by Diane Lennox
“A little ambition doesn’t need to be a bad thing. Do you think I’m all dark and evil because I have ambitions to become a wealthy entrepreneur putting on dazzling shows?”
“No, but I think you’re going to cross paths with people that won’t be that upstanding, especially if they get jealous of you,” Leander replied.
“Leander, what do you want for this family? If you were Shar, how would you guide us?” Simon asked.
Leander bit at his lip, considering the question.
“And be honest. Don’t just give me ‘I want everyone to be happy’. Dip into that ambitious part that you’re scared of and tell me the truth.”
“What if you don’t approve? Or think I’m stupid? Or think it’s weird or dark or–”
“Stop,” Simon said and finally did reach out to put his hand on top of Leander’s for a brief moment before pulling away. “I may not agree with everything you say, but you needn’t fear me judging you. All I’d do is talk it out with you, that’s all,” he said then frowned. “Have I ever made you feel stupid before?”
“No,” Leander immediately replied. “Never.”
“Good, because I would never intentionally do that to you,” Simon said. “Now tell me all these dark, ambitious things you’re afraid of.”
Leander didn’t reply at first. In truth he hadn’t really thought of any concrete plans. “I suppose… well… I think I’d want to push more. I feel like our family is full of talented people yet nobody really takes us seriously. Or maybe they don’t know what to think. I don’t know. Point is, we’re not talked about like the Amberwoods, or the Desjardins, or even the Romeros, and I think we should be. Well, eventually. Once we find our way. You and I are only starting our lives and I feel like Amos hasn’t found his passion yet.”
Simon nodded, staring at Leander with rapt attention. “Keep going.”
Leander gave his brother a twitch of a smile, his worries starting to leave him. Of course Simon would listen to him and not judge him. Why did Leander even doubt that?
“And I want us to be closer. I know we eat together as much as we can, and it’s hard when we go to school and Amos, Jamie, and grandfather sometimes all work nights, but I want to feel like we’re all working towards something together. And, well, I feel like we should know more about each other,” Leander said then started to frown. “I didn’t like when father refused to tell me why he was violent with Marius. It made me feel so pushed aside and… and I threw a glass, Simon,” he admitted and bowed his head. “I didn’t even realize what was going on until it was already done and there was glass all over the fireplace. It’s another reason I feel like I shouldn’t be Shar, because I don’t want to be like that when I don’t get my way. It was shameful and immature.”
Simon didn’t say anything, he just stared, and it made Leander hide even more against his stuffed cat.
“Say something,” Leander muttered against the fake fur.
“I’m not sure what to say.”
Leander slumped. “Just agree and say ‘yes, Leander, you were being immature.’”
“But I’m not sure if you were. You said you didn’t even realize you threw the glass until after it happened. If that’s the case then it doesn’t sound as if you were having a hissy fit, it sounds like you suddenly snapped,” Simon said then frowned. “I’m sorry, Leander, I didn’t realize me keeping things from you was upsetting you that much.”
“I didn’t realize it either,” Leander replied. He really hadn’t. Of course he knew he was irritated, but not enough to make him do something so violent.
“Then we’ll fix that. Also, I don’t think it’s a good reason for you not to be Shar, because like I said, I really don’t believe it was you being immature. I mean, you can be a brat, but I know you don’t intend to make throwing glasses a habit.”
“No,” Leander agreed. He hoped never to do something that dramatic ever again. He didn’t like how it made him feel at all.
“Exactly. But back onto our other topic, you’re still supposed to be telling me your dreams of the future, which so far sound neither dark nor weird,” Simon said.
“I suppose,” Leander said with a shrug. “Do you really want to hear more though?”
“Of course I do.”
“Well, um, I want Amos to find something he loves and to see him come out of his shell. I mean, he obviously makes Jamie very happy, but I’ve never really seen him talk about anything else that makes his eyes light up, you know?”
“I know,” Simon said with a nod.
“And father, well, I’d like him to date. He hasn’t had a sweetheart of any sort the entire time we’ve been alive and I think he’d be interested if the right man came his way. I know he goes on one night stands, so he can’t be entirely disinterested in other men. I don’t know, I just feel like he deserves to enjoy some romance, even if it was a whirlwind summer fling.”
Simon smirked. “Hm. I don’t know Leander, the idea of wanting Amos to find a passion of his own and our father dating both seem far too weird and dark. Definitely not loving at all. You’re right, you’d make a very shitty Shar.”
“Ugh, Simon!” Leander cried and threw the cat he was holding at his brother.
Simon laughed and caught the cat, seeming ready for that attack. “Honestly, Leander, I can see why having people who would do nearly anything for you would make you feel uncomfortable, but these ambitions you seem to have for our family aren’t even remotely dark, not even your ambition of wanting our family to be taken more seriously. And I think you’re under a strange assumption that we’d do anything for you without question. We wouldn’t. If I didn’t agree with you I’d say so and I know father would as well. We’d be your soldiers, but not mindless ones. And, if it would make you feel better, I can promise you that I’ll always be here to listen and not judge if you do end up having some darker ambitions that you wish to voice, but perhaps not act on.”
