by Diane Lennox
“No,” Simon said, shaking his head. “I’m sorry, Leander, I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Well that’s what it’s starting to sound like.”
“It’s not. I just want to be strong for you. I don’t like you seeing me like this.”
“I want to see every side of my brother, even the pathetic sides, you’ve seen more than enough of mine,” Leander said. “We’re stronger together, Simon, you know that. Stop pushing me away, especially right now when you need me.”
Simon nodded a little, but it didn’t seem as committal as Leander would have liked.
Leander sighed. “Come on, let’s go downtown to the shops you like.”
“No, Leander, that’s too far.”
Leander glared. “Well I’m going and I know you won’t abandon me,” he said then stormed off towards the tram stop. It was a bit underhanded, but Simon was being a stubborn brat and Leander knew Simon always cheered up as soon as he was in the heart of the city he loved so much. Leander just needed to get him there.
Simon of course followed him, but he sent Leander a challenging little glare of his own. “You know, I’m not sure if it counts as comforting me if you’re making me do stuff I don’t want to do,” Simon said.
“But you do want to do it, you just don’t want it to bother me, and you won’t listen to me when I tell you that it isn’t bothering me. I want to go downtown with you.”
“Fine.”
They stood in silence at the stop and waited for the downtown tram to appear, which didn’t take long. The pair of them hopped on and Simon let Leander take the window seat as usual while he sat closer to the aisle to protect Leander from having to potentially interact with, or bump into, other people.
After a short ride they arrived downtown where there were far more people socializing and shopping in the myriad of shops that lined the narrow streets. Simon remained close to Leander’s side as they walked, closer than usual, their fingers nearly brushing with every step. Their proximity was always determined by how many people there were around them. The busier it was the closer Simon would stay to Leander. However, despite the physical closeness, it seemed Simon was still a bit grumpy and didn’t talk until they came upon a shop that neither recognized.
“This is new,” Simon said. “Do you want to go inside?”
Leander nodded and let Simon open the door for him, allowing him to enter first, but Simon followed close behind.
“Oh, wow,” Leander whispered as he looked around. There was jewelry absolutely everywhere – on tables, hanging off the walls, covering stone and glass busts – and all of it looked like it came out of a fantasy movie. Every single piece was ornate, bold, and distinctly unique.
“Good evening, gentlemen,” a young, copper skinned man greeted them and walked out from behind one of the counters. “Is there anything I can help you with?”
Simon stepped forward, making sure Leander was a bit behind him. “I think we’ll just take a look around first, if that’s alright.”
“Of course! You take your time, if you need anything I’ll be right over here,” the young man said with a smile then thankfully backed away. Leander always felt a bit bombarded when shopkeepers approached them like that.
Simon led them to a corner of the shop, likely to give Leander a moment to gather himself. “All good?” Simon asked, confirming Leander’s guess.
Leander nodded and looked around. “This place is amazing.”
“Isn’t it?” Simon said with a little grin before it suddenly faltered. “I asked Alexei to go on a date with me to look at jewelry next time we met up.”
“And you will. It just might be a couple weeks, that’s all. I’m sure he’d love this place,” Leander said with a reassuring smile and forced himself not to reach out for Simon’s hand. Even after years of practice of avoiding physical contact with Simon the instinct never went away. He still didn’t know why Simon didn’t like touching him that much, but it wasn’t like he was overly affectionate with his other family members either. It hurt sometimes, but Leander held onto his grandpa’s words from long ago – Simon just didn’t express his love the same way others did and if Leander loved him he’d respect that and let Simon love him in his own way.
“He would, wouldn’t he?” Simon agreed, his smile making a small reappearance.
“Come on, let’s take a good look around so that when you bring him in you’ll have an idea of what to show him,” Leander said and started to look at the merchandise all around them.
They were quiet as they slowly made their way around the shop, but it was a comfortable silence this time, and despite the eccentricity of the jewelry the space itself had a strangely soothing atmosphere to it, almost otherworldly, and it made Leander feel more at ease. Possibly because he himself enjoyed anything fantastical.
