Chapter Seven
I sat there for about fifteen minutes before I felt my cell phone vibrating in my pocket. It was a text message from Katie, asking how Logan was doing. I didn’t bother to text back, instead, I just called. “Hey, so how’s everything going?”
“If I ask you something, will you promise to be absolutely honest with me, no matter what?” I ask, taking a deep breath.
“Of course, Caroline, what’s wrong? Have you been crying?”
“When we got home from the airport, Logan was tired and slept for a while. Helen and Alex went and got a hotel room earlier and decided to stay there until they fly back to California. So, when Logan got up, I told him where they went and he seemed fine. Actually, he wanted to go up to the nursery and see what we’d bought for the baby. As we were looking through the stuff, the phone rang, and I went downstairs to answer it. It was the General, he asked how Logan was doing and all I said was, ‘He seems like Logan to me…’ I swear, Katie, that’s all I said! When I turned around, Logan was there and he got so angry with me, he told me that I was talking behind his back.”
“What? Did he talk to the General?”
“Yeah, he wanted to tell Logan that they’re having a ceremony tomorrow morning for the families of the soldiers that were killed.”
“Did he say anything to him?”
“Yeah, he told him if he wanted to know how he was doing to ask him directly… After he got off the phone, Logan asked me why I seemed so nervous around him and asked if I believed he was developing PTSD. That’s when he told me I was talking behind his back…”
“So, he just yelled at you?”
“Well, yeah… He kind of threw a flower vase across the living room and knocked Nick’s honorary flag off the mantle…”
“Oh my, did it damage it?”
“Broke the frame, but the flag’s fine. Here’s my issue, I’ve been sitting outside for about twenty minutes now and I keep arguing with myself about whether or not I should go back in there…”
“Seriously, Caroline? If Logan was that angry, I wouldn’t go back, especially by yourself. Who knows what he could do.”
“I know, but I kind of feel like I was to blame for the incident… I might have raised my voice a little in the argument…”
“Good God, Caroline, you’re pregnant! Of course, you’re going to raise your voice! If he’s going to start throwing things every time you get a little defensive, he’ll break everything in your house by the time you give birth. He might even hurt you. Why don’t you come stay with me tonight and give Logan time to calm down?”
“That’s the problem. I have a hard time believing that he would ever hurt me. He kind of killed someone to save me once before, ya know?”
“Yes, but that was the old Logan… How do we know he’s still there? Remember, you have to protect yourself and the baby now. You’re responsible for her too.”
“I know, Katie, you aren’t making this any easier.”
“I’m just trying to look out for you, that’s all. I’ll be waiting for you…” I slide the phone back into my pocket as I sit there, trying to get my thoughts together… I had to think about my baby right now… I had to do what was best for her.
Maybe, just for tonight, I should stay with Katie. What would it hurt? I mean, Logan needs time to himself and I don’t think I would get any sleep tonight anyway...
Now, for the hard part. I stood up and dusted myself off as I headed back toward the house. How was I going to do this? I felt like I was betraying him… Betraying our marriage.
As I stepped into the house, everything seemed quiet. As I approached the bedroom, I heard a sound coming from the basement. Sounded like Logan was on the treadmill. I tiptoed through the house and went into my closet. I picked up a suitcase and started throwing some necessities inside. I also picked out an outfit for the ceremony tomorrow and some comfy shoes. I zipped up the bag and left the bedroom, only to find Logan sitting in the living room with his head in his hands.
When he heard me, he looked up with solemn eyes. “Where are you going?”
“Katie and I decided to have a sleepover tonight. We might even work on some nursery ideas...” I fake a smile.
He stands and walks over to me. “I scared you, didn’t I? I’m sorry, I just, I don’t know what came over me… As for the flag, I can pick up a new frame tomorrow from the base. It’ll look just like new.”
“It’s not a big deal, it was just glass. I’ll be at the ceremony tomorrow, alright?”
“Caroline, I don’t want you to leave because of me. It won’t happen again.”
God, I wanted so badly to believe him. “It’s just for tonight… If you want, I can get Alex to come over and you guys can watch some football?”
