by C. C. Coburn
“Would you like me to leave?” Tilly asked beside her.
Beth figured her answer was indecipherable, given that she was mewling softly and her tongue was hanging out.
“You’ve got it bad,” Tilly observed. “No wonder you’re thinking of investing in a vibrator. Though the way you’re going now, you probably won’t need one.”
Beth snapped out of her lust–filled stupor and glanced at her friend. “What do you expect? I’m in my late thirties. That’s supposed to be a woman’s sexual prime.” Her eyes strayed back to Gabe, but she pretended to be listening to Tilly.
“It’s really none of my business and I shouldn’t be asking this, although I would if Gabe wasn’t my cousin. But if you’re so much on heat, then why haven’t you two, er… done it yet?”
“Hmmm?” Beth asked, dazed by the sight of Gabe leaping to take a catch. He caught it and handed it to Molly, then glanced up at the women on the porch and winked at Beth.
“Dah, dum, tah, dum. Dah, dum, tah, dum,” Tilly intoned the Wedding March.
Beth glanced at her, horrified. All thoughts of how darned sexy Gabe was forgotten in a flash. “Oh, no! Not that! Definitely not that!”
“Why not? You’re single. Gabe’s single. And I’ve never seen him look at a woman that way before.” Tilly fanned her face. “Good Lord, it was positively carnal!”
“That’s great to hear! Because all I want from him is sex. I’m never getting married again,” Beth smacked her hand on her knee emphatically. “Never!”
“I thought you were only joking about that?” Tilly said. “Like you joke about things that you’re afraid will never come true.”
“Huh?”
Tilly tapped Beth’s head with her knuckles. “Hello, in there!” she called. “I thought you said you never wanted to get married again, sort of as a defense mechanism in case you never found Mr. Right. At least you could always fall back on the excuse that you’d sworn you’d never get married again.”
“I think you ought to lay off that home brew of Chris’s,” Beth said and observed her friend carefully. “You’re talking in riddles.”
The game finished and everyone piled onto the porch for drinks. After taking a long draft of soda, Gabe wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and said, “I think we better get going and let Chris and Tilly get ready to go out.”
Beth couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. She was fascinated by Gabe’s chest. He was standing so close, she could smell his perspiration. It was a clean, manly smell that spoke of hard physical activity. And sex… Warmth rushed through her veins, making her feel light–headed again. She wondered if he’d smell like that after making love.
“Beth?”
She glanced up at him and swallowed against the lump in her throat. God, he was so sexy! “Yeah?”
“Chris and Tilly have a dinner booking tonight,” he explained. “They have to get ready.”
All thoughts of how nice it would be to get hot and heavy with Gabe evaporated. Beth leapt to her feet and started rounding up her children. “Thanks for a lovely afternoon, you guys,” she said to Tilly and Chris. She offered her hand to Gabe. “And thank you too… for taking care of the kids and stuff…” She shrugged. “You know.” She turned to follow everyone inside, but Gabe didn’t release her. She turned back to him and tried not to ignore how nice it felt to have his big, warm hand wrapped round hers. She didn’t want to let go, but unfortunately she’d have to in order to drive home.
“Aren’t you going to invite me back to your place?” he asked, his voice sounding seductive in the growing darkness.
Beth blinked. “Oh. Um… aren’t you minding the kids?”
“They’ve got a sitter.”
Beth hadn’t thought this far ahead in the scheme of things. She wanted to have sex with Gabe, but she hadn’t formulated a plan about how to achieve that since the debacle of last night. She guessed it wouldn’t hurt to invite him home for dinner. Then maybe later, when the kids were fast asleep in bed…
She pulled a face as reality struck. Sex was off the menu with the kids being there. The thing was, having him in her home created problems. She didn’t want to get to know Gabe Hunter any better than she already did, because then she might start falling in love with him and she’d promised herself that she’d never do that again. No, she just wanted to sleep with him. Assuage her raging hormones. She didn’t want to get to know him, like him, have her kids like him and want him to be part of their lives. She just wanted him all to herself. Naked. Alone. In bed. No commitments.
