“Where exactly would that be? We’ve already agreed to be friends again. What more do you want from me?” She looked at him, waiting for an answer.
The sheepish look on his face told Charleigh more than she wanted to know. To go back to being romantically involved? That wasn’t going to happen. Too much had happened, and they couldn’t go back and be the same two people that they used to be. For one, they had children, by two different people other than each other. Breah would be cousins with her children, but not their sister, step-sister, or anything else.
“Friendship, Gavin, is all that I have to offer you. My heart belongs to someone else.”
“Jamie’s dead, and I’m alive. I think that I have a lot more to offer you than he does right now.”
Charleigh closed her eyes. She wanted to cry. The tears were bubbling closely under the surface, but they were outweighed by the urge to slap Gavin. He thought that he had the upper hand, just because Jamie wasn’t alive? Did he honestly think that made a difference? How dare he! Tightening her fists, she opened her eyes and looked at Gavin.
“I don’t see myself being with anyone else. Jamie was it for me,” Charleigh spoke. But she had to be realistic. “Maybe one day down the road, but not anytime soon. And not with you, either. Not again.”
“With who then? Cordell Allen?” Gavin jumped up off the bed. He stood with his hands on his hips, staring at her.
That question was so ridiculous, she had to laugh. Before speaking, Charleigh sobered up and cleared her throat. “Cord is taking care of my horses right now since I can’t. Somewhere along the way, we became friends, which is a lot more than I feel for you right now.”
“This all goes back to me and Andie, doesn’t it?”
Yep. That statement proved Charleigh correct. She wasn’t the one who couldn’t let it go. It was Gavin. He couldn’t get over the fact that he had lost a good thing. Well, probably two good things, Charleigh thought. Her and her checking account, if she wanted to be petty. He wouldn’t ever be on good terms with her unless he could forgive himself.
“How many times have I told you that it doesn’t matter to me anymore? How many? I’m over you. You need to accept that we’re done. It’s been almost a year and a half,” she sighed, shaking her head. Was it even possible?
The babies could feel the tension in their mother’s body and were moving around wildly in what Charleigh thought was probably confusion. She realized that she needed to calm down and loosened her hands, resting them on her belly.
Defeated Gavin’s shoulders slumped. He sat down on the edge of the bed, with his back to Charleigh.
“I’m sorry.” His voice was barely louder than a whisper. “When I look back on the happiest times of my life, you were always there, Charleigh. Always.”
“Well, Gavin, we were best friends since kindergarten. We were attached at the hip most of our lives, but like I said, too much has happened for me to be able to see life in the same way. I’ve often wished I had someone to blame, but I can't waste my life holding grudges. The time we have on earth is uncertain. Losing Jamie taught me that.” She let out a sigh of contentment and touched her huge belly. “I’m going to be somebody's mother in two short months. For me to be walking around like a basket case is not going to do anybody any good. For the sake of these two tiny lives, I’ve just had to make peace with all those inner demons and move on. Until you can do the same, Gavin, then I don't think we can or should be friends.”
Gavin looked at Charleigh as if she just given him the worst news of his life, which she probably had. She'd told him that they wouldn't ever be together again, and that she couldn't even be his friend until he got his shit together.
Charleigh was not going to be dragged down by Gavin’s manipulative apologies. Not this time. Not ever again. By anybody.
His eyes were wide with anger. Without saying another word, Gavin stood up. He didn’t even looking back at Charleigh before fleeing the bedroom like a scared and wounded animal.
She figured that he needed to do some deep soul-searching before he would understand that that is all that they would ever be. Friends, nothing more. And if he couldn’t, then that was his tough luck. Nothing he could ever do or say was going to change her mind. Charleigh loved Jamie, and she would always love him.
