Colorado Heart (9781101612026)

by Holby Cindy

  “You might not know what I said but you know what I meant,” Ward growled.

  “I know what you mean, Ward. The problem is how do I get Cassie to accept it?”

  “You show her that the future is going to be a lot better than the past,” Ward replied. “I watched you for three years with Leah. You had no problem telling her the way things should be.”

  “And she had no problem telling me to go pound sand,” Jake replied.

  “Yet you hung in there.”

  “And it turned out she was right. But what if Cassie tells me to go away? She’s not as kind as Leah. And she’s a might more stubborn, if that’s possible. Once she makes her mind up . . .” Jake’s voice trailed off. He didn’t want to think about the alternative to life without Cassie.

  “So,” Ward said. “Convince her to see things your way.”

  “And how exactly do I do that?”

  “Tell her how you feel.”

  “That’s something I’m trying to figure out for myself.”

  “Talk about stubborn,” Ward said. “You could win a prize.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “You’re in love with Cassie Parker,” Ward said and he sat back to wait for a reaction.

  Jake didn’t move. He had feelings for Cassie, but love? Love was something he scoffed at when Leah told him she didn’t love him. It was something Leah was so certain about when she decided to forgive Cade.

  Was love not being able to live without someone? The panicked thought that if you lost them your life would be incomplete? The idea that you wanted to do whatever it took to make them happy, that you would do anything in the world to make sure they were happy.

  “You know something, Ward?” Jake said. “I reckon I am in love with Cassie Parker.”

  “So, what you going to do about it?” Ward asked.

  “Go tell her.”

  “That’s my boy,” Ward said with a self-satisfied grin. “Now you have a plan.”

  * * *

  “Why hello, Jake, what brings you out our way?” Laurie said as she opened the door.

  Cassie scrunched down in her overstuffed armchair at the mention of Jake’s name. She was in the Castles’ very comfortable parlor, reading a book. Eden sat in the chair opposite her, working on a piece of needlepoint. Hannah was trying to put a doll’s dress on one of two black and white puppies that tumbled on the rug between them. While Cassie was trying to become invisible, Eden put her sewing aside and looked to the hallway where the deep rumbling of Jake’s voice could be heard.

  “I just came to make sure everything was ready for the dance next Saturday night,” Jake said. “And thought I might pay Cassie a visit if she’s available.”

  “She’s in the parlor with Eden,” Laurie said. “Can I get you something?”

  “No thanks,” Jake said. “Fu keeps me well fed.”

  Eden grinned at her and Cassie made a face. There was no place for her to escape. Her week of hiding was over. She should have known it was too good to last. But she also had to admit to herself that she was glad Jake was here. She had spent the better part of a week wondering if he was going to show up, and the rest of the time torn between what she would do if he did and what she would do if he didn’t. And now that he was here, Cassie had no idea what to do or say.

  “How nice to see you, Jake,” Eden said.

  “Eden,” Jake said. He crouched down. “Hi, Hannah.” The little girl giggled. Finally he turned to her. “Hello, Cassie.”

  She’d missed him. The realization hit her in the stomach like a punch. The strong jaw, the stormy eyes and the way he looked at her. There was no denying that she missed having him around. “Hi, Jake.”

  “I brought you some candy,” he said and handed her a sack. Hannah instantly snapped to attention, her bright blue eyes wide as she looked at the bag.

  “You keep bringing me candy, Jake.” She opened it up. It looked like there was at least one of everything from the Swansons’ store.

  “And you keep eating it.”

  “Don’t want it to go to waste,” Cassie said. She offered the bag to Hannah, who pulled out a peppermint stick, and then to Eden, who pulled out a piece of hard candy.

  “No, we wouldn’t want that,” Jake said with a grin. “Want to go for a ride? I brought Puck over. I thought you might miss him.”

  “I do miss Puck,” Cassie said. “You didn’t happen to bring Suzie too, did you?”

  “Nope. Didn’t want to press my luck.”