He turns away from me, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Care. I would have never gotten that angry with you. Maybe the General is right. Maybe I do have PTSD…”
I sigh. “Okay, I’ll make a deal with you. I’ll stay here tonight if you promise to talk to the General tomorrow about seeing a therapist, okay?”
He smiles a bit, “Really? You’ll stay?”
“Only if you agree.”
“Fine, I’ll do it.”
“Good.”
We didn’t stay up much longer, instead, we went to bed early and despite my fear, I enjoyed feeling Logan sleep next to me again. It didn’t feel any different than before, other than my stomach seemed to keep us separated when we were facing each other.
I decided to flip over as Logan placed his arm around me and pulled me closer. I definitely missed this, and for a little while, all my fear faded away, as we both slept peacefully through the night.
The next morning, I woke up to Logan talking in his sleep. He was in a cold sweat and kept that saying he was sorry and he couldn’t save them. Once I noticed the clock, I jumped out of bed and starting hollering at Logan. “Come on! We’re going to be late!”
He sits up quickly as if he just realized he was asleep.
I watch him carefully, “Are you alright?”
He shakes his head quickly, almost as if trying to forget something, “Yeah, we’re way behind.” He gets up as we start rushing to get ready.
By the time we got in the car, we had about seven minutes to get to base before the ceremony started. Within minutes, we arrived. Logan flashed his ID at the gate and then drove frantically through the curvy roads.
Once we arrived at the memorial, Logan slid Crimson into the nearest empty spot and threw him into park. We got out and straightened our clothes as we walked toward the park, hand in hand. “Okay, that was definitely a record,” I mutter.
“Totally.”
Logan and I find two empty spots in the back as the General stands on the stage. He nods at us as we take our seats. “It is with the greatest of sympathy that I stand before you today. The army has lost many of its best men in the past few days and we will forever remember them as heroes. What happened was truly a tragedy but they died in the greatest of honors, fighting for their country. We couldn’t have won this war without them and for that, the United States will forever thank them for their duty. May we all stand in a moment of silence for the loved ones lost.” We all stand as the General and the rest of the Military personnel salute the flag.
“We will now pay our respects. Thank you.” The General steps down as everyone lines up to walk by each casket. As the line begins to move, a song begins to play… It was the same song that was played in memory of Nick.
Logan looks down at me, “I’m fine.”
After we get through the line, the General greets us. “I’m glad you all could make it.”
“General, I was wondering if I could speak to you in private. It’ll only take a minute.” Logan asks.
“Of course.” Logan looks back to me as I nod, “I’ll be right here.”
They walk away from the crowd as I turn around and stand in the back as a slideshow begins to play. There're tons of pictures of the soldiers and
their families. It reminded me of Nick’s, except this time I wasn’t running away in tears. I just sat alone as everyone else cried and talked about the good times.
I felt the wind pick up as I suddenly felt calm. Nick was here.
“I guess all these soldiers are with you now,” I mutter to myself. One puff of wind is my answer. Yes.
I twirl my wedding ring around my finger as I see the General and Logan come back into view. “Nick… Will Logan and I make it through this? Will the baby be alright?”
Yes.
One tiny tear escapes my eye as I stand. Logan looks to me curiously as the General speaks, “Logan and I have discussed it and I’m glad that you two have made this decision together. I’ve arranged for Logan to speak with a therapist this afternoon. I think it would be beneficial if you were there as well.”
“Of course.” I nod as I watch Logan look around him curiously.
“Wonderful, I’ll see you then.” He walks off as I face Logan, “What’s wrong?”
His eyes meet mine, “Silly question, but were you talking to Nick?”
“Yeah, why?”
He smiles, “I felt him too… What did he say?”
“I asked him if the soldiers were with him now and he said yes.”
“Good to know, buddy…” He mutters to himself. “So, what are we doing until my appointment?” He asks.
“Hmmm… Well, I was really wanting a peanut butter milkshake from Dairy Queen…” He smirks, “Well, at least it sounds normal this time. Let me tell you, the guys were definitely getting a kick out of your craving combinations.”
“Well, I’m glad I could amuse them.”’
This was Logan. This was the person I had been waiting to see since he left all those months ago and thank God, he was here. I just hope the therapy would help him…
Help us.
You're Still The One Page 10