occasionally.
My husband is an honest man, but the keyword in this phrase is that he's a man. Let's never forget how these creatures operate. They treat everything like it's a competition and want to show off every waking second of their pathetic existence. And pity on the girls who don't look pretty enough to show off. Those men will use you for a late night safe deposit box, and afterwards; forget that they ever possessed the key.
I was lucky enough to receive a man who was looking for a return on his deposits. He married me. He takes care of me... Which is why, for the life of me I can't comprehend why I'm in his brother's hotel room with my legs wrapped around his head moving my kitty like I was working a hoola hoop.
"Uhhh... Jamal.... eat that pussy baby.... uhh... I love it when you do that shit. Ahhhh... uhhhh.. that's the spot Daddy! Uhhhhh.. Why you so gwooooood to me! Uhhhh... Yesss.... Slurp that
pusssssssssyyyy... uhhhhh... ahhhh... uhhhh."
I had lost my motherfucking mind, but I dare any bitch in my current situation to just close their legs and walk off. Exactly, so don't judge me.
"Mmmmmmmm! Mmmmmmmmmm!" I was mumbling shit that was starting to no longer make sense anymore.
"Mmmmmm! Mmm! Mmmmmm!" I was sounding like I had been gagged even though nothing was in my mouth.
I relaxed the hold that my legs had around his head to give him more freedom and flexibility. Jamal took full advantage of it and slurped, sucked, twirled, and tongue tickled from my clit to the bottom of my backdoor entrance. He was a nasty freak and I was loving every disgusting minute of it.
"Ahhhhhh Shittttt Jamallll! I'm bout to commmmeeee! Shit boy! Damn! Suck them juices... Ahhhhhhhhhh!"
I instantly launched my body into the fetal position and stuck my finger in my mouth while my body rocked with earthquake rivaling tremors.
Ecstasy flowed through my veins like vitamins, turning into the nutrients required to make me smile again.
To allow me to live.
Seeing Jamal was the one single activity that kept me from divorcing his brother. I remained married to my wonderful husband through an act of erotic ransom.
Back when I was about to divorce my husband, unbeknownst to me, my lawyer was one of Jamal's many women. He found out and one day while Richie was at work, Jamal came over. Jamal had mentally probed and interrogated me for two hours until I finally told him the real reason I was about to leave my husband and three kids behind.
"Richie can't fuck!"
"What are you talking about? It's kind of late in the game to be worrying about if your husband slash father of three kids can fuck or not!"
"Well late or early, I wanna be fucked and fucked good for the rest of my miserable years. Even at the age of 30, I have never in my life had an orgasm. Never Jamal! And I want them! Over and over and forever and over!"
That was the day that I had my first orgasm. I could tell that Jamal derived no pleasure from the situation; could see that it was an act of charity and pity, a display of the strength of the love he had for his brother. He loved his brother so much, that he risked getting caught with his brother's wife just so he wouldn't have to see his brother in pain.
It was like he picked up the slack, had sexually committed himself to an incest-filled obligation. Initially, I was disgusted at the thought of sleeping with my brother in law, but after getting my very first orgasm, I threatened him.
I reversed the roles. Told him that I'd get it from him whenever I wanted it, or else I'd tell Richie everything.
But he had too much spunk. He had immediately grabbed his cell phone and called Richie.
"Tell him then!" He barked at me.
His eyes defied authority and his body language told me not to even breathe hard enough for Richie to hear. I had retreated in my threats, and realized that he wasn't the type of man to be played with. He had enough defiance for him, and enough to cover his brother's lack of.
He settled his brother's debts with me, and told me that as long as I kept Richie happy, he would pay Richie's debts. Would
sparingly give me the only thing that life had left to offer me... orgasms.
But they would be given on his own terms. Would be late but always on time. And I faithfully kept my end of the deal.
I smiled even though my husband rarely looked in my direction. His food stayed hot and his dick stayed sucked. The house stayed clean and the clothes stayed washed.
