He cleared his throat, staring at the mug. “Alvin Diggs told me about you. He said a beautiful young woman had sent him to fetch me.” His gaze stole upward toward her face for a second before returning to the mug. “He was right about the beautiful part.”
Though the compliment shed a shimmer of warmth on the cold that had gripped her, she did not reply to that. Instead, she said, “Luke and Emma asked me to relay their greetings.”
His head bobbed in acknowledgement. “I heard they were doing well.”
He gulped another swallow of coffee while Rebecca searched for words that would ease the awkward silence that lay between them. What had Mr. Diggs told him? Did he know of her protestations of love? Embarrassment flooded her at the thought. What had she known of love when she set her sights on Jesse? She had been a child, infatuated by a handsome cowboy. But what was to be done now, when faced with the reality that her childhood dreams had been nothing but childish fancy?
“I thought I loved you.” Her face burned as the words fell from her lips. “I hoped you would come home with me to Apple Grove. But that was…” She swallowed a lump of tears.
His lips twisted in a grimace, and he slanted his head sideways to catch her eye. “Before you saw the man I’ve become?”
Remorse washed over her, but before she could protest he raised a hand. “I get it. Even a drunk like me can see the lay of the land.”
She couldn’t hold back the tears swimming in her eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“Hey, it’s okay.” He turned his head toward her, a shadow of the old smile playing about his lips. “It wouldn’t have worked out anyway. To me you’ll always be a little girl in a black dress and a funny white hat.”
Sudden compassion overcame her, and she grabbed his arm. “You could come home with me as a friend. Papa would welcome you. If you want to change, Apple Grove would help you.”
“What, you mean become Amish? Strap on some of those funny-looking suspenders and a pair of baggy trousers?” He threw his head back and barked a harsh laugh. “That’ll be the day.”
His words might have offended her if she weren’t so sad. She looked away, toward where the sun sparkled on the swiftly moving waters of the Kansas River.
“Hey, I’m sorry.” He placed a hand, warmed from holding the mug, over hers. “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. But your way is not my way.”
Though she had longed for his touch, now it failed to move her. She stared at his hand a long moment and then raised her gaze to his.
“This is no life for you, Jesse. There is more to you than this. I know it.”
A slow smile lifted the corners of his lips. “When you say it, I almost believe it’s true.” Then his gaze grew serious. “But even sober I’m not the man for you, Rebecca. You know that, don’t you?”
The air around them grew quiet. The sound of the river fell away as the answer to his question sang in her soul. There was only one man for her, one future that would satisfy all her dreams.
Oh, Papa! An ache tugged at one corner of her soaring heart. How could he bear losing another daughter? And yet she could not stop the joyful song that rang in her ears. Somehow she must make her father understand that she had found her one true love.
Colin tossed one bag in a corner of the horse stall while he secured the other on Gus’s saddle. He couldn’t wait another hour to put Lawrence behind him. Let Mulhaney deal with Benton and the others. Let Bowerstock and Tankersley deal with their new sheriff. Let Annie Diggs and the ladies of the movement march all over town if they wanted. He wished them well. But none of those things were his affair any longer.
Time to let go of the past and ride into the future.
An image loomed in his mind. He saw laughing children and a white church building with the doors standing open to welcome all. Soon he would see the reality. He cinched tight the strap securing the bag with his savings tucked inside. He’d have to start out small and trust the Lord to provide the rest. But he had no doubt He would come through as He always had.
Except in matters of the heart.
Oh, what a fine parson’s wife that fiery little gal would have made.
Melancholy gripped him like a fist.
The stable door creaked. Billy coming to see if he could help him saddle up.
“I have everything under control,” he called to the stable keeper as he picked up his second bag.
Hay rustled with a soft footstep. Colin glanced up, and his hands froze in the act of hefting the bag toward the saddle. Rays from the late afternoon sun seeped through the open doorway to light up a buttery-yellow dress. For a moment the light played a trick on his eyes and cast a halo around her head. Then the pools of darkness that hid her face receded as she moved toward him, revealing soft brown eyes that looked into his.
