by E. R. Wade
“Our marriage is over,” he says flatly.
“Julian –”
“I’m glad you remember your betrayal with my best friend of twenty years. I’m glad you don’t get to take the easy way out and forget.”
All the oxygen leaves my body and I sway lightly at the devastating realization that Julian knows about Sean. How did he find out about Sean? I had not wanted to seriously consider the possibility that he knows I was leaving him for not just any man but his best friend. The fact that he hasn’t for a second mentioned Sean since I regained consciousness months ago probably should have clued me in. Hearing him confirm that he knows about our affair just about kills me. I should have prepared myself for this conversation. Thank goodness I’m sitting down because I don’t think my legs would have supported my body.
“I made a mistake –” I start to say brokenly.
“A mistake that lasted a year and resulted in a pregnancy that you tried to pass off as mine. At least until you decided you wanted out of our marriage because of him.” He lets out an angry breath. “You watched me get excited about the pregnancy. Reading pregnancy books and making plans for when the baby comes. You and Sean must have found the whole thing hilarious.”
“Julian, please. It’s not like you think,” I say shakily. Shame, guilt and regret claw at me, almost choking me.
“How was it, Addison? Clandestine hook-ups? Romantic but insincere words? Expensive gifts? Because I know the more expensive the gift, the more you’re likely to value it.”
Blanching at his harsh words which feel like daggers to my heart, I say weakly, “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“Yes, you did. You didn’t care about me or his girlfriend, Savannah,” he insists coldly.
The truth is that I didn’t care about Savannah, but I cared about Julian. That’s why, despite Sean’s insistence that we belong together, it took me almost a whole year before I asked for a divorce. And if I hadn’t gotten pregnant, I may never have left him.
“I loved you. I still do.” It’s difficult hearing how weak I sound. However, I am willing to do whatever it takes, even grovel, to get him back.
“You did?” He laughs humorlessly. “Were you also in love with Sean and Blaine?” he asks tonelessly.
I’m staring at him stunned. How did he find out about Blaine? I feel my hands trembling. I open my mouth to ask him how he knows about them and to tell him they meant nothing to me, but nothing comes out. I sit there gaping at him, speechless and feeling wretched. What have I done to us?
Julian runs a hand through his hair. I had this amazing man who promised to love me forever and I threw it away. All for what? A bit of distraction or what I thought was everlasting love? Because with Sean . . . it was supposed to be forever. I thought Sean was my happily ever after. I feel full of guilt and remorse. I can’t help it, I drop my head in my hands and cry. I cry so hard, harder than I ever have. I woke up this morning full of determination to get my husband back. To go to our home, and get him to meet me there so we could spend some time together. Instead I find out that not only is our home gone, but he knows about my infidelities. He must hate me.
I hear the crunch of dry leaves beneath his feet as he makes his way to the bench and sits down beside me.
“Addie,” he starts to say then stops. “Addison. I didn’t mean to bring that up,” he says gently. I think I hear a trace of compassion and remorse in his voice. He hasn’t spoken to me this way since I woke up from the coma. I turn away and search my bag for tissues. I find a pack, extract one and wipe my tears. I’m sure I look like a disaster, but I don’t care. I need him. I need him so much.
I turn to look at him and he’s looking at me with concern. A concerned stranger. I inch closer to him, and the concern shifts to wariness.
“I just want a hug, nothing more. I feel like shit,” I whisper shakily.
After a moment’s hesitation, I was sure he’d turn me down and put some distance between us. Instead he nods and pulls me closer. I collapse against him with relief. I’m now struggling to hold back my tears, but they’re flowing freely.
“Shhh . . . It’s okay,” he murmurs against my hair. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be unkind.”
