Since she’d woken up, Sharon had seen a very different side of her mother. Not only did Suzie speak her mind, she was cutting and unkind when she did. Sharon had shed many a tear over some of the things she’d said and done lately. It hurt and felt as though she’d lost her only supporter.
Why couldn’t Mum go back to the way she was before the accident? Sharon knew she should be grateful that she was alive at all, but it was hard to pretend that everything was the same as before. Suzie hardly spent any time with them now. In the past she had always been on hand to babysit or simply join her daughter and grandchild when they went to the park or playground. But, these days, she made excuses not to see them or said straight out that she was too tired to put up with Bobby’s moods. Sometimes Sharon thought her mother didn’t even like her grandson, let alone love him.
She wished she could talk to Keith about it, but they couldn’t seem to talk about anything these days without it ending in a row. Though he hadn’t actually said it, Sharon knew that her husband was disappointed in his son and although it hurt, she could understand it.
Keith had seen himself doing all the dad stuff with his son like kicking a football around and teaching him to ride a bike. But Bobby wasn’t interested and lacked the coordination to be any good at either. Sharon suggested that Keith do things with his son that he enjoyed and not the other way round, but that hadn’t worked, either. When Keith tried to play with Bobby and his trains or cars, his son got agitated. All he wanted to do was line them up and, even then, it had to be a specific order, which neither of his parents had managed to decipher. Keith had given up. These days he hardly talked to his son, which broke Sharon’s heart and she was finding it harder and harder to hide her resentment.
When they talked it was about the trivia of life. What bills needed paying, were the bins out, and whether they should convert the playroom into an office. It was full of unused toys. There were only a few precious things that Bobby bothered with and they fitted into a small box that he kept by his bed. Once he was asleep, Sharon watched television while Keith messed about on his laptop and there was little or no conversation.
As for their sex life, it was almost non-existent, unless they’d had a couple of glasses of wine and Keith was in the mood. Sharon never was. She found it hard to give herself to the man who was so cold towards her son. But she let him make love to her because it was easier than making an issue of it. She sometimes wondered how much more she could take. Meditation might not help, but Mum was right: she did need time away from her family. She wasn’t keen on spending it with her mother but at least it would mean escaping this claustrophobic atmosphere for a while.
Suzie emerged from her house in maroon leggings and a matching top, making Sharon feel dowdy in her old tracksuit.
‘How do I look?’ Suzie asked, climbing into the passenger seat.
‘Fine. You do realise that we’re probably going to be lying on a filthy floor?’
Her mum shrugged. ‘I don’t own any sporty type of clothes and the brochure said to dress for comfort.’
‘Your hair’s nice. What made you change the colour?’ Sharon asked. Suzie’s hair had originally been a slightly darker shade of Sharon’s honey-blonde bob.
‘Mandy’s hairdresser talked me into it. He said it would suit my colouring. It’s all part of the new me.’
‘Are you after a man?’ Sharon joked, waiting for the usual rebuke. She and Jess had been trying to fix Mum up for years but Suzie would have none of it.
‘I’m after several,’ her mother retorted. ‘If I am going to put myself out there, then I intend to have fun.’
‘Are you pulling my leg?’ Sharon asked with a nervous giggle.
Suzie frowned. ‘No. Why?’
‘It’s just that you’ve never dated before. You met dad and married him.’
‘I dated a couple of boys before him,’ Suzie assured her.
‘But none since. So, why now?’
‘This feels like a fresh start. There are lots of things I want to do.’
‘I thought you were happy,’ Sharon said, feeling upset for some reason.
‘I was. I am. My life’s been fine but boring. Now I want more.’
‘More what?’
Suzie shrugged. ‘I’d like to try new things, visit new places and make new friends. I want to live my life to the full.’ She grinned over at Sharon. ‘I may even get a tattoo.’
‘Great.’ Sharon shuddered, imagining her mother turning into a Madonna or Cher lookalike.
It was quite dark inside the hall and Sharon wondered how often this floor was cleaned. The teacher called for quiet, told them to remove their shoes and find a comfortable position. Sharon began to twist and turn and fidget, making her mother roll her eyes and sigh. She continued to strive to get comfortable but she couldn’t help wondering who had last used the mat she was sitting on. The teacher had told them to close their eyes and concentrate on her voice or the soothing music and breathe deeply. Sharon seemed to be the only one having a problem complying. Her mother sat cross-legged beside her, perfectly serene.
