by Isaac Hooke
He nodded. “Anyway, I didn’t really come here to talk to you about VR, or VR engines.”
She looked at him, meeting his eyes for a brief moment before dropping her gaze.
“I missed you,” Taya said.
“I know,” he said. “I realize, I was too dismissive of you on the mission. I never really gave you a chance. I just… I guess I didn’t want to get hurt again. Shaw meant everything to me. Losing her, then getting her back again, only to lose her once more because of our jobs, well, it made me swear off relationships for a very long time.”
“Is that what you’re looking for, a relationship?” Taya asked.
“No, I’m not ready,” Rade replied. “Maybe someday. Right now, all I can offer you is the physical. Assuming we take it that far. I’m still not really sure this is a good idea, but I’m open-minded. Or at least that’s what I tell myself.”
She finally looked up, and gazed into his eyes. She reached out, and rested a hand on his hips. It aroused him.
“Let go,” she said. “Forget who we are. Forget the differences between our physical bodies. We’re two minds in here. Minds free of all constraints. Free of the demands and burdens of the military, and society at large. We can be ourselves here. We can share our deepest thoughts and desires.”
Rade stared at her for a moment, and then he couldn’t help the amusement he felt. “You know, when I first got here, you were acting all shy. And now I’m beginning to think it was all part of some grand seduction scheme on your part.”
She giggled, that shy persona once more taking control, and she glanced away. “I forget I’m not really human sometimes. And I try to act like how I believe a human would in the same situation. It comes off as a bit forced, doesn’t it?”
“A little,” he said. “All I ask, if we’re going to do this, is that you be yourself. Or the best version of it.”
She smiled. “I never thought I’d see this day. The day I sat side by side with my pilot, in a bar, drinking wine on a date. Heckaroni, I didn’t even expect to survive the mission, especially after the Anarchist took my mind.”
“Heckaroni?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Sorry,” she said. “You did tell me to be myself…”
“No, no, it’s fine,” he told her. “In fact, it’s kind of cute.” He paused, taking a sip.
She followed his lead. Suddenly, she closed her eyes. “I’m so glad you’re doing this. Because I just want to forget what I did. I…” She opened her eyes and suddenly turned away. She set down her glass with a shaking hand. “There were so many good men I shot down. So many Centurions. I have all of their embedded IDs stored in my system. I’ve been reviewing them repeatedly in the background, since you turned me online. I can’t help it. I don’t know if I can do this, not tonight. You caught me at a bad time. Everything I’ve been doing in here is a mask. I’m hiding my pain from you, because I don’t want to disappoint you. And while I’m so happy, so grateful that you came to me like this, it’s just too much.”
Rade sat back, and set the glass aside.
“And now I’ve ruined everything,” she said.
He shook his head. “No. You’re just mercurial. Like a lot of humans. A lot of women. I’m used to it. And like you said, you’re still dealing with what happened. We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”
She shook her head. “I want to. But…”
“Maybe stop reviewing the embedded IDs of the fallen?” Rade said. “At least while we’re here, together?”
She pursed her lips. “Yes. That’s a good start.”
“And next, you have to work on forgiving yourself,” Rade said. “You can’t blame yourself for actions that weren’t your own. I’ve already had a similar pep talk with some of my platoon members. You have to tell yourself it was the Anarchist who was doing the killing, not you.”
He stood, and turned to survey the environment he’d created. It was a speakeasy, early nineteenth century. Something he pulled up from the archives on the InterGalNet. A great place for a date. Too bad it was wasted.
“Well, guess I’ll go,” he said, glancing back at her. “Thanks for the drink.”
Her hands shot out, and gently wrapped around his wrists. “Wait, you can’t go yet. I’ve done what you asked. I’ve forgiven myself.”
“Already?” he commented.
“You forget, we AIs operate on a higher timescale than humans,” she said. “While you were busy staring out into space, I had accelerated my time sense to the maximum possible. I dealt with my demons. And now I’m ready for a proper date.”
He shook his head and chuckled softly. “Like I said, mercurial.” He offered her his arm. “Fine, let’s go for a walk by the waterfront.”
She threaded her arm through his with a smile, and he led her past the tables. The men at those tables admired her as she passed, while the women gave her looks of envy. It was all simulated of course, but it did make him feel like a boss.
Soon they were walking along the lamp-lit promenade. Beside them, the moonlight reflected off the waterfront.
“It’s so romantic here,” she said. “Thank you for this, by the way. For helping me forget everything.”
“You’re helping me forget, too,” Rade said. “I feel useless these days. Cooped up aboard a starship, with nothing to do all day but workout, or engage in virtual war games. And then when we arrive, it’s going to be the same thing. Trapped aboard this ship while the other platoons and troops deploy to the surface in the battle against the Nemesis. Or rather, against the Anarchist.”
She nodded slowly. “I’ll probably be asleep through it all. That’s one consolation. Or maybe I’ll toy with VR, now that I’ve had a proper introduction to it. I’d certainly like it if you would visit me again.”
“I’d like that, too,” Rade said, stopping. He stared into her eyes, and she returned his gaze, but it must have been too intense, because she swiveled to face the waterfront instead.
