Leo leapt up off the stool and paced back and forth across the room. “Tell me something, and I need you to tell me the truth. Did you know she was carrying my baby?”
My breath became trapped in my throat. Icicles formed in his eyes and I told myself, what’s one more lie?
“How could I have known? We hardly spoke.”
He nodded, satisfied with my answer, and continued pacing.
“The night she died she told me she didn’t want to end up like this spiteful old lady at the home. She’d said the old lady had purposely refused to have children.”
I remembered.
He let out a sigh. “Honestly, I thought she was off her head.”
I wished I was able to confess everything; what had been going through my head at the time, what was going through my head now. My confession might not have won me any favors, but at least I’d have felt purged of guilt.
“We were there to write songs for our demo,” he continued, “and Ruby turns up talking nonsense.” Leo kicked at the microphone stand, hard enough to make it wobble but it stayed upright. “She turned up out of the blue, practically demanding I propose to her and I blew her off. If only I knew.”
“Maybe Ruby wanted to find out what sort of person you’d be when she told you about the baby. Would you freak out? Would you run away? Would you stand by her? I mean, look at what her dad did. He ran out on her and her mom. The sense of abandonment must have played on her mind.”
Leo nodded. “I guess I’d have freaked out. I dunno, maybe I wouldn’t have. I want to go to musical college. I want to record CDs and tour the world. A baby would have meant I’d have to quit music and get a regular job.”
Up until now, I’d been fine with being the passive spectator, but suddenly my blood boiled with rage at his arrogance. I stood up and had to walk over to the opposite side of the room before I punched him.
“Do you really believe Ruby is so shallow and cruel she’d demand you give up your dreams? Do you really believe she didn’t love you and wouldn’t consider sacrificing her own musical career for yours? Everything she did, she did with you and her in mind. Everything. You sound as if you consider only yourself. She’s dead and yet you’ve still found a way to make this all about you. I can’t believe it, Leo. I can’t believe you think so poorly of Ruby.”
Leo stared at me open-mouthed. At last he snapped his mouth closed and set his lips into a grim line.
“I didn’t mean it like that and you know it, but thanks, Audrey. Now I feel like a total prick.”
I was tempted to tell him he deserved to feel that way. But I didn’t stick around to change my mind.
***
I hurried home by way of the alley that led to the back stairway because I planned to sneak off to my room and have a good cry in private. The sound of voices downstairs in the shop drew me in that direction instead. I crept down a few stairs and poked my head around the corner to see Teri and Dad in animated conversation.
“She’s spending time with Leo,” Dad said. “Going behind our backs. I followed her to the studio where he works.”
“Audrey is a sensible girl, David. There’s no cause for concern.”
“I know more about him than you think I do. More than Audrey does, I’ll bet. He has problems, that boy.”
“He also has his reasons. He’s lost his girlfriend. Do you remember how upset you got when you were runner up in the art awards? If I recall, you got so upset you went on a bender and didn’t come home for days.”
“I wasn’t a teenager.”
“You weren’t far off it.”
Teri was idly sorting through stuff on the counter and I could tell by the set of her jaw she wasn’t entirely pleased with Dad butting into her life.
“I’ll put a stop to it.”
Teri laughed. “Really, David. You do realize that the more you try to keep them apart, the more you’ll drive them together.”
“She doesn’t need me to drive her to him. Have you checked her attitude lately? I can’t believe the smart mouth she’s developed. His influence, I’ll wager. Audrey never used to talk back to me.”
“She’s not eight anymore, David.”
“I’m moving to Texas and I want her to live with me.”
She stopped what she was doing and stared at him. I detected a hint of worry in her eyes. My dad was wealthy enough to get a bunch of lawyers who would relish in proving how it was in my best interests to live with him. Especially if he decided to use Leo as the pivotal bad influence.
“There’s no way I’ll allow her to leave Providence,” Teri said. “We’ve made a nice life here.”