‘Relax.’
Sharon looked up to see the teacher looking down at her, smiling. ‘I can’t find a comfortable position and, the more I try to concentrate, the faster my breathing is and the less relaxed I am. Sorry.’ She gave a nervous titter. ‘I don’t think I’m cut out for this.’
The woman’s eyes flickered to Suzie. ‘It comes easier to some than to others. There’s no right or wrong way. If concentrating on your breathing doesn’t work for you, try closing your eyes and let your mind wander and enjoy the feeling of doing nothing, of simply being.’
Sharon let out a long sigh. It was true she didn’t get much time to just ‘be’. When she wasn’t looking after Bobby she was cleaning or cooking or shopping, all the time worrying about her son. Was it any wonder she was exhausted?
‘Clench and unclench your toes and fingers a few times. Tense your entire body for ten seconds, then release. That will help you to relax.’
Sharon did as she was told, and then let out a long sigh.
‘Good, very good.’ The teacher smiled her approval. ‘There’s no time limit on this and no exam to pass. Just enjoy the peace.’ She moved on to advise someone else leaving Sharon clenching and unclenching.
‘Wasn’t that brilliant?’ Suzie said on the way home. ‘I feel so rested.’
‘I’m not surprised. You fell asleep.’
‘I did not. I was just concentrating on my breathing.’
‘You were snoring, Mum.’ Sharon grinned.
‘I wasn’t . . . was I?’ Her mother laughed. ‘Ah, feck it! I’m sure I wasn’t the first and I won’t be the last. Are you glad you came along? I know that I bullied you into it but I thought the break would do you good.’
‘It did,’ Sharon had to admit. Although she hadn’t managed to relax quite as much as her mother, she did feel calmer.
‘You should practise those exercises in bed at night and dump those sleeping tablets,’ Suzie said.
‘Maybe,’ Sharon said, although she couldn’t imagine sleeping a wink without her little white pills, which brought at least five precious hours of oblivion.
‘Coming in for a cuppa?’ Suzie asked as Sharon stopped outside her house.
‘No, thanks. I’m bushed.’
Suzie grinned. ‘Don’t forget, clench and release.’
Sharon laughed. ‘I won’t. Night, Mum.’
‘Bye, love, safe home.’
Sharon pulled away, thinking how, whenever they used to part, Mum would always say, ‘Hugs and kisses to my little angel.’ Now she rarely mentioned Bobby unless it was to give out about him. Sharon swallowed the lump in her throat. There was no use in crying. Her mother was a different person now and she just had to accept that.
Before Sharon got the front door open, she could hear Keith yelling and Bobby’s wails. She closed her eyes and took a moment before letting herself in and hurrying upstairs.
‘Bobby
, for the last time, put on these pyjamas or you can sleep outside.’ This was greeted with a terrified wail.
‘Keith? What’s going on?’ Her husband was on their bed, Bobby pinned between his thighs. He was so busy shouting that he was oblivious of her. ‘Keith, stop.’ With an effort Sharon kept her voice calm, but her grip on his arm as she pulled him off her son would leave him in no doubt that she was furious. ‘What the hell are you doing?’ she hissed, determined not to enter a shouting match that would further upset Bobby.
Keith stiffened. ‘He won’t get ready for bed.’
Sharon looked at the pyjamas in his hand. ‘They’re the wrong ones. He only wears the blue pair.’
‘But they’re the same except for the colour.’
‘You can either let him put on the blue ones or spend the rest of the night arguing. Which would you prefer?’
Keith climbed off his son and shoved the pyjamas into her hands in disgust. ‘You do it. This is fucking madness. I’ve had enough.’
He stormed downstairs while she gathered a trembling Bobby into her arms. ‘It’s okay, darling. Daddy’s had a bad day.’
Bobby sobbed, as she led him to the bathroom. She smothered a sigh as she realised he’d wet himself. Keith must have really scared him. She’d need to do lots of deep breathing to stop herself from throttling her husband. She helped Bobby wash and change into the blue pyjamas before putting him to bed, all the while murmuring soothing endearments.
