Suzie squeezed his hand and he returned the pressure. ‘My dad threw me out when he found out about you, and Doug took me in. We lost touch after his wife died and I never realised that Mandy’s Douglas Thornton was also CML’s owner, Doug Hamilton.’
Jess’s eyes slid to Doug’s and she gave a small smile of acknowledgement before looking back at Suzie. ‘You still haven’t answered the question. Who’s my dad?’
‘I’m afraid there’s not much I can tell you other than he was gorgeous. You have his colouring, his hair and the same wonderful smile.’
‘What was his name?’
Suzie felt herself flush under her daughter’s steely gaze. ‘I don’t remember,’ she mumbled.
Jess flopped into a chair. ‘So I was the product of a one-night-stand?’
Suzie gave a guilty nod. ‘I’m afraid so.’
‘Didn’t you consider abortion?’ Jess asked.
Suzie looked up at her and smiled. ‘Not for a moment. But I did plan to give you up for adoption. I wanted you to go to a good home and have all the opportunities I never had. But then Doug gave me the job and a home’ – Suzie smiled at him – ‘despite his better judgement. So, you see I owe him a lot, we both do.’
‘One of my better decisions. CML was a small company,’ he explained to Jess, ‘and we worked as a team, so it was important your mum fit in. And, despite the huge chip on her shoulder, she did.’
Jess absorbed this for a moment. ‘So when did you meet Dad? I mean John?’
‘When you were about six months old, I started working again part-time from the flat. I met John at one of the conferences we organised and he invited me out for a drink, and,’ Suzie smiled, ‘we hit it off straight away and he didn’t care that I was an unmarried mother.’
‘So you loved him?’ Jess looked a little disappointed.
‘I did. He was lovely to me and, more importantly, he was great with you, Jess. Marrying John was a chance of a new start where no one knew me or would judge me. John adopted you as soon as we were married and raised you as his own. No one in Limerick ever knew that you weren’t his.’
‘He loved me?’ Jess looked at her in disbelief. ‘I think you mean he tolerated me. So much makes sense now.’
‘He did his best, Jess.’
‘It didn’t feel that way. You know that you’ve turned him into some kind of saint since he died?’
‘That’s not true.’
‘Yes, it is. Have you forgotten all his business trips? Because I haven’t. He missed my fifteenth birthday and never even phoned.’
‘I had forgotten the trips until you mentioned them today,’ Suzie admitted. ‘And it brought it all back. When did you know he was—’ Suzie stopped, not sure how to word it. Not sure how much her daughter knew.
‘Carrying on?’ Jess supplied. ‘I’d suspected it for a couple of years. He’d hang up the phone when I walked into the room or take the dog for a walk and not let any of us go with him. Then one day, he called telling you that he had to stay on in Longford for a meeting first thing the next morning and when I was coming out of Eileen Doody’s house that evening I saw him sitting in his car, kissing a woman.’
Suzie was aghast at how much her daughter had kept to herself all these years. ‘Oh, Jess, I’m sorry. That must have upset you.’
‘I was more angry than upset,’ Jess said. ‘It wasn’t just one woman either, was it?’ Jess leaned forward in her chair. ‘The night before he died—’
Suzie shook her head and put up her hand to stop her daughter, feeling sick.
‘Where was he, Mum? Was he with a woman?’
‘I don’t know.’ Suzie massaged her temples with trembling fingers. ‘I don’t feel well.’
‘Jess . . .’ Doug started, but she ignored him.
‘You must know.’
Suzie shook her head as the images flashed through her mind but, the more that she tried to focus, the more confused and upset she felt.
‘Jess, I think that’s quite enough,’ Douglas interjected, casting worried glances in her direction. ‘I think you should go. This is clearly distressing your mum and it’s not her fault that she can’t remember.’
Jess shot him a guilty look and then glanced back at her mother. ‘No, it’s not. I’m sorry, Mum. Thanks for telling me the truth.’
‘Are you okay?’ Doug asked after the hall door had closed.
