Let Me Say This, Again

by B. Swangin Webster

  “I am not him. I will never be him. I couldn’t hurt the one that I love. I know it will take time but all I am asking you, is to allow that time to happen. Don’t shut me out, ok?”

  She moved closer to him and laid her head onto his chest. “I will try.” She whispered.

  “That’s all I ask.”

  “But until the divorce, I would much rather we use some form of protection.”

  He gave a hearty chuckle.

  “What are you laughing at?”

  “Because at least I know that you want some of this again.”

  “Oh, I’m not stupid.” She laughed as he leaned forward and kissed her. “Besides, you have the freshest fruit.”

  The continued to talk until she yawned a second time.

  “That yawn tells me that you need some rest. So I will leave and let you get some rest.” He stood and walked to her door. He turned and pulled her close to him.

  “I love you Cheryl Bookman.”

  “I love you Matthew Perry.”

  They shared a passionate kiss until he broke the embrace. He ran his hand down the side of her face and smiled.

  No other words were spoken after that, he simply pulled the door open and walked out.

  He drove home thinking about how lucky he was to find a woman like her. After his failed marriage he didn’t know if he would ever feel the way about a woman, the way he had felt before.

  Matthew decided to take Terrence up on his offer three years after he got married. His wife wasn’t happy when she found out that he was quitting his six figure job to go into business with a man whose business was failing.

  “What in the hell do you mean you are going into the limo business? Have you forgotten that you have a baby?”

  “No, I haven’t. I’m thinking about the baby. You complain all the damn time that I am never home with you and Tamia, so this way, I figure I can spend more time with you and her.”

  “What in the hell are you going to do about the fucking bills around here?”

  “Don’t worry about it. I was able to save some money and it should take care of the house payment for at least a year, and the other bills will be covered. We will have to cut back on a few things for a while, but that shouldn’t be a big deal.”

  “Like what?” she screamed and she threw her cup in the sink.

  “Well for one, you can’t go and get your hair done every week, maybe more like once a month. Spa treatments are definitely out, as well as the weekly pedicures and manicures.”

  She began pacing back and forth like a caged animal.

  “Are you crazy? I am not going to stop taking care of me just because you want to do something this stupid. Just pick up the phone and tell your firm that you had a change of heart and go back to them.”

  “See, this is what I mean. You aren’t even trying to consider…”

  “You damn right. I am not giving up what I have just so you can live out your dream.”

  “What are you giving up, Sherrie? I pay for you to get all that shit done. So if it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t be doing it!”

  “Whatever, nigga. You knew when we got married that I didn’t want to work and I hope that you don’t think I am going to start.”

  “God forbid that I ask you to pick up the slack, but to answer your question, I don’t expect you to work, what I do expect, is for you to stop taking Tamia to daycare. If you want money stop the daycare and stay your ass home with her. If not, then find the damn money yourself!”

  Matthew stormed out of the kitchen and went outside. He had to get away from her before he did something he didn’t want to do, namely, hit her in the mouth. He made a promise to his mother that he would always treat women with respect. He saw his neighbor Brian. Brian was the first person to welcome them to the neighborhood years ago. They used to play spades almost every weekend until Sherrie got jealous, so that ended, but they were still cool.

  “What’s up dude?”

  “Nothing just had to get out of the house for a bit.” Matthew said walking up his driveway.

  “Want to go out for a drink?”

  “Sure, just let me tell Sherrie that I’ll be back in a bit.” He walked in on his wife on the phone with one of her friends.

  “Look, I’m going out. Be back in a little while.”

  “Don’t be so fucking rude. Don’t you see me on the damn phone? Girl, I’ll call you back.” She hung up and turned to him. “How long do you plan on being gone? I told you earlier that I was going out with my girlfriends tonight, and I didn’t get a babysitter.”

  “Well, get one. I don’t know how long I’m going to be out. Brian and I are going to have some drinks.”

  Just then, Brian knocked on the door. Sherrie looked at him, rolled her eyes and snatched the cordless phone from the base.

  “Are you going to leave some money here for the babysitter?”

  Matthew reached into his pocket and pulled out a fifty, turned and walked out the door.

  “Trouble?” Brian asked when he got to his car.

  Matthew slid into the leather seat of Brian’s BMW. “I just told her I resigned from my job to go into business, and let’s just say she wasn’t pleased.”

  “Well, congrats. There is nothing like it. I’ve been in the gardening business for a while and wouldn’t trade it for the world. If I don’t feel like going to work, I call my workers, tell them their assignments and then lay my white ass back down. What’s your business?”

  “I’m going to be working with limos.”

  “Man that is a great business. Prom, birthdays, weddings, girl’s night out, anniversaries. Man, there is business out there waiting to be had. There is never a down time.”

  “Yeah, it doesn’t hurt that the guy that I’m going to be partnering with has had the business for over fifteen years, so there is a client base already.”

  They arrived at the sports bar and grabbed a seat at the bar. They enjoyed a few drinks and decided to get something to eat. As the waitress brought their food, they heard a loud group of women.