I had nothing left to complain about since I began dealing with Jamal. He held my tickets to Cloud 9, and Cloud 12 and beyond. He held the ticket to my sanity, my happiness. He handed me a ticket sparingly, leaving no stubs behind and always made me understand that it was always a round trip ticket.
I come, then I go.
But even though I go, I'm not worried because I still came!
Sometimes on his dick I came, and
sometimes on his face. He often encouraged me to come, to open the flood gates and let my womanly juices lather up on his lips and allow my liquid orgasm to seep onto his taste buds.
I had never met a man with the sexual IQ of Jamal, and chances were I would never encounter another version of him ever in my lifetime.
Even though my weight had collected in unwanted places, Jamal had never given me unwanted faces.
I disgusted myself around my husband, yet felt like a model when I was around his brother.
His brother was my keeper. Ticketmaster. Puppet master. Magician. Black-mail technician. The greatest actor without an Oscar. The most selfish, yet sexually unselfish person in the world.
The orgasm donor.
*******
Chapter 3
Mya
4-19-2002 at 7 P.M. "Over here Mya! Hey! Over here! Over here! Smile for the camera! Mya!"
Mya was in her bedroom watching herself get attacked by TMZ on their controversial gossip show. She flipped to VH-1, saw that they were playing her new video and flipped again. This time she landed on the Jersey Shore reality show. Sammi was crying over Ronnie again and it was absolutely too much to bear. She turned the television off and closed her eyes.
With them closed she could see the world better. Could gaze into her life and focus on her situation. Tears found an outlet at the seams and leaked through the clasps of her eyelids. The pain attacked her body, confusing her in a way that she had never been confused before. Here she was a young rich celebrity that could have anything she didn't want. But when it came down to what she really wanted, she found it unattainable.
She wanted love, and someone to share her incredible and spectacular life with. The level of hurt she was experiencing made her feel like she was broke all over again. Made her feel how she felt when she was struggling to get either a job or a record deal. The way she felt that night when her and her mother didn't have a place to sleep so they slept at the bus station.
She sat in her bed and cried. Her tears massaging her hands and becoming soaked up by her face.
Normally, she kept her problems private, but tonight the pain was too overbearing to hold in. She picked up her phone and called Jamal. No answer. Typical, she thought. She called her mother next, and she answered on the first ring.
"Mooooommmmmmmmm...."
"Mya, what's wrong babyyyy? Why are you crying sugar? Don't cry baby... Shhh... shhh.. It's going to be o.k. no matter what it is baby."
Mya had completely broken down as soon as she heard her mother's voice on the other end of the phone. She was crying so hard that it made her mother join in with her.
"Tell me what's wrong baby... Tell mama what's wrong..."
Her mother continuously wiped the tears from her eyes that had come as a result of hearing the pain from her only child.
"Mama, I love this man named Jamal and he... don't... love... me... back! I can't get over him, I can't stop hurting mama. I'm hurting mama I'm HURTING! Mama I'm HURTING mama! It hurts!"
Sobs rocked her body, made her tremble like she was having a seizure, while her throat was clogged with air that felt too th
ick to swallow without water.
"Shhh... baby... it's going to be o.k. I promise you that baby. I need you to answer one question for me o.k.? Did you lose your virginity to him?"
There was a brief silence on the phone. Brief, but long enough to answer the question without speaking.
"I'm so sorry mama... I tried to wait until marriage, but I'm 24 years old now mama! I'm so sorrryyyy mama!"
"Baby listen to me. I honestly thought that you had lost your virginity 8 years ago. I was just trying to lighten the mood when I asked you that question. I'm so sorry baby. Just because you gave someone your virginity doesn't mean that you have to give him anything else that's precious to you. And right now you're giving him too much of your time. Channel your hurt. Take the negative energy and go write a song about your experiences. There are hundreds of thousands of young women, perhaps even millions that stand to learn from what you've just been through. Make some good out of the
situation. Go to the studio baby."
