Charleigh searched through all of the books until she found the one with the earliest date. There were journals there from, it seemed to be, most of Amanda’s life. From the time she was around nine years of age, when she experienced her first crush on a boy, on to the very day before she died.
Charleigh found the oldest of them all and took it with her as she climbed into the bed beside her dogs. Flipping to the very first page, she began to read.
February 14, 1962
My whole life is over! I gave Jimmy Trent a valentine that I’d made especially for him. It was just about the prettiest thing you would ever lay eyes on. Pale pink construction paper, white lace, the sweetest poem you could ever think of. Every girl in the whole class gave Jimmy a valentine, and he brought only one: for Kayla Lewis. Kayla Lewis is supposed to be my best friend, but not anymore. She knows how much I love Jimmy Trent, and yet she accepted his valentine, and even let him kiss her on the cheek. And to think I declared my love for this boy.
Completely absorbed, she read on into the early hours of the next morning, learning more and more about the young, precocious girl who would eventually grow up and become her mother. Charleigh fell asleep, with the book still in her lap, as she dreamed of being back in the times and places that she had only read about.
Chapter Thirty-two
(Thanksgiving Day)
“Ooh, it smells wonderful in here,” Caroline Randall said as she came through the back door and into her niece’s kitchen only a few steps ahead of her husband. In Josh’s arms was a box that was filled past the top with containers of food for the family Thanksgiving Day dinner. Following close behind were their two daughters Liz and Lauren, who were also carrying bowls of food.
Happy Thanksgiving Day, Carrie. Happy Thanksgiving Day, Joshua. Hello, girls,” Madie said, coming over to greet them. She kissed Caroline on the cheek. “Let me help you with that, dear,” She said to Josh, taking the few bowls from the top of the box and set them on the island.
“Hey, Sheriff,” someone called from the other room. Chris appeared in the entryway a few moments later, wearing a Dallas Cowboys jersey over a white turtleneck. He tossed a football toward his best friend. “My Cowboys are gonna spank your Redskins like a bunch of crying kindergarteners.”
“You willing to put up a friendly wager on that?” Josh retorted as he sent the football sailing back across the kitchen.
The other man took the ball hard in his gut. “What you got in mind?”
“Hey, boys,” Madie laughed. She shook her head and pointed at her son, playfully pushing Josh in the same direction. “Take the horseplay into the other room. We’ve got a meal to prepare in this one.”
Caroline smiled as she came over and sat another box on the countertop. She took off her coat and draped it across the back of one of the stools next to the island before going over to stand beside Lenore at the double ovens. “So, where should I start?”
“Well, there’s the sweet potato casserole…” Lenore began. Her voice trailed off as the two women came together in front of the open oven.
The girls stood at the island for some time, watching as their mother went to work to help pull together the Matthews-Randall families’ festivities. Their eyes met with Charleigh’s from where she sat across the room at the kitchen table, cutting leaf shapes out of dough to make the top crusts for the apple pies she was going to bake. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail. She was wearing black sweatpants and an oversized Budweiser sweatshirt.
With a mischievous smile, Charleigh rolled some of the dough between the thumb and index finger of her right hand into a small ball and tossed it in the girls’ direction.
“Hey, no throwing dough,” Madie warned, though she said it with a smile and a wink.
“Why don’t you girls go find something to do outside?” Caroline suggested. “Denise and Linda are out back in the gazebo, and all the kids have a game of touch football going. And Charleigh’s got the basketball hoop over the garage.”
“Can we ride the horses?” Lauren asked, as she slid in a chair next to Charleigh.
“I suppose we could get a few saddled up. If it’s okay with your mom and all,” the oldest of the Randall grandchildren said and stood up. Charleigh put one hand on her belly and picked up a pie with the other.
“Mama, can we?” Liz asked. She pushed her long blonde hair back over one shoulder.
“Can we, please?” Lauren pleaded.
“I think that’d be an alright idea. As long as someone’s out there to watch.” Caroline gave Charleigh a look as she turned around and took the pie.