Chapter Forty-eight
(Easter Sunday)
This time next year Charleigh figured that she’d be out hunting eggs with her precious baby boys. They’d be about ten and a half months old, and the lights of their mother’s life, of course. She’d probably have them dressed up in some kind of goofy little suits. No doubt, they would have to match. It was the tradition to make your kids wear the outfits made of scratchy materials just so you could make them sit still while you took all different kinds of embarrassing photos that would go on to haunt them for years and years to come.
Excitement filled the air as kids from church were scattered around Madie’s backyard in search of those coveted colored eggs. There were squeals and laughter of delight and cries of anger and frustration.
Charleigh sat on a lawn chair, her forearms rested on her belly, as she watched the festivities. Gavin was on the other side of the yard, helping Breah in the scavenger hunt. They hadn’t talked in a week, and that was just fine for her. If he had to walk around with that chip on his shoulder, and the metaphorical albatross around his neck for the rest of his life, then that was his problem. Nothing Gavin Matthews did or said would ever change her mind.
Charleigh looked past the gazebo in his general direction to find him staring at her. Not bitterly, but still staring. He quickly looked away when he realized that he’d been caught. She only shook her head and turned back toward the excitement.
On the other side of the yard, Cord was bent over, helping some of the smaller kids find eggs. He knew where most of them were, because he’d helped to hide them. Still dressed in his church clothes, a pair of Wrangler jeans, Western boots, and a nicely starched white dress shirt, Charleigh thought her friend cleaned up pretty good.
A shrill of laughter came from a little girl Charleigh knew as Emily as Cord picked her up to escape from several other little kids who wanted the Easter egg that she held. There was a smile spread across the man’s face that told her that he was really enjoying himself. It made Charleigh smile, too.
When the egg hunt was finally over, Cord came over to when Charleigh was sitting. He knelt down on one knee next to the chair.
“Wasn’t that something?” He asked, flashing a bright, white smile. “All of the kids seemed to have a good time. Found a lot of those Easter eggs.”
“You seemed to be having as much fun out there as the rest of them,” Charleigh laughed and patted him on the arm.
“Yeah, you’re right,” Cord replied with a nod. “You want some help getting up? The line has already started for the buffet.”
“Sure.”
And she held her hands out to him. With minimal effort, Cord pulled Charleigh up to a standing position and helped her over to her scooter. Once she was all set, they moved toward the line that had already assembled for the buffet. Some of the kids were standing next to their parents, rummaging through their baskets full of hardboiled and plastic eggs of different colors and candy. It made Charleigh smiled.
She had made sure that every kid at church got a goody bag, just like her Dad used to do, whether they made it to church for Sunday school or just the Easter Sermon. She been thinking lately about Mike and how he’d been gone for almost a year now. Before the Previa and being told to stay off her feet, Charleigh had planned to have the ground breaking for the summer camp on the anniversary of her Dad’s death, but now it was going to have to be postponed until after the babies were born.
Fredrick MacMillan was standing in for Charleigh as CEO of that awful company known as RandallCorp, until she was back on her feet, metaphorically and literally. She was very grateful to the man, because he wasn’t obligated to do anything for that company anymore. Charleigh had bo
ught his interest at the same time she’d sold the overseas branches. Once she’d fully recovered from the birth, Charleigh figured she’d have to reclaim her title, though, it wasn’t something she was looking forward to.
As they passed by Gavin, he looked from Charleigh to Cordell and scowled before turning to look straight ahead.
“What’s his problem?” Cord asked.
Charleigh made a huge loop just for the heck of it and came to a stop next to Cord. She shrugged. What was Gavin’s problem? What wasn’t? Charleigh thought to herself that her former best friend and fiancé had more than a few issues to work through.
“He’s jealous of you.”
“Huh?” Cord stifled a laugh. “Why would Gavin Matthews be envious of anything that I have?”
How was Charleigh supposed to explain it? The situation was so ridiculous. Only she could be the center of such a twisted love triangle, which wasn’t even an actually triangle because she didn’t love anyone besides Jamie.
“Because he thinks something is either going on between you and me, or will be happening sometime soon,” Charleigh sighed, shaking her head. She looked up to see an amused look on Cord’s face. “It’s not funny.”
