IMMORTAL MATCHMAKERS, INC. (Immortal Matchmakers, Inc. Series Book 1)

by Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

  “Oh God.” She dropped her head into her hands. “He’s trying to turn me into something, isn’t he? It’s like the three bites rule.”

  Andrus came over and began rubbing her back, instantly making her feel a little better. It was strange how he had that effect, like she somehow absorbed emotions from him.

  “Species who are able to infect others can generally do so with one bite,” he said, “which is why I’m beginning to think he merely wishes to feed on you for a while.”

  She held back her tears. “Well, I’m not going to let him ruin my life.” She’d come to L.A. to live her dream.

  “I won’t allow that either; however, until he’s caught, you will need to stay here.”

  “Here?” she asked.

  “Yes. I’ve rented this home for you. It has twenty-four-hour armed security, state-of-the-art alarm system, and one extremely vicious, well-trained cocker spaniel outside.”

  She shot him a look. Was he out of his mind?

  He shrugged. “Okay, he’s not trained, but I thought the dog might be good company. And I do believe I can teach Niccolo to warn you if there are snacks in the vicinity.”

  “Niccolo is the dog?”

  “Nick, for short.”

  Okay. Whatever. “Andrus, I really, really appreciate this, but I can’t accept.”

  “If it’s about the expense, I assure you that—”

  “No. It’s not about that, although I’m definitely wondering how an unemployed ex-assassin makes a living, but it’s about me being a prisoner.”

  “Protection is not prison. And it’s either this or let Tim continue feeding on you until he grows bored and finishes you off. Or turns you into whatever he is, if he’s one of those contagion-based species. If not, then he just wants to eat you. Until you’re dead.” He shrugged casually.

  She sighed. She didn’t want to die, but this?

  “Besides, you still haven’t completed your work with me,” he said.

  She laughed. “You’re not even an actor. And now that you bring it up, I’ve been wanting to ask why I was even hired for you.”

  “Yes, about that. I’ve been meaning to tell you something.”

  “Okay?” She didn’t like the serious tone of his voice.

  “The reason Cimil, aka Bob, hired you was to prepare me for an event in four days. She thought it best I show up armed with a few extra tools in the charm department.”

  Honestly, his unpolished, barbaric ways were beginning to grow on her, which might have something to do with the fact she couldn’t stop thinking about that kiss from yesterday. In fact—and despite the issue of him not being relationship material—maybe it wouldn’t hurt to hole up for a few days with Andrus and repeat the kiss a few times just to make sure she hadn’t imagined how good it was. Especially now that he smelled all fresh and clean and had on those sexy jeans that hung just so low on his trim waist.

  “What kind of event?” she asked.

  “I am to be introduced to my new mate.”

  Sadie felt like the floor had dropped out from under her. Mate? “You mean…?”

  “In my world, a mate is like a wife, only the Universe has selected her. And once mates find and accept each other, there can be no other.”

  “Oh,” was the only thing she could manage to say.

  How about saying you’re an idiot. A complete idiot. Her oddly unexpected interest in him was a one-way street.

  “Ummm…congratulations. That sounds wonderful.” She got up from the chair. “I think I’ll go take a shower now.”

  “Sadie, I meant to tell you, but there wasn’t really time and—”

  “No, no.” She held out her hand. “You don’t owe me any explanation. Like I said, yesterday was only a pity kiss.” She headed back through the living room toward her room.

  “There are clean clothes for you in the closet,” he offered, his voice full of apology.

  I’m such an idiot. I’m such an idiot. “Thanks! That was very thoughtful.”

