“Strong words from a dragon who can absolutely back it up,” Payne said to the camera as Gungren came walking up. “And here we have Gungren, the challenger. Hello, Gungren.”
“Hello.”
“Are you ready for this challenge?”
“Yep.”
Payne was surprised at the lack of concern on the little giant’s face.
“You seem rather relaxed.”
“No point to worry,” he replied with a shrug. “It won’t help.”
“You could take the advice of the knight who fought in UDFC 99 and throw in the towel before the fight starts,” suggested Payne.
Gungren shook his head. “I not gonna do that.”
“What’s your strategy, then?” she asked, hoping to glean some intel for the audience.
“I got a couple of idea things,” he answered, “but I not gonna say them. I learned that sometimes people don’t play fair. Not sure about dragons, but better safe than sorry.”
Payne smiled at him. “Wise words.”
“All right,” yelled his corner, “let’s get out there!”
Gungren headed into the arena with four people in his wake. Payne waited for the camera to follow them out. The crowd was cheering even louder for Gungren than they had been for Crazell.
Everyone loved an underdog.
“There goes a very brave little man,” she said as the camera panned back to her. “He’ll be in the Afterlife soon, unfortunately. One can only hope he’s agnostic.”
In This Corner…
The orchestra stopped, the dragon landed, and Gungren stood on his side of the field, looking at her. It reminded him of the days when he was a giant, except that dragons hadn’t looked quite as large back then.
The memory of standing across a field while throwing rocks against a mountainside came to mind. It was peaceful. No, he hadn’t been very smart in those days, but he also hadn’t had any real responsibilities. Every day was a weekend, as it were. It hadn’t been boring because he hadn’t known any better, but to go back to that life now would be terrible.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” said the announcer from the center of the field, “this is the moment you’ve all been waiting for. This is the UDFC 100 championship fight, and it’s gonna be a clash!”
The eruption of cheers was so loud that it hurt Gungren’s head.
“In this corner, we have the shock of the day. The wizard apprentice you’ve learned to love. He stands around four feet tall, weighs in at one hundred and sixty pounds. He has a professional record of three and o. He’s dented armor, twisted arms, put Krag the Destroyer to sleep, and won our hearts. It’s Gungren!”
The crowd was on their feet, clapping, whistling, and yelling his name.
“And in this corner,” continued the announcer, “we have the reigning champion, the top of the heap, the unstoppable, unfathomable, unflappable dragon who has struck fear in the hearts of humans, ogres, orcs, trolls, dwarves, halflings, and even other dragons. Her weight goes beyond the capability of our scales and nobody has been brave enough to measure her height. She has owned the title of Ultimate Dragon Fighting Championship champion for the last two hundred and forty-nine years. She has never lost a bout. She is the undisputed UDFC champion of the world. I give you Crazell!”
As if the cheering weren’t loud enough before, they were now making Gungren cover his ears. He couldn’t blame them. Crazell was the favorite and she was going for a legendary record.
“Your referee for this tournament is Benny Courtman.”
The cheering stopped abruptly.
The ref frowned and waved at the fighters.
“Bring it in,” he yelled. Then he called up to the dragon. “You need to bring your head down here, Crazell.” She did. The ref gulped. “Okay, uh…I want a clean fight. When I say break, you break. If I send you to your corner, you go to your corner.” He looked at Gungren. “You sure you want to do this, pal? I’ve got a white towel right here?”
Gungren kept looking at the dragon. “I are ready.”
“You will die,” Crazell said sinisterly.
“If that happens, it happens.”
Crazell blinked a few times. “Hmmm.”
“Okay,” the ref said, shrugging, “go to your corners and wait for the sound of the bell.”
“Good luck, dragon lady,” Gungren said before turning around. “I try not to hurt you too much.”
“You hurt me?” she bellowed in response and then began laughing. “Well, I thank you for your generosity, little man.”
“That okay,” Gungren said with a genuine smile.
Crazell stopped laughing, glancing at the ref. “Is this guy for real?”
“I don’t know, lady,” the ref replied with his hand up, “but I’ve seen him take out some pretty advanced fighters today.”
“No one of my stature, though.” She then dipped down and moved her head right up to Gungren’s face. “Listen, little man, I will burn you to a crisp. Do you hear me?”
“Yep,” Gungren said with a nod.
“Doesn’t that strike fear into your heart?”
“Not really.” He then looked around before saying, “Can I tell you something and you not get mad?”
“Huh?” She peered over at the ref, who just shrugged in response. “Uh...sure. What?”
“I know you am a dragon and stuff, but you need a breath mint.”
Her eyes went wide as she brought a claw to her mouth. “I do?”
“Sorry, but it true.”
“Oh, well, thank you. I didn’t know.”
“That no problem. Good luck.”
“Thanks. You too…” Then she shook her head, realizing what had just happened. “What am I saying? I don’t wish you good luck! I’m Crazell! I will destroy you!”
“Okay,” said Gungren before turning around and heading back to his corner.
You’ve Got to See This
Zel, Bekner, and Orophin were seated in the basement under the Inn of Sargan, watching the event. There were a few others sitting at different tables as well, all of them either soldiers or people from the Underworld who were on travel visas.