  Eden giggled.

  “Would you like to come along?” Jake asked her.

  “Oh no, I have things to do,” Eden said. “I need to finish up my dress for the dance.”

  The dance . . . Eden and Laurie had been talking about the dance all week and they expected Cassie to go. But how could she? She was a beggar in hand-me-down clothes, and it was just too soon after her mother’s death.

  Jake knelt down to pet the puppies. “I heard you got two of them,” he said as Lucky and Lucy alternated between wiggling and wagging. “Do they chew things up as much as my Josie? I swear she’d eat the house if we’d let her.” Hannah laughed at the thought of a puppy eating a house. Cassie couldn’t help but smile as she watched him. He was so gentle with Hannah and the puppies, so loving. He would be a wonderful father. She imagined a little boy with hair as pale as the sun, then she shook her head. Why was she thinking about Jake and children together?

  “We keep them well supplied with bones,” Eden said. “And they have each other to chew on when the bones are gone.”

  “That might make the difference,” Jake said. “Maybe I ought to look for a friend for Josie to play with. I’ll give it a thought when we take the cattle to market.”

  “Hannah, we should take the puppies out before they wet the rug,” Eden said. “Enjoy your ride.” The puppies followed her halting step as she and Hannah went to the back of the house.

  “Shall we go?” Jake turned to Cassie and offered her his arm. She rolled her eyes at his gallantry, but she took it anyway and he escorted her to the front door.

  It was good to see Puck. Cassie hadn’t realized how much she missed him, along with Suzie and Libby and Rosa and Manuel. And her mother. The mother she’d lost two years ago. The vibrant, supportive mother.

  She’d come to the Castles’ because she wanted to escape her life. Now that she saw Puck, she realized that her life, as it was, really wasn’t that bad. And her mother wouldn’t suffer anymore, even if her death was tragic. She rubbed her horse behind his left ear in greeting and he nibbled at her pocket where she’d stuffed the bag of candy.

  “Give him a piece of peppermint,” Jake said. “He’ll love it.”

  “You think?”

  “Try it and see.” She offered the treat to Puck, who lipped it delicately from her palm. Bright swung his head up and down. “Hey, don’t leave him out,” Jake said, and with a laugh Cassie gave the other horse a piece too. Suddenly the day seemed fairer, brighter and happier as Jake stood by her side and they fussed over the horses.

  “It’s a pretty day,” Jake said.

  “Yes it is,” Cassie replied.

  “Want some help?”

  “Sure.” Cassie put her foot in his hand and he boosted her into the saddle.

  “I thought we’d ride around the lake,” Jake said, and they took off at a slow canter to the lake that was the centerpiece of the Castles’ valley. Jake didn’t say anything and Cassie missed the playful banter they usually shared.

  When they reached the far side of the lake, Jake stopped Bright and pointed. Off in the distance Cassie saw a line of elk. They watched as they crossed the valley and disappeared back into the mountains. Jake continued on and Cassie followed until they came to an outcropping of large flat boulders gathered on the lak
eshore. He stopped Bright and reached up to help her down.

  “Let’s talk,” he said.

  Cassie walked out onto a boulder that lay half in the water and sat down. She startled a peeper and it jumped into the water with a quick splash. A mother duck and her line of ducklings quack-quacked, and they all took off to investigate the splash. Cassie watched them with a bemused expression on her face. She was curious what Jake had to say.

  The problem was, he wasn’t saying anything. He was just sitting on the boulder tossing pebbles into the water, which had the mother duck swimming in circles.

  “You got something on your mind, Jake? Or did you bring me out here to watch you torture that poor duck.”

  “I’ve got something on my mind,” Jake confessed. “It’s you.”

  “Me?”

  “You aren’t going to make this easy, are you?”

  “Hey, I’m just sitting here,” Cassie said. “You’re the one who wanted to talk.”