“If it’s not convenient, I’ll understand perfectly,” he said.
Beth snapped out of her reverie. Of course, he couldn’t be expected to make small talk with Tilly’s babysitter all night. Especially if she was young, attractive and didn’t have cellulite or stretch marks…
“It’s perfectly convenient,” she said with a warm smile. “We’d be delighted for you to join us.”
A smile that had Beth’s knees knocking, split his face. “Great! How about I take a shower and come on round? I could collect something at the market on the way if you like?”
“No, it’s fine. I’ve got Bolognaise sauce in the freezer. It’s the kids’ favorite.”
“Mine too,” he murmured and clasped her about the waist, his big hands almost spanning it.
Beth felt unbelievably feminine beneath his touch and her nipples went hard. He bent to place a chaste kiss on her lips and Beth thought she might just swoon. His lips were warm and deliciously soft as they worked their way from one side of her mouth to the other. Her lids fluttered closed…
“Mom! Are you coming?” Jack called from the front of the house.
They sprang apart, like school kids caught in a forbidden embrace.
“We’re going to have to work on your kids’ timing,” he said, his voice thick with desire. He placed a finger under her chin and lifted her face to his. “I’ll be home soon,” he said, then turned and walked into the house.
Beth stood on the porch and worked on getting her breathing under control. She needed to keep her distance from Gabe Hunter. These little encounters were way too intimate and tempting. She only wanted him for sex, not ‘happy ever after’. She had to concentrate on that and not let him distract her from her goal.
But… he’d called her place home.
Beth sat curled up on the sofa in the living room. The children were in bed. Molly had insisted Gabe read her a bedtime story, and then Mikey and Ben had asked for one too. Gabe had cheerfully obliged them, explaining to Beth as they’d dragged him upstairs that he was used to it with Tilly and Chris’s kids when they came to visit at the ranch.
So Beth had brewed coffee and arrived in time to kiss the children goodnight and see Molly put her tiny arms around Gabe’s neck and hug him close.
Something stirred within her. She wasn’t sure if it was fear or pleasure, she only knew that her heart had picked up its beat and adrenaline was rushing madly though her veins. She didn’t want this. Didn’t want Gabe Hunter getting chummy with her kids. Didn’t want them learning to rely on a man and then getting their dear little hearts broken. Again.
On the other hand, she appreciated that he’d been so natural around them, made them feel safe, secure and wanted, especially because their father had let them down so badly this morning.
She wondered how JJ could live with himself, being so fickle about his kids. Why couldn’t she have had the sense to marry a man who hadn’t cheated on his wife and forgotten how fragile children’s egos were?
Beth slipped downstairs after kissing the children goodnight. Gabe spent some time in Jack’s room, talking about his field hockey trophies with him. Jack was a promising player and would be going to an intensive hockey camp during summer break. She’d miss having him around. He’d become the man of the house since JJ left. Her son had had to grow up fast and Beth worried about him not having a positive male role model in his life.
JJ was no model anything, that was for sure
.
“They’re all fast asleep,” Gabe whispered. “They’ve had a pretty eventful day.”
She smiled at Gabe. “It started off pretty bad but, thanks to you, ended on a high note.”
“They’re good kids and easy to be with. You’ve done a great job of raising them.”
“Thank you.” Beth sipped her coffee to cover her blush of pleasure. It did a lot for her self–esteem to be complimented on her children. The self–esteem that had just about been destroyed when she’d found out the truth about JJ and their sham of a marriage. It reminded her of her resolve not to get involved with Gabe Hunter.
“It’s a damned shame you never had kids of your own. You’re a natural with them.” Now where did that come from? Beth wondered. She already knew why he didn’t have kids: his wife had passed away.
“How did Marina die?” she asked, needing to know.