“Then control your daughter.”
Her shrill laugh sent a shiver up my spine. “David Parker, what right have you got to start acting like her father? You’ve missed every major event in your daughter’s life. You think you can make it up to her by buying her things. She wants you for a father, not Santa Claus.”
“I wish I was Santa.” He sighed and his shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry for shouting, Teri. It’s just that a father should never have to bury his child.”
Teri reached for his hand. The earlier expressions of anger and worry were gone, replaced with sympathy and kindness. “You can’t replace Ruby with Audrey.”
“I’m scared, Teri. I’m terrified I’ll lose her, too.”
“Nothing bad will happen to her.”
“Then let her come to Texas with me.”
Dad’s voice had lost its fight. When Teri sighed I realized the fight had left her too. Maybe I would end up moving to Texas.
“I used to let Audrey decide if she wanted to keep the gifts you bought her,” Teri said. “She wanted them because they were the only part of you she ever saw. I know you tried to do the same with Ruby, but Suzanne refused. She told me so.”
“Did she tell you I never gave up trying to reach Ruby?”
This was news to me. I never knew he gave me gifts and Mom refused them. I guess my mother had either tried to protect me from turning into a spoiled brat or discourage Dad from the impression that affections were obtainable at the right price.
“Now it’s too late,” Dad said.
“It’s never too late,” Teri replied.
“It’s never too late,” I whispered.
“I’m telling you, Teri, if he does to my baby girl what he did to Ruby, so help me god I’ll kill him.”
Teri clenched her jaw. “If he does to Audrey what he did to Ruby, I’ll let you. But David, you’ve got to realize that Ruby and Leo genuinely loved each other. You must also realize that Ruby and Leo were almost the same age you and Suzanne were when you two met.”
Dad waved his hands in the air. “And look what happened. I was too young to settle down and I got scared and ran out on her.”
“Audrey and he are just friends. Trust me on this.”
Dad’s back began to shake and I realized he was crying.
“He killed my little girl,” he sobbed.
Teri came around from behind the counter and put an arm protectively around his shoulders.
“Shhh. You don’t mean that. They had an argument and Ruby drove off into the woods. Put yourself in Leo’s position. He must be stricken with guilt.”
I couldn’t listen to anymore. With a weary heart, I dragged myself off to my bedroom.
I jumped in surprise when I saw Hannah was sitting on my bed.
“Hi,” she said gaily. She closed the magazine she was reading and swung her feet over the edge of the bed.
“How long have you been hiding out in my room?”
“Long enough to conjure up a dozen delicious rumors to explain your weird behavior this past week. Wanna hear them?”
“No.”
“Spoil all my fun, why don’t you? Seriously, what’s up? You don’t come over to my house. You don’t answer your phone. Are you all right?”
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be? Umm, how did you get in my room?”
“Your mom let me in. I guess
she’s forgotten I’m here. Anyway, you know how you had a dizzy spell and you fell over the hurdle?”
“It wasn’t a dizzy spell.” Because Hannah’s face was riddled with suspicion I quickly back-pedaled. “You’re right. It was a dizzy spell.”
“Dizzy spells. Forgetfulness. I’m already speculating a plethora of theories, each one more fiendish than the last. Are you sure you don’t wanna hear them?”
“Positive.”
“Too bad.” She picked up her magazine and searched through it with a look of concentration. “Here we are. There are a few conditions that can cause dizziness and forgetfulness.”
I snatched the magazine from her. “What do you mean forgetfulness? Maybe I was purposely ignoring you.”
Her eyes widened. “You purposely forgot that today is my birthday?”
An image of a photograph flashed in front of my eyes. Hannah and Audrey at the mall in front of a book store. HAPPY BIRTHDAY HANNAH was written in Audrey’s neat writing. There was a date written on the back.
“Today isn’t your birthday.”