Eventually the tears stop, and to my relief, he’s still holding me. We stay like this for a while. My mind is churning with possible solutions on how to fix this. I don’t think explaining about Blaine right now is a good idea. I doubt he’d want to hear it. What can I even say about that? I met Blaine on a night out with Elle and a friend, Kath, when Julian and I were still dating. He flirted with me, and I gave him my number. We chatted through texts and emails a few times. I bumped into him weeks later at the same bar we met, and he kissed me. Sean happened to be at the bar and put a stop to it by knocking Blaine out, and I never heard from him again. Blaine was what I would call a distraction. The question I can’t answer right now is: a distraction from what?
I can’t even begin to explain about Sean. How do I tell him that I thought his best friend was the love of my life? I think it’s best if I keep my mouth shut about them for now. Hopefully, we’ll have time to talk about it later and I can blame my indiscretions on foolishness and immaturity.
I’m so grateful that Julian is here. Everyone else abandoned me but despite everything I’ve done to him, he is here. He’s always had a kind heart. I guess this means that the man I know and fell in love with is still in there somewhere. I just have to find a way to reach him. Maybe we could go to therapy. That could help.
“Julian?” I whisper. I’m scared of breaking the temporary truce.
“Yeah,” he says quietly.
“I’d like to go to therapy. We should go together.”
He stiffens immediately at my suggestion, and pulls away from me. “I’m not interested in going for couples counseling,” he says, making it clear he understands what I am asking.
“Give me six months to fix this. I’m sorry for everything.” I reach out a hand to him and he jerks back, getting up from the bench.
“Addison, don’t,” he says reasonably. His anger is gone, and the stranger is back. “Let’s just move on. Our marriage was over long before that night. I just didn’t know it.”
I know he wants to say that we shouldn’t have gotten married. But he’s wrong.
“Six months and counseling, Julian. That’s all I’m asking. If you want out after that, you can walk away,” I say, my eyes pleading with him. I’ve never had to beg for anything in my life. Everything has been handed to me. I’ve always had it easy. I’ve had people fall over themselves to please me. Yet here I am begging Julian to give me a few months to show him how good we can be together, and it looks like it’ll require a lot more groveling. If I can convince him to say yes, I will never go near any other man again. I will do anything and everything to make him happy. Anything at all. “Please.”
There’s no obvious reaction from him. “My lawyer will send you the divorce papers.” He turns back and walks away from me, and he doesn’t look back.
My heart shatters into a million pieces. I pull out my phone from my bag with trembling hands and call my sister.
“Please come. I need you,” I manage to get out through numb lips before collapsing on the bench and letting my phone drop to the ground.
THIRTY-SIX
Addison
“You fucked Sean for a year!” Julian snaps at me, furious.
It’s been five days since we had the incident at the park. Right now, we are in my house arguing about our marriage which Julian is so eager to end. What started off as an amicable chat degenerated into an argument once I tried again to convince him to go to counseling with me.
I called him this morning sounding somber on the phone, and asked him to come over. Surprisingly, he did. I assumed that must mean something. He must still care about me despite knowing I lied about having amnesia. It seems that I had assumed wrongly. Apparently the only reason he’s here is because he’s concerned about my health.
> “I made a horrible mistake. I don’t know what I was thinking,” I plead. Julian has never spoken to me like this. I’m used to him indulging me and letting me off the hook easily. I get that this is big, and it happened with his friend. I truly have no idea how to get myself out of this mess and convince him to give me another chance.
“How many mistakes, Addison?” He looks at me with icy blue eyes.
I gulp. I still don’t know how he found out. I can’t believe I thought I was so discreet. “Blaine meant nothing to me. You and I were dating then, and I didn’t know we’d end up together.” I’ve always felt like I loved Julian more than he loved me, so maybe I could tell him that Blaine happened because I felt insecure.
He looks incredulous at my response. Maybe that wasn’t the best thing to say.
“Yes, Addison.” I hate the way he emphasized my name, and the fact that I am no longer Addie to him hurts. “We were dating. We were in a committed relationship but I see that that meant nothing to you. While I was faithful, you were sleeping around, lying to my face and telling me how much you loved me. You wanted to get married. I was happy to wait for a few more years but you didn’t want to. You told me that there was no point waiting because I was your soul mate and you wanted us to be bound together forever. Remember that?”
