“You sure you am going to be okay?” Gungren said.
“As long as you get me back to my lair in time, I’ll be fine.”
“I will,” said Gungren. “I promise.”
“I trust you,” Crazell said. “Now, lunge forward and punch me on the chest for effect, but try not to hit me too hard.”
“Don’t worry. I won’t.”
“Okay,” she said with a nod. “Three…two…one…now.”
Gungren lunged forward with his right fist straight out. It connected with Crazell’s sternum solidly. He held back, but he needed to make sure that it wouldn’t look fake to anyone.
Crazell looked at him for a moment, winked once, and then her eyes rolled up into her head and she fell over, crashing to the ground in a heap.
It was so silent in the stadium the moment after she fell, you could almost hear the waves crashing off in the distance.
The ref walked over and put his hand in front of Crazell’s nostrils. He slowly turned and looked up at Gungren with disbelieving eyes. Then he stood up and swung his arms in a gesture that said, “The fight is over.”
Gungren had to cover his ears at the deafening roar of the crowd.
Amazing
Everyone in Fateland was dancing and cheering and jumping around. They were all beside themselves at how well Gungren had done.
“I cannae believe it,” Corg said, smiling.
Heliok was not used to seeing this look on the dwarf. It was a welcome reprieve from the constant angst, certainly.
“We’re going to rule the world,” Misty yelled as she cracked open a bottle of bubbly and started gulping it down without even using a glass.
She was right, too. Misty Trealo and Corg Sawsblade were about to become two very powerful people in the Underworld.
Sir Zelbaldian Riddenhaur stood and saluted the thing that Whizzfiddle called a television.
“Well done, Gungren,” he said with a massive dose of pride. “Well done.”
Bekner grabbed his frothy mug of ale and tipped it back so far that it began pouring down his beard. This was a very big compliment coming from the dwarf. Wasting ale was quite a big no-no to the Diamondcrusher king.
“Couldn’t have happened to a better lad,” he stated as he slammed the mug back down.
Orophin jumped from his chair and did a pirouette.
“My Elfstretchy designs are going to sell like hotcakes,” he bellowed.
“I can’t believe it,” said Bank as his jaw hung slack. “Gungren won. That means you won again, boss.”
“We won, Bank,” Stillwell corrected his second-in-command. “All of us.”
Bank blinked at him. “Really?”
“For today, yes. Tomorrow we plan the future of our particular enterprise. But today, we all win.”
Murray was so excited that he couldn’t possibly stay seated.
In fact, he flipped on his speakers and cranked them up.
Then he put on his favorite tune and started dancing around while singing at the top of his lungs.
“You should be dancin’...yeaaaaah!”
Optical was too shocked to be happy. Sure, he felt glad for Gungren, seeing that the giant seemed like a genuinely nice fellow, but the day had just been too odd to comprehend.
“I can tell you one thing, fans,” he said after rousing Homer from his slumber, “you got your money’s worth today.”
“Hard to argue that, Optometrist…OBGYN…Obiwan…” He waved again. “Anyhoo…this has been the strangest…hic…UDFC event by far.” He burped. “I can’t even explain half of what happened, but I have a feeling that won’t ma…ma…matter at this point.”
“It sure won’t,” agreed Optical. “Crazell the dragon has finally been bested, and by a newcomer to the sport who seemed like a genuinely nice...well, giant, I guess.”
Homer held up his glass in salute. “Indeed.”
“Hey,” replied Optical, “that’s my line!”
Announcing the Winner
Gungren’s heart was racing because he knew there wasn’t much time left for Crazell. He wanted to just pick her up now and start running, but if he didn’t first accept the belt and all that, it would look far too suspicious.
The announcer was in full voice as he yelled into the microphone.
“Your winner and new champion of the world,”—he dramatically pointed at the giant—“Gungren!”
The ref handed him the belt. It was only big enough to fit around his wrist though. That was fine. He didn’t care. There were things to do.