As the words were coming out of her mother's mouth, fresh ideas were flowing through her head.
"You're right mom," she said as she wiped her eyes and went to fetch her laptop, "I'm about to go to the studio right now.. thanks mom, I love you."
"I love you too baby. Call me if you need anything. And I mean anything."
Mya hung the phone up and went to pack some luggage. She was planning to lock herself into the studio until she had
transferred all of her hurt into mp3 format. She loved Jamal, but Jamal didn't love her back. She would get over him and move on. She promised herself that she would not allow him back into her life and that she would soon forget about him. She promised herself that there wouldn't be any more problems.
******
4-26-2002 at 11 A.M. Lisa and Jamal It was a beautiful morning in Pittsburgh. The sun was shining at its maximum strength, with no visible clouds. It was like someone had removed the cover off of the light bulb and ran off with it. Jamal had on a peach button up along with a pair of light gray dress pants. He wore dark brown dress shoes and had his hair braided in a design that took two people and 7 hours to finish.
He cruised through the city, attempting to blend in with what was normal, but was failing miserably. Trying to blend in with working class citizens while driving a Rolls Royce was like a smiling alligator.
It simply was not convincing.
He made his way over the bridge and exited onto Banksville Road. People were smiling and waving at him as if they knew him. They treated him like a celebrity and he enjoyed every second of it. He had on a dark pair of Gucci Shades that he referred to as his "Zero MPH shades." He insisted that they were necessary to stay comfortable at every stop light and stop sign.
Mentally, the shades propelled people's eyes off of him when they stared. They made him feel invincible and gave him permission to stare back at people without them even realizing it. He drove past the Days Inn hotel and took a right at the next light.
He pulled into the Eat-N-Park restaurant, 10 minutes late for his lunch date with Lisa Lee. By the time he opened his car door and laid his foot on the pavement, Lisa Lee was walking out of the restaurant. She had on an expensive mini skirt and four inch designer heels. Everyone stared at her, mesmerized by her star power. She made her way up to Jamal's car and put her hands on her hips.
"Ummmm... you might as well crank your little car back up and drive that shit back the opposite direction."
"What? What the fuck are you talking about?"
"You know exactly what I'm talking about Jamal. Your whole little charade you got going on. You told me to be here at 10:30 A.M. on the dot, yet you show up late. Then I'm only able to get in touch with you once out of every week. I don't play childish games, boy I will cut you."
Jamal stared at her for a moment watching her vent her frustrations. Lisa Lee wasn't a stunner in the looks department, but
throughout the past week, Jamal had been unable to get her out of his mind. She reminded him of him in so many ways.
She was feisty, knew what she wanted, and demanded that it be delivered. She wasn't like the other girls that he'd encountered as a player. The other girls were weak willed and weak minded, yet Lisa embodied the essence of a strong black woman.
The first night they met, they had sex, but Jamal had chalked that off to her being horny on Valentines like so many other single women. She wasn't clingy like he initially thought. After their sexual tryst, she didn't try to contact him too much. She had only went by his mother's and aunt's houses to pass a message that she'd left her ear-rings in his car by accident. She simply wanted her jewelery back.
"And why would you cut a gentleman in a Rolls Royce?"
"Boy please... you think you got all the game don't you?"
"Wait... wait... Lisa, I see we're getting off on the wrong start. Let's try this again. How about we reschedule our date, and I'll pick you up this time?"
"Mannn..."
"Before you say no', just know that I have never wanted to spend time with a woman as desperately as I want to spend it with you."
Those words flowed out of Jamal's mouth without him even realizing what he was really saying. He had never felt this way about a woman, and never thought he would actually feel good about saying it.
"Awwww, that's so sweet Jamal."