  Now, she definitely needed to get the hell out of there.

  ~~~

  Andrus wondered why that had been so difficult. He barely knew Sadie, but telling her about his mate felt like a betrayal.

  He blew out a grumbly breath. What the hell is wrong with me? He obviously felt an attraction for Sadie—she was, after all, very sexy—and he did feel extremely protective over her, too. Nevertheless, she’d been hired to help him achieve the goal of charming his new mate.

  Eh, yeah. Which might all be a hoax. Dammit. Come to think of it, this mounting tension and guilt still smelled suspiciously of a Cimil plot. She probably wishes Sadie to fall in love with me and then have me break her heart when I meet this other woman. Yes, that certainly sounded like something the crazy goddess would do. I need to speak with Cimil and get the truth.

  He slipped his cell from his pants and called the office. A lovely female voice answered. “Immortal Matchmakers. This is Tula speaking. How may I help you?”

  “Tula, good morning. This is Andrus Gray. I must speak with Cimil. Is she available?”

  “Yes. She is expecting your call. One moment, please.”

  Of course she is. Which means she already knows the outcome of all this.

  “Andrus!” Cimil’s voice came on the line. “What a surprise.”

  “Funny, Cimil. Tula said you were waiting for my call, which means you know what I want.”

  “Yes.”

  A long, long, looong moment of silence passed.

  “Well?” Andrus growled.

  “Who’s this?” Cimil asked.

  “Andrus. Don’t fuck with me.”

  “Andrus Dontfuckwithme? I don’t think I know you.”

  He sighed with a groan. “Cimil, it is me: Andrus Gray. Now tell me the godsdamned truth; is my new mate really going to be at the party?”

  “Ah! Andrus! Yes, I told you already: her name is Charlotte, and she is very excited to meet you. How is the man-ners class coming? Get it? Manners? You’re a man—damn, I crack myself up.”

  “So she really exists?” he asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Swear to me, Cimil. Swear that you are not lying to me.”

  “I swear on my unborn babies’ lives that I am not lying to you.”

  “You’re pregnant again?” Universe help them all.

  “No, but I will be. And don’t tell Roberto. He might burn himself at the stake if he found out. Can you believe an ancient Egyptian vampire says he can’t handle the four we have? I mean, the man doesn’t require sleep, but you’d think he was mortal with all of the ‘Oh, I’m so tireds’ and the ‘Oh, why are they so needys?’ Just wait until I crank out the next batch of four.”

  “Cimiiil?” he growled. Why did she always have to try to distract people with her random mental vomit and frightening drama?

  “What?” she said. “The man begged me for children. So now he’s gettin’ his own small tribe—my reproductive years are far from over—I’ve got at least another good…eternity in me. How many kids do you think I could make in an eternity?”

  Oh, demons of death and destruction. Please stop this insane goddess from procreating any more evil offspring. “I mean that you should return to our conversation at hand.”

  “What were we talking about?”

  Poke out my eye. Someone please just poke it. “About my mate, Charlotte, and you swearing that she is who you say.”

  “Oh. Are we talking about that again?”

  “Just tell me; if she is my mate, then why do I have feelings for this Sadie?”

  “How the hell should I know? What do I look like, an all-knowing goddess?”

  I hate you. I truly hate you. “Can you at least tell me what this creature is who hunts her?”

  “Ah, yes! The creature. No,” she replied.

  “What?” She’d completely lost him.

  “Yes. The creature who hunts her. No.”

  Going to kill her. Really, really going to kill her. “Cimil, wha
t is the creature?”

  “I just told you; I don’t know. I see no creature hunting her.”

  “So if you cannot see it, does that mean it’s using Maaskab-like tricks?” The Maaskab concealed themselves from the gods for centuries by slathering their bodies in black jade paste. Black jade was also the same material used to blunt a deity’s power. “In fact, could this creature be an actual Maaskab?”

  “Hmmm…” Cimil said. “It’s a possibility. And it would explain why my goddess radar isn’t picking anything up.”

  “I thought you killed them all,” he said.

