‘Sorry,’ Aileen said, but didn’t look it.
‘It is an important factor,’ the girl said with a kind smile.
‘But I’m right as rain,’ Suzie protested.
Aileen’s eyes widened expressively and Mary looked from one to the other. Suzie sighed. ‘Honestly, I’m grand.’
‘Good, but your friend was right to tell me,’ Mary said calmly. ‘It will help us find you the perfect match. But I have to tell you that having a boisterous puppy around tests most people’s temper and they’re a lot of work if you still tire easily.’
‘She does,’ Aileen said, jumping in again. ‘She needs at least one nap every day.’
‘Will you shut up, Aileen. I can speak for myself.’
But Aileen wasn’t cowed by Suzie’s rebuke at all. ‘I told you, if you want the right pet, you have to be honest, with yourself as much as everyone else.’
Mary nodded in agreement. ‘Will there be anyone to help you with the dog?’
‘My son lives with me.’
‘But he’s studying for his finals and has a part-time job,’ Aileen interrupted again, ignoring the daggers Suzie was shooting at her.
‘I have two daughters who are always in and out.’
‘Any grandchildren?’
Suzie groaned at the thought of Bobby. ‘Yes, one. I’d probably have to lock up the dog when he visits.’
The girl tickled the greyhound’s tummy and then straightened, frowning. ‘I don’t think a puppy is such a good idea.’
‘But I want a dog,’ Suzie wailed, even though she’d walked into the centre full of doubt.
‘Come with me.’ Mary led them down to an office at the back of the kennels. ‘Forgive the mess,’ she said, gesturing to the papers covering her desk and chairs. A large golden retriever stood up and wagged his tail. ‘I thought you should meet Percy.’
‘Oh, isn’t he lovely?’ Aileen gushed, bending over the beautiful dog to pat him.
Suzie smiled. ‘Aw, he’s gorgeous. Is he yours?’
‘No. Percy is an assistance dog. He belongs to a lovely lady who’s in hospital at the moment so he’s spending some time with us.’
Suzie looked at her, frowning. ‘An assistance dog?’
‘Yes. He’s been trained especially to aid people with disabilities, physical and mental,’ Mary explained. ‘He’s incredibly gentle and obedient and wonderful with children, even the difficult ones.’
‘Really?’ Suzie’s ears pricked up.
Mary nodded. ‘Oh, yes. Dogs have a very calming effect and it’s great to watch a relationship develop between a child and his dog.’
Suzie crouched down and scratched behind his ear. ‘Hey, Percy.’
Wagging his tail, he nuzzled her hand in acknowledgement.
‘Want to see some of his tricks?’ Mary grinned. ‘Percy? Door.’
The dog went over and closed the door with his snout.
Aileen clapped her hands, laughing. ‘Aw, isn’t he clever?’
Suzie watched in delight as the dog did anything Mary asked, before, on her gentle command, returning to his bed by her chair. ‘He is special, isn’t he?’
‘I think so.’ Mary smiled.
‘But why are you showing him to me?’
‘Everyone always wants a cute little puppy,’ Mary explained, ‘but sometimes an adult, well-trained dog can be a much better option.’
‘Mary has a point,’ Aileen said. ‘And, if you’re heading off to New York for a fortnight, where would you leave a puppy?’
Suzie sighed. ‘I hadn’t even thought of that.’
Mary gave her a kind smile. ‘Why don’t you take some time and have a think about it? We’re not going anywhere and, sadly, there are always plenty of dogs who need a good home.’
Suzie patted Percy one last time. ‘Thanks, Mary, I’ll do that.’
‘Disappointed?’ Aileen asked as they drove home.
‘A little, but relieved, too. And,’ she added grudgingly, ‘thanks for reining me in. Taking a puppy would have been a huge mistake, no matter how cute. I’d have taken Percy on the spot, though.’
‘He was gorgeous, wasn’t he?’ Aileen sighed. ‘You’d certainly feel safe with him in the house.’
Suzie nodded. ‘And there was something very solid and peaceful about him, wasn’t there? I’ll read up on golden retrievers and have a think.’
‘And you should discuss it with the family.’
Suzie’s phone buzzed. It was a text from Sharon.