Suzie shook her head, trying to unravel the various memories and grasp at the snippets of truth in Jess’s words, and then she gasped as the fog cleared momentarily.
‘It’s true. John was unfaithful. Something Jess said earlier triggered the memory. I don’t know how many women there were but certainly more than one.’
‘I’m sorry.’
But Suzie continued to stare into space, caught up in a memory struggling to surface. ‘Jess is right. He was with a woman the night before he died. She was waiting in his hotel room for him to come back to her. A young policeman let it slip but I wasn’t that surprised.’ She shook her head, frustrated. ‘There’s something else, just on the edge of my memory but I can’t reach it.’
‘You’ve had a long and traumatic day, Suzie. You need sleep.’
She nodded silently and stood up, feeling as if she was in some sort of trance. ‘Yes. Let yourself out, would you, Doug?’ she said and walked out of the room. Percy followed her upstairs and lay down by the side of the bed and, putting out an absent hand to pat his head, Suzie drifted into a troubled sleep.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Jess was shivering as she let herself into the flat, despite the fact that the rain had stopped and the evening sun had broken through the clouds. She lifted the phone to call Katie, desperate to talk about what had just happened, but her phone was switched off. Jess’s eyes filled up as she remembered that Katie was on a plane, on her way to Jersey. She called Noel but his phone was off too. Probably just as well. He had enough problems of his own. Still feeling the need to talk, she left a message.
Jess tried to analyse her feelings. It was a relief to have it confirmed that John Connors wasn’t her dad, that there was a reason he was distant and didn’t show her the love that he’d showered on Sharon and Noel. She’d thought for many years that she must have done something to justify her father’s lack of interest, and now she knew that it wasn’t her fault at all. She would probably feel grateful to him for taking her in if it weren’t for how he’d treated her mother.
How long had he cheated on her? Jess had become aware of it only in his last couple of years but it had made it hard for her to truly mourn him when he died.
Jess had felt angry that Suzie hadn’t told her the truth about her father. Twenty-seven years and not a word. But, putting herself in her mother’s position, she knew that she may well have done the same. Nice, kind and reliable, John must have been a very attractive option to a girl from such an unstable background. And, when she thought about the earlier years of her childhood, it had been a happy house.
Life had dealt her mother a tough hand and yet she’d achieved so much and been a pillar of strength for her three children, always loving and forever optimistic. At least she had been before the accident.
Although, now that she thought about it, Jess realised her mother was definitely improving. She was showing more self-restraint and it was clear that her memory was coming back. It was going to be a painful process. It was obvious that tonight she’d suddenly remembered more details of John’s affairs than she let on. Jess felt bad for pushing her and reminding her of his infidelity. She was glad Doug had been there to intervene. In future, Jess promised herself to let her mum remember things in her own time.
Tomorrow, she would apologise for badgering her and she’d ask her out so that they could talk in private about her dad. Surely her mum must know something about him? She hadn’t even thought to ask where he was from or how they met. And how in hell Suzie had managed to keep her parentage a secret for so long?
Her birth certificate must either ha
ve her real dad’s name or say ‘father unknown’. How had she not noticed that? When had she last seen it, for that matter? And then Jess thought of Mum’s filing cabinet, where all the family papers were kept under lock and key. She’d insisted on handling all their school and university applications as they were so careless, and replacing birth certificates cost money. Jess smiled at her mother’s innovative way of handling a tricky problem. She treated them all the same, so there had been no reason to question the way she did things.
Jess wandered around the flat, restless. If she stayed cooped up here alone she’d probably drink the full bottle of wine in the cupboard, so she decided to walk instead. Pocketing her keys and phone, Jess locked up and went outside, pausing on the step to take a deep breath of fresh air.
‘Out to greet me? I knew you still cared.’
Her eyes flew open to see Louis standing in front of her, swaying slightly. ‘What are you doing here?’ she asked, wearily. ‘I told you the consequences if you bothered me again.’
Louis moved closer, and slipped an arm round her. ‘I know you didn’t mean it, Jess. You want me just as much as I want you.’