“I’ll be out there.” Charleigh agreed, washing the flour from her hands.
“Yes, yes, yes,” Lauren giggled as she did a little dance toward the back door.
“I wanna ride Bettina,” Liz said to Charleigh as they walked across the yard together. The Appaloosa pony was her favorite out all the horses that had belonged to her Uncle Mike.
“Okay, and who would you like to ride?” Charleigh nodded and turned to look down at Lauren, who was skipping along the path toward the stable.
“Oh, I don’t care.” Lauren was such an easy child to please.
Charleigh looked out toward the open field where her cousins and all of the Matthews grandchildren were playing. A few of the kids noticed them and waved. Liz waved back. When spring came, she planned to plant some trees along the driveway. Maybe some Magnolia trees or some other kind of flowering tree.
“Where ya’ll goin’?” Jessie left the game and ran over. Her cheeks and nose were rosy from the cold.
“We’re gonna saddle a couple of Charleigh’s horses and go for a ride,” Lauren boasted. “Wanna come too?”
“I don’t know.” Jessie hesitated. “My daddy might not want me to.”
“Why don’t you go up to the house and ask him. He’s watching the game in the front room with your uncles.”
“Okay.” The little girl’s face brightened at the suggestion and ran off toward the house.
“No need to rush. We’ve still got plenty of time,” Charleigh called after her. “Your mama’s shift at the hospital won’t be over for a while. And the food won‘t be ready, so take your time.”
“Can I go see if anybody else wants to come along?” Liz asked, pushing golden locks behind her ears with both hands. The silver and diamond hoops that Charleigh had bought for her last Christmas dangled from the girl’s lobes.
“Sure.” Charleigh nodded at her teenage cousin. “I’m gonna go ahead and round up the horses.”
The girls headed over to consult the group. Charleigh continued on her way towards the corral. She took her time through the knee-high grass, not sure when or where she might accidentally step in a pothole. A light wind sent loose strands of coppery hair flying away from her face. For late November, the weather was within reason of a normal autumn day in Oklahoma. At least there wasn’t any snow on the ground, like there had been a year ago. A year ago, I probably would’ve tried to suffocate Jamie in that snow, she thought with a smile before bringing her hands up to her mouth to warm them.
A half dozen horses of different colors and breeds were behind the fence. With a click of her tongue, the animals became pleasantly aware of Charleigh’s presence. She took a lead rope from around the post before lifting the latch on the wooden gate and stepping inside. There was a black stud standing a few feet away, and he playfully fanned his tail as Charleigh came closer to him.
His name was Moccasins, for the tan and white shadings that covered the bottom third of each leg. There was also a white star in the center of his forehead. He’d been a bargain at the Mustang auction, because the auctioneer said he was wild and untamable. ‘Crazy as a Mexican who’d made it all the way to the worm at the bottom of the bottle,’ were his exact words. Not true as far as Charleigh was concerned.
“Hello, stranger,” she whispered, clipping the end of the lead rope onto the halter ring. Brushing a gentle hand through tangled mane, she leaned her face a
gainst the furry animal, taking in the familiar scent of horse flesh.
“I hope you’re not thinking of doing what I think you’re thinking of doing,” a male voice came from behind.
For a minute, Charleigh stayed the way she was. She kept her eyes closed, leaning against Moccasins, and let herself pretend he was really there. She knew it was only her imagination. At the very least, Charleigh could claim that it was the Choctaw blood running through her veins that allowed her to have some sort of connection with the spirit world. She wouldn’t let herself admit that she may be going a little crazy.
“What if I am? And what would you do if I just hopped on bareback? Could you do anything?” Turning around, Charleigh pulled her coat closer around her body to conserve the warmth.
As plain as the nose on her face, there was no denying Jamie was standing in front of her. He was there, it seemed, in the form of flesh and bone. One hundred percent man, one hundred percent in person. Dressed for the weather, he wore jeans, with a black sweatshirt hoodie under a heavy wool pea coat, and his Wolverine work boots.