He saw a group of people running out onto the field towards him that he recognized. It was the Wizards’ Guild folks. There was Muppy, Zotrinder, Ibork, and the Croomplatt twins.
“I’m so happy for you, Gungren,” Muppy called up as she cooled herself with her hand fan. “You have done wonderfully.”
“Thanks.”
“I must admit that your prowess against the dragon was admirable,” Zotrinder said, looking like it took some effort to admit that.
“Thanks.”
“That was unfathomable,” yelled Ibork. His voice was so loud that Gungren stood back to full height. “I’ve never watched such a thing before, of course, but you were incredible, Gungren.”
“Thanks.”
The Croomplatt twins stood proudly, nodding to each other.
“Ha!” they yelled, stating the only word they’d mastered. It was used to mean many things, and now and then they were able to take a brief departure to the word “huh?” when needed.
“Thanks.”
Gungren then studied them all, seeing that Barrie, Muriel, Eloquen, and Whizzfiddle had joined them.
“Thanks, everybody,” he said with one eye on Crazell. “I got to go now.”
“Gungren,” Muppy said, either not hearing him or choosing to ignore him, “I know you have been working hard, and so as the…” She paused and looked over at Ibork. “Did he say he has to go?”
“I believe he said he thinks real slow,” Ibork replied.
“He said nothing of the kind,” argued Zotrinder. “Clearly he said that he has a stubbed toe.”
Ibork scoffed. “Oh, please!”
“Ha?” queried the Croomplatt twins.
Nobody replied.
“Right,” Muppy said after a moment. “Gungren, the council hereby awards you the title of ‘Full Wizard’ with all rights and privileges therein.”
“Thanks,” he said, taking the little piece of paper from her. “This am great. I gotta go now.”
The council wizards were all staring at him in disbelief. They all knew how important it had been for Gungren to become an actual wizard. He felt bad about not telling them what was going on, but he couldn’t risk that the word would get out. Crazell desperately wanted to disappear, and Gungren had promised to help her do just that.
“Sorry,” he said with a smile. “I really does appreciate this, but I gotta go.”
Just when he turned to head back to Crazell, Heliok arrived with Corg, Misty, and Aniok. They were ready for their interview.
“Just a minute, my boy,” Heliok called out as Aniok and Corg worked on getting things set up. “You’ve done so incredibly well, and there is much to do.”
“Thanks,” Gungren replied, “but I gotta go.”
“Are we rolling yet?” Misty said in her pushy way.
Corg scowled. “Aye, ye blue pigeon!”
“What?”
“I’m stressed,” he replied. “Be after givin’ me a break on me lack of creativity at the moment.”
She sighed and looked at the camera while grabbing Gungren by the finger.
“We are here with Gungren, the new champion of the Ultimate Dragon Fighting Championship.”
“Excuse me,” said the voice of Payne Sawsblade, who had run up to the scene with her cameraperson on her heels, “but this is my interview.”
“I think not,” countered Misty.
“Oh, yes it is,” Payne declared.
“Out of
the way, sister,” Corg said. “We’ve got filmin’ going on here.”
“That is true,” Misty said, obviously not happy with the way Corg had spoken to Payne, “but you shouldn’t just call a woman ’sister’ like that, Corg. It’s not polite.”
“What are ye talkin’ about? She’s after bein’ me sister!”
“What?” Misty said, looking back at Payne. “She sounds nothing like you.”
“I’m Payne Sawsblade,” Payne stated, “and this is my interview.”
Misty gave her the onceover. “Right, well, you can have him when we’re done.”
“I don’t think so,” Payne said, moving to stand directly in front of Misty.
Gungren pulled his hand away. “I gotta go.”
“Freeze,” stated Heliok in a sharp voice. Everyone stopped. “I am a Fate and I say that we go first.”
Payne turned and gave him a stern stare. “And I’m a dwarf and I say that if you yell at me one more time, I’ll put a boot in your nethers.”
“Definitely Corg’s sister,” Aniok said to Whizzfiddle.