The tears fall freely from my eyes. I can’t bear to look into the eyes of the stranger that is supposed to be my husband.
“I’m sorry. I made a lot of mistakes. I wish I could undo all the damage but I can’t. You have to forgive me and give me a chance to make everything better,” I say brokenly. I want to tell him that I didn’t have sex with Blaine but I doubt that would win me any points, and it won’t erase the fact that I had an affair with Sean. I think the fact that it’s Sean makes the entire situation worse.
“No, Addison. We’re done.” His voice is still so hard. He’s unmoved by my tears. Julian had hated to see me cry. Tears had always gotten me whatever I wanted. I guess that wasn’t going to work in this situation.
“Please, baby,” I say, reaching my hand out to touch him but he flinches from my touch. I push the hurt down, and make an effort to stem the tears. “Please forgive me. I’ll do anything you want.” I look at him pleadingly.
His gaze doesn’t waver from mine. He looks so cold and unapproachable. Is the ice he’s encased himself in because of me? How could I have done this to him?
I wanted him from the first moment I saw him. Everything I did was to get his ring on my finger. I knew I wanted to spend my life with him. No other man meant anything to me, until Sean. He went from being my boyfriend’s best friend to my friend and then to my lover. He was so certain we were meant to be together. There were a lot of stolen moments with him at his place. It was exciting. It was romantic. I was in love. I was a fool. I could have gotten away with it if I had not fallen head over heels in love with him. I would never have asked Julian for a divorce and he would have been none the wiser. Instead of the exciting union with Sean that I had envisaged, I spent two years in a coma, lost my baby and my husband hates me. And in those two years, Sean forgot about me, got married and had a baby. I feel so hurt.
Julian’s voice pulls me back from my thoughts. “You will?” I nod quickly, eager to do whatever he wants. “Sign the divorce papers.”
What little color I had on my face I’m sure has disappeared. “Julian, you don’t mean that. We can –”
He cuts me off. “Stop, Addison. I’m not going to change my mind. Sign the papers and we’re good.”
“How can we be good? We’d be divorced,” I say, my voice rising. “Why won’t you give me a chance? If you ever loved me, you’d let me fix this.”
“Addison, we can’t fix this and I haven’t been in love with you for over two years.”
He means it. It’s written all over his rigid posture. He can’t wait to be rid of me. He was probably only waiting for me to wake up so that he can get the papers signed.
“Is there someone else?” I ask, carefully watching his reaction. He doesn’t give anything away.
“This is between you and me.”
I know there is someone else. I can feel it. Why else won’t he give me a chance to show him that I’ve changed?
“From the moment I met you, I knew I wanted you. I wanted to be with you. You were handsome, brilliant and intense . . . kind and very charming. I knew you were the one. Julian, I would do anything to make you forgive me except sign those papers. I will never sign them. I won’t ever grant you a divorce. I want you back, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make our marriage work.”
Julian is furious, like he’s about to fly into a rage but is controlling himself. “You will sign them, Addison,” he says through his clenched teeth.
I’m shaking like a leaf inside but I refuse to let it show. “I am not letting some woman steal you away from me. We made vows to each other.”
He laughs bitterly. “It’s damned convenient that you didn’t remember those vows when you were fucking Sean, don’t you think?”
I try not to wince at the barb. “I’ve apologized for that and I accept I made the biggest mistake of my life but we’re in this for life. I refuse to give you up.”
“We’ll see. I advise you to sign the papers before this becomes more complicated than it already is,” he says as he makes his way to the door.