Eyes glittering with happiness scanned over Charleigh’s body, and she was warmed by Jamie’s gaze. He took a long look at her belly and smiled.
“You’re just as I would’ve expected,” He spoke softly.
Charleigh took in a long breath. Her hands itched to run her fingers through his hair, but her feet stayed firmly planted in place. She touched them to her belly instead, where Jamie’s eyes were still focused. “Are you real?” She managed to ask. Vapors formed as she exhaled sharply.
The sound of squeals and laughter came from behind him. The group of youngsters were headed their way.
“Nobody can see me but you,” Jamie responded. “I’ve only got a few minutes. It’s the best I could do.”
“It’s enough for me.” Tears stung Charleigh’s eyes. She smiled and brushed them away. “You knew. That first time you came to me. You knew there were two.”
“Yeah, and I knew they were in the most capable of hands, because you saved me. For that I will always be grateful.”
Both he and Charleigh knew they had only a moment left. Still, they stayed apart. Jamie’s eyes came up to meet with Charleigh’s, dark brown and filled with love. There was no need for him to say it because she knew how much Jamie had loved her; how much he still loved her though they’d been separated by death.
“You’ll always have my heart, Randall.” He said it in only a whisper, but the simple words reverberated through Charleigh’s entire being.
“And you’ll always have mine.”
***
“Charleigh? Charleigh, are you okay?” Liz called out to her cousin as she stepped closer to the corral with her friends.
Hearing her name, she turned toward the bunch of kids who had gathered on the other side of the fence. Moccasins nuzzled a bit at Charleigh’s ear and the loose tendrils on the side of her head.
“There are some more lead ropes and reins hanging from pegs just inside the barn door if y’all want to grab them. Saddles are at the back,” Charleigh told them, running a hand over the horse’s nose, and turned back to find Jamie had disappeared.
One moment Jamie was there, and he was gone the next. It was as if the man had never been there at all. The ground was completely undisturbed where Jamie had been standing only a yard or so away from Charleigh still remained.
Realistically, she knew her mind could only have been playing tricks on her. Or could it have been something else? Could Jamie really have stood in front of her, coming from somewhere other than her imagination?
“Ok, guys, have at ‘em, though, you little ones, let the big kids get the horses saddled up.”
Charleigh unlatched the gate, and led Moccasins past the group to the pasture. Her voice, she knew, sounded raspy. She just hoped that nobody had noticed the way she’d been standing there, talking to thin air. How was she supposed to explain the fact that her dead lover had been standing in front of her just moments ago? Charleigh knew there was no way.
With a long, slow intake of breath, Charleigh unclipped the lead rope from Moccasin’s halter. She gave him one good slap on the rump that sent him out in a gallop toward the pasture. Rolling the lead around her arm, Charleigh watched as the stud pranced through the grass. Delightful shrieks and laughter came from behind, and slowly one after another, all of the horses and riders made their ways out into the field.
After a while, Charleigh retreated back to the corral, leaning back against the lowest plank. All of the kids seemed to be enjoying their own separate adventures. She watched as Kyle and Garrett raced. So far, Garret was in the lead. Lacey stood next to Connor in the middle of the field. Once the two other boys passed by them, the girl began jumping up and down in excitement. Ben led Jessie and Audrey around on Bettina. Liz walked right next to him, enthralled by whatever he was saying. Hmm, I wonder what happened to Rob?
The tragedy of being a teenager. Most likely, Charleigh thought, there would be a half-dozen or so other guys before her cousin found ‘the one.’ She kept watching them, until Brian trotted by on Sarafina, with Jenna cozily hanging on from behind. Her chin rested on his shoulder. It made Charleigh smile, remembering how Jamie had done the same thing the first time they’d ridden together.
“Oh, to be eighteen years old again,” someone spoke from above.
Charleigh looked up to find Austin standing over her.
“Nope, I’m just fine being twenty-two, thank you,” she replied, shaking her head.
“Speak for yourself, then,” Austin said with a laugh. He sat down on the dirt next to her. “How’re you doin’, doll?”