  “Man, this place gets some hotties up in here,” he said while looking around.

  “I bet you try to holla at all of them, don’t you?”

  “I do what I can,” he said while laughing. Suddenly a familiar face walked by.

  “So, is this where you normally hang out?” Matthew asked when his wife walked up to the bar.

  “No, the girls and I are on our way to the club. We just stopped in here to get some drinks before we go. Don’t wait up,” Sherrie said while walking away.

  Matthew decided to call it a night and left Brian at the bar. He got home and told the babysitter she could leave, checked on his baby girl and then turned in.

  He had trouble settling down for sleep but his mind stayed on his business. He was two months into the business and he had his hands full. Bringing a fledging business up to date was hard work but he enjoyed the challenge. His wife began to go out more and more since he was home and could make his own hours. He began noticing small things but didn’t tell her about them because in the end, he would need to catch her at her own game.

  The next day he came home from work and was hit by the argument as he walked in the door.

  “You are always working!” she shouted.

  “Because you are always spending money.” He said as he shed his jacket.

  “Whatever,” she said, smacking her mouth.

  “Not whatever, if you expect to keep up with your little friends in the latest fashions, then stop complaining.”

  He took his daughter from his wife and started kissing her cheeks. “Look, did my mom call today?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe.”

  “And what is that supposed to mean?”

  “It means, when doesn’t she call? Damn, you would think…”

  “Don’t even start that shit again. I told you, if my mom calls me, just tell me.”

  “Damn, it’s not like you are married to her. Why you have to talk to
her everyday anyway? It’s not like…”

  He cut her off, “Don’t you ever, as long as you are living here, question me about my mother, do you understand me?”

  She mumbled under her breath and walked into the kitchen. He walked behind her and yanked her around to him.

  “Get your damn hands off of me,”

  He released her and she fell against the wall. He went into the bedroom to call his mom. He didn’t like the fact that she had a new man in her life. His mom was his life and she deserved to be happy, just not with the guy she was currently seeing. He talked to his mom for almost an hour. When he walked out Sherrie was hanging up the phone.

  “You better make sure that you have a sitter and you better be home before the sun comes up.” he said as he walked past her.

  She got up and walked into the kitchen. “I’ll be in, when I get in. You ain’t my father.”

  He walked in behind her, “I am not going to keep putting up with this shit from you.”

  “Whatever. I don’t ever get to go anywhere, and the minute I do, you act like this.”

  “Are you serious? You have been going out every night for the past couple of months, and I am getting tired of it.”

  “Well, get used to it. I’m not stopping just because you said so.”

  Chapter 7

  The argument with Sherrie lasted half the night and the other half was spent trying to get Shania to sleep.

  Matthew woke up and felt as if something wasn’t right. He couldn’t put his finger on it but he just knew today wasn’t going to be a good day.

  He took a shower and cut himself while shaving, and while drinking coffee he wasted it on his green pinstriped shirt. While going to change, he fell going up the stairs. Now running late, he ran out of the house and promptly dropped his car remote in the small puddle of water that had formed at the front of the car. After shaking the remote off, he slid behind the wheel of his Mercedes and noticed the amber glow of the gas pump. “Shit, I knew she wasn’t going to put gas in it,” he said to no one in particular. He made it to the gas station but couldn’t find his gas card, so he had to use the only money he had in his pocket. After filling up, he headed into the office and walked in while Karen was on a personal call.

  “Chile, I told that nigga to get straight up out of my apartment. Please. He begged me so much, I ended up letting his ass stay the night, but woke him up bright and early and told him he had to roll.”

  Karen started laughing and finally noticed him standing there.

  “Oh, good morning, Mr. Perry.” She said with her face flushed.

  “Morning,” he said with attitude. “I’ll need to see you in my office.”

  He continued into his office, threw his briefcase on the chair and walked to the area that housed his mini bar and coffee pot. He poured himself a cup of coffee just as the phone rang. The voice on the other end immediately irritated him.

  “…when I get there!” He slammed the phone down and rubbed his temple as the headache got worse.

  Karen walked in the door and noticed him pressing his fingers on both sides of his head. She walked over to the wet bar, got a glass of water and pulled the Tylenol from the overhead cabinet.

  “Here you go,” she said as she handed him the glass and Tylenol.

  “Thanks. You do know that I should fire you, right? I have told you over and over not to take personal calls at your desk and that your language is not appropriate while you are on the phone. However, its things like this that reminds me that you are a really good asset to the company, so instead I will do this. Starting tomorrow you will have a week off, without pay.”

  Her face dropped but she said nothing. After it was clear that he had said all he was going to say, she walked out. As the door closed, his phone rang again.

  “What!” He yelled into the phone.

  “And good morning to you too. Having a bad day?” Terry asked. He was the other half of M & T Limo Service.

  “It can’t get any worse,” Matthew replied.

  “Things will get better. Don’t forget we have that meeting with the head of transportation of Alpine Hotel and Spa.”

  “I haven’t forgotten.”