“Somehow I can see Alexei pulling this off,” Simon said.
“Oh wow, I can see it,” Leander agreed with a grin as he walked over, looking at the necklace Simon was holding up. It had numerous strands of black and white wooden beads with small talons mixed in amongst them. It was bold, wild, and sexy, just like Alexei.
“It’ll be fun, taking him here, he’s got such a different sort of style. He’d be willing to try on all sorts of things I’m sure,” Simon said with a fond smile.
“He will. Though I wouldn’t mind trying on some stuff as well. You should pick something out for me and I’ll pick something for you,” Leander said.
“Alright,” Simon agreed, his dark eyes looking much more alive than they had earlier back at the house. Leander had been right to take him out.
The two of them scoured the shop and met up by the mirror once they had something picked out.
“Me first,” Leander said and opened his hand, offering Simon a large, dark silver ring. It depicted a human skull with an ornate, gothic crown atop its head decorated with a few tiny garnet stones.
Simon chuckled and took the ring from Leander, slipping it on. It was so large it nearly covered half his finger.
“You know, I almost like it,” Simon said, studying the ring. “A little too bold, but I like the idea of it.”
“Those were my thoughts too,” Leander said, admiring the ring on Simon’s hand. “I think you’d look good with more rings, you know. You have good hands for it and the right style.”
“Thank you,” Simon replied a bit awkwardly before revealing the necklace he was barely hiding in the closed fist of his other hand. “This is for you.”
Leander gasped softly. It was a gorgeous chainmail piece with dangling, chandelier like chains that faded from black to a dark, flirtatious pink along the front. Though the colours were definitely ones Leander liked, the style was far from anything he owned.
“This is far too sexy for me!” Leander exclaimed.
Simon sputtered a little. “I didn’t mean for it to be sexy! I just thought perhaps you’d feel powerful wearing it. I was inspired by your desire to become grandpa’s successor. It’s alright if you don’t want to try it on.”
“No, it’s okay, I’ll try it on. Will you put it on for me?” Leander asked. Despite feeling shy he didn’t want to disappoint Simon. Besides, his brother usually knew exactly what looked good on Leander, he wouldn’t have chosen a piece that wouldn’t flatter him, even if it wasn’t his usual style.
“If you want me to.”
“I do,” Leander said more confidently this time and lifted his long hair out of the way.
With careful hands that didn’t once brush Leander’s skin Simon put the necklace on him and stepped back, studying him.
“Well? How is it?” Leander asked.
“Look for yourself,” Simon said and gestured to the mirror.
Leander turned to look and blinked a little, surprised at the image that greeted him. The necklace was indeed a far cry from his usual daintier style, but it didn’t look bad at all. In fact it suited him unnervingly well, and a part of him quite liked it now that it was on. Though the part
of him that liked it was the same part of him that was ambitious enough to be Shar and enjoyed the power he had over his brother a little too much.
“Do you like it?” Leander asked, turning to Simon, wanting his opinion like he always did.
Simon nodded slowly, as if he wasn’t entirely sure if he wanted to say yes. “Do you like it?”
“More than I thought I would,” Leander admitted and ran his fingers slowly over the chainmail links. “It’s heavy.”
“I’m not surprised. There’s a lot of metal going on there.”
“There definitely is. And you were right, by the way, I do feel powerful wearing it.”
“Do you want it?” Simon asked.
Leander shook his head. “No. I don’t think I can pull off something so bold right now. But perhaps in the future.” He knew he had to be very clear on that or else Simon was liable to get it for him.
“Alright,” Simon said and slipped the ring off his finger. “Did you want to look around some more or are you good for now?”
“I think I’m good for today,” Leander said and took off the necklace. “Let’s put these back then head out.”
Simon nodded in agreement and then the two of them headed out with a quick goodbye to the young shopkeeper.