He hesitated and she was unsure if he’d answer. Finally, he took a deep breath and said, “She had a high–risk pregnancy. The doctors had warned her against even getting pregnant, but she did and I couldn’t bring myself to make her terminate it.”
She could see the pain in his eyes as he explained, “Marina was… frail. She had a heart condition that precluded her from doing any hard physical activities. The doctors advised against having children.”
“So you didn’t.”
“Not for many years. And then…” he took another deep breath and said, “She got pregnant completely by chance. I wanted her to terminate the pregnancy. She refused.” His mouth became a hard line as he pressed his lips together. “In the end, that’s what killed her. Her heart just wasn’t strong enough. She was seven months pregnant.”
Beth reached out and clasped his hand. “Oh, Gabe,” she murmured, “I didn’t realize you’d lost both your wife and your child. I’m so sorry.”
“The doctors warned her against getting pregnant,” he repeated, and Beth could see the tension in his jaw. The pain of talking about his wife still bit deep, even after all this time.
“Gabe, Marina was a free woman,” she said. “She had a right to do as she wished, however tragic the outcome. It was her choice. She wanted to have a baby of her own, to give you a child. It’s a powerful driving force. You can’t blame yourself for that.”
He glanced up, surprised at her intuitiveness. “I can’t help blaming myself and nothing will bring Marina, or our baby, back.”
He stood and walked towards the mantle and turned. “I miss her,” he confessed.
The look in Gabe’s eyes was so bleak that Beth’s only thought was to offer him comfort. She went to him and buried her face against his broad chest and wrapped her arms around him, unable to begin to imagine the pain of losing a child.
They stood like that for the longest time, him stroking her back in a soothing gesture, Beth with her head against his heart, listening to it beating strong and sure.
Finally, she drew away, but Gabe detected the sheen of tears in her eyes. “It’s okay,” he said. “There’s nothing anyone could do about it. Please don’t be sad.”
Beth sniffed and searched for a tissue in the pocket of her jeans. She wiped her eyes and said, “I’m sorry. I’m just pathetically sentimental. You can’t tell me a sad story and not expect to get waterworks.” She offered a feeble smile and blew her nose.
“I’ll make sure not to take you to any chick–flicks in that case,” Gabe joked, trying to lighten the mood, then watched as she dabbed at her eyes again. “Um, can I get you anything?”
“Another tissue would be nice.”
Gabe went into the kitchen and returned with a box of tissues. By the time he got back to the living room, Beth had herself more under control.
“Can you understand now why I’m not interested in casual sex, darlin’?” Gabe asked as he sat on the coffee table opposite where she’d curled her feet up under her on her couch.
If Beth hadn’t been sitting down, she was sure she would have fainted. She’d never had anyone call her darlin’ before. The way it rolled off Gabe’s tongue in his deep, reassuring voice sent tiny shivers of pleasure rushing up and down her spine.
“You’re still in love with your wife, so you’re going to stay faithful to her until the day you die.”
Gabe gave her a crooked smile. “Not quite. I was in love with my wife, Beth, but I’ve learned to let go of that. I just… miss her. I had a good marriage, a very happy one. I learned how good it was between two people when they truly love each other… trust each other. And because of that, I’m not interested in sex without some sort of commitment to a relationship.” He shrugged. “I’m kind of old–fashioned that way, I guess.
Beth’s shoulders fell and she expelled a sigh. “And therein lies our problem. I want sex with no strings attached.”
“And I’d prefer to build a relationship with you. Prove you can trust in me. In us.”
He was surprised when she shook her head vehemently. “That won’t happen, Gabe. I’ll never allow myself to trust a man with my emotions again,” she said, her voice cold with determination.
“We’re not all bad, you know. Don’t go judging all men, just because of the fickleness of one.”
“Two. My father cheated on my mother.”
“Ah,” he said. “Then I can understand a little better where you’re coming from.” He paused, unsure whether to probe deeper. “Want to talk about it?”
