This would be different, she’d been assured by her savage phantom. There would be no balking, no begging, no backing down. Her body would open and she’d take it all. Even if she had to stay there all night, she’d remain in the motel room until she accomplished the feat. No demand was more important than this one.
Drunk on Vodka and the fantasy, Madeleine stripped the blankets from the bed and lay down on the mattress with the lube and the dildo and her trepidation running sky high. All those failures with Robbie came back to her like ghosts. Her mind was ransacked of all rational thought, her fears screamed to end this now. But his plan was set.
Though she seized up as she lubed her ass, she kept on, picking up the dildo: all seven inches of slick purple silicone with the head thickly coated with lube. When she placed the bulbous head against her anus, every muscle in her body tightened. All the complaints, the fears and her the disgust over anal sex from her previous life flooded into her mind only to be washed away an instant later by the powerful force that demanded her surrender.
Shove it in bitch!… the ugly comments began with words like that then continued on… Go on, fuck yourself…work it in until it hurts…do it, slut, do it!
Suddenly, she was no longer in charge; the voice prevailed and the head of the dildo sunk beyond her tight sphincter. Madeleine breathed deeply, letting it rest for several minutes as she adjusted to the fullness, then she began again, pressing it more firmly an inch at a time, her mind almost frantic from the powerful feelings that were surging through her body.
You will love this…
The determined voice was half Dom, half cheerleader, directing her beyond the fear, the pain, the memories that made this act so disgusting and so painful.
She shoved harder on the heels of a wellspring of anger she’d never touched before, from some unknown place she never knew existed. What horrific thing had happened to her that made her so rebellious, so reluctant, so defiant in the face of this? she was lead to wonder. But there were no answers, no miraculous truths descending to her from on high.
Seven inches of purple silicone inched its way inside her asshole until, with a final firm shove, the last of it was buried in her rectum. She’d take all of it, her muscles adjusting, her insides giving off an enormous sigh, but there seemed to be nothing different about her emotional reaction to the impalement. She could feel her arousal on the sidelines as if it were hanging out waiting for orders from the phantom who demanded this sleazy act. She was content enough to let this be the end of the scene. But when she was ordered to Fuck it, slut! the dark fire of her anger suddenly went into revolt and she pulled the dildo out.
“No!” she announced out loud, and she jumped off the bed and ran to the bathroom.
Ten minutes later, she was dressed, packed up and climbing into her car, making a fast getaway down the highway until she arrived at the estate and pulled to a stop. Only then did she feel she’d escaped the phantom lover and his disgusting demands.
When Madeleine stormed into the house, she was unaware that Robbie was in the foyer where he could see her in her harried state.
“What the hell’s happened to you?” he wheeled his chair around and confronted her just inside the door.
“Oh, Robbie,” she gasped, almost falling over him.
“You okay?”
“Yes, sure, I’m fine.” She had to think fast.
He looked up worriedly. “Sorry, it’s going to take a lot more than that for me to believe you.”
“I just… I was just almost in an accident. It got me flustered.” She backed away.
“Have you been drinking?”
It had not dawned on her that when she left the motel she was still slightly drunk, and she was feeling woozy now. No doubt the smell of liquor was obvious on her breath.
“Yes, I had a drink over lunch. I’m fine.” He looked at her strangely. “I’m not drunk if that’s what you think.”
“No, why would I think that about you, darling? You just don’t seem yourself.”
“I guess I don’t. That’s why I came home early. I think I’ll lie down and rest.”
“Yes, you do that.” He gave another long look then wheeled his chair around and returned to his office through the double doors.
Chapter Six
Three weeks later, Madeleine was still unsettled about the disturbing incident with the dildo. The anxiety raised that day would not go away—nor would the shocking emotions that surfaced afterwards. She had, however, made some decisions in response to the disaster. Wednesday afternoons would be strictly devoted to more normal pursuits. No Vodka, no motels on the highway, and certainly no dildos. The one she’d purchased for that afternoon was hastily thrown into a dumpster twenty miles from home. She would have gone even further that first Wednesday afternoon, but then that would have been just another impetuous and ill-conceived exploit, the very kind she was determined to stop.
At least with the dildo gone she felt some semblance of sanity return for a few days, but it didn’t last, and by the time another Wednesday rolled around, the lure of her sexual pursuits had begun to haunt her again. She rigorously stuffed back the feelings, while deciding that she’d learn to masturbate at home and be happy with that. But her body never seemed to be aroused at moments when she had the time for such self-indulgent activity.
Maybe it was the house, Robbie—every bit of energy now seemed devoted to the single pursuit of building the Endowment far beyond its original intentions. Malcolm McKellar was so ridden with guilt about his son’s condition that he’d given Robbie free reign over the project and allowed him to develop it on his own. This seemed all that Robbie needed in his life. Of course Madeleine knew the truth; anyone observing him with a little honesty could see that he was sublimating his feelings about his injury, the physical pain, the emotional brokenness, and the sudden ruination of his dreams. But none of these things would ever be properly addressed because he was too busy building the only dream he had left. Even the marriage was too painful for him to spend much time nurturing their natural affection for each other. They might have been a lot less lonely than they were, but behaviors become ingrained, thoughts never voiced, feelings left unexpressed until the habits that take their place prevent any possibility for change. What promise there might have been for a satisfying life became diminished as Robbie’s urgent obsession with the Endowment grew.