Hey, Mum. Sorry to ask but can you look after Bobby for a couple of hours?
‘Ah, for Christ’s sake!’ she said crossly.
Aileen looked over at her. ‘What?’
‘I have to mind Bobby.’
‘When?’
‘Now.’
Aileen tutted her disapproval. ‘Will I drop you over there?’
‘Oh, no, Sharon’s dropping him over to me. That way her house stays nice and tidy and the brat wrecks my place instead,’ Suzie said bitterly.
‘If you’re not up to having him, say so,’ Aileen said, looking cross. ‘It’s a bit of a liberty when you’re only just getting back on your feet.’
‘I’ve refused a couple of times already,’ Suzie admitted, ‘and Sharon’s been driving me anywhere I need to go, so I owe her one.’ Still, Suzie was annoyed that she would have to spend the afternoon dealing with the child. ‘I wouldn’t mind only Sharon lets him get away with murder and she’s so bloody touchy, I’m afraid to say a word against the little fecker.’
Aileen laughed. ‘Now that I don’t believe.’
‘I’m telling you, you’d need the patience of a saint to put up with him.’ Suzie saw Aileen looking at her in surprise. ‘Yes, I know. I’ve been told how I used to dote on him but, I’ve changed.’
‘Don’t I know it!’
‘Be honest with me, Aileen. How much?’
Aileen gave a long sigh before responding. ‘You were a pain in the arse, Suzie. You were a great mother with endless patience and you made me feel like a lousy one.’
Suzie absorbed this in silence. It explained why her family were always whispering in corners and looking at her as if she were from another planet. They must be in shock.
‘Then Bobby came along,’ Aileen continued, ‘and you were besotted, regularly taking him for the weekend so that Sharon and Keith could get a break.’
‘I never did!’ Suzie was stunned. She could barely tolerate the child for an hour these days. How had she coped with him for an entire weekend?
Aileen nodded. ‘You did. And it wasn’t easy. Even I could hear his carry on morning and night, and you trying to calm him down. You used to promise him surprises and treats if he behaved.’
‘Jesus! I was as bad as Sharon.’
‘Worse.’ Aileen glanced over at her, looking guilty. ‘Sorry, but you did ask.’
Suzie wasn’t sure that she wanted to hear more, but she knew she had to. ‘And the rest of the family?’
‘What?’
‘Was I different with them too?’
Aileen sighed. ‘You couldn’t do enough for them. When Jess moved out, you cooked and froze dinners for her to take home for the week.’
Suzie groaned. Instead of empowering her children, she’d made them completely dependent on her. ‘Go on,’ she whispered.
‘Suzie—’
‘Please, Aileen.’
‘You gave her the money to buy her car and paid her college fees.’
That didn’t surprise Suzie. She wasn’t short of money and she’d spent her life trying to make up for how John had treated her elder daughter. She frowned. Now where had that come from?
Aileen smiled. ‘In fairness, she’s a good daughter and was distraught when you had the accident. She never missed a day visiting you and she’d always call or drop in to me, to let me know how you were doing.’
‘I sensed her presence at times,’ Suzie said, feeling guilty at how tough she’d been on Jess since seeing her with Louis.
‘I’ve been a bit too honest, haven’t I?’ Aileen said, looking upset.
‘No at all. I needed to hear that. I knew my memory was dodgy but I didn’t realise how much.’
‘It will probably come back in time.’ Aileen patted her hand.
Suzie wasn’t so sure. ‘I’m going to have lots more questions, Aileen, but they can wait for another day. I’m tired now.’
Aileen pulled into her driveway and turned in her seat. ‘I’m not going anywhere and I’ll tell you anything you want to know.’
‘Truly?’
‘Promise. I thank God for the day you moved in next door. You got me through my divorce; now it’s my turn to help you.’
Suzie hugged her. ‘Thank you.’
‘Sorry we didn’t find your puppy.’
‘Ah, but we got to meet Percy!’
‘True enough.’ Aileen laughed. ‘Go and rest, Suzie, before Bobby comes over.’
