Mort tds-4

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Mort tds-4 Page 11

by Terry David John Pratchett


  She turned her pale round face towards Mort.

  'I won't hear a word against him. He tries to do his best. It's just that he's always got so much to think about.'

  'My father was a bit like that. Is, I mean.'

  'I expect he's got glands, though.'

  'I imagine he has,' said Mort, shifting uneasily. 'Its not something I've ever really thought about, glands.'

  They stared side by side at the trout. The trout stared back.

  'I've just upset the entire history of the future,' said Mort.

  'Yes?'

  'You see, when he tried to kill her I killed him, but the thing is, according to the history she should have died and the duke would be king, but the worst bit, the worst bit is that although he's absolutely rotten to the core he'd unite the cities and eventually they'll be a federation and the books say there'll be a hundred years of peace and plenty. I mean, you'd think there'd be a reign of terror or something, but apparently history needs this kind of person sometimes and the princess would just be another monarch. I mean, not bad, quite good really, but just not right and now it's not going to happen and history is flapping around loose and it's all my fault.'

  He subsided, anxiously awaiting her reply.

  'You were right, you know.'

  'I was?'

  'We ought to have brought some breadcrumbs,' she said. 'I suppose they find things to eat in the water. Beetles and so on.'

  'Did you hear what I said?'

  'What about?'

  'Oh. Nothing. Nothing much, really. Sorry.'

  Ysabell sighed and stood up.

  'I expect you'll be wanting to get off,' she said. 'I'm glad we got this marriage business sorted out. It was quite nice talking to you.'

  'We could have a sort of hate-hate relationship,' said Mort.

  'I don't normally get to talk with the people father works with.' She appeared to be unable to draw herself away, as though she was waiting for Mort to say something else.

  'Well, you wouldn't,' was all he could think of.

  'I expect you've got to go off to work now.'

  'More or less.' Mort hesitated, aware that in some indefinable way the conversation had drifted out of the shallows and was now floating over some deep bits he didn't quite understand.

  There was a noise like —

  It made Mort recall the old yard at home, with a pang of homesickness. During the harsh Ramtop winters the family kept hardy mountain tharga beasts in the yard, chucking in straw as necessary. After the spring thaw the yard was several feet deep and had quite a solid crust on it. You could walk across it if you were careful. If you weren't, and sank knee deep in the concentrated gyppo, then the sound your boot made as it came out, green and steaming, was as much the sound of the turning year as birdsong and beebuzz.

  It was that noise. Mort instinctively examined his shoes.

  Ysabell was crying, not in little ladylike sobs, but in great yawning gulps, like bubbles from an underwater volcano, fighting one another to be the first to the surface. They were sobs escaping under pressure, matured in humdrum misery.

  Mort said, 'Er?'

  Her body was shaking like a waterbed in an earthquake zone. She fumbled urgently in her sleeves for the handkerchief, but it was no more use in the circumstances than a paper hat in a thunderstorm. She tried to say something, which became a stream of consonants punctuated by sobs.

  Mort said, 'Um?'

  'I said, how old do you think I am?'

  'Fifteen?' he hazarded.

  'I'm sixteen,' she wailed. 'And do you know how long I've been sixteen for?'

  'I'm sorry, I don't under —'

  'No, you wouldn't. No one would.' She blew her nose again, and despite her shaking hands nevertheless carefully tucked the rather damp hanky back up her sleeve.

  'You're allowed out,' she said. 'You haven't been here long enough to notice. Time stands still here, haven't you noticed? Oh, something passes, but it's not real time. He can't create real time.'

  'Oh.'

  When she spoke again it was in the thin, careful and above all brave voice of someone who has pulled themselves together despite overwhelming odds but might let go again at any moment.

  'I've been sixteen for thirty-five years.'

  'Oh?'

  'It was bad enough the first year.'

  Mort looked back at his last few weeks, and nodded in sympathy.