“I feared I missed you.” Her voice fell softly, as though cushioned on the hay. “They told me at the jail you had left.”
What was she doing here? Come to say goodbye? No. That would be too painful. Why didn’t she let him ride out without a scene? And where had she left her beau? “On my way now.”
She stepped into the stall. “Where will you go?”
With an effort, he managed to control his fingers long enough to secure the bulging bag. “I don’t know. West, until the Lord tells me to stop.”
“I am also going west.”
He started so that the clip fumbled in his hand. “Back home?”
She inched forward and raised a hand to stroke Gus’s nose. “Perhaps. If that is where the Lord tells me to stop.”
Wild hope soared in his chest. He left the bag and stepped toward her, seeking confirmation in the eyes that were fixed on him. His hands itched to reach for her, but he held them stiffly at his side in case he was mistaken.
“Do you have an idea where you’re headed?” he asked.
“Someplace where there are orphans without a home, and a church to be built, and a preacher who longs to have both.” Though the sun shone through the doorway behind her head, her sudden smile dazzled him. “I intend to be there to hear him preach his first sermon.”
And then Colin did what he had longed to do since this stubborn woman had limped into view two weeks before. He gathered her in his arms and kissed her, with all the might and force that had been pent up for weeks.
He didn’t know about Jesse. He didn’t care.
She was coming with him.
TWENTY-SIX
By the time the train slowed on its approach to the Hays City station, Rebecca’s stomach had twisted itself tighter than a coiled rope. Face pressed to the window, she strained for a glimpse of a familiar figure among those gathered near the station house. Would Papa come to meet her? Two days ago, she sent a telegram informing him of her intended return. If he wasn’t here now, she would know he wasn’t ready to forgive her for running away, no matter what Amos said. And if he was here…
With a nervous gesture she fingered the skirt of the dress Mrs. Evans had helped her make. The blue was dark enough to be considered conservative by any standard. Any standard except Amish.
Her hand was captured in a warm one, and her heart fluttered when Colin raised it to his lips and pressed a kiss on her fingertips.
“Relax, sweetheart. Everything is going to be fine.”
The rumble of his deep voice, and the softness of the look he fixed on her, worked like a tonic on her jittery nerves. When she saw love gleaming in his eyes, she believed him. Everything would be fine…eventually.
But not immediately. First, she had to face Papa. Her stomach knotted again.
The train’s whistle blew, announcing their arrival. She jerked forward in her seat as the brakes were applied. Colin released her hand with a final squeeze and bent to retrieve the bags at their feet.
“Maybe I should have worn my black dress and kapp.”
She ran fretful fingers over the soft coil of hair Sassy had helped her arrange before they left Lawrence this morning. The memory of her friend running
alongside the train to wave an energetic farewell sent a stab of longing through her. Rebecca could use a little of Sassy’s audacity right now.
Colin stroked her cheek with a finger. “Delaying the moment your father discovers you’re leaving the Amish church won’t make it easier.” He leaned toward her, and for one breathless moment she thought he might actually kiss her right here, in front of their fellow passengers. Instead, his eyes held hers in an embrace that was nearly as intimate as a kiss. “I’ll be right beside you. We’ll face this together.”
The same way they would face the future. A fraction of the cold dread in her chest warmed, and she found herself able to return his smile.
Now they were close enough to see the faces of those waiting for the train. Rebecca’s gaze was drawn to a small cluster of people standing apart from the others, several of them in black Amish garb. Her heart leaped. Papa stood there, his hands clasped behind his back, the familiar round-brimmed hat centered on his head. Her vision blurred, and she blinked away a sudden rush of tears.
Oh, Papa! How I’ve missed you.
Beside him stood Maummi, the sunlight brightening her white kapp and apron. A hand shaded her eyes as she inspected the train windows. The other hand held that of a young Amish boy, and beside him were two young girls, also in Amish dresses.