Charleigh didn’t say a word. Instead, she let out an aggravated sigh, crossing her arms across the top of her belly, and rolled her eyes.
“I know, I know. Just thought I’d ask, anyway. If there’s ever anything you wanna talk about, just let me know,” Austin spoke softly and patted the young woman on the leg.
“Well…” Charleigh considered it for a moment. Could she trust this man enough to not run off and tell everyone her secret? “You promise you won’t think I’m crazy?”
“Promise,” he answered without a doubt.
“And you can’t go and tell your mama what I tell you. You can’t tell anybody.”
“I won’t.”
For a moment, she silently eyed him. Charleigh still wasn’t sure if telling Austin that she’d seen and spoken to his deceased nephew was the best idea. Even though he said that he wouldn’t think she was crazy, this was pretty out there.
“I saw Jamie,” she went ahead and blurted.
“When?” The lines in Austin’s forehead furrowed slightly deeper as he listened.
“A little while ago. In the corral.” Charleigh let out a heavy sigh and shook her head. “I know he wasn’t really there. Please, don’t look at me like that, Aussie.”
“Like what?” He asked and put a comforting arm around her, drawing the young woman closer to him in a friendly embrace. “I told you that I wouldn’t think you’re crazy, and I don’t. You know Jamie wasn’t really here, and that’s what makes the difference.”
The funny thing was that Charleigh really believed him. It settled that nagging worry in her mind. The one that kept saying she was slowly losing all her marbles, one by one. The dreams, seeing either Jamie or her dad every single night while she slept, were just about enough to drive her bananas. Because Charleigh knew that was the only way she’d ever be able to see them, talk to them, touch them.
“You’re still grieving, Char. Give yourself time. It’s only been two and a half months,” Austin spoke softly in her ear.
Two and a half months? Was that all? To Charleigh, it felt like ages since the last time that she saw Jamie. Kissed his lips just before he said good-bye.
“I miss him,” she whispered, closing her eyes in hopes of stopping the tears from falling.
Austin squeezed Charleigh’s arm when he felt her body begin to shudder. He tried his best to com
fort her. Being a male, it was impossible for him to know exactly how to do that without having the situation backfire.
Even though he’d lost his oldest brother and nephew that same day, Austin knew it wasn’t the same as Charleigh losing a lover and the father of her unborn children. So, he could only try to understand. Until the time came when Austin completely comprehended, he would do what came most natural to him, and make the conversation lighter.
“I know you do, and that’s the reason why I don’t believe your hamster’s fallen off his wheel,” he said, pulling on Charleigh’s earlobe, as he’d done when she was a little girl. “I think George has just taken a Twinkie break for now, and he’ll climb back on as soon as the sugar-high kicks in.”
“A Twinkie break, huh?” Charleigh asked after a moment.
Austin could tell by her tone that she was already feeling better. “Yeah, I’ve seen the inside of you cupboards, and all I have to say is, oh, my God! There’re like ten boxes of those things in there.”
That made Charleigh laugh. “You only saw what’s in the kitchen. I have three more boxes hidden upstairs in case I need a midnight snack.”
“Ha, no wonder you’ve blown up like a puffer fish. All those sweets.”
“Yeah, so they taste good,” Charleigh retorted. “And I haven’t gotten that big. I’ve only gained twelve pounds. Doctor Em says I’m doing fine.”
Off in the distance, Charleigh could hear someone calling her name. She sat up and looked back toward her house. Madie was coming toward the corral, waving a dish towel.
“Is everything okay, Mama?” Austin called. He stood up and dusted of his rear, then helped Charleigh to her feet.
“Round everybody up, son,” she called back. “Dinner is ready to be served.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Austin turned and called to everybody in the field. Slowly the kids made their way back toward the paddock.
“Oh, apple pie. Candied yams. Cornbread stuffing. Yum,” Charleigh said to Austin with a smile, as she pulled the gate open, and the first few horses were led in. Her daydreaming made him laugh.
You're Gone (Finding Solid Ground) Page 25