Gungren didn’t care who wanted to do what first. That wasn’t his problem. He just wanted it all done because he had to help Crazell.
“I’ll tell ye what,” said Corg to his sister, “if ye let us finish what we’re doin’ here, I’ll handle your post-production for ye.”
This seemed to impress Payne, because she said, “You promise?”
“Aye,” he answered, shaking her hand.
“Fine.”
Gungren was really feeling anxious now.
“Now, Gungren,” Misty said, “you have just won the UDFC 100 event. What are you gonna do now?”
“I gonna go.”
Misty just nodded and looked at the camera. “We have taken this fellow from nothing to something in just a few quests.”
“Fate Quests,” Heliok said, moving his head into the view of the camera.
“Of course.” Misty scooted over to him slightly. “Here is Heliok, the Fate who implemented my brainchild.”
“That’s right and... What?”
“Show the commercial on the big screen,” Misty directed before Heliok could reply.
“Already called it in,” Corg replied. “Should be showin’ any second…”
The huge screens flipped over and fancy graphics and camera-work filled in. Then a deep voice began booming through the speakers.
For the last few months, The Learning Something Channel has been working with the Fates—yes, the creators of The Twelve. They have followed around this unfortunate-looking fellow as he works to complete three separate quests, with each increasing in difficulty. After finishing each quest he’s been fixed in some way. New teeth, a new body, and soon...a new head. In three days, we will show the first of his amazing adventures. And we’ll also show that when a Fate does a makeover, it never fades away. Watch the event that people will be talking about for hundreds of years. This weekend, tune into The Learning Something Channel for Unreal Makeover: Gift of the Fates!
The crowd went absolutely bonkers.
“Look, guys,” Gungren said desperately, “I really gotta go!”
But Whizzfiddle was obviously feeling somewhat differently all of a sudden. He had a look on his face that Gungren had seen before. A look that conveyed something fishy was going on.
“Wait a second here,” he said evenly.
“Not now, Whizzfiddle,” chided Heliok.
Whizzfiddle stepped right up to the Fate and stared at him. “You have set this entire thing up since the beginning to be a television show?”
“Uh...well…”
“And you never got Gungren’s consent either, did you?”
Heliok pulled his collar. “He agreed to take on these quests.”
“And was there mention of him being on a television show whereby he would receive none of the proceeds?”
“I…uh…”
“I believe we have a very serious problem on our hands,” Whizzfiddle stated with dark intentions.
“No, we don’t,” Heliok replied, standing his ground. “I’m a Fate and I may do as I wish.”
Whizzfiddle nodded at Heliok with an impressed look. Actually, Gungren knew his master wasn’t really impressed. He was pretending because he was about to put Heliok in his place. This was one of those things that Gungren had never mastered, and likely never would.
“Is that so?” said Whizzfiddle. “Well, I am a wizard. And Gungren, too, is a wizard. And I believe I speak for the entire Wizards’ Guild when I say that we do not appreciate being manipulated in such a way.” He let that sink in and added, “Note that we have no problem making countless calls to the Fates customer service department with complaints, either.” He motioned to the members of the Guild. “Do we, gang?”
“I’ve got nothing better to do,” said Muppy.
“I’ll call day and night,” agreed Ibork.
Zotrinder was looking at his nails, but obviously caught on that the wizards weren’t going to stop staring at him until he supported the cause.
“Fine, I’ll jingle the line as well,” he said.
The Croomplatt twins said, “Ha,” while giving a firm nod.
Gungren didn’t have time for this, and Crazell really didn’t have time for this.
“What do you want?” said Heliok.
“Get Peapod Pecklesworthy here right now,” Whizzfiddle demanded.
“Who?”
Master Wizard Peapod Pecklesworthy was walking around in his garden.
There were butterflies fluttering around as a cool breeze caressed the top of the grass, bending the blades ever so slightly. The flowers were open and accepting the love of the sunlight. Birds sang their beautiful melodies as they sat in the leafy trees.
It was peaceful.
This was the type of day where nothing could possibly break through his calm frame of mind.