It was nearly an hour before he finally drifted off and she slipped out of his room. She leaned against the banister, exhausted and trembling, debating whether to confront her husband or just go to bed. The latter would be more sensible, easier, but she remembered the sight of Keith trembling with rage over her cowering son and knew that she couldn’t ignore this. If she had arrived home a few minutes later, would Keith have hit him? Was he capable of it? She’d never thought so but seeing him so out of control tonight had scared her. Sharon did a few clenches and unclenches and went downstairs. If she was to get through to her husband she’d have to keep her temper in check.
Keith was slouched on the sofa watching a football match, can of beer in hand, pretending to be absorbed in the game. He might appear calm, but Sharon could tell from the tension in his jaw that he was still fuming. With Bobby or her? Probably both. She felt suddenly weary of the constant war she was waging and not just with Keith. Sometimes it felt as if it were she and Bobby against the entire world. Well, it was time to change all that. Keith was her husband and Bobby’s father and they deserved his support and loyalty and love. She wondered about the last word. Did Keith love them? It hadn’t felt that way in a long time. He seemed to be drifting further away every day.
Sharon sat down opposite him, finally ready to confront something she’d been trying so hard to ignore. ‘Keith, I think that we should take Bobby to see a doctor.’
‘There’s nothing wrong with him other than he’s a spoiled brat,’ he retorted.
‘I think there’s more to it than that.’
‘I don’t.’ He turned down the volume and sat forward, his eyes beseeching hers. ‘Let’s try it my way for a while, Sharon. He needs strong parenting, that’s all.’
‘Strong parenting? Is that what I just witnessed? Sitting on top of our son, terrifying him?’
Keith sat back, sulking. ‘I didn’t touch him. I was restraining him so that he couldn’t hurt himself.’
‘You frightened the living daylights out of him. He wet himself, Keith. Is that the way you’re going to get him to behave? By making him scared of you?’
Keith remained implacable. ‘He needs toughening up and to learn some manners. We should send him to a boarding school. He wouldn’t get away with this crap in one of those places.’
Sharon sat staring at him for a long moment and then stood up, realising she was wasting her breath when he was in this mood. Without another word, she went upstairs and got ready for bed. She was pulling the duvet cover back when she froze. No, she couldn’t sleep with Keith. Not tonight. Going out to the linen cupboard, Sharon took a quilt and pillow and, going into Bobby’s room, curled up on the twin bed next to him. ‘I’ll look after you, sweetheart,’ she whispered. ‘I’ll never let anything or anyone hurt you. Promise.’
Chapter Seven
Nora Browne put down the phone after she got Suzie’s answering machine yet again. Of course she was glad that her friend was well enough to be out and about so much, but disappointed that, any time she suggested getting together, Suzie had blown her off. After a few weeks of this, Nora decided to call Jess and make sure that everything was okay.
It wasn’t. Suzie had changed and the girls weren’t handling it too well. Jess tried to explain the sort of behaviour and comments and Nora settled in her chair by the window and let the girl pour her heart out.
‘She’s changed so much, Nora, and we’re all treading on eggshells, pretending everything is the same and trying to hide our feelings when she says something nasty or cruel,’ Jess finished with a heavy sigh.
‘Perhaps it’s time that you stopped pretending,’ Nora suggested. ‘The three of you should sit her down and tell her how her behaviour is affecting you. Maybe you should go with her when she goes for her next check-up and tell them what’s going on. I’m sure there must be some way they can help her.’
‘I wish I shared your confidence, Nora, but I’ve been reading up on this and I don’t think there’s a pill or even an operation that can change the way things are. The consultant as much as said so at the time. We just weren’t listening.’
Nora’s heart went out to her as she heard the sadness in Jess’s voice. ‘Don’t give up on her, sweetheart. Doctors don’t know everything. If nothing else she can get some sort of therapy. If they can help people with anger-management issues, then they must be able to teach your mum to be more tactful.’
‘True. It’s hardest for Sharon. Mum is, at best, indifferent to Bobby and sometimes she’s really horrible to him.’