  “See you at two,” he said before he hung up.

  Matthew began to wonder if he was being too hard on his wife. He decided to surprise her and go home for lunch, maybe take her and Tamia out to eat. He answered a few calls and checked most of his emails before eleven. He told Karen that he would be out of the office for a couple of hours and he left, pointed towards home. He decided to stop for flowers to make up for his bad mood this morning. He pulled into his driveway at 12:03. He didn’t know why that time seemed important to him but for some reason his gut was telling him he should have stayed at work a little longer.

  “Whatever, he aint going to find out unless you get a conscience all of a sudden.”

  “Well, that’s my man, and this shit aint right.” The male voice said.

  “Look you are free man, I aint holding you hostage, but trust me when I tell you, if it aint you, then it will be someone else. Now come here and let me show you why you will never stop coming over.”

  Matthew walked around the corner and saw the hands on his wife’s hips. The same hips that he had held last week when she wanted to ‘feel close to him.’’ The low moan she emitted was barely audible but he knew that sound all too well. He was frozen to the floor, unable to move, unable to speak.

  “Brian, let me show you what I do best.”

  Matthew was hoping that those hands weren’t the same hands that he had helped cook burgers on the grill two weeks ago. He was hoping that those hands weren’t the same hands that helped him change the tire on his car last week. He was also hoping that those hands weren’t the same ones that had played ball with him last night. But he knew that those hands could only belong to one person. Matthew took a step and the floor moaned as if it was relieved that he had finally moved.

  “Did you hear that?” Brian asked.

  “Hear what? I didn’t hear anything. Besides, I’m a little too busy to be listening to anything.” Brian pressed his hands into her hair.

  Matthew moved through the rest of the week barely speaking to Sherrie. He wasn’t ready to let her in on his secret. He was glad that Brian hadn’t invited him to his house and that he didn’t see him coming and going. He knew it could have gotten really ugly and he didn’t want to be the angry black person of the neighborhood. He was in a meeting when his cellphone vibrated. He couldn’t take the call because he knew this might be seen as disrespect, especially since it was his personal phone that was ringing. Immediately after the meeting he pulled out his phone and punched in his voice mail code and heard something that would change his life forever.

  By the time Matthew rushed from of the office and to her apartment, the place was crawling with police and ambulances. Of course, all the people in the complex were out there with their opinions.

  “It’s a damn shame, what he did to her.” Said the man with the missing tooth.

  “I knew he would hurt her one day, but she didn’t want to listen to me.”

  “I feel so bad for her.” The woman with the child pulling at her skirt said.

  “Well, y’all should be ashamed. Y’all heard him in there beating that woman, and didn’t do anything to help her.” said the woman with the scarf around her head.

  “Hey, I aint getting involved.” the toothless man said.

  “And its people just like you who let this woman get hurt.”

  “She knew how he was, aint nuttin’ I would have told her that she didn’t know.”

  Matthew was finally able to ask someone who was hurt and when he found out he pushed his way through the crowd. He followed the ambulance to the hospital and stayed with her night and day. She lay in a coma, with her eyes swollen shut, she had a cut on her head that would require twenty-two stitches, and had a broken arm, pelvis and fractured jaw. Work didn’t matter to him at this point all that matt
ered was that he wasn’t there when she needed him the most. What mattered was that he wasn’t able to protect the woman that meant more to him than his daughter. He felt her stir and leaned into her.

  “I love you, sweet pea.”

  “I love you too,” he said as a tear slipped down his cheek.

  Those were the last words she heard from him as she died three days later. He decided when he left the hospital that nothing would keep him from finding the man that did this to his mother. He made arrangements for her funeral and made the motions of going through it. Nothing mattered except for revenge. Finding him was a challenge but not one that he didn’t win. He saw him walk from the bar and fell into step behind him. He saw his chance when he ducked into an alley to relieve himself.

  The first blow sent him to his knees, and the succession of blows continued until he was unconscious. The sirens interrupted what would have been the night this man died. Matthew stayed hidden until the police were gone and the ambulance took their newest patient to the local hospital. Matthew drove an extra 30 miles to the hospital to get his hand looked at and found out that he fractured it and broke two fingers, most likely when his hand connected with the concrete instead of the side of his victims head. He needed to call his wife to pick him up, which didn’t go well since she now had to cancel her plans for a night out. He went into the guest bedroom and poured himself a stiff shot and stretched out across the bed.

  He woke up with a massive headache, a queasy stomach and an empty bottle of Grand Marnier. He walked downstairs ready for a fight with his soon to be ex-wife.

  “What do you mean you want a divorce?” Sherrie said while stirring the pot of Cream of Wheat on the stove.

  He got his cup out of the cabinet and poured himself a cup of coffee. He dumped the sugar from the container into the cup and then opened the refrigerator to get the half and half.

  “How about you have been fucking our neighbor for the past few months?” he said calmly. “You and Brian think you slick. He’s lucky I didn’t put a fucking bullet in his head. All I know is, today, I will be leaving this house, file for divorce and you will get what you deserve.”