No, the house where there had once been wild and kinky parties was no longer a place for sex.
There was no specific motivation for Madeleine to go into town that next Wednesday afternoon—no motivation other than getting away. That didn’t mean that the open highway and the cheap motel weren’t beckoning her to take that flight of fantasy. She could feel the force of her desires as strong in her as they’d ever been. But she refused to go down that desperate road.
After doing some necessary shopping and stopping at the library to return a book, she walked the neighborhood surrounding the library. After going several blocks down a street lined with classy old homes and apartment houses, she realized that she was standing in front of the square brick apartment house where Daniel Prothero lived. Several years before Robbie had dropped him off there when Daniel’s car had broken down on the road between the McKellar estate and his home. Strange how this small tidbit of information would return to her on a day like this and cause such a heated response in her; before she realized what she was doing, she was taking the steps to the second floor of the building and knocking on the man’s door. When she heard his footsteps closing in on her, she nearly ran away, but then the door suddenly swung open.
“Maddy!” Daniel Prothero stepped back and eyed her curiously. “What are you doing here?”
“I-I had to see you,” she blurted out. Anxious! Desperate! He wasn’t a fool, he could obviously see her distress. What the hell could she possibly have been thinking coming here?
He was dressed in jeans and an old droopy sweater with sleeves that he’d pushed up to his elbows. A
pair of reading glasses were perched at the tip of his nose and he gazed over the top to see her clearly.
She guessed that he’d been writing, and could easily see beyond him to the window where his desk appeared to take up a good part of one wall. On one side sat his MAC, on the other side was an old Underwood typewriter with a sheet of paper rolled into the platen. She’d never seen him in his working environment and this seemed very strange.
“Madeleine?”
Hearing her name, she looked away from the messy desk and into his eyes.
“I’ve disturbed you, haven’t I?” It would have not been hard to see the confusion in her vague expression.
“Well, yes, you have—although you’re not an unpleasant interruption. Come on in.” He stepped aside and Madeleine moved in, her eyes darting from place to place taking in every detail of the man’s living space. The large room was furnished with leather and heavy woods, a book case and cabinets covering one wall, a fireplace taking up much of another, and of course the wall of windows that looked out to the street. At the other end of the room was a dining area, the kitchen was just beyond, where she could see just a sliver of its pale yellow walls.
“Sit,” Daniel finally told her. He’d already moved into the sitting area and expected her to follow him, but she only did so after he issued the terse order.
How she’d come to be inside the man’s apartment was still a mystery to her. She had half a mind to excuse this silly move and leave right away, but the hot feeling in her gut would not let up. There was something she had to say, something her body and emotions demanded, as certainly as they’d once demanded that she spend her Wednesdays masturbating in motel rooms.
“A drink?” he asked. The question took her instantly back to the yacht just before his surprising assault. That the memory was still so very fresh in her mind was astounding after all this time. However, she was not surprised by how aroused she now was sitting in Daniel Prothero’s living room. She’d come to expect this kind of response when she was anywhere near the man.
“No,” she immediately replied, shaking her head. “No drinking.” This was important given the way her Wednesdays prior had been clouded by the sensuous stupefaction of liquor. Now that she had invaded the man’s space, she needed to think clearly.
“You seem agitated, Madeleine. Is something wrong? Robbie? A problem at home?”
He could be so normal and so genuinely concerned when he was not commenting on the state of her sexual desires. Two awesome moments of intimacy in their shared history, and the rest of their relationship had no more than innocuous parlor talk when they weren’t avoiding each other. She’d known him seven years—hard to imagine that it had been so long.
“No, it’s nothing like…nothing about Robbie, although I suppose in a way…” her voice drifted, and then so did she. Rising from the leather sofa, she wandered aimlessly around the room. The normal discomfort she felt in Daniel’s presence was returning, her sexual arousal getting stronger by the minute.
“Madeleine,” he finally prompted her. His tone seemed gentle enough, but there was a demand behind it, something familiar that left her feeling raw inside. She thought about the motel rooms, the liquor, her sordid masturbations, the awful moment with the dreadful dildo. She finally whipped around and faced him. “I can’t do this by myself anymore,” she said.
He stared back baffled. “Can’t do what?”
She looked at him for some time, debating what she’d say next, then with unexpected resolve she said: “Punish myself.”
The news hardly unnerved him, little would, but it took a moment for it to sink in. “And you think I can punish you?” he asked.
“I know you can,” she came right back as if she’d rehearsed the line a hundred times. Maybe somewhere in her mind she had. In some dream, some fantasy, an alternate reality this conversation had already taken place.
Daniel considered this for a long time, making no statement, no commitment, but not sending her away either.