He felt a tingling sensation.
“What happened?” Peapod said, glancing around rapidly. “Where am I? Oh, hello, Whizzfiddle, Muppy, Ibork, Zo…” He shook himself. “What’s going on?”
Whizzfiddle wasted no time. “Do you remember Gungren?”
Peapod glanced up.
“Yes,” the wizard said with a gulp. “You’re not looking for revenge, I hope? I was just doing my job. But it looks like he’s back to being a giant anyway, so no harm done, right?”
“Except for the fact that he didn’t want to go back to being a giant,” Whizzfiddle replied. “He wants to stay small and remain a wizard.”
“Oh yes, I do recall the wizard thing now.” Peapod did not look comfortable at all. “But if he’s back to being a giant, he couldn’t have made it to full wizard.”
“Actually,” Muppy said, “he was just indoctrinated.”
Peapod frowned. “Then why is he big again?”
“It happened before he was given the full credentials,” answered Whizzfiddle.
“It’s too late then, I’m afraid.”
“I got to go now,” Gungren said again.
“He speaks decently,” Peapod said as if finding that completely out of the ordinary.
“Just a minute, Gungren.”
“Master,” Gungren said, “come here a second.”
“I’m in the middle of something, Gungren, so you’ll just have to—”
Gungren picked him up and walked away from the group.
“Okay, then,” Whizzfiddle said with a glare as Gungren set him back down, “what is it?”
“If we doesn’t get her back to her lair fast,” Gungren whispered while looking at Crazell, “she going to be dead for good.”
Whizzfiddle seemed taken aback. “What are you talking about?”
“Gungren?” Ricky yelled as he rushed over. “I believe you have a deal to uphold, yes?”
“I are trying, mister.”
“Wait,” said Whizzfiddle, “are you saying that all of this was a setup?”
“Keep your voice down,” Ricky said. “We don’t
want anyone to find out. But we have to hurry.”
Whizzfiddle looked at them both. “Fine. Give me two minutes.”
“We not got that much time.”
“One, then,” Whizzfiddle said, holding up his finger.
“Well, that was rude,” said Ricky.
“Him just held up the wrong finger,” explained Gungren. “Him does that all the time.”
“Ah.”
Whizzfiddle had darted back to the group with Gungren in tow.
“Peapod,” he said by way of introduction, “this is Heliok. He’s a Fate. He’s going to give you whatever you want so that you’ll turn Gungren back into what he was before.”
“I am?” said Heliok.
“Calls to customer service, Heliok,” Whizzfiddle reminded him.
Heliok coughed. “Name your price, Mr. Peapod.”
“Gee, I don’t know.”
“How about all the peapods you can shuck and also the ability to control yourself when around them?” Whizzfiddle suggested. “You’ll still be limited in power, of course. Heliok will make certain of that.”
“That’d be a dream come true,” Peapod said with awe.
“You heard him, Heliok.”
“Fine, fine. It’s a deal!”
Whizzfiddle grabbed Peapod by the shoulders and turned him until he faced Gungren.
“Do it!”
“Uh... I don’t have any unshucked peapods!”
“Heliok?”
“Okay, okay,” said the Fate an instant before a bushel of unshucked peapods showed up.
Peapod started shucking as fast as he could. After he got through a good many, he turned to Gungren.
“TAKE-THAT-GIANT-OVER-THERE-AND-MAKE-HIM-FIT-IN-TINY-UNDERWEAR!”
Gungren looked down at all the expectant faces. He didn’t feel any different, and he was definitely still a lot taller than everyone around him.
“Nothing happened,” Whizzfiddle exclaimed.
“Wait…” Peapod snapped his fingers. “Did he ever talk to his ma?”
“Oh,” Whizzfiddle said with a gulp. “No.”
Gungren furrowed his brow. “What him talking about?”
“I’ll explain later,” Whizzfiddle answered. “Peapod, does he have to do that first?”
The Ultimate Dragon Fighting Championship Page 23