She shoved him away and he stumbled. ‘No, Louis, I really don’t. Now leave or I’m going to scream “rape” and you’ll end up in a cell for the night.’ She held his gaze to make sure that he knew she wasn’t kidding.
‘You heard her. Get lost.’
Jess looked up to see her brother standing behind Louis. Her boss turned slowly, sighing. ‘You know, you’ve a lousy sense of timing?’
‘Just go, Louis,’ Jess said.
‘Fine. You’re a lousy lay, anyway.’ He pushed past Noel, only to come up against the brick wall of Cal’s chest.
‘I think you owe the lady an apology,’ Cal said.
Her drunken boss raised his head to try to focus on the man blocking his way. ‘What’s it got to do with you? Are you fucking her now?’
In the blink of an eye, Cal had slammed him against the pillar. ‘I think you should apologise and go home, don’t you?’
Louis’s eyes bulged as he tried to push Cal off him. ‘Hey, I was just kidding! Sorry, Jess. If you call off this animal I’ll be on my way.’
Jess nodded to Cal, who dropped him reluctantly, and Louis stumbled down the path, muttering to himself. ‘And don’t come back or your arrest will be front-page news,’ she called after him.
‘What an asshole. What did you ever see in him?’
Jess glared at her brother. ‘Don’t start with me, Noel. I’ve had enough for one day.’
‘Mine hasn’t exactly been a picnic. You left me a message and I came straight round to check on you, and now you’re giving me grief?’
Jess looked at his sad eyes and haggard appearance and hugged him. ‘Sorry. Come on up.’ She turned to face Cal. ‘Thanks.’
He shook his head, his hazel eyes sad. ‘Don’t thank me. I’ve behaved like an idiot. He told me that you were together again and I believed him.’
She stared at him. ‘That morning?’
He nodded, shamefaced. ‘He stopped me at the gate and said I shouldn’t bother you, that you were going to need your sleep. He winked at me and I saw red. I’m sorry, Jess.’
Jess thought of all that had gone on in the last few weeks – hell, in the last few hours – and Cal’s misreading of a situation didn’t seem that big a deal any more. She gave a weak smile. ‘I can hardly blame you for falling for one of his lines. I’ve been doing it for months.’
He swept her up in a hug and she rested her head on his chest, revelling in the feel of his strong arms around her.
‘Can you two put that on hold until I’ve gone?’ Noel complained from the top of the stairs.
Jess reluctantly pulled back and smiled. Cal took her hand in his and they went up to join her brother.
While Jess made coffee, Noel sat drumming his fingers on the table, complaining about how unreasonable their mother was being.
‘It’s not easy for her, Noel,’ she said when he stopped to draw breath. ‘Her memory seems to be coming back in bits and pieces and I think she’s confused and scared. I’m sure the circumstances surrounding Dad’s death are in there. Think about it. It’s like she’s reliving it all. That has to be so painful.’
‘I suppose,’ he said, looking shamefaced. ‘Anyway, why did you call me? You sounded upset.’
Jess handed him and Cal mugs before taking her own between her hands. Should she tell him her mum’s secret? She didn’t see any real harm in it. It might be a shock but it didn’t really affect him or Sharon. Jess took a deep breath. ‘Not upset. In shock, I suppose. I’ve had some suspicions for a while and Mum just confirmed them. John Connors wasn’t my father.’
Noel grinned and then stared at her, his eyes widening as he saw that she was serious. ‘What?’
‘Mum was a single mother when she met your dad.’
‘But why didn’t they tell you, tell us?’ Noel asked, still looking dumbfounded.
‘I don’t know. She got upset when I started asking questions and Doug suggested I leave it.’
Noel frowned. ‘Doug?’
‘Ah, yes, that’s another thing. Douglas, her so-called boyfriend, Mandy’s boss?’ She smiled, remembering the man’s astonished expression when she asked if he was her dad. ‘It turns out he was Mum’s boss too before she was married. He gave her a job, despite her being pregnant. Granddad threw her out when he found out she was pregnant and Doug took her in. That’s why they’re so close.’
Noel looked immediately suspicious. ‘What did he get in return?’