Lisa pressed her soft palm against his cheek and smiled. She stood there in a rebellious pose that said "I'm a star outside of my car, how about you?" She stood there in a bowlegged stance in an apple red pair of heels with an apple red purse and apple red lipstick. She wasn't gorgeous, but she fully deserved to be classified as beautiful.
If nothing else, her personality made her a dime piece. Her voice made her a stunner, and her personality made her seem even more desirable than she actually was. Jamal got out of his car and gave her a hug, rubbing his hands across her warm frail frame. It had been quite some time since he genuinely liked a woman. He had been using and taking advantage of women for so long, that he didn't know what the next move should be.
If he dived into a relationship with Lisa Lee, who was going to pay for his Rolls Royce?
Was having real love worth more than having an expensive vehicle?
He asked himself these questions as he mentally embraced the possibilities. He stood in the sun's glowing smile and inhaled the essence of Lisa Lee's body. It was a fulfilling moment, a moment that made Jamal feel like it would be o.k. to trade in his player card for the membership that Lisa Lee had to offer.
He was a prisoner of the moment, and each second spent hugging Lisa made him more and more mesmerized, more and more likely to give a real relationship a try.
Lisa put her feminine touch on his neck.
A touch so smooth and soft. A touch that warmed, tickled, and cooled his skin simultaneously. She had a touch that could rival a cool breeze in the summertime.
A plethora of thoughts knocked on Jamal's door. The thought with the strongest fist knocked the door off of the hinges. It's presence was uninvited and tarnishing his thinking process.
He thought about the slickness of a woman's betrayal. He thought about the past, when his mother cheated on his father right after his old man left for work. He thought about the lies that women told effortlessly. He thought about the pain he'd seen his uncle in when he caught another man in his bed.
He thought about his brother, whose wife lied to him and betrayed him 3 weeks out of every month. The only time she was faithful was the week when her body forced her to be. When all of her demons were forced to bleed out into a piece of cotton with a string on it.
Jamal instantly felt sick to his stomach. For a brief moment he had considered giving a relationship a chance. Then his emotional reserve blacked out and all compassion fled.
"Jamal.... there's nothing more I want than to spend time with you. You are an incredible guy, so I know that we'll be incredible if we became a team..."
Jamal snapped out of his day dream after hearing Lisa speak. He st
ared into her eyes searching for help. Searching for answers. And when he was unable to find answers, he started looking for questions. Repetitively he found nothing. He couldn't find a hint about how loyal of a woman she could be.
Couldn't find that North star in her eyes to help guide his decision.
"I like you Jamal..."
"I like you too Lisa..."
"Do you really?"
"Do I really what?"
"Do you really like me, Jamal? Be honest."
Jamal grabbed her hand gently and gazed into her eyes again. This time he wasn't searching for anything any more. He wanted to give her a chance to search. A chance for her to find his North star.
"Yea, I really do like you Lisa. I like you a lot. I enjoy your company."
Lisa leaned against him and gave him a french kiss so passionate, it felt like he was still kissing her when she stopped.
When she leaned back, Jamal swore that he could see a new fire in her eyes. It was the North star, and she'd made sure that Jamal fully understood how to interpret her eye's glow.
"I'm glad you enjoy my company Jamal, because I'm pregnant."
******
Tammy
5-5-2002 at 5 P.M. Tammy's frustrations were shown on her face. Every breath she took seemed like it was followed by a grimace. As if she was struggling just to continue to exist. A lone tear leaked out of her eye. She didn't interrupt it, she allowed it to irrigate her face. Allowed it to quench the fire that had been locked into the pigments of her skin. She was in a level of pain and misery that she had never experienced before. Mental pain seemed to transfer to physical pain with every waking moment.
"Arggghhhh!" Tammy screamed in agony. She was feeling so bad that she was seriously considering suicide. It seemed to be the only viable option over what had just happened to her.
"Why me!?" She wailed as she knelt in front of her porcelain boss.
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