  “Oh, no. We left a few alive. One never knows when you’ll need an evil Mayan priest adept at the arts of manipulating dark energy, creating tablets and spells used for time travel, and obsessed with enslaving humankind for ritual blood sacrifice. Yanno what I mean?”

  “No. Not really.”

  “In fact, now that you mention it, I do believe we had a Maaskab fill out an online profile.”

  “What? Are you fucking with me, Cimil?”

  “Hold on.” He heard Cimil clacking away on her computer. “Here it is. Says he’s a Maaskab, never been married or in a serious relationship apart from the Lord of Darkness, and enjoys long walks in puddles of human blood and the smell of destitution.”

  “What a catch.”

  “You’d be surprised how many ladies in L.A. would go for this sort of thing.”

  What the fuck? “He’s here in Los Angeles?”

  “Yep. But he didn’t give an address. Just says to call his cell.”

  “A Maaskab has a cell? What the hell is this world coming to?”

  “Hey, even evil psychotic, bloodthirsty priests need to keep in touch with friends.”

  “So aren’t you going to kill him?” Andrus asked.

  “Who?”

  “The fucking Maaskab,” he replied.

  “No, silly. I told you. We only left a few alive, and we might need them one day.”

  But this had to be the bastard who was feeding off of Sadie. Only Maaskab didn’t feed; they just liked to kill or manipulate dark energy. But whatever he was doing to Sadie, he couldn’t allow it.

  “Fine. Then I will hunt him down and kill him. Give me his number.”

  “Are you so sure he’s the one you’re after?” Cimil asked.

  “Are you telling me you know something?”

  “I know everything. Except the things I don’t know, but since I don’t know them, then I know everything as far as I’m concerned.”

  That made no fucking sense.

  “The number, Cimil,” he demanded.

  “Sorry. No can do. We have a strict policy about sharing our clients’ personal information.”

  All right. Now he knew for certain that the goddess was toying with him. “Thanks for nothing, Cimil.”

  “Always here to serve my fellow immortals. See you at the mixer!”

  The call ended and Andrus groaned and rubbed his face. A Maaskab was loose in L.A. and the gods—or at least Cimil—didn’t want to do a thing about it.

  At least now I know what I’m dealing with. But why the hell would a Maaskab be after Sadie? And how would he catch it?

  Hell, I can handle taking down one Maaskab. But as he thought this through, it made less and less sense.

  A Maaskab owning an art museum? And walking around in everyday clothing?

  Maaskab didn’t really wear clothing unless one were to count those loincloths made of human skin and the human finger necklaces they so loved. Then there was the preference for not bathing. Ever. As in never ever, ever, ever. And they slathered themselves in the blood of their victims. The stench was recognizable from ten miles away.

  And don’t even get me started on their hair. Long black ropes of blood-caked dreads often beaded with human teeth. Their eyes were generally blood-red pits and their mouths dripped with black-whatever likely resulting from the ritualistic crap they ate.

  And, because many of them were actually fathered by the God of Male Virility, Chaam, when he’d been going through an evil rough patch, many were just as large as dear old Daddy. Basically seven feet tall, but thankfully without real powers except for the skills they cultivated on their own.

  No. Something about this situation wasn’t sitting right. A Maaskab wouldn’t be running around L.A. and going unnoticed.

  Unless…he’s working the next Insidious movie?

  No. Even they have better standards.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Sadie began to sort through the selection of clothing Andrus had brought from her studio apartment and determined that every item she owned was in the walk-in closet.

  “What the heck?” she whispered, scratching the back of her wet head of freshly washed hair. She wasn’t so sure she liked the idea of Andrus having gone through her stuff, but the gesture was really sweet; he’d wanted her to be comfortable.

  And don’t forget safe. He seemed to care about her—a practical stranger—and that’s why she couldn’t stay angry at the man regarding the bomb he’d dropped: He was almost engaged. But they weren’t in any sort of relationship, and just because she found the man sexy, in a very brutish sort of way, didn’t mean she was really, really into him or had any claim on the guy.