Everyone was excited to see that the little giant had made it to the final show.
“I do worry that this time he has bitten off more than he can chew,” said Zel.
“Aye,” agreed Bekner, “but he’s been quite impressive thus far, he has.”
“How is your head?” Orophin asked.
“Aching like the devil, but I’m on the mend. Never been hit like that before, and I’ve had a hammer knock me noggin more than once. Gungren’s definitely got the fists for the job.”
“His skill with grappling was excellent, too.” Zel glanced back at the screen. “Unfortunately, I don’t think it’ll work on a dragon. She is simply too large for him.”
“Aye.”
Orophin shook his head and snapped up some more popcorn.
“The one thing I’ve learned since meeting Gungren is that it’s unwise to underestimate him.”
Zel couldn’t argue that point. Ever since Gungren was changed from a giant into a wizard, he’d been quite headstrong and very capable. Zel still remembered the tenacious nature of the little guy as he’d pressed Whizzfiddle to take him on as an apprentice.
“The aching in me brain can attest to your words, elf,” Bekner admitted.
Zel pointed at the screen. “I wonder what he and the dragon are talking about.”
“She looks confused.”
“Exactly, Orophin,” Zel agreed. “I never thought Gungren was the type to play mind games.”
“He wouldn’t know where to start,” said Bekner.
“Now she looks angry.” Orophin was really digging into the popcorn now. “She’s all up in his face. That would be the perfect picture for the Elfstretchy line, don’t you think?”
“The what?”
“That’s what I’m calling the line of clothing that Eloquen and I designed, Bekner. It’s what Gungren is wearing
.”
“Ah, right.”
“Looks like the fight is about to start,” said Zel with a measure of excitement he’d not felt in years.
You Are Getting This, Right?
“You are getting all of this, right?” Misty asked as her heart raced. Everything was riding on this. Everything.
“Are ye talkin’ to me, lass?”
“Of course I’m talking to you, Corg,” she snipped. “This is gold we’re watching here. We can’t miss a beat.”
“Since when have ye known me to miss anything on film?”
Corg looked hurt by her words. She hadn’t meant it that way, though.
That wasn’t true.
She meant it precisely that way. But what she hadn’t done was think about the fact that it was Corg Sawsblade she was talking to.
Misty was currently in her own world. Her future was in the balance. It was exhilarating, but also gut-wrenching.
“Sorry, Corg,” she said with a weak smile.
“Yer after gettin’ on me nerves with questions like that, ye blue devil,” he said, obviously trying to hide his hurt feelings.
Her eye twitched. “Blue devil?”
“It’s what me people call yer people.”
“Is that right?”
“Aye.”
“Well,” she said with her ire on the rise, “my people call your people a bunch of little sh—”
“Shaping up to be a great video from where I sit,” Aniok interrupted with excellent timing.
“Good, good,” said Corg. “Keep your eye on the target, Ani. We can’t afford to miss a beat.” Then he turned and gave Misty a nasty look. “We’ll get back to what yer mangy mob calls my mangy mob later.”
She forced herself to calm down. The fact was that she needed Corg as much as he needed her. Yes, they were an odd combination to pair up in a working environment, but sometimes antagonism made for better productions.
“Look, Corg,” she said, trying again to bury the hatchet, “I guess I’m just very wound up about this because my career is on the line here. But if we nail this, we’ll be able to write our own tickets.”
“I can write me own ticket now,” Corg replied with a look that said, “Ye wonky Fate!” Then he pointed at the desk and added, “Ye get yerself a pen and a piece of paper and ye write down what yer after wantin’. It ain’t that hard, lass.”
“No, that’s not what I mean. I’m talking about…” She looked into his squinting eyes and sighed. “Oh, just forget it.”
Round 1
Round one was about to begin and Gungren had done all of the stretching he could manage. What he had planned would require a lot of focus and stamina. With the constant thoughts of throwing rocks running through his head, this wouldn’t be easy, but he had to stick with it.
“Now this fight’s like nothing you’ve seen before,” Barrie was yelling at him, barely audible above the crowd. “You have to weave and jab and jump and roll. You can’t just stand still. It’ll never work.”
“Just go out and have fun, dear,” called Muriel over her husband’s shoulder. “You’ll do fine.”
“Have fun fighting against a dragon?” Barrie replied, looking back. “What kind of advice is that?”
“The boy may as well have a good time in his last minutes on Ononokin, love.”
Barrie nodded. “Okay, you’ve got me there.”
“I’ll be all right,” Gungren said. “I got a plan.”
“I know you do,” Barrie yelled. “It’s called weave and jab and jump and roll, like I said.”
“Nope. Different plan, but it will work.”
Barrie threw his hands up. Then he looked at Gungren in frustration. Then he threw up his hands again.
“Fine. Don’t take my advice. It was nice knowing you, kid.”
“The bell has rung and the fighters are moving out into the ring,” Optical said, moving to drinking coffee so that he would be at the top of his game during the final bout. “Any insights on what’s about to happen here, Homer?”
“It’s hard to say,” Homer replied in his trademarked sarcastic edge, “but I’m going to go with Gungren suffering a flame-induced death.”