He leaned against the railing beside her, and gazed out at the waves.
“So quiet, so peaceful,” she said. “So far removed from a firefight. I still wonder what it would have been like if I had been placed in another body. Something not designed for war.”
“It would have been way different,” he said. “But look on the bright side. Having your current body allowed you to meet me.”
She looked at him and gave him a playful shove. “You’re so full of yourself.”
He shrugged. “I admit, I was admiring my reflection in the water just now. The curve of my muscles. The jutting of the hard points from my joints.”
She laughed and started walking away from him.
He rushed to catch up to her; he grabbed her upper arm, gently pulling her to a halt. Then he turned her around.
She stared into his eyes, and the sheer want there was obvious. Rade leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers, hard.
She pushed back, her mouth opening and closing frantically, having no sense of timing whatsoever.
Rade pulled away. “We’re going to have to work on your kissing techniques.”
She ignored the comment, and leaned in to kiss him once more; he accepted her plump mouth, and did his best to match her frantic kisses. She’d calmed down a little bit, and her movements were more controlled.
The background abruptly changed, and the two of them were in a candlelit bedroom.
She pulled away.
“You created this environment just now, didn’t you?” Rade said.
She smiled mischievously. “Good guess.” She reached behind her back and opened her dress.
Her eyes dropped to his crotch, and her grin became lascivious.
“I wonder what other hard points you have hidden beneath those clothes,” she said, her breath catching in her throat.
“Let’s find out,” Rade said, pulling off his shirt.
She had lowered the top half of her dress now so that her breasts were completely visible. Rade wrapped his
arms around her torso and squeezed tight, mashing his lips against hers.
“You’re definitely getting better,” he said as he came up for air.
He shoved her onto the bed, and she began sliding off her dress. All that was left were her panties. There was a coin-sized wet spot in the middle.
He pulled off his pants; he was vaguely aware of the inner actuators that held his body as they loosened enough for him to remove the fabric.
But as he stood before the bed, clad only in his skivvies, he felt a moment of guilt.
What about Shaw?
Fuck Shaw. She’s probably doing the same right now, and not even with a robot.
He slid his pants off, revealing his pulsing center, then he crawled onto the bed on top of Taya, and began kissing her once more. He slid his mouth down over her breast, and sucked her nipple; at the same time he shoved a hand into her panties to feel her oh-so-wet core.
But once again he heard the recruit division commander’s voice in his head.
We don’t allow lovers in the same division. It’s too distracting. How can you focus on your target when your eyes keep drifting toward your lover, out of some need to protect her? How can you hope to complete the damn mission, let alone retain the will to live, when your partner dies on the battlefield? Sex and war don’t mix.
Rade abruptly sat up.
“I can’t do this,” Rade said, sliding off the bed. “You’re on my team. This was a big mistake. I can’t… I just… I’m sorry.”
“Who’s mercurial now?” Her words were full of anger. The disappointment on her face, and the hurt, was heartbreaking.
“I just hope I haven’t ruined our working relationship forever.” Rade couldn’t meet her eyes as he logged out.
The inner actuators fell away, but thankfully Taya didn’t open the cockpit hatch. If the main AI saw him like this, he’d never live down the embarrassment. Plus, the lieutenant commander would probably want to see him.
In the darkness he managed to slide on his skivvies, cargo pants, and T-shirt.
The cockpit hatch fell open and Rade climbed down onto the rungs, feeling Taya’s eyes on him the whole time. He was going to shut her down, but when he turned back, he saw that the green light on her visor had already faded. She’d deactivated herself already, evidently preferring the oblivion of machine sleep to the painful reality of watching him go.
With a sigh, Rade scooted across the hangar bay and entered the airlock.
He didn’t look back.
22
Rade was jogging with Tahoe through the tight corridors and compartments. They’d worked out a route that took them from the berthing area in the guest quarters, to the stairwell that led up two decks, past hangar bay 3A, two rights and a left past the galley, down a scuttle, a right through the gym, past the officer’s mess, down another scuttle, through the “D” way and two lefts onto the “E way,” and then they were back in the guest quarters.
It wasn’t as labyrinthine as some of the supercarriers he had been on, but it was certainly up there, complexity wise. Still, the blueprints displayed on his overhead map alleviated any navigational difficulties he or anyone else might have had. That and the colorful augmented reality overlays that activated next to each bend or stairwell, constantly reminding him where he was. He could only imagine what it would have been like back in the day to navigate oceangoing vessels without a proper map. You’d have to stop and ask for directions a lot. Or hope that there was adequate signage.
They had to jog in single file most of the time, because the corridors were too cramped otherwise, especially considering the steady traffic of robots and men at that hour. For such a relatively small ship, there were certainly a lot of people hustling and bustling about in the early morning. But that could be expected, Rade supposed, since they’d chosen 0700 for their jog, which coincided with a shift change. Tahoe had wanted to wait, but Rade was eager to get some physical activity in that morning, so he could forget about the night before.
It wasn’t working.
“Hey Tahoe,” Rade said over his shoulder. He’d taken point.