After that they popped into a couple shops they already knew, mostly so that Leander wouldn’t be subjected to more shopkeepers who didn’t already know he was shy, and eventually ended up near Bard Square where a live band was playing outdoors.
“Let’s go see what’s going on,” Leander said with a smile, knowing Simon loved these sorts of things.
“Are you sure?” Simon asked, his eyes already twinkling in excitement. As if Leander could ever say no to those eyes.
“Of course, but um, let’s keep to the sidelines,” Leander said. As much as he wanted Simon to see the impromptu show he didn’t really want to be too close to the stage or jumbled in with all the people.
“We will,” Simon said and led them closer, making sure to keep Leander away from the crowd as promised.
The band was upbeat, giving off a pop vibe with strong hints of something folk, like the tavern songs their grandfather liked to sing at work. Leander quite liked it and soon found himself swaying a little to the beat.
“Like them?” Simon asked, smiling at Leander.
Leander nodded. “They’re fun. Maybe this summer you can put on a little show like this.”
“Perhaps,” Simon said, looking back to the stage. “Though I’m not sure if music is the direction I want to go in.”
“No?”
“I feel like I’d enjoy sports better for some reason. I know that sounds dumb, considering I don’t follow sports that closely, but I like the energy of it better.”
“Then look into it,” Leander encouraged. “Have you thought more about what Alexei said? About taking time off?”
Simon nodded. “I’m seriously considering it. I’ll finish up this semester of school first though before I make any concrete decisions.”
“Well if you need help talking to grandpa about it, I’m here for you. I personally think taking some time off to intern and volunteer would be useful. If nothing else you’d get a better feel for how things are done and if you want to continue pursuing it or not.”
“I agree,” Simon said and looked to him. “After this semester is done we’ll talk to him.”
“Good,” Leander said and grinned, liking the determined gleam in his brother’s eyes. It suited him far better than the scared, haunted look from earlier.
Though no matter what Simon decided Leander would be by his side supporting him as always. Whether it was school, work, or Alexei, Leander was going to help him through all of it. Simon was only just starting to find his way and Leander had no doubt that his brother was going to be insanely successful as soon as he found his path.
Leander glanced upwards towards the rising twin moons and silently thanked the gods for bringing him into the world with Simon. He couldn’t imagine living without the other half of his soul always at his side.
~~~~~
“Ezra won’t be coming home tonight.”
Pasha Scarlett turned from his computer to look at Yuri who was now standing in his bedroom doorway. Alice, meanwhile, was already in Pasha’s room, lying on his bed reading a romance novel like he usually did in the evenings.
“Where is he?” Pasha asked.
“Staying with Marius. Apparently they never made it to dinner because something went amiss as soon as Marius met Lazarus-khan. Ezra didn’t give me details,” Yuri explained.
“Is everyone okay?” Pasha asked. Saying something went ‘amiss’ when a hunter was involved didn’t exactly put Pasha at ease.
Yuri shrugged. “Ezra said Marius was quite upset, but that’s all.”
“Fuck, I hope it’s nothing too major,” Pasha said. Knowing Ezra he might have been keeping things from them so as to not worry them.
“Ezra sounded more irritated that anything, so I don’t think any serious harm came to him or Marius,” Yuri replied.
“That’s good,” Pasha said, trusting his older brother’s judgement. “So he’s staying at Marius-khan’s place?”
“That’s what he said.”
Pasha let out a low whistle. “I hope Ezra is taking advantage of this situation.”
Yuri smirked. “He’s not. At least not as much as I think we all hope he would. I asked.”
“It’s gotta be a good sign that he’s staying over though.”
“I think so,” Alice said, piping up. “From what Ezra has told us Marius-khan is a very private man. The fact that he’s allowing Ezra to stay at his home is quite a big step, even if they are only friends right now.”
“I hope you’re right,” Pasha said with a wistful sigh. “Gods, they really need to get together. And I hope Marius-khan comes over again. I still feel like shit because of last time.”