  That said, she did owe him. Quite a lot, actually. So if he needed her help to impress this woman, she would do her best to chivalrize him, Prince Charming-ize him, or whatever.

  She threw on her favorite pair of jeans and light blue tee and found Andrus sitting in the den. It was empty but for a desk, chair, and laptop.

  “Hi. Whatcha doin’ there?” she asked.

  His turquoise eyes flashed up from the screen. “Looking for something. By the way, how tall was Tim?”

  “Uhh… I don’t know. Six four or five maybe?”

  “How about his hair?” he asked.

  “Long, black,” she shrugged, “he usually wore it back with a little leather tie. Why?”

  “I’m doing some research. Can you tell me anything unusual about him? Tattoos, what he liked to eat, clothing or music preferences?”

  “He had some tribal snake tattoos on his back. Nothing else unusual about him except…”

  Oh, she really, really didn’t want to tell Andrus about the time she’d had sex with Tim. It was pretty strange. And personal.

  “What?”

  “I’m not sure I want to share this with you.”

  “I need to find him and definitely need to figure out if he’s some sort of Maaskab—or perhaps a slave to a Maaskab. I don’t know.”

  “You can’t be serious? You think he’s some Mayan witch doctor?”

  “Or a minion of sorts. And before you ask, I am not referring to those annoying little one-eyed yellow things on all of the billboards around town.”

  “Thank God. I’d hate to turn into one of those.”

  “Agreed. Because then I would have to kill you.”

  She gave him a terrified look.

  “I’m merely joking, Sadie. Even if you turned out to be something so heinous, I would not harm you. But anything you can tell me about Tim might assist me in tracking him down.”

  Oh, God. “It’s sort of embarrassing.”

  Andrus stood, walked around to the front of the desk, and leaned against it with those big arms crossed over his big chest. “Trust me, I’m over three hundred years old and my previous mate used to glamour me into submission and then make me watch while she did whatever she liked.”

  Sadie gasped and covered her mouth. “Oh God, that sounds awful.”

  He lifted a brow. “I am grateful that my time with her was before the invention of vibrators and nipple clamps. Though, she did find a certain degree of fascination with vegetables.”

  “On you? She used them on you?”

  “No. Thankfully. She liked to make me watch, though. I think it is why I have an aversion to salads.” He shrugged. “In any case,” he stepped forward and gripped her shoulders, “there is little that can shock me.” />
  She took a deep breath and gazed into his soothing blue eyes. I swear, there’s just something about him that makes me all gooey and hot and bothered and—

  “Any day now, human.”

  She glared at him. And such a bossy pig. “Fine, but lean down. It’ll be easier if I whisper it in your ear.”

  He smirked. “Very well. I am leaning.”

  She put her mouth to his ear and began to whisper the things that Tim had done to her that one night they’d been together, starting with how he stripped off her clothes and bathed her in a warm bubble bath, caressing her breasts and touching her between her legs. “And once I was warmed up, he took me into the bedroom and turned me around and fucked me from behind. Really, really hard. It wasn’t bad, but the entire time, he kept saying that he wanted me to eat him.”

  Andrus pulled back, his face flushed red.

  “Are you okay?” she asked.

  “Yea-yeah.” His voice came out all scratchy. “S-so did you?”

  “What?” she asked.

  “You know…eat him?”

  “No. Not really. I mean, I did nibble on his nipples a little. But the man was insatiable with the fucking. I mean, he just kept pounding me from behind, and it went on and on and on. Finally, after three orgasms, I passed out.”

  Andrus blew out a huge breath. “Wow,” he croaked, and then cleared his throat. “That s-s-sounds awful.”

  She shrugged. “It was okay. Not really my thing.”

  “Nuh-nuh-no?”

  Why did Andrus look so flustered?

  “My thing is really more in the foreplay department—you know—I like it when the man takes his time and uses his tongue on every inch of my body. Then, I like to use my mouth and bring him right up to the edge a few times before I let him slide it in nice and slow.” She sighed. Damn. That sounded really good right about now.

  Sadie? What the hell? Why are you telling him all this?

  She snapped to her senses. “Ohmygod. I can’t believe I just said that—are you okay? You’re sweating.”