Meanwhile Madeleine breathed deeply to calm herself and finally, because she was so terribly unhinged by what she’d just done, she sat down to wait for his reply, thinking this would spare her from fainting—the strange light-headed sensation would simply not go away.
When Daniel moved to his feet, she almost expected him to assault her as he did before—in fact, this was exactly what she hoped—but instead, he strolled the room, eventually circling her with his huge energy wrapping her within the force field of his dominate command. Locked in a disquieting silence, she waited nervously for him to speak again. When he did, it wasn’t what she wanted to hear.
“Suppose you tell me what brought this on, Madeleine? What you offer seems a little bizarre, even to a lecherous bastard like me.” He stood before the fireplace, his eyes leveled on her.
“It is bizarre, isn’t it? In fact, I can’t believe I’m actually here talking to you about it.”
“Obviously, this comes from some deep dark need—does this by any chance have to do with my fucking you on the yacht, and at the gazebo?”
She smiled nervously. “Only in part, only because what you said to me has never stopped playing back in my mind. It’s like a broken record…and now…” she closed her eyes, feeling the pain of it anew, “the things I’ve done have been so messed up, I don’t know where to turn. But I have to do something!” She stopped, opened her eyes and blankly stared at the coffee table.
“What things have you so messed up?”
She looked up. “You want me to tell you?”
“Of course, I want you to tell me,” his impatience showed in the irritated reply. “That is if you really want me to help you. At the moment, I hardly know what you’re talking about.”
“But I’m not sure what I want.”
“Well, you either want my help or not. But we’re not going to play games, girl. You’re not going to beat around the bush. You can leave now if that’s your plan.”
She visibly gulped as she tried to hold back a stream of tears.
“No, no, please! I have to do this.”
“Then you start talking, Maddy. Don’t worry, I’ll keep your secret if that’s what you’re concerned about.”
“I know that. I’m more afraid of telling you the truth.”
“Well, I sure as hell don’t want to hear a pack of lies. So what if you’re embarrassed? It’s probably exactly what I’ve been imagining about you all along.”
This made her blush. “How can you do that! Imagine stuff about me?”
“It’s really very easy. I certainly don’t have to work at it. Where does it come from? I hope it’s intuition, that I really have tapped into the truth about you.”
“And why would you bother?”
He shrugged. “Women and their sexy secrets are a fascination for me. So talk—and remember, you are intruding on my space and my time and if you don’t say something interesting in the next sixty seconds, I’ll have to throw you out.”
She took a big gulp of air and rushed in driven by his threat… “How about if I said that for the last several months I’ve been spending my Wednesday afternoons driving the highway until I finally pull into a cheap motel with a bottle of Vodka, and spend my time drinking—and…and masturbating.” She could barely get the last word out.
Daniel’s reaction was instantaneous. He looked not so surprised by what she said but the fact that she actually said something that wouldn’t bore him.
“My, that’s quite a yarn. Is it true?”
“Oh, for heaven’s sakes, of course it is. Why would I lie about something like that? But there’s more… there are,” she looked down at her lap, gathering up enough courage to finish her story, “there are ropes and spanking, pain…kinky stuff. I hate what I’ve been doing, but I can’t seem to understand it or find a way to stop.” When she closed her eyes, the vivid pictures rushed in, and she felt as if she was back in the motel room again. “I feel like I have to hurt myself, that there’s some flaw in my char
acter that makes me guilty—I’m not even sure what I’m guilty of. Although now I have plenty of reasons to be ashamed of myself considering the things I’ve done.” She finally opened her eyes and looked up, seeing that his placid knowing expression had returned.
“This is the punishment that you talked about?”
“Yes. Sort of. But I just can’t do everything my fantasies require of me.”
“And what? You see me taking over and doing all those despicable things? Punishing you hard like you’re some naughty brat? Is that it?”
Her heart was racing fast, and between her legs the hot fires of desire were making her squirm so he could see the obvious movements of her body.
“You’re horny now just thinking about it?”
She childishly bit her lip. “Yes. I am. In the worst way.”
“The worst way? What’s bad about being so horny?”
Her blush deepened but she didn’t respond.
An air of amusement filled his expression. “So the prim Madeleine is actually a wild slut at heart, just as I suspected. And now that she has so graphically proven that to herself, it’s time for her to pay. Her troubled psyche demands the retribution. And what irony, the whole horrible conundrum just turns her on all the more.”
“God, I wish it weren’t true,” she buried her face in her hands.
“Isn’t it funny that for all our attempts at being civil beings, we’re really just savages at heart—even pretty things like you.”
She looked up. “You love to mock.”
“I mock myself as much as I do anyone else, just no one sees that. It’s my own private demon. But I do respect you,” he said. “It took guts to come here and tell me these things. You could just have easily seduced me, then maybe after our affair had gone on for a while, you would have finagled your way into the punishment you needed so badly. I like the straight talk better.”
“I couldn’t kid myself. I also have a feeling you would have known anyway—at least suspected that I had other motives. Besides a real affair makes me unfaithful to Robbie.”
Punishable Offenses Page 9