Rebecca turned in her seat, a note of excitement creeping into her voice.
“Amos, your children are here to meet us.”
On the bench behind her, the faraway stare that Amos had maintained from the time they pulled away from the Lawrence station faded a fraction, replaced by a glimmer of interest. One corner of his lips twitched upward as he transferred his gaze from the floor of the train car to the welcome party outside.
She looked again and found three other familiar faces.
“There’s Emma! Look, Colin, my sister came. And there’s Luke too, and he’s holding Lucas.” Her nephew’s sleeping form was draped across his father’s shoulder. Another wave of tears filled her eyes. They had all come to welcome her home.
Twisting around in her seat once again, she focused on the figure slumped on the bench in the rear of the train car. Jesse. The man she had professed to love and traveled all the way across Kansas to fetch. His clothes were still rumpled and stained, his hair in need of attention. She hadn’t had the heart to wake him to share the biscuits and chicken Mrs. Evans packed for their lunch. At least in sleep he might find relief from the tremors that shook his hands as his body tried to throw off the ravages of liquor.
Colin had been skeptical of her suggestion to bring Jesse with them. Perhaps a tiny bit jealous, even, though she’d assured him there was no reason. She’d told him, “Jesse has no place to go, no one to help him.” Then she grinned and said, “He’s an orphan, you know.” Colin had laughed, then, and agreed to offer him help if he wanted it.
The train’s whistle sounded again, and Jesse stirred. Their eyes met, and Rebecca gave him an encouraging smile. Maybe soon he would find the strength he needed to start a new life.
The two dozen or so passengers stood and gathered their belongings as the train finally came to a stop. Another fit of nerves attacked Rebecca, and she clutched at the hand Colin extended to help her to her feet.
“Everything will be fine,” he whispered.
A nod was the only reply she could manage.
The door opened, and the line of people filling the center aisle began filing out. When Rebecca’s turn to disembark came, she took the hand of the kind-looking conductor and allowed him to help her to the ground. She busied herself settling her skirts until Colin had climbed down as well and stood beside her. Only then did she dare to raise her eyes to the small group clustered off to one side.
Four sets of eyes, round as wagon wheels, fixed on her. Maummi’s open-mouthed stare took in her uncovered hair, swept to her dress, and then slid sideways before coming to a halt on Colin. Emma’s expression was nearly as stunned as Maummi’s. Her hand rested atop her round belly, which looked to Rebecca to have grown in the weeks of her absence. Luke’s brows arched high on his forehead nearly to the brim of his cowboy hat. And Papa…well, Rebecca couldn’t manage to meet Papa’s gaze just yet.
A welcome disruption came when Amos’s children caught sight of their father.
“Fader!”
The little boy dashed forward, his sisters close behind him. Rebecca turned in time to see Amos kneel and open his arms. A second later they closed, enveloping his children in an unexpected embrace. The sight of Amos’s normally emotionless face alight with joy made Rebecca feel like an intruder. She looked away.
When she turned again toward her family, Emma had recovered from her surprise. She came forward and pulled Rebecca into a gentle hug, made awkward by her belly.
“I’m so glad you’re home. So much has happened, and I…” Tears swam in her eyes. “I needed you.”
“What?” Alarm rang through Rebecca. She looked around the small group. Her whole family was here. “What has happened?”
Shaking her head, Emma bit her lip and then said softly, “Samuel Miller died a few days ago.”
The words fell like a boulder, stunning and unbelievable. Samuel Miller was the bishop’s son. His wife, Katie, had been Emma’s best friend from childhood.
“How? What happened?”
Emma wiped her eyes. “He was turning sod in the field. It was hot…his heart should have been strong. He was a young man… And now Katie…”
“Oh, Emma.” Rebecca wrapped her soft-hearted sister in her arms and held her. Words failed her. Only the strength of the embrace uttered her deep sorrow. Now, with her own love so fresh, she could only imagine the anguish that lay thick in Katie’s heart. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here to help you and Katie. But I am now.”