If Beth had a shell, Gabe was sure she would have curled herself into it. Finally she said, “I adored my father. Like every little girl, my father was my hero. My mother was so absorbed with my sister, with her beauty and later, with her budding modeling career, that I felt as if I didn’t exist. Except to my dad. He made me feel special. Until one day I came home from school to find my father walking out the door with a suitcase and my mother crying. She told me to go in the house and slammed the door, shutting him out. I… asked her what was wrong and she said he wouldn’t be living with us anymore. I told her I wanted to live with my father. She slapped my face, then told me he’d been cheating on her for years, that men couldn’t be trusted and somehow implied that I couldn’t believe a word my father had ever said to me.”
Gabe could picture the confused school kid that Beth had been, deserted by the parent she loved, left with the parent who loved her sibling more. He reached out and rubbed her arm to comfort her and was surprised when she clasped his hand.
“That was back in the days before cell phones. I had no idea how to contact him, know where he was living. My mother would just clam up when I mentioned him. His absence stretched to years. Years of never knowing, years of doubting myself: was I the reason he’d left? By the time he finally turned up, it was at my high school graduation. I didn’t know what to say to him. He’d betrayed me by leaving; leaving me with a mother who tolerated me, but didn’t love me.
“She must’ve loved you, otherwise why wouldn’t she have sent you to live with your father?”
Beth shrugged. “I’ve never had the courage to ask. Either of them.”
“Do you see your father now?”
She shook her head and there was a world of pain in her eyes as she looked at him. “He lives in Alaska. He has a new family, he doesn’t need reminders of his unhappy first marriage… Oh, God!” Beth said, covering her mouth as tears spilled from her eyes and coursed down her cheeks. “I’ve never told anyone that before. I’m sorry.”
Gabe didn’t know what to do, other than offer the box of tissues.
She pulled several, dabbed her eyes, and blew her nose, then looked up at him with a weak smile. “I think sexual frustration is causing me to be over–emotional.”
Gabe couldn’t help clasping her chin gently and placing a kiss on the end of her nose. “I feel honored that you’ve confided in me.”
She smiled crookedly and said, “I went through months of therapy after I kicked out JJ, and not once did the therapist get that out of me. If you find you can’t make a go of ranching, maybe you could look into p
sychology as a career.”
Beth was back to trying to lighten the mood. He could see now that was a self–defense mechanism, designed to stop people getting too close. She’d probably been employing it more than half her life.
“Maybe I will,” he said, searching her face, trying to gauge if he should press her further. Maybe another time, he decided and brought to conversation back to their original discussion. “There are men that can be trusted, Beth. Good and healthy relationships—”
“Don’t go saying, ‘Look at Tilly and Chris’.”
He smiled grimly. “That’s exactly what I was about to say. They’ve got a strong marriage, a relationship built on trust and mutual respect.”
“Two years ago I was so very sure I had the same thing. And look where I am today: a woman scorned. Divorced, bitter and twisted and desperate for sex.”
“Desperate for sex, perhaps, but never bitter and twisted.”
“You don’t know me well enough to know that,” she said. “I’m capable of a tremendous amount of hatred.”
“And I’m sure an even greater amount of love,” he said softly.
“What are you? The self–esteem police? Stop trying to make me feel good about myself, when I want to wallow in self–pity.”
He caught her chin and held it so she had to look into his eyes. “How much longer are you going to do that?”
“What?”
“Wallow in self–pity?”
“Right now, I think it might be for the rest of my life. At other times, I don’t give it a second thought. What are you smiling about?”
“You. You’re gorgeous and you have no idea how much. I’m sorry your ex did such a number on you.”
“Only because I let him.” She sighed. “If I’d been stronger, if I hadn’t been a doormat and let him push me round, I might have seen it coming and been able to stop it.”
“And where would you be now?”
“Still married.”
“Still married to a man who thinks more of his relationship with his girlfriend than he does of his own flesh and blood that he’d dump his kids in favor of a weekend in Vegas?”