“Yo,” Tahoe replied. “Ready for me to take the lead?”
“No, but it looks like you’re going to make it in time for your daughter’s wedding after all,” Rade said.
“We’ll see,” Tahoe told him. “I’ve been keeping Tepin updated. It depends on how long we’re stuck at this latest colony.”
“When’s the actual date?” Rade asked.
“Two weeks from tomorrow,” Tahoe said.
“Crazy how fast they grow up, isn’t it?” Rade said.
“Hell, yeah,” Tahoe said. “Seems like only yesterday I was holding my little daughter in my arms. And now she’s going to get married to a man of her own, and possibly have children herself.”
“What’s he like?” Rade asked. “The husband to be?”
“Only met the guy once,” Tahoe replied. “Wanted to kill him.”
Rade pursed his lips. “Probably a natural reaction. You’re giving up your little princess, entrusting her care and safety to the power of another man.”
“Well sure, but,” Tahoe said, “I mean, I really wanted to kill him. The way he looked at me, like I was garbage. Like his tribe was somehow better than mine. I remember thinking, no one ever told this young fool that the Algonquin aren’t much different than the Navajo. But I was wrong. It wasn’t because of my tribe that he hated me. It was because of what I’d done. I found out from my daughter over the course of a long stream of InterGalNet messages that he thought I was the equivalent of a deadbeat dad. Never there for my daughter when she needed me. And I can’t really blame him for that.”
“You were never a deadbeat dad,” Rade said. “First of all, the very definition of a deadbeat dad is one who doesn’t pay the bills he owes his children. You always sent your entire paycheck back to Tepin, sparing only the little you needed out here to live.”
“Well, yes,” Tahoe said. “That’s true. But I wasn’t there for her throughout most of her life, because of my work. And that’s got to hurt. It certainly hurts me, just thinking about it.” He paused. “That’s why I’ve been scheming about how I’m going to get away, if the fleet is delayed above the colony world. I’ve been considering committing a court-martial offense.”
“Shh,” Rade said. “The ship’s AI is listening in.”
“I told you I was considering,” Tahoe said. “Not that I actually would do it.”
“Even so, the AI is probably going to forward this conversation to the lieutenant commander now,” Rade said.
“Don’t care,” Tahoe said. “It’s good that he hears my concerns. Maybe he’ll do the right thing and arrange for me to take an early shore leave.”
Rade jogged on in silence for a few moments, and then took the first step in steering the conversation toward what was really on his mind. “So, uh, well, this might seem a little out of left field, but… remember that time you almost cheated on Tepin?”
“No?” Tahoe said.
“When that old girlfriend got in touch with you, and you guys started sending messages back and forth,” Rade said. “To the point where you were exchanging nude selfies.”
“Oh, her,” Tahoe said. “Uh, she was the one sending me nude selfies. I never sent her any. So, what about her?”
Rade sighed, then pulled up next to the gym to take a breather. The air in the corridor reeked, courtesy of the sweating bodies inside the workout area next door. Tahoe took up a position beside him, and leaned against the bulkhead.
“Ah!” Tahoe said, holding his nose. “Why’d you have to pick this spot to take a rest? Man, this is the problem with throwing a gym onto a ship not designed for it. You can’t just pick any cargo bay, and start adding equipment. You need the ventilation infrastructure, or people are going to choke!”
“You’ll get used to it,” Rade said.
“Okay, great,” Tahoe said. “So why are you asking me about Tepin, and the old girlfriend
I almost cheated with?”
“I guess I feel guilty about something,” Rade said.
“This isn’t about Shaw again, is it?” Tahoe asked. “I thought we had this conversation. I told you, if you wouldn’t quit the Teams to make it work with her, then that meant you were free. She’s not your girlfriend. It’s not cheating if you choose to be with someone else. That’s what this is about, isn’t it? You slept with someone else?”
Rade didn’t answer.
“It’s okay, you can tell me,” Tahoe said. “I’m your best friend. You can share anything with me. I’m not disappointed in you or any crap like that. In fact, I’m glad to see you’re finally embracing your inner sleaze bag! I’m looking forward to hearing all the dirty details.”
Still Rade remained tight-lipped.
“So, who is it?” Tahoe said, the suspense evidently killing him. “I heard Bender got a sweet little ensign he’s been hanging out with in the storage closets at random hours. How about you? You got yourself an ensign too? They’re always attracted to us rugged spec ops types. I told you I’ve always regretted getting married so soon, before joining the Teams, right? I envy all the pussy you single bastards have access to. I’m just glad you’re finally taking advantage of the opportunity.”
Rade sighed. “You say it’s not cheating?”
“You and Shaw are just friends now,” Tahoe said. “You’ve told me this on many occasions.”
“I know,” he said. “But sometimes, it still feels like cheating.” He paused, waiting for a group of crew members to squeeze past. One of them, a stronger gentleman, gave Rade and Tahoe a sour look, like he thought the two of them shouldn’t be hanging out in the corridor and partially blocking traffic like that. But then he must have checked the ratings on their embedded IDs, because the look quickly transformed into one of fear, and he hurried past them.