thing that would give me the push to say the next sentence. "I'm sorry you had to see that."
She kissed me softly. "If I was a meaner person I would have punched her when she hit your ass. Just saying."
I had to keep my mind from thinking about how hot it would've been to see her punch the shit out of her. I smiled and kissed her. "I love you." Wait. What. No. Oh holy shit. No. "Ummm..." I hurried out of the truck and into the house.
Mom stopped me. "I made cookies. You're favorite."
I just wanted to get up to my room.
Mom stepped in front of me again when I tried to step around her. "Where's Reese?"
"Letting Scott pee."
I finally was able to get around her and up to my room. I opened the door, cursed when it beeped and cursed when I shut it. I hit my head against my door over and over.
REESE
I sat in the snow as I watched Scott play. I probably should go inside, but I didn't. I laid back on the snow and laughed when Scott jumped on my stomach. I petted him as he barked at me. He jumped off and went back to playing. Havock had told me he loved me, but I knew he wasn't happy about it. I closed my eyes and groaned. I sat up.
"Come on, Scott, we need to go inside," I called.
Scott bounded towards me and followed me inside. I wiped his paws then picked him up. We headed to my room. I put him down grabbed some sweats then took a shower. After a long hot shower I came out. I walked into my room and saw Garrett.
"Hey," I said as I sat down at the desk chair.
"What's up?" I asked as I looked at him.
"Trouble in paradise?"
I shrugged. "No clue," I said as I started to draw.
"I heard you met Selena."
"Actually, I had met her before. At school," I said as I broke my pencil on accident. "Damn," I said as I put my stuff down.
Garrett walked over and leaned against my desk facing me. "Why him? Why not me?"
Dammit, I had hoped we were past this. "I like you Garrett, but as a friend. My best friend. I do care for you but not in a romantic way. Havock makes me happy and like I want to live." I shook my head. "I don't know how to explain it. I'm sorry Garrett." Garrett reminded me too much of my father. He was the type that would shelter me. Which maybe wasn't a bad thing, but I liked that Havock let me think for myself.
“Has Havock told you what he wanted to do after school?”
“Yeah. I heard it at dinner the other night.”
Garret laughed coldly. "He has enough money saved up for one plane ticket across seas, maybe enough for two weeks at a hotel and that's not including meals. He plans on opening a map, closing his eyes, and wherever his finger lands that's where he's going first. Then he's going to work wherever he can get a job to make enough money to go to the next place his finger lands."
"And what's wrong with that? He wants to see places."
"What if you two get serious enough that he wants you to go with him? You'd be happy with that life?"
"Yes." And that was the honest truth. "I've lived in a gilded cage for ten and half years. I hadn't even ever been shopping. But I don't think you have to worry about us getting serious," I mumbled. If the look of sickness on Havock's face when I love you had slipped out is any indication. I looked down at my hands. "It doesn't matter. I should end things now. Once dad is found I'll be back in a house." I wanted my dad alive. I wanted him back, but I didn't want to be locked away again.
"If he's stable you will be. I already asked mom what would happen if he was found. She said that it would take months, if ever, after the trauma to be well enough to care for you."
"I want him alive. I miss him. I want him to be okay."
"And I'm sure he is."
I'm not so sure. I cleared my throat. "I need to finish this," I said giving him a small smile.
He leaned down and kissed my forehead. "It will always be more than friends for me," he said then left the room.
I laid back on my bed trying to sleep. It wasn't happening. I wiped the tears that steadily fell. Scott whined and licked my face.
I petted him. I looked at my window when I heard a thud. I got up and walked over to it. My feet were cold, and I hadn't put on any pants tonight. So my legs felt like ice. I covered my mouth to keep from yelling when I saw a face. I only calmed when I realized it was Havock. "What are you doing?" I whispered as I opened the window.