  'Is that why you've been reading all those books?' he said.

  Ysabell looked down, and twiddled a sandalled toe in the gravel in an embarrassed fashion.

  'They're very romantic,' she said. 'There's some really lovely stories. There was this girl who drank poison when her young man had died, and there was one who jumped off a cliff because her father insisted she should marry this old man, and another one drowned herself rather than submit to—'

  Mort listened in astonishment. To judge by Ysabell's careful choice of reading matter, it was a matter of note for any Disc female to survive adolescence long enough to wear out a pair of stockings.

  '— and then she thought he was dead, and she killed herself and then he woke up and so he did kill himself, and then there was this girl —'

  Common sense suggested that at least a few women reached their third decade without killing themselves for love, but common sense didn't seem to get even a walk-on part in these dramas.[5] Mort was already aware that love made you feel hot and cold and cruel and weak, but he hadn't realized that it could make you stupid.

  ' — swam the river every night, but one night there was this storm, and when he didn't arrive she —'

  Mort felt instinctively that some young couples met, say, at a village dance, and hit it off, and went out together for a year or two, had a few rows, made up, got married and didn't kill themselves at all.

  He became aware that the litany of star-crossed love had wound down.

  'Oh,' he said, weakly. 'Doesn't anyone just, you know, just get along any more?'

  To love is to suffer,' said Ysabell. 'There's got to be lots of dark passion.'

  'Has there?'

  'Absolutely. And anguish.'

  Ysabell appeared to recall something.

  'Did you say something about something flapping around loose?' she said, in the tight voice of someone pulling themselves together.

  Mort considered. 'No,' he said.

  'I'm afraid I wasn't paying much attention.'

  'It doesn't matter at all.'

  They strolled back to the house in silence.

  When Mort went back to the study he found that Death had gone, leaving four hourglasses on the desk. The big leather book was lying on a lectern, securely locked shut.

  There was a note tucked under the glasses.

  Mort had imagined that Death's handwriting would either be gothic or else tombstone angular, but Death had in fact studied a classic work on graphology before selecting a style and had adopted a hand that indicated a balanced, well-adjusted personality.

  It said:

  Gone fyshing. Theyre ys ane execution in Pseudopoiis, a naturral in Krull, a faytal fall in the Carrick Mtns, ane ague in Ell-Kinte. Thee rest of thee day's your own.

  Mort thought that history was thrashing around like a steel hawser with the tension off, twanging backwards and forwards across reality in great destructive sweeps.

  History isn't like that. History unravels gently, like an old sweater. It has been patched and darned many times, reknitted to suit different people, shoved in a box under the sink of censorship to be cut up for the dusters of propaganda, yet it always — eventually — manages to spring back into its old familiar shape. History has a habit of changing the people who think they are changing it. History always has a few tricks up its frayed sleeve. It's been around a long time.

  This is what was happening:

  The misplaced stroke of Mort's scythe had cut history into two separate realities. In the city of Sto Lat Princess Keli still ruled, with a certain amount of difficulty and with the ful
l time aid of the Royal Recognizer, who was put on the court payroll and charged with the duty of remembering that she existed. In the lands outside, though — beyond the plain, in the Ramtops, around the Circle Sea and all the way to the Rim — the traditional reality still held sway and she was quite definitely dead, the duke was king and the world was proceeding sedately according to plan, whatever that was.

  The point is that both realities were true.

  The sort of historical event horizon was currently about twenty miles away from the city, and wasn't yet very noticeable. That's because the , call it the difference in historical pressures — wasn't yet very great. But it was growing. Out in the damp cabbage fields there was a shimmer in the air and a faint sizzle, like frying grasshoppers.

  People don't alter history any more than birds alter the sky, they just make brief patterns in it. Inch by inch, implacable as a glacier and far colder, the real reality was grinding back towards Sto Lat.

  Mort was the first person to notice.