“Well, actually it is,” he replied. “To think that you would actually pick someone like me.”
Leda Murphy, who was standing just in front of them in line, turned around and gave them a horrified look. Her ice-blue eyes settled on Charleigh. Instead of lecturing them on talking about personal affairs for all to hear, she said, “Well, I didn’t get to know Jamie, but I’d say you’d be better off with somebody like Cordell than with Gavin again, once your heart heals. That boy’s just like his Daddy, not to be speaking ill of the dead, but you don’t need that with two babies.”
“Thank you for your concern, Missus Murphy, but you have nothing to worry about,” Charleigh assured her. “Gavin and I aren’t even on speaking terms right now.”
Leda winked. “Good girl.” And then she turned around.
That was the end of the discussion. Once Cord and Charleigh had their plates, piled high with food, they went and found two empty seats with Grant and Mellisande, who had many questions for their granddaughter’s friend about how he started working for Madie Matthews. Grant was so impressed that he considered offering the man a job in Tennessee but decided against it at Charleigh’s insistence.
There was only a small group still in the backyard when Charleigh, Grant, and Mellisande agreed that it was time to head out. She kissed Madie and Lenore good-bye, and Grant drove them back to Charleigh’s house.
Shortly after the luncheon was over, Cordell bid farewell and retreated to the stable. Charleigh didn’t get a private moment to ask him about the comment he made before they were interrupted by Missus Murphy.
Something about it stuck in her craw. She wasn’t exactly sure why, but it definitely put a weight on her shoulders. And Charleigh had more than enough to deal with at the present moment.
As she sat in the backseat of her Tahoe, with the window down to let the spring air in to tousle her hair, Charleigh leaned her head back against the seat and thought about the conversation one more time.
“It’s not funny.”
“Well, actually it is,” he replied. “To think that you would actually pick someone like me.”
That’s what it was. Charleigh raised up her head just in time to see her home come into view over the hill. Cordell thought that he wouldn’t be good enough to be with her in that kind of relationship. He was okay for taking care of her horses and any other mundane household task she may need him for, but he wasn’t worthy enough to be her husband or lover. Ha! Who does that sound like?
Pop helped Charleigh upstairs to her bedroom, and she changed into a pair of sweats and one of Jamie’s white undershirts. After that, she settled down onto the bed and flipped on the television. She hit the blue, round button in the center of the remote, and the channel guide appeared on the large screen across the room.
It wasn’t too long ago that Charleigh had thought that she wasn’t good enough for Gavin. She’d thought that she wasn’t good enough for Kent Masterson, too. Back then, Charleigh was so hurt and confused by what Gavin had done to her she hadn‘t known which way was up. And now, the only thing that mattered was that her babies were born healthy. She was going to focus on taking one day at a time until she heard their little cries for the very first time. That was the mentality Charleigh planned to hold on to for her future.
Realistically, she couldn’t say whether or not someone else would ever come into her life that could make her feel the same way Jamie had, but at the moment she didn’t see that happening. Her heart still belonged to only one man, and Charleigh couldn’t just simply stop loving Jamie because he was dead and there was someone else who wanted to take his place. Now, Charleigh understood why her father had never remarried after her own mother’s death.
Without a second thought, Charleigh picked up the phone and dialed Cordell’s home telephone number. It rang four times, and then the answering machine picked up. She hung up without leaving a message. What could she say about the situation in ten seconds or less that would actually make any sense? Nothing.
So, she would just have to wait until the next time Cordell came to check on her horses to have the conversation.
Chapter Forty-nine
Sitting on the built-in seat of her shower, Charleigh leaned forward as far as she could manage and let the warm spray knead the top of her skull like a hundred tiny fingers massaging away the stress. She’d gone to see Doctor Emerson… and they’d set a date for the C-section. May fifth. Two and a half weeks earlier that her scheduled due date. Because of the Placenta Previa. Charleigh knew, if she went to her full forty weeks, she could potentially bleed to death if her cervix even slightly dilated. The possibility was frightening that she could die and leave her children orphaned. The twins were in just as much danger as their mother was. They could die, as well.