  Jake took off his hat and ran his fingers through his hair. Then he sat his hat aside. “May I?” he asked and took her hand. His was twice the size of hers. She knew he could crush it if he wanted to, but he held it like it was one of Laurie’s china teacups. “I have a confession to make,” he said, and his eyes bore into hers. They were as clear a gray as she’d ever seen them, calm instead of stormy. Why did she always think about the sky when she looked at his eyes?

  “I’m in love with you, Cassie Parker.”

  “Ah . . . oh . . .” Cassie began, but Jake put his finger to her lips.

  “I don’t want you to say anything today. I know you’ve been through a lot lately and it’s not fair that I’m telling you this so soon after you lost your mother, but, dang it, Cassie, you’re all I think about, since the moment I met you on the trail that night.” He turned her hand over so that her palm was up and he rubbed his thumb across it as he looked at her hand.

  “I know you lost your home and your family. I know you may be thinking about a fresh start someplace else,” he said, and then he turned his eyes upon her once more and Cassie saw the storm gathering in them. “I just want to let you know that you will always have a home right here.” He took her hand and put it over his heart. He held it there for a moment, long enough for Cassie to feel it pounding in his chest, long enough for her to see that love shining for her. For her. “Whenever you are ready for it, Cassie. I’ll wait as long as it takes.”

  Cassie was too overwhelmed to speak. She didn’t know what she had done to deserve his love. He was such a good man, a strong man, a kind man, and he loved her of all people. He deserved better. He deserved someone who was whole and not damaged like her.

  As if he’d read her mind, Jake dropped her hand and grabbed her forearms. He pulled her close and she saw the storm had come full force into his eyes. “Don’t you dare use what happened to you in the past as an excuse,” he said. “I know you were hurt, but it is over. You need to put it behind you and live your life. Whether it is with me or someone else isn’t as important as the fact that you quit letting it rule your life. You are a beautiful woman, Cassie Parker. It’s time you quit hiding it and started acting like one.”

  Cassie opened her mouth to protest, but instead Jake kissed her. It was just like the first time he kissed her. Wild yet gentle, firm yet yielding, full of emotion. And her body responded for all she was worth, until they finally broke apart just to breath, and Jake leaned his forehead against hers.

  “One more thing,” he said.

  For the life of her Cassie couldn’t imagine what he was about to say.

  “Will you be my date for the dance?”

  TWENTY-SIX

  A week had passed, and Cassie still didn’t know what she was going to say to Jake tonight. Even though she’d agreed to go to the dance with him, she still wasn’t sure how to respond to his confession of love. Every day she rode Puck around the lake in hopes of finding an answer, but she had yet to discover one. She went to visit Manuel and Rosa, and both assured her they were fine and that she needed to concentrate on herself now.

  That was the problem; she’d been concentrating on nothing else for the past week. She had no excuse not to attend the dance either. If Eden could go with her crippled leg, then Cassie couldn’t use the excuse of not having anything suitable to wear.

  What are you so scared of? Cassie stared out the window of the Castles’ parlor. The only thing she knew for certain was that she was going back to her place tomorrow. It would be cramped quarters for a while with three of them living in the bunkhouse, but they would survive it. A new house and barn weren’t going to build themselves and she couldn’t keep on expecting Manuel to do all the work by himself.

  “Cassie?” Eden came up beside her. Cassie hadn’t even realized she was in the room until she spoke. “Come with me,” Eden said. “I have a surprise for you.”

  “A surprise?” Cassie said. “You’ve done enough for me.”

  “We can never do enough for our friends,” Eden said. She took Cassie’s hand and led her to her room. A blue dress lay upon her bed. “It was always my favorite,” Eden explained, “which is why I kept it, even though it got too small. I’ve been working on it all week, for you to wear to the dance.” Eden picked up the dress and handed it to Cassie. Then she turned her around so that she faced a floor-length mirror.

  It was beautiful, with a rounded neck framed in a delicate row of lace and capped sleeves. The color was the same as the sky, and it made Cassie’s eyes seem bluer. It was perfect.

  “It’s so pretty,” Cassie said. “How old were you when you wore it?”