Leander started to smile, feeling more relieved upon hearing Simon’s words of reason and comfort. How did he always seem to know what to say? “Thank you, Simon.”
“Anything for you,” Simon said with a teasing little smile. “Now I want you to promise me that you’ll stick to your dream of becoming Shar. I’ll help you convince father if you want me to as well.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. I have absolutely no doubt that you should be our next Shar. Like you said, nobody else makes sense. And you don’t have to be ready right now, Leander, you have years and years to learn everything you need to. Grandfather is a very healthy man, he’s going to be around for a long time and will be more than capable of being Shar for many years to come.”
“I suppose that’s true as well.” Leander did seem to think that now that he admitted his desire to be the next Shar he needed to be the perfect successor right away, which was a little ridiculous. Like Simon said, he had years to figure it out.
“It is true. Now stop moping about and get to work on figuring out what to do with Marius and father.”
Leander sighed and flopped back against the pillows along headboard of Simon’s bed. “I’ll try, but Father isn’t going to make it easy. He’s holding his cards very tight to his chest and I can’t put Marius anywhere near him until I can feel assured he won’t do something violent again.”
“You’ll think of something, and I’m here if you need help,” Simon said.
“Thank you, Simon,” Leander said and smiled genuinely at his brother. “For everything. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“The feeling is mutual.”
Leander rolled his eyes. “I think you’d do just fine.”
“I wouldn’t. You saw me panic yesterday and when I did you stepped in. I’m returning the favour now. Isn’t that what you wanted? For us to work together and be stronger?”
Leander’s smile quickly returned. “Yes, it is.”
“There you go. And I do need you. I may be better with people in a formal, professional setting
, but I’m not as collected as you when it comes to the more emotional situations. It’s you who has to calm me when father goes on his hunting trips or when grandpa gets ill, and it’s you who comforted me when I had my nightmare and knew exactly what to do to make me feel better. And I’m sure, in the future, I’m going to need help with Alexei as our relationship progresses.”
“You’re going to be willing to share that with me?” Leander asked.
“Yes, as much as I can. I just worry that it’ll be weird since Alexei may come to you as well if you’re to become his closest friend.”
Leander started to giggle. “Oh gods, that’s true, but I think I can handle it, being an impartial party making sure you both stay happy.”
“I think you can too.”
“Alright,” Leander said with a nod. “I’ll figure everything out somehow.”
“I know you will.”
Leander still wasn’t exactly sure how he was going to figure it all out, but his brother’s support and sound reasoning had restored quite a bit of confidence in himself. Yes, he was still scared about that ambition inside of him, and he still felt a little overwhelmed concerning the situation between Marius and his father, but he needn’t deal with it alone. Simon would be there should he ever get scared or need some advice.
He smiled. Yes, Simon would always be there.
Episode 4
A whirlwind of blonde and sunshine crashed right into Leander Kane, nearly toppling him right over.
“Leander!” Alexei cried, hugging Leander close.
“Alexei,” Leander said, almost reverently, as he returned the hug with just as much enthusiasm. It was probably a bit much considering they had only been apart for the weekend, but Leander didn’t care.
The three of them had decided to meet off campus at a nearby park for the Monday lunch they had planned. It was a quiet little spot with no other soul to be seen anywhere along the winding stone path. Which was probably the main reason why Leander didn’t care how affectionate he was with his friend. There was nobody around to scold him for it.
“Fuck,” Alexei swore softly and pulled away just enough so he could look at Leander. “A lunch hour is not enough time.”
“I know, but it’s all we have right now,” Leander replied with a small frown. He had no idea when he was going to get to see Alexei again, not when he still didn’t have any idea of how to get Marius and Lazarus in the same room.
“Then we’ll just have to make the most of it,” Alexei said and hugged Leander close once more.
Leander hugged back, trying to memorize everything he could about the man in case it was weeks before they could meet like this again. His exotic floral scent, his animated voice, and of course his bright, expressive eyes.
He stayed as long as he could in Alexei’s arms before he knew he had to let go. It was only fair to let Simon say hello as well.
Alexei smiled up at Leander, full of affection and warmth, before finally turning his attention to Simon.
“Simon-khan.”
“Alexei,” Simon said in return and for a moment the two just stared at each other, unmoving.
Leander didn’t quite understand why they were being so tense until that tension violently snapped.
In a flash of movement the two men suddenly pounced on each other, making Leander gasp in surprise. Alexei’s hands were gripping the front of Simon’s coat while Simon grabbed the side of Alexei’s face with one hand and the back of his hair with the other in a very blatant display of possessiveness. And while the desperate hands were shocking enough, nothing could have prepared Leander for the sight of his brother kissing another man with such ardor.
He swallowed hard, not sure what to do. Was he supposed to look away? Give them some privacy? Gods, he wasn’t sure if he could turn away even if he wanted to, not when his body was still frozen in a state of shock.
Leander also wasn’t sure what he was supposed to think right now either. Should he be disgusted seeing his brother and friend in such a state? Should he be curious considering kissing another man was something that Leander still hadn’t gotten around to doing yet?