What if they weren’t completely developed by the time of the C-section? Doctor Emerson had explained that they would administer a dose of steroids once the babies were born, and it would cause their tiny lungs to mature. But what if it didn’t work? Oh, God! What if they died anyway?
Stop it! You’ve got to stay positive.
In exactly three weeks, Charleigh would be meeting her baby boys. She sighed, leaning back against the shower wall and wiped water droplets away from her face.
Instead of focusing on what could go wrong, Charleigh knew that she needed to concentrate on the brighter side of things. It was just hard sometimes, when all you were able to do was sit in bed all day and stew. Any other time, she would be out working, too busy to let herself worry. Like when her Dad died, she’d held off the grief and loneliness by wrestling with pea-brained mammals and garden plants.
Then, after September 11th, Charleigh just slept all the time. As long as she was dreaming of Jamie then she hadn’t had to think about how he wasn’t really there anymore. About how she was truly alone in life.
But Charleigh hadn’t really been alone. Her family had been there for her the entire time. It was just in her heart that she had been alone. And although, she didn’t know it at the time, Charleigh had her babies. Caleb and Jacob. They were created from the love she’d felt for Jamie. And more importantly, the love he had felt for her.
Turning off the faucet, Charleigh opened the frosted glass door and reached for her towel on the hook outside. She patted her face, neck, and shoulders dry before standing to towel off the rest of her body. Running the soft cotton material over her gigantic belly, Charleigh felt the babies shift one way and then back to the other. She was able to see the movement, as well, and chuckled.
Placing the palm of one hand against the rock-hard that could possibly be a butt or a head, she said, “Hey, boys, no fighting. Don’t make me send you to your rooms.”
“The phone began to ring just as Charleigh stepped out of the shower. Carrying the towel, she walked n
aked into the bedroom to see who it was. Taking the cordless from its cradle, Charleigh checked the Caller ID. Although she didn’t recognize the number, the area code was (903) an indication that it was coming northern Texas.
“Hello,” she answered, sitting down on the bed, still naked.
“Hi, Charleigh,” a man’s voice said from the other end. “It’s Kent.”
“Oh, hey.” Feeling weirdly self-conscious all of a sudden, Charleigh instantly started to wrap the towel around her misshapen body. “How are you?”
“Doing mighty fine,” Kent replied. Charleigh could hear a smile in his voice. “I’m back in Dallas for a concert at Billy Bob’s, and I was wondering if you and Jamie would like to come.”
“Um…” Charleigh said, biting her bottom lip.
How was she supposed to tell Kent of her current condition? And what about Jamie? Charleigh hadn’t seen or talked to Kent since the night of the Heritage Festival, so he obviously didn’t know about Jamie’s death.
“I would any other time, Bud, but… uh, I’m kinda confined to bed, right now. I’m pregnant, with twins.”
“Oh, wow!” Kent laughed. “Well, congratulations, Char. Jamie must be excited.”
Charleigh took a deep breath. “Jamie passed away about eight months ago, Kent. He was in one of the Trade Center Towers on September 11th.”
The phone went quiet. As Charleigh sat waiting for Kent to speak, she tried to relax away the huge lump from her chest. Even after all the months, it didn’t get any easier to say that Jamie was dead.
“Oh, God, Charleigh,” Kent finally said. She could hear the disbelief in his voice. “I am so sorry. Are you okay? I mean, how are you coping?”
“I’m taking it one day at a time,” she replied. “Some days are better than others.”
“Yeah,” he told her. His tone changed to hold a bit of understanding. “If you need anything, just let me know. I’m in the area for a bit of TLC over the next couple of weeks before we hit the road again.”
You're Gone (Finding Solid Ground) Page 36