Jess looked at him in disgust. ‘It was nothing like that and, no, he’s not my dad. I thought it might be him because I found a photo album with my baby pictures and he was in most of them.’
‘So who is your father?’ Cal asked. It was the first time he’d spoken, but he’d been watching her intently as she talked.
She sighed. ‘No idea. All Mum’s told me so far is that I look like him but she doesn’t even remember his name. It was a one-night stand.’
‘So you’re only my half-sister?’ Noel looked a little forlorn.
She put an arm round his shoulders. ‘What difference does it make? Mum is still our mum and I’m your big sister and will continue to kick your butt when you do stupid stuff. Why on earth didn’t you tell me that you wanted to be a farmer?’
Noel shook his head and sighed. ‘At first I wanted time to think about it, to make sure I was making the right decision. Then I needed to talk to the college to see what my options were. The plan was to finish the engineering course and then take a postgraduate in agricultural science. I was just about ready to tell Mum when she had the accident.’
He raised sad eyes to meet hers. ‘That knocked me for six and I couldn’t concentrate on anything, let alone engineering so I dropped out. When Mum came home, I couldn’t leave her. I told Maurice that we’d have to delay our plans until she was back on her feet.’ He sighed. ‘Then Sharon got sick and we had to take care of Bobby and I certainly couldn’t leave then.
‘Meanwhile, I’m feeling seriously guilty about letting Maurice down. It looks as if he needs an operation but he won’t agree to it because there’s no one to look after the farm.’
‘Oh, Noel.’ Jess looked at him, distraught at all he’d shouldered alone. ‘Why didn’t you talk to me?’
‘Or me,’ Cal said, looking disgusted. ‘I thought we were mates.’
‘There was too much going on and, be honest, you and Sharon would have been furious with me if I’d told Mum my plans.’
Jess was silent. She couldn’t argue with that.
‘You still could have talked to me,’ Cal insisted.
‘It doesn’t matter now, does it? She knows and she’s furious, just as I knew she would be. She even slapped me.’
‘She didn’t!’ Jess said, astounded.
Noel sighed. ‘When she was gone for so long I was really afraid I’d sent her over the edge.’
‘Well you
didn’t. You know how Mum overreacts these days, but she’s tougher than she looks.’ If only he knew how much their mother had already been through. Jess thought of John’s philandering ways. But she wasn’t going to tell him about that and she doubted her mother would, either. She put a comforting hand on Noel’s arm. ‘She’ll get used to the idea,’ she said with more conviction than she felt. Mum’s memory returning was bound to throw up more details that they were all blissfully unaware of.
Jess thought of the various accounts she’d read of other brain-injury sufferers regaining their memory, and knew that there could be a bumpy ride ahead of them. But they’d come this far, they’d get through the rest.
She glanced at her brother who still looked miserable. ‘Cheer up, bro. If you want to be a farmer, then that’s what you’re going to be.’ She met Cal’s eyes and mouthed, ‘Help.’
‘Jess is right, Noel,’ Cal agreed. ‘You may have to postpone it, but that’s all.’
‘Surely Maurice could get a farm manager in the meantime,’ Jess said.
‘He could, but he doesn’t trust anyone who isn’t family.’
‘He’s a grown man, Noel,’ Cal told him. ‘It’s up to him to make some sort of arrangement until you’re free to take over.’
‘Does Mum know Maurice is sick?’
‘She doesn’t know how serious it is but, let’s face it, she wouldn’t care anyway. She can’t stand the man.’
‘I still think you should fill her in,’ Jess said.
‘Should I go home and talk to Mum now?’ Noel asked, uncertainly.
Jess thought of how bemused and anxious her mum had been when she left. ‘Leave it for tonight. She’s upset enough after our chat, and Doug’s there, looking after her.’
‘Pick a moment when she’s relaxed,’ Cal advised, ‘or wait until she raises the subject.’
Jess groaned. ‘Er, don’t you think there’s something else we’re forgetting?’
‘What?’ Noel looked at Jess.
‘Shouldn’t we bring Sharon up to speed on everything?’
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