‘Oh, Lord.’ Nora said, shocked to hear this. Suzie had always been besotted with her grandchild. ‘probably best not to leave them alone together for the moment,’ she suggested.
‘Sharon keeps him away from Mum as much as possible, and at least, Bobby being Bobby, he doesn’t seem bothered.’
‘I wish there was something I could do to help. I’ve told her I’ll come to Dublin any time to see her – Limerick’s only a couple of hours on the motorway – but she doesn’t seem interested in meeting up.’
‘She’s spending a lot of time with Mandy.’
‘Mandy?’ Nora exclaimed and then cursed herself for reacting in such a horrified way. She forced a laugh, hoping Jess hadn’t noticed. ‘That’s odd, they never seemed that close.’
‘They weren’t.’
Jess sounded unimpressed, making Nora wonder what exactly she knew about her infamous aunt.
‘Mandy took her shopping the other day and bought clothes that, well, really don’t suit her.’
Nora felt anger bubble up inside. ‘Be more specific.’
‘Er, well, I wouldn’t have the nerve to wear some of them.’
That evil cow, Nora seethed. There was no doubt that Suzie needed a new wardrobe but she’d expected her to go shopping with the girls or even ask for her help. It was a real slap in the face to think she’d turned to her sister. Nora’s eyes filled with tears. It seemed their friendship was another casualty of Suzie’s accident.
‘She’s thrilled with her new look, so I don’t have the heart to say anything. I honestly think Mandy did it just for a laugh. She has a warped sense of humour.’
‘Bitch,’ Nora muttered.
‘What was that?’
‘Nothing.’
‘I should get some work done,’ Jess said. ‘Sorry for crying on your shoulder.’
‘Don’t be. I’m always here for you, Jess, you know that.’
Jess thanked her and rang off.
Feeling a little lost and sad, Nora sat dow
n with her laptop in her sunny kitchen to work. She designed greeting cards for a US Internet company and also supplied a few local artisan shops. Nora stared at the screen in front of her and waited for the inspiration to come, but she found it hard to concentrate, images of Mandy sniggering at her newfound friendship with her big sister filling her head. What to do? Hop in the car and drive to Dublin and remind Suzie what Mandy was really like? Even if she did, would Suzie believe her? Despite her being out of hospital nearly a month, the ripple effects from Suzie’s accident continued relentlessly. Nora settled down to work on a Get Well card and prayed that Suzie would get better too.
Jess wandered around her small flat, too preoccupied to focus on the eight-hundred-word article she should be writing on the issue of vending machines in schools. She had been giving her mother a wide birth, not that it seemed Suzie wanted anything to do with her, either. Jess felt relieved. Mum was so hard to be around right now and she knew her sister felt the same. Her phone gave a toot and she groaned when she read the message from Louis.
See you at six in Vaughans?
So he was back. She sighed at the thought of confronting him but what choice did she have? Jess typed a reply.
Fine
Louis had never been one for long or elaborate texts and now she knew why. If his wife happened to read this she would probably believe him if he said he was meeting a colleague.
Jess had gone over and over in her head what she would say. Sometimes she felt like punching Louis for leading her on. Others, she was overcome with sadness that this man she’d thought she was falling for turned out to be a lying rat. She seemed to have a knack for collecting bad guys. Ed, her last boyfriend, had actually come on to Katie one night when Jess was away. Her friend had told him in no uncertain terms where to go, before telling Jess about her cheating boyfriend. Jess sometimes felt there was a neon sign over her head saying GULLIBLE FOOL.
The pub Louis had suggested was off the beaten track, where, hopefully, they wouldn’t meet anyone they knew. Despite her threats, Jess knew that her mother wouldn’t tell Louis’s wife, no matter how much she disapproved. She hadn’t been completely honest with her mother. She’d found out quite soon that Louis was married but he’d assured her that he was only still with his wife for the sake of the kids. If it all came out, perhaps it would force Louis’s hand. Maybe he’d leave his wife. Oh, who was she kidding? They’d only known each other a few months and he’d made no declarations of love or talked about a future together. But when he’d held her in his arms, murmuring how he couldn’t get enough of her, she’d allowed herself to believe they had a future and it was more than just a fling.
Second Time Around Page 5