“You shouldn’t, it was my fault,” Yuri said, his usually sassy, confident voice fading into something far weaker. “Anyways, that’s all I needed to tell you. I’ll be in my room if you need me.”
“No, stay,” Pasha said, wishing he hadn’t been an idiot and mentioned the last time Marius was over. “It’s weird making a new video without you here, I don’t get to hear all your snarky input.”
“I doubt you actually want to hear it,” Yuri said and left the room.
“Hey, wait,” Pasha said and jumped out of his chair to go follow Yuri into his room. “I do want it. Come on, Yuri, we miss you, come hang out with us.”
“You don’t have to be nice to me, Pasha,” Yuri said. “In fact it’s weird.”
Pasha rolled his eyes. More often than not he and Yuri were at each other’s throats – both verbally and physically. However, that didn’t stop them from also being very close. Pasha was known to get downright miserable whenever he and Yuri had any sort of distance between them, so it wasn’t surprising that this current rift was already getting to him.
“That’s because you’re being weird. Come on, let’s hang out like we usually do. I don’t like us being apart,” Pasha said, nearly whining at this point.
Yuri shook his head. “I know you and Alice don’t see me the same way anymore.”
“Of course not, it was fucking scary seeing you and Ezra fight like that, but it doesn’t mean we love you any less. We know you were only doing it because you’re a wendigo. And it was kinda cool seeing you get all primal like that, I just wish it hadn’t been directed at Ezra.”
“I’m not ready, Pasha.”
“Well I am!” Pasha exclaimed. “Don’t do this to me, Yuri. Don’t you remember what happened last time you tried to distance yourself from me?”
Though there were quite a few instances where Yuri had fallen into a rut and pulled away from his brothers, Pasha knew Yuri would know exactly which time he was referring to. It was years ago now, when Pasha was only ten, but it was still a vivid memory. He had managed to piss Yuri right off and Yuri, wh
o was only thirteen at the time and still learning to control his wendigo strength, broke his arm like a twig while they were fighting. Rex, their father, had been furious and screamed at Yuri, which in turn caused their other father, Lucifer, to scream right back at Rex for being too hard on Yuri. It was the only time Pasha had ever seen Lucifer angry like that. Much like with Yuri and Ezra, it wasn’t a performance Pasha ever wanted to see again.
Point was, after it happened, Yuri felt horrible and refused to play with Pasha anymore. He wouldn’t fight either – verbally or physically – despite Pasha’s constant provoking. Pasha tried everything, including reminding Yuri constantly that he knew Yuri did it by mistake, that he wouldn’t actually mean to hurt Pasha that badly, but nothing got through to Yuri. Eventually Pasha just broke down and cried until he made himself sick and refused everything – food, comfort, sleep – until Yuri agreed to play and fight with him again. That’s how much he loved Yuri and needed his brother’s love in return. Though he felt the same about Alice and Ezra as well. He simply couldn’t survive without his brothers’ love. He wouldn’t want to survive.
“It’s not the same,” Yuri said.
“No, not exactly, but it’s following the same theme. You got out of hand, we all know it wasn’t malicious, and now you’re distancing yourself out of guilt. And just like last time I will cry again until I puke. And then if that’s not enough I won’t eat, or sleep, or even go to school. I’ll do whatever I have to.”
“Don’t, Pasha,” Yuri said with a sigh.
“Then don’t pull away! Come on, please, just come lie on my bed with Alice, you don’t even have to say anything if you don’t want to. Do you know how weird it is to go to bed and not smell your shampoo?”
“What?” Yuri asked, his pale face turning a little pink.
“It’s weird not smelling your shampoo!” Pasha explained again, his own face getting rather warm, but he thought maybe the admission of something so embarrassing might make Yuri realize just how much Pasha missed him. “Like seriously, it’s become one of my comfort smells. I mean, I can smell Alice on my other pillow, but his scent isn’t as strong as yours.”