Hannah giggled, deftly snatching the magazine back from me. “Okay, so it isn’t my birthday. That was a ploy to check if you were an alien or not. Seriously, lately you’ve been acting so weird I’m worried you’ve been abducted or possessed. You’ve hooked up with Leo, haven’t you? It’s more than a crush? You’re in love and you’re going to ditch me to be with him.”
“Leo and I are just friends.”
“The rumors in school say otherwise.”
Even I could no longer ignore that I’d heard whispers.
“There’s something else,” Hannah added with a serious look on her face. “It’s about Leo. Nobody will say exactly what happened, but from what I can gather, you should probably stay away from him. And you’ll never guess what people are saying about Ruby.”
Lies. Rumors. Gossip. Didn’t people have anything better to do?
Annoyed, I got up and circled around the room. “Whatever, Hannah. It’s just gossip. I can’t believe everyone is spreading vicious rumors about my sister.”
“I’m not sure it’s gossip—”
I covered my ears with my hands. “Hannah! I don’t want to hear.”
Her lips lifted up into a secret smile and when she rocked her arms like a cradle, I knew then that the whole town was talking about Ruby Parker’s pregnancy.
***
At dinner, I confided in Teri that Leo had earlier divulged about my dad calling Mrs. Culver to accuse him of being a bad influence on me.
“Can you believe his nerve?” I fumed.
Teri quietly placed her cutlery on her plate and stared deadpan at me. “I have to agree with your father. You are too young to hang around a senior.”
“Why is everyone so upset with me spending time with Leo?”
She held up a hand to silence me. “You said you had a crush on a boy. I didn’t realize it was him. I’m not usually one to meddle, but in this case, I don’t think it’s wise for you to get close to him.”
“Why not?”
“He’s vulnerable at the moment.”
His vulnerability was kind of pivotal to my plan. The love potion and his grieving the loss of the love of his life were two things I counted on in order to get close enough for him to see the real me beneath this façade. I didn’t understand why Teri was siding with my dad. Countless afternoons had been spent at Audrey’s house, and not a single one had involved my dad doing anything remotely domesticated. He’d spent most of his time painting, or reading, and he’d only make his grand appearances to greet me and send me off. If he’d ever influenced Teri’s decisions, I was not aware.
What’s more, I was really confused about everyone’s mistrust and hatred of Leo. Nobody had ever said anything bad about him to my face, yet they all seemed to have plenty to say about him behind my back. I could no longer deny that I had begun to sense that everyone was turning against him.
“Why does everyone hate Leo Culver so much?” I asked.
“Nobody hates him,” Teri said.
“You do. I heard you and Dad talking about him. What has he done that’s so wrong? He loved Ruby. He never did anything to hurt her. There are boys at school who steal cars and do drugs and get into fights.”
“Those boys aren’t dating my daughter.”
I stood up. “We’re not dating. We’re just friends. And friends look out for each other.”
No longer hungry, I skipped the rest of dinner to be alone in my room. In the past I’d only needed to hear Leo’s voice and I was instantly soothed. Seeing him would transform sadness into joy and I’d forget all about my troubles, unless he was the cause of them. Yet it wouldn’t be long before I found solace in his smile.
I needed cheering up. Badly. If only I could see him.
The revelation was shocking. I could see Leo. In her weird way, Audrey had shown me how.
Madly searching through every drawer in her bedroom, I located her journal and there on the first page were her notes on astral projection. The first note at the top was an explanation on this unseen realm:
The ability to be in two places at once is known as bibliocation. A double of you can go out into the world while your actual body remains behind in a state of deep meditation. Bibliocation is a very advanced technique and usually takes many years of practice to master.
As a spirit, I’d mastered moving objects in less than a day. As a flesh and blood girl, surely I could master the art of bibliocation in less time. Audrey’s notes further stated:
Incense helps achieve a mental state necessary for the astral journey.
So I lit a dozen sticks of incense.