Once in the front door, Suzie paused to listen for sounds of her son, but all was quiet. Stretching out on her bed, she mulled over what Aileen had said. She was particularly upset about Sharon. She had been criticising her daughter for ruining Bobby when it seemed she was equally responsible. And Aileen said she was a great mother? She snorted in disgust. It sounded as if she had continued to treat her family like children, mollycoddling them like some unpaid housekeeper and childminder. Had Jess become a doormat for that swine, Louis Healy, because that was the example Suzie had set? She hadn’t got around to discussing Noel, although she doubted her neighbour would have anything to say about her only son. He was a good lad who’d never given her a day’s trouble and was growing into a fine young man.
Suzie wondered who, other than Aileen, would be totally honest with her. There was her sister, of course, she was a straight talker, but something held Suzie back from confiding in her. Then she remembered Nora.
‘Jesus!’ Suzie shook her head, incredulous. She’d been so busy reinventing herself and working on her bloody list, she hadn’t returned her old friend’s calls. She’d phone her first thing tomorrow and arrange to meet, she decided. Perhaps Nora could come and stay for a couple of days. They used to do that, at least Suzie thought they had. She knew for a fact that she hadn’t gone to Limerick. She hadn’t set foot in the county since the day she’d moved back to Dublin and didn’t plan to. Nora had come to her. She was a kind woman and a good friend and Suzie realised that she had practically abandoned her. She had some fences to mend but, despite her lousy memory, Suzie’s gut told her that Nora would forgive her.
Chapter Nine
Nora lit up when her phone rang and Suzie’s voice filled the car.
‘Nora? It’s Suzie.’
‘Hey, you, this is a nice surprise.’
‘Really?’ Suzie sounded doubtful. ‘Sorry I haven’t been in touch. I wouldn’t blame you if you hung up.’
‘I am going to hang up,’ Nora said, smiling as she overtook the lorry in front.
‘You are?’ Suzie sounded like a lost child and Nora was delighted that she’d obeyed her instincts.
‘Yes, because you need to get ready.’
‘For?’
‘I’m about an hour from Dublin so get your gladrags on. I’m taking you to lunch.’
When Nora pulled up outside Suzie’s house, the door was flung open and Suzie came out with open arms and a wide smile. ‘It’s so good to see you.’
Nora clung to her, feeling quite emotional. ‘You too.’ She stepped back and smiled. ‘How are you feeling?’
Suzie frowned. ‘Not great.’
Nora studied her and was frightened when she saw the anxiety in Suzie’s eyes. ‘What is it? Are you getting headaches, dizzy spells?’ The doctors had given them a list of symptoms to watch out for.
‘No, nothing like that. I’ll tell you when I’ve a glass in my hand.’
‘Fair enough. Shall we just wander down to the Italian on the seafront or do you fancy going further afield?’
Suzie shook her head. ‘No, it’s a nice day. Let’s make the most of it and walk.’
Nora raved about Suzie’s hair and told her she looked well but decided it was best not to comment on the tight, low-cut dress she was wearing. Obviously Mandy’s choice, she thought grimly. When they reached the restaurant she continued to make small talk until they’d ordered and the wine had arrived before pursuing the conversation.
‘So, tell me what’s on your mind.’
Suzie took a long drink. ‘I had a frank conversation with Aileen, yesterday. She was telling me what I used to be like before the accident.’
‘Oh?’ Nora decided to listen to exactly what had been said before commenting. Aileen was a good sort and had been kind to Suzie but she wasn’t one to pull her punches.
‘I’ve made a right fucking mess of things.’ Suzie looked miserable.
‘I don’t follow.’
‘She told me how I always used to fuss over Bobby, spoiling him. That I’m partly responsible for turning him into the little demon I’m now complaining about.’
‘I’m not sure I’d go that far,’ Nora said, although it was true that, before the accident, Bobby had been the apple of Suzie’s eye.
‘I would,’ Suzie retorted, annoyed. ‘Then there’s Jess. I’ve made her totally dependent on me. It’s probably my fault that she ended up having an affair with a married man.’
Nora stared at her. ‘Jess is having an affair?’
‘Not any more, she isn’t. I warned her to end it. Screwing one of her editors and, of course, it had to be the one from the local paper. I know him, and his wife. They have three little kids. Jess claims she thought that he was separated.’