And should he really be focused on Simon’s hands right now while there were lips devouring each other barely three feet from him? Because that’s where Leander’s eyes kept drifting off to – those pale, confident hands that were holding Alexei in a way that seemed both intimate and damned near dominating.
Alexei must have been enjoying it though because he let out a soft, pleased sigh, his body visibly melting up against Simon’s. And as if that were some sort of cue Simon’s hand on Alexei’s cheek moved to his back, sliding down to find purchase above the curve of Alexei’s ass, pulling him in even tighter.
Then Simon’s other hand shifted as well, sliding over Alexei’s dreadlocked hair, causing sunlight to glint off of his favourite ring – the one Leander had gotten him with their family crest on it. The flash seemed to scald not just Leander’s eyes, but something in his soul as well.
He finally looked away and sat down on the nearby bench, feeling distinctly uncomfortable. It wasn’t the kiss that was bothering him, he didn’t particularly feel anything about that, but Simon’s hands…
It wasn’t that Leander wanted Simon to touch him like he touched Alexei, but it didn’t seem fair that Alexei received so much of his physical affection when Leander could barely hold his brother’s hand. Was Leander that repulsive to him?
“Fuck,” Alexei suddenly swore. “I’m sorry, Leander.”
Leander looked up and saw that Alexei and Simon had finally parted.
“Forgive us, Leander,” Simon said with a frown. “We didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I should have held back.”
Leander shook his head. “I’m fine, honestly,” he replied and forced himself to give a little smirk. “Just warn me next time.”
“We will,” Alexei said then took a seat beside Leander and took his hand. “Are you sure you’re okay? I feel so awkward now.”
Leander looked down at their joined hands, enjoying the feeling of Alexei’s warm hand against his own, but it wasn’t really Alexei’s hand he wanted to be holding right now. Why wouldn’t Simon do this with him? Why did it only have to be on special occasions or when one of them was sad or sick? Why couldn’t they just enjoy a comforting touch from the person they cherished most?
He gave Alexei’s hand a gentle squeeze and looked up at him with a smile. “I’m good now, I promise.”
“Good,” Alexei said, his grin returning in all its shining brilliance.
Simon took a seat on the other side of Alexei and also joined hands, the three of them making a little chain.
“How are you and your father?” Leander asked now that they were settled in.
“We’re alright,” Alexei said, his smile faltering. “He won’t talk to me about what happened. I tried to ask, but I got nothing from him.”
“I’m sorry, Alexei,” Leander said. “I should probably tell you that I phoned him the other day. Both he and my grandfather have agreed to let me lead in fixing this rift between our families, but I’m afraid I haven’t done a very good job so far. My father won’t say anything either. All I know is that apparently my father was violent towards yours and I can’t even describe how ashamed I am over it.”
“Violent?” Alexei echoed.
Leander nodded. “Your father told me that he can’t trust my father not to attack him again.”
Alexei tilted his head and his brow furrowed in a skeptical expression. “I mean, I don’t think my father would lie, but if Lazarus-khan was seriously violent I really don’t think my father would have talked to you. And I’m damned sure he would have forbidden me from seeing you guys.”
“Hm,” Leander hummed to himself. He hadn’t considered that before, but it certainly made sense now that Alexei brought it up.
“Do you really think your father was violent?” Alexei asked.
“I don’t really want to believe it, but yes, I do, at least t
o some degree,” Leander replied. “I don’t think your father would lie about something like that and when I brought it up with my father he didn’t deny it, he just said he ‘fucked up’.”
“Between father knowing it was a mistake, and Marius-khan’s willingness to still talk to us, it makes me think that whatever father did wasn’t entirely intentional and Marius-khan knows it,” Simon said, looking over at the two of them. “Something set our father off and Marius-khan is probably nervous that it will happen again.”
“But why attack Marius-khan? I don’t get it,” Leander said, shaking his head. “Is your father a confrontational person, Alexei? Can you think of any reason why he’d provoke our father?”
“No, not at all,” Alexei said, shaking his head. “My father prefers to avoid drama at all costs. I mean, he’s usually so calm and collected, and I’ve never seen him get up in anyone’s face or anything like that. So yeah, the whole incident with your father is really out of character for Mars. Everything from the crying, the fact that there was an altercation at all, fuck, even allowing Ezra to carry him and letting him stay overnight, it was all pretty crazy.”
Leander’s eyes widened. “Ezra Scarlett stayed over at your house?”
“Yeah, I sorta asked him to,” Alexei said with a smirk. “My father needed someone to take care of him and he wasn’t going to let me do it so I asked Ezra-khan to stay.”
“Forgive me if this is a bit intrusive, but are they courting?” Leander asked.
“I wish,” Alexei replied with a sigh. “I think they like each other, but for some weird reason they’re dancing around it. I don’t get it.”
“Oh my gods!” Leander suddenly exclaimed and bolted right up off the bench as a flurry of thoughts all hit him at once.
“What? What is it?” Alexei asked, looking to him with his huge round eyes.