“Julian, I am going to go crying to my psychotherapist who I’m sure will be willing to say to a judge that I am emotionally fragile and cannot go through any significant changes right now. Then I will let the press know that there is a whore trying to break my once happy marriage because I’ve been in a coma. Now that I’m awake, the home-wrecker has refused to go away and let us focus on each other and our marriage. I’m sure I can play the wounded wife very well. The press will have a field day with that. Don’t you think?” I hold his gaze, letting him know I am dead serious. I don’t know how I made all of that up and if it will be enough to stop the divorce but I’m desperate and I will say and do anything to make him reconsider. My heart is beating so fast and hard, I’m worried I might have a heart attack. Outward, I maintain a calm façade. At least I hope what Julian sees when he looks at me is calmness.
“You really are heartless. I was stupid enough to get involved with you but the good thing is that I never make the same mistake twice. Go ahead and do what you want. You have no idea who you’re dealing with. I can play dirty too, and I have all the evidence I need. I’ll see you in court.”
With that parting shot, Julian walks out the door. I slump in my seat, drained. He said he has evidence. I wish I knew what it was. Damn! If Sean were standing here right now, I’d kill him. He has completely ruined my life.
Threatening Julian was not the best move but I had to say something to let him know that I was serious about not letting him go. The old Julian never played dirty, but I don’t know what this new Julian is capable of. Would he make public something that could potentially destroy, or at the very least embarrass, me? I have to decide between self-preservation and having Julian back in my life irrespective of the cost.
Also, I couldn’t ascertain from his expression if he’s seeing someone but I have to find out. I need to get the private investigator to find out immediately.
THIRTY-SEVEN
Julian
I drive through the gate and the manicured lawns of the Walkers’ private residence. It’s been a week since the last time I came here and had the fiery conversation with my soon-to-be ex-wife. Parking my car by the fountain, I step out into the warm afternoon sun and make my way to the familiar mansion. This summer has been particularly warmer than usual, and Sofia and I have been spending some of our free time at the rooftop pool at my apartment. She’s spending the day with Skylar. They are going shopping and then to the spa, so I won’t get to see her until tonight.
A second after ringing the doorbell, the housekeeper, Luza, opens the door and lets me into the spacious marble foyer.
“Good afternoon Mr
. Julian. Mr. Walker says you can go right into the study. He is waiting.”
“Thank you, Luza.”
I got a call from Victor yesterday. He was in San Francisco and wanted to know if I could have dinner with him at his hotel. I already had plans with Sofia and I had no intention of cancelling them. I know what he wants to discuss and I wasn’t going to give up a perfectly good evening with my girlfriend because of it. I told him I couldn’t make it, and we agreed that I would come over to the house this afternoon. I reluctantly had to drag myself out of bed with my alluring girlfriend still in it. At least, she’ll still be at the apartment when I get back. I don’t intend to stay in San Jose a minute longer than necessary. Sofia and I are spending the weekend together at my place. I’m seriously considering asking her to move in with me. The reason I haven’t yet is because I know she’ll say no, citing my pending divorce.
“Julian, thank you for coming,” Victor says, gesturing to a seat opposite him for me to sit. “Would you like a whiskey?”
“No, thank you. I’m good.”
“This is not going to be an easy conversation for me and I’d appreciate it if you’d hear me out.” This is classic Victor. He always gets straight to the point.
“Of course, Victor,” I say politely. I know this is about me and Addison getting back together. I’ll let him say his piece and give him the same answer I gave his daughter last week.
“You’re like a son to me and Samantha, and I’ve always treated you as part of my family, right from the first day I met you.” His serious light gray eyes are trained on me.
It’s true. Victor has always approved of my relationship with his daughter, and he was pleased when Addison and I announced our engagement. That evening, I had apologized to him privately for not coming to him first to ask for his permission to marry Addison. Beaming, he told me I didn’t have to apologize and he gave me his blessing whole-heartedly.
“Yes sir, and I appreciate it.”
He nods. He looks slightly uncomfortable which is rare. Very few people could claim to see Victor Walker looking uncomfortable.