‘I’m sure that’s true, Suzie. Jess would never knowingly get involved with a married man.’
Doubt clouded Suzie’s eyes. ‘Maybe. Sometimes I want to scream at her and others I want to hold her and say I’m sorry. The thing is, I don’t remember much of what happened before the accident. I can’t believe that I wouldn’t have known if she was involved with someone. We were always so close. Sometimes I’m not sure if I’m remembering or imagining things.’
‘That must be scary.’ Nora’s heart went out to her. For all Suzie’s assertiveness, underneath she was obviously uneasy.
‘There are so many gaps in my memory, Nora. I only remembered yesterday that you stayed over at least once a month. How could I forget that? We had some great nights.’
‘We did.’ Nora smiled.
‘Can we do that again?’
‘Of course,’ Nora said, delighted, while wondering exactly how much invisible damage had been done to Suzie in the accident. ‘You should talk to Jess, Suzie, clear the air. Don’t be cross with her, give her the benefit of the doubt. I imagine she’s gutted that you’ve fallen out. She adores you and nearly went out of her mind with worry when you were ill.’
‘I know that. I suppose I’m more cross with myself than I am with her. I should have seen what was going on. I thought she could talk to me about anything. Why didn’t she tell me about him?’
‘Perhaps it started after the accident.’
‘Maybe,’ Suzie said but didn’t look convinced.
‘As for your grandson, you raised three great kids and I’m sure that Bobby will grow into one, too. Wasn’t Noel a bit of a handful around the same age?’
Suzie brightened and she nodded. ‘Yes. He was a right little terror for a year or so. I’d forgotten that.’
‘You see? Bobby didn’t lick it off a stone.’ Nora laughed and sat back as their food arrived.
She wondered how best to handle this woman, who, one minute, was blaming herself for everything and, the next, was spoiling for a row. ‘He’s the first grandchild and you’re the only grandparent he has. It would be weird if you hadn’t spoiled him.’
Suzie seemed to consider this as she reached for her glass. ‘That’s true, but he’s not a baby anymore. It’s time he learned some manners.’
‘He’s not your problem,’
Nora told her. ‘Imagine if your mother had muscled in on disciplining your three. You’d have been furious.’
Suzie sighed, obviously frustrated. ‘Then I’ll just have to be more honest with Sharon and I won’t put up with any nonsense when he’s in my house.’
Nora suppressed a sigh. The changes in Suzie’s personality were complex. She seemed to be beyond not only listening to reason but understanding it. ‘I think that you might be better trying to work with Sharon on this one. The more you criticise her, the more defensive she’ll become and, frankly, Suzie, she may just stop coming round at all.’
‘Good! I plan to live my own life now. They can all do what they want.’
Oh, Lord. This wasn’t going well at all. Nora looked longingly at her wine but raised a hand and asked the waiter for some water.
‘Stay over,’ Suzie said. ‘Please?’
Nora smiled and nodded. She took a sip of wine as she searched for inspiration on how to get through to her friend. Finally she looked Suzie straight in the eye. ‘Let me play devil’s advocate for a minute. Come on, hear me out,’ she said as Suzie rolled her eyes. ‘You listened to Aileen.’
‘Go on, then,’ Suzie muttered, tucking into her lasagne.
‘Look at this from the kids’ point of view, bearing in mind what Aileen already told you. She said, and I agree, you lived for the family, always putting them before yourself. That may not always have been a good thing but, nevertheless, that’s what they were used to – your fault, not theirs.’
‘More fool me.’ Suzie scowled.
Nora carried on regardless. ‘Then, wham, you have an accident. Those first couple of days, it didn’t look like you were going to make it. Imagine how they must have felt, Suzie. Not only were they bracing themselves to become orphans, they were losing a fantastic, loving mother. Imagine their grief.’
Suzie put down her fork and reached for her wine but said nothing.
Nora prayed that she was getting through and not making matters worse. She ploughed on.
‘It was almost worse when you didn’t die. Forgive me, I don’t mean we wished you dead but, every moment of every day that your kids weren’t by your bedside, they were waiting for that call. And they lived like that for two months, Suzie. Two months! Can you imagine what that must have been like?’
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