  “Fourteen. I grew a couple of inches over that winter. Through here mostly.” Eden blushed as she waved her hands over her breasts. “And taller too.”

  Eden was tall, especially when compared to Cassie, whose head just reached Eden’s shoulder. To Cassie, Eden was elegant and graceful, yet Cassie recognized that she felt inadequate because of her noticeable limp. Just as she felt inadequate because of the wounds she carried on the inside. But Eden never used her limp as an excuse. She lived her life instead of hiding away or just staying in a chair. Maybe Cassie should take that as inspiration.

  You are a beautiful woman, Cassie Parker. It’s time you quit hiding it and started acting like one.

  “Why don’t you try it on?” Eden asked.

  “I will,” Cassie said. She gave Eden a quick hug. “Thank you so much.”

  “Let me know if you need any help,” Eden said as she left and closed the door firmly behind her.

  It had been so long since Cassie had worn a dress. Over two years, since the trial. She had nothing to wear beneath it, but she had a feeling Eden and her mother would make sure that was taken care of. She noticed a pair of blue shoes on the bed. Another remnant of Eden’s childhood.

  The thought of walking into the dance terrified her, but she had nothing to lose by just trying on the dress. Cassie jerked off her boots and stripped down to her camisole and knickers. They seemed ragged and dirty next to the dress, so she took them off as well. Cassie caught sight of her body in the mirror as she turned to pick up the dress.

  Her skin was pale all over, except for her face and hands, which were a golden hue from the sun. She was suddenly very self-conscious of her hands, which were rough from hard work. She’d spent so much time hiding the fact that she was a woman, she’d almost stopped thinking of herself that way. Except it was hard to deny it now, when her breasts were right there in front of her. They were larger than she remembered. The last time she’d looked at them like this, they’d been covered with bruises. Now they were pale white and unblemished, with the veins showing blue beneath her skin.

  She ran her hands down the flat plane of her stomach as she looked in the mirror. Her ribs were visible, not because she was starved, but because she worked hard and it showed. Her waist nipped i
n before flaring gently over her narrow hips. Her legs were thin, like a young girl’s. Her eyes avoided the place between. The place that had been violated.

  “Why did I think I could just stop being a woman?” she asked the reflection in the mirror. There was no answer, just a startled look reflected back at her. Cassie touched the chopped ends of her hair that brushed against her shoulders. Cutting it off hadn’t changed anything. Just as living in a state of denial for the past two years hadn’t changed anything either. There was no erasing what had happened to her. She’d been raped. Did she want to spend the rest of her life hiding because of it?

  Cassie picked up the dress. It was already unbuttoned down the back. She stepped into it and pulled it up. She pushed her arms through the sleeves and settled it on her shoulders. On a fourteen-year-old girl the lace-trimmed round neckline would have been modest. On a woman full grown, even a petite one like Cassie, it showed quite a bit of cleavage. Even without buttoning it, Cassie could tell the waist was an inch or two too wide, but the length was fine once she put the shoes on, and the color was perfect.

  “Cassie?” Eden knocked on the door.

  “Come in,” she said. “I need buttoning up.”

  “Oh, it’s nearly perfect,” Eden said. “Momma, come see.”

  Laurie came into the room as Eden fastened the dress up the back. “You look lovely,” she said. Laurie pinched it in at the waist. “This won’t take any time at all to fix.” She touched Cassie’s hair. “And a good washing and trimming and a few turns with the curling iron will make all the difference in the world.”

  Cassie grinned at her reflection in the mirror. She had a lot of time to make up for, and she didn’t want to waste a minute more. “Let’s get started,” she said.

  * * *

  Jake couldn’t recall a time in his life when he’d been more nervous. He’d laid it all on the line with Cassie last week and then told her he didn’t want an answer until tonight. Dang it, he should have just thrown her on the back of Bright and taken off with her. Or maybe he should have kissed her senseless. He knew what that was like. He was downright senseless when he kissed her.