  It had been a long afternoon. The mountaineer had held on to his icy handhold until the last moment and the executee had called Mort a lackey of the monarchist state. Only the old lady of 103, who had gone to her reward surrounded by her sorrowing relatives, had smiled at him and said he was looking a little pale.

  The Disc sun was close to the horizon by the time Binky cantered wearily through the skies over Sto Lat, and Mort looked down and saw the borderland of reality. It curved away below him, a crescent of faint silver mist. He didn't know what it was, but he had a nasty foreboding that it had something to do with him.

  He reined in the horse and allowed him to trot gently towards the ground, touching down a few yards behind the wall of iridescent air. It was moving at something less than walking pace, hissing gently as it drifted ghost-like across the stark damp cabbage fields and frozen drainage ditches.

  It was a cold night, the type of night when frost and fog fight for domination and every sound is muffled. Binky's breath made fountains of cloud in the still air. He whinnied gently, almost apologetically, and pawed at the ground.

  Mort slid out of the saddle and crept up to the interface. It crackled softly. Weird shapes coruscated across it, flowing and shifting and disappearing.

  After some searching he found a stick and poked it cautiously into the wall. It made strange ripples that wobbled slowly out of sight.

  Mort looked up as a shape drifted overhead. It was a black owl, patrollng the ditches for anything small and squeaky.

  It hit the wall with a splash of sparkling mist, leaving an owl-shaped ripple that grew and spread until it joined the boiling kaleidoscope.

  Then it vanished. Mort could see through the transparent interface, and certainly no owl reappeared on the other side. Just as he was puzzling over this there was another soundless splash a few feet away and the bird burst into view again, totally unconcerned, and skimmed away across the fields.

  Mort pulled himself together, and stepped through the barrier which was no barrier at all. It tingled.

  A moment later Binky burst through after him, eyes rolling in desperation and tendrils of interface catching on his hooves. He reared up, shaking his mane like a dog to remove clinging fibres of mist, and looked at Mort beseechingly.

  Mort caught his bridle, patted him on the nose, and fumbled in his pocket for a rather grubby sugar lump. He was aware that he was in the presence of something important, but he wasn't yet quite sure what it was.

  There was a road running between an avenue of damp and gloomy willow trees. Mort remounted and steered Binky across the field into the dripping darkness under the branches.

  In the distance he could see the lights of Sto Helit, which really wasn't much more than a small town, and a faint glow on the edge of sight must be Sto Lat. He looked at it longingly.

  The barrier worried him. He could see it creeping across the field behind the trees.

  Mort was on the point of urging Binky back into the air when he saw the light immediately ahead of him, warm and beckoning. It was spilling from the windows of a large building set back from the road. It was probably a cheerful sort of light in any case, but in these surroundings and compared with Mort's mood it was positively ecstatic.

  As he rode nearer he saw shadows moving against it, and made out a few snatches of song. It was an inn, and inside there were people having a good time, or what passed for a good time if you were a peasant who spent most of your time closely concerned with cabbages. Compared to brassicas, practically anything is fun.

  There were human beings in there, doing uncomplicated human things like getting drunk and forgetting the words of songs.

  Mort had never really felt homesick, possibly because his mind had been too occupied with other things. But he felt it now for the first time — a sort of longing, not for a place, but for a state of mind, for being just an ordinary human being with straightforward things to worry about, like money and sickness and other people. . . .

  'I shall have a drink,' he thought, 'and perhaps I shall feel better.'

  There was an open-fronted stable at one side of the main building, and he led Binky into the warm, horse-smelling darkness that already accommodated three other horses. As Mort unfastened the nosebag he wondered if Death's horse felt the same way about other horses which had rather less supernatural lifestyles. He certainly looked impressive compared to the others, which regarded him watchfully. Binky was a real horse — the blisters of the shovel handle on Mort's hands were a testimony to that — and compared to the others he looked more real than ever. More solid. More horsey. Slightly larger than life.