To help improve the odds, I also lit a candle and focused on the flame the way Teri had taught me to do when I’d cast my love spell. Plus I switched on all the lava lamps just because it added to the ambiance. I’d have had a rose oil bath to further increase the odds of this working tri-fold except that I didn’t have time.
Lying stretched out on the bed I summoned the memory of the golden light breathing exercise, breathing deeply in and out until the sense of calmness washed over me. I’d once sipped red wine, okay more than once, and this warm spread was similar to red wine hitting my stomach and buzzing my insides.
I imagined myself moving between worlds. To do this, I pictured myself walking across a wide lawn, and when I came to a large bush with flowers the size of small dinner plates I peeled aside the branches and searched for a crack in the universe.
I stepped through this crack.
All of a sudden I stood in a world that appeared washed of its vibrant colors. This world struck me as old and fragile, yet somehow I sensed it was strong and powerful. I was frightened but comforted at the same time. The dark sky had a milky hue and the moon bobbed gently along the horizon like a giant grey ball. The air shimmered, and what at first looked like dust mites, upon closer inspection were tiny fireflies.
Closing my eyes, I wished myself into Leo’s bedroom, and when I opened them again I sat beside him on his bed. He had a guitar around his neck. In my state of astral projection I was able to get so close I could stroke his cheek; something I’d been dying to do for weeks. Leo hummed and strummed his guitar. The notes rang out long and mournful, like wolves howling. I willed him to play something light and upbeat.
I stepped in close to whisper in his ear. “Play Love Me Tender.”
We used to practice Elvis Presley’s big hit together because, although I was brilliant on piano, I was only average on the guitar. Love Me Tender I could manage.
The small amplifier buzzed and I reluctantly moved away a few inches, thinking it was another symptom of being dead – William sent off alarm bells in hospitals and I drained cell phone batteries – but it was just the amplifier emitting feedback. I leaned in closer to wrap my arms around his neck.
Leo strummed a few chords of the guitar yet I could tell his heart wasn’t in it the way it used to be.
I planted a kiss on his chee
k—
Something grabbed a hold of me and dragged me out of the room.
It was William.
“Ruby, stop this,” he hissed. “You’re torturing him for no good reason.”
I was too furious to speak. My chest heaved and my nostrils flared. I punched him in the chest, but as an astral spirit I might as well have punched thick jelly, yet without the splatter.
“He’s in pain,” I wailed.
My breathing slowed down enough for me to register we were sitting in the tree outside Leo’s bedroom window. Through the window I saw Leo place his guitar on the floor, after which he curled up on his bed the way he had done a few days ago. To know he was crying crushed me.
“He aches for something he cannot ever have,” William said, “He aches for Ruby. But she is gone and you are only tormenting him by pretending to be her.”
“I am Ruby. This isn’t permanent. You said so yourself.”
William shook his head. “It is not permanent. But to him, and to me, and even whilst I detect Ruby’s aura, you are most definitely the image of Audrey.”
The light flicked off in Leo’s bedroom. Darkness concealed him, but I knew he was there. Not sleeping or dreaming or resting, just there.
“I’ll find a way to come back as Ruby,” I vowed.
“Impossible.”
“Why? Close your eyes and picture the last thing you saw through the window.”
William fixed me with an angry stare.
“Close your eyes,” I said sternly.
“What will this prove?” he asked, yet at least he did as I’d asked and closed his eyes.
“What was the last thing you saw through the window?”
“I know what you are thinking.”
“Really? Enlighten me.”
He opened his eyes and turned to stare at me. “You are thinking, darkness does not mean Leo isn’t there, because clearly we know he is.”
I clapped him on the back. “And that is why my plan will work. Leo will close his eyes and he’ll see Ruby, not Audrey. He knows my spirit, my soul, my heart. I’m more than a physical form. Love is two hearts connecting. Love does not recognize hands and feet and eyes and ears. It only recognizes the pulse of its mate. A soul doesn’t look for a familiar face. It searches for its soul mate.”
Little Red Gem Page 16