“Thank the Lord.” Then Emma straightened and forced a trembling smile. “Besides, when you stayed gone so long, I was worried you would miss the baby’s arrival.”
“Nothing could keep me from the birth of my new nephew or niece,” Rebecca assured her. She turned a soft smile on Lucas’s sleeping form, and encountered a wry grin on Luke’s face.
“Did you find what you were looking for?”
“Yes.” She gave a nod. “Yes, I did.”
Her gaze sought Colin, who stood off to one side holding her bag along with his without a trace of discomfort. The sight of him gave her a courage she didn’t possess on her own. She went to him and, looping a hand through his arm, pulled him forward.
“This is Colin Maddox. He’s a preacher, and he is going to build a church. And a home for orphans.”
He whipped off his hat and gave Rebecca’s family a pleasant nod. “Pleased to meet you folks.”
“Orphans, you say?” Maummi studied him through narrowed eyes.
“Yes, ma’am. The sight of a homeless child stirs my heart, and with the Lord’s help, I want to offer help to those forgotten little ones.”
Maummi’s stern expression gave way to grudging approval.
Papa hung back, his silence and rigid posture expressing his disapproval more effectively than any words. Rebecca could not bring herself to look into his face as she cast about for something to say. Should she introduce Colin as the man she intended to marry? Get all the shocks over with at once? On the other hand, maybe it would be best to save that news for another time.
“I don’t believe it.”
Luke’s startled exclamation saved her from speaking, at least for a few moments more. She turned to follow the direction of his stare in time to see the last passenger exit the train.
Jesse.
The stunned expression on Luke’s and Emma’s faces deepened to concern. Rebecca understood. The Jesse who approached could hardly be recognized as the swaggering, cocky cowboy they’d known on the trail. Emma gave her an alarmed glance, full of silent questions. Rebecca answered with a sad shake of her head.
Luke shifted his sleeping son to his other arm and extended a hand. “Jesse. It’s been a long time. Y
ou look…” He appeared to search for a way to finish the sentence.
Jesse nodded. “Yeah, I know.” He ducked his head. “The past few years have been rough. You used to say my rowdy ways would catch up with me one day.” His lips twisted into a grimace. “They not only caught up, but they trampled me like a stampede of Texas longhorns.”
“Colin has asked Jesse to help him build his church,” Rebecca said.
Jesse shrugged. “I need something to do while I’m trying to get my head back on straight. That and I don’t have anywhere else to go. I lost track of my friends years ago, and I’ve got no family.”
A look passed between Luke and Emma, one of those unspoken conversations between husbands and wives. Rebecca’s hand tightened on Colin’s arm. One day they also would grow so close that they could know each other’s thoughts without words.
Emma took Jesse’s hand. “You have a family,” she said gently. “You have us. And a home for as long as you want. It will take everyone’s help to run an orphanage.”
Luke thumped his friend on the back. “Good to have you back, friend.”
Rebecca smiled up at Colin. This was exactly what she had hoped would happen.
A noise from Papa’s direction caught her attention. He cleared his throat, an unmistakable request for her attention. The time had come to face him. Drawing a breath, she released Colin’s arm and stepped forward, her gaze fixed on the toes of his boots.
“Papa,” she said, “I am sorry I left without telling you and that I took your horse. I have the money to repay everyone in Apple Grove, and I will thank each one when I do. But mostly I—” A lump lodged in her throat, and she had to take a shuddering breath before she could continue. “Mostly I am sorry for the shame I caused you.”
She risked an upward glance into his face. What she saw there squeezed the heart in her chest. His gaze flickered behind her for a moment, toward Colin, and then returned to fix on her. Sadness shone in his eyes, and her own eyes stung with tears at the sight. There was no need to tell him of her decision. He knew.
A Plain and Simple Heart (The Amish of Apple Grove) Page 23