“Likely to be just that,” Optical replied, finding it difficult to argue the point. “Wait a second. Folks, I know I’m starting to sound like a broken gnomeDisc here, but I can’t believe my eyes.”
“That’s it,” exclaimed Homer. “I’m going to have to take some refresher classes on the latest Dragon Martial Art techniques. Things just aren’t what they used to be.”
Optical was having a hell of a time rationalizing what he was witnessing. In fact, if he weren’t certain that he’d been on his third cup of coffee, he might have believed that he was still greatly under the influence of brandy. A couple of small glasses of the booze was all he’d had, too, and that wasn’t enough to cause hallucinations.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” he said, nearly laughing, “if you’re only hearing this on the radio, you are seriously missing out. Gungren has just run over and latched himself to Crazell’s leg. She’s shaking it like mad, but he is on her like a tick.”
“You think he’s bitten into her and is sucking out her blood?” Homer asked with wide eyes.
“No,” said Optical. “Why would you think that?”
“Is that not what ticks do?”
“Ah, yes, I see. I was being metaphorical.”
“Oh.” Homer coughed. “Well, it feels like I’ve been saying this the entire day, especially where Gungren is involved, but grabbing hold of a dragon’s leg and not letting go for anything is definitely a tactic I’ve never seen.”
“Indeed,” agreed Optical. “Crazell has just moved into a quick roll, but Gungren remains latched on. She’s now lifting off and is flying around the arena. Gungren just won’t let go, though.”
“It doesn’t look like it, no.” Homer was laughing out loud at this point. “He’s got to have incredible strength to be able to manage that, especially with her barrel rolls. And she’s not likely to try to flame him because she’ll have to hit her own leg in order to do that.”
“No argument there, Homer. She’s coming back down and landing. There’s definitely a look of frustration on her face.”
“Can you blame her?”
“Not really.”
The bell sounded the end of the round.
“And the bell has rung, making Gungren the first challenger to get out of round one against Crazell!”
“I have to hand it to the little guy,” Homer said, his voice still full of joviality, “that was the most fitting technique he could have employed.”
“Do you expect we’ll see more of that in the second?”
“If we do, Optical, I’ll be amazed. Crazell knows to get in the air quick now.” Homer opened the bottle again, but then closed it back up and pushed it away. “Besides, Gungren isn’t going to win by grabbing her leg. So unless he wants to go down in history as being the only warrior to go the distance with Crazell, he’ll have to try a different strategy.”
“Looks like we’ll see,” said Optical. “We’ll be back for round two shortly.”
Coaching
Barrie was doing his best to coach Gungren.
“I’ll admit that it was a solid tactic to use in order to protect yourself from being killed,” said the man, “but you’re not going to win a fight like that.”
“Better he lives as a loser than dies trying to be a winner, dear,” Muriel stated as fact.
“Do you even hear the things you’re saying to the boy?”
Whizzfiddle pushed past them as they continued their bickering. The truth was they didn’t know Gungren like Whizzfiddle did. Whatever he had on his mind was what he was going to do. By the time his corner figured that out, the event would be over.
“Gungren?”
“Yes, Master?”
“Remember the protection spell you built up?”
“Yep.”
He pointed across the way at the d
ragon who appeared to be fuming. She had smoke pouring from her nostrils and her eyes were smoldering.
“Now might be the perfect time to use it.”
“I think I gonna throw rocks at her instead,” Gungren said, speaking in monotone.
“What?”
“Rocks,” he droned. “I wanna throw rocks.”
“Did something shake loose in your head when you were flying around up there?” Whizzfiddle asked while knocking on his apprentice’s noggin.
“Huh?” Gungren said, blinking.
“You’ve been fighting this like mad, Gungren,” Whizzfiddle stated, shaking the little giant by his shoulders. “You can’t give in now.”
“Actually,” interjected Barrie, “that rocks idea ain’t half bad.”
Whizzfiddle glared at Barrie. “Keep your mind off rocks, Gungren. Use that protection spell instead.” He then reached into Gungren’s backpack and pulled out a large, leather-bound book of magic. “And once you’re under that spell, start reading this. It’ll keep you focused.”
“You know casting spells ain’t allowed in the UDFC, right?” Barrie asked.
“He won’t be casting any spells,” Whizzfiddle answered back. “Will you, Gungren?”
“Nope. I gonna throw rocks.”
“Gungren, listen to me. You have to fight this throwing-rocks thing!”
“What’s wrong with throwing rocks?” asked Barrie.
Whizzfiddle turned on the man. “Will you stay out of this?”
“I’m his corner,” Barrie fought back, puffing out his chest. “You stay out of this.”
Whizzfiddle didn’t have time to bicker with Barrie. His apprentice’s life was hanging in the balance.
“If you don’t back away from me, by The Twelve, I’ll turn you into a goat.”
Barrie’s face went pale. “What?”
“Come along, Barrie,” Muriel said while pulling her husband by the arm. “Let the man have his words with his apprentice. The last thing I need is a husband who chews up all my furniture.”
The Ultimate Dragon Fighting Championship Page 20