  In fact, Mort was on the verge of making an important deduction, and it is unfortunate that he was distracted, as he walked across the yard to the inn's low door, by the sight of the inn sign. Its artist hadn't been particularly gifted, but there was no mistaking the line of Keli's jaw or her mass of fiery hair in the portrait of The Quene's Hed.

  He sighed, and pushed open the door.

  As one man, the assembled company stopped talking and stared at him with the honest rural stare that suggests that for two pins they'll hit you around the head with a shovel and bury your body under a compost heap at full moon.

  It might be worth taking another look at Mort, because he's changed a lot in the last few chapters. For example, while he still has plenty of knees and elbows about his person, they seem to have migrated to their normal places and he no longer moves as though his joints were loosely fastened together with elastic bands. He used to look as if he knew nothing at all; now he looks as though he knows too much. Something about his eyes suggests that he has seen things that ordinary people never see, or at least never see more than once.

  Something about all the rest of him suggests to the watchers that causing an inconvenience for this boy might just be as wise as kicking a wasp nest. In short, Mort no longer looks like something the cat brought in and then brought up.

  The landlord relaxed his grip on the stout blackthorn peacemaker he kept under the bar and composed his features into something resembling a cheerful welcoming grin, although not very much.

  'Evening, your lordship,' he said. 'What's your pleasure this cold and frosty night?'

  'What?' said Mort, blinking in the light.

  'What he means is, what d'you want to drink?' said a small ferret-faced man sitting by the fire, who was giving Mort the kind of look a butcher gives a field full of lambs.

  'Um. I don't know,' said Mort. 'Do you sell star drip?'

  'Never heard of it, lordship.'

  Mort looked around at the faces watching him, illuminated by the firelight. They were the sort of people generally called the salt of the earth. In other words, they were hard, square and bad for your health, but Mort was too preoccupied to notice.

  'What do people like to drink here, then?'

  The landlord looked sideways at his customers, a clever trick given that they were directly in front of him.

  'Why, lordship, we drink scum
ble, for preference.'

  'Scumble?' said Mort, failing to notice the muffled sniggers.

  'Aye, lordship. Made from apples. Well, mainly apples.'

  This seemed healthy enough to Mort. 'Oh, right,' he said. 'A pint of scumble, then.' He reached into his pocket and withdrew the bag of gold that Death had given him. It was still quite full. In the sudden hush of the inn the faint clink of the coins sounded like the legendary Brass Gongs of Leshp, which can be heard far out to sea on stormy nights as the currents stir them in their drowned towers three hundred fathoms below.

  'And please serve these gentlemen with whatever they want,' he added.

  He was so overwhelmed by the chorus of thanks that he didn't take much notice of the fact that his new friends were served their drink in tiny, thimble-sized glasses, while his alone turned up in a large wooden mug.

  A lot of stories are told about scumble, and how it is made out on the damp marshes according to ancient recipes handed down rather unsteadily from father to son. It's not true about the rats, or the snake heads, or the lead shot. The one about the dead sheep is a complete fabrication. We can lay to rest all the variations of the one about the trouser button. But the one about not letting it come into contact with metal is absolutely true, because when the landlord flagrantly shortchanged Mort and plonked the small heap of copper in a puddle of the stuff it immediately began to froth.

  Mort sniffed his drink, and then took a sip. It tasted something like apples, something like autumn mornings, and quite a lot like the bottom of a logpile. Not wishing to appear disrespectful, however, he took a swig.

  The crowd watched him, counting under its breath.

  Mort felt something was being demanded of him.

  'Nice,' he said, 'very refreshing.' He took another sip. 'Bit of an acquired taste,' he added, 'but well worth the effort, I'm sure.'

  There were one or two mutters of discontent from the back of the crowd.

  'He's been watering the scumble, that's what 'tis.'

  'Nay, thou knowst what happens if you lets a drop of water touch scumble.'

 

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