He saw a shadowed light under Erin’s door. Good—she was home. Then he heard the muffled sound of crying. He knocked on the door softly and opened it a crack.
“Erin... Are you okay?” He peeked inside the dimly lit room and found her sitting on the bed. She was wearing a nightshirt and in her hands was a photo album.
“Erin?”
She looked up at him as she brushed her hair back and wiped her eyes. She quickly closed the book and set it aside. “Austin, is something wrong with Lilly?”
“No. I heard a noise and I was worried about you.” He limped inside, sat down and looked into her wide eyes. “What’s the matter?”
She shook her head. “Nothing. I guess too much excitement. I couldn’t sleep. I probably had too much food and drink tonight.”
“So you partied hearty?”
“Yeah, two whole beers. We were celebrating Brooke’s pregnancy. She’s going to have another baby.”
“That’s great.” He doubted the news made Erin feel good. He reached for the discarded photo album. He opened it to see a man in a Marine Corps uniform and a younger version of Erin in a long white wedding gown. “You made a beautiful bride.”
“Thank you.” She studied the picture. “I was a foolish, headstrong twenty-two-year-old.”
“You look happy.”
“I thought I was marrying the man of my dreams and was going to have a lot of babies. But he lied to me. Jared didn’t want a family.”
She leaned toward Austin, and he got the scent of her hair. “He only wanted to play soldier,” she said as her gaze met his. “Do you know he deployed three times?”
“That’s a lot.”
“Thirty-two and a half months. That’s a lot of time I was alone. The last time he came home on R & R, he’d said he wouldn’t reenlist. But he did.”
Tears formed in those beautiful eyes. “And he left me alone again.” Her head dropped to Austin’s bare shoulder, and her soft hair draped against his bare skin. “Jared didn’t even want to stay around and have a baby with me. He said he would. Then he left again.”
She raised her head and looked at Austin. “So don’t go asking me why I don’t want to marry again. I think I have a good reason.” Her gaze studied him. “Guys don’t hang around.”
His heart was breaking for her. He didn’t like seeing her like this. “It’s not true, Erin. Jared was only one man. Look at Trent and Cullen. They’re happily married family men.” He gripped her shoulders and made her look at him. “You’re beautiful and funny and, God knows, desirable...”
She smiled, and her arms went around his neck. “That’s a nice thing to say, cowboy. So you think I’m desirable?”
He swallowed hard and gave her a nod. He couldn’t manage much else. “Jared was a fool. If I had someone like you waiting for me, I’d rush home.”
She cocked her head to one side. “And I bet you’d know what to do when you got there, too.” She then leaned in and brushed her mouth over his.
His pulse began pounding in his ears. How was he supposed to resist her? “Erin, this isn’t a good idea.”
“Of course it isn’t, but aren’t you curious about how it would be between us?”
He cupped the back of her head and held her still. “Hell, yes, I’m curious. I’ve wanted you since the first day you walked through the door. Every time you put your hands on me, it kills me that I can’t pull you into my arms and do this.”
His mouth closed over hers. Hearing her gasp, he deepened the kiss, then pulled her against him. Soon, they were stretched out on the bed, trying to get closer. His hands roamed over her body, and she arched against him. Begging him for more.
Even aching with need, Austin’s common sense prevailed, and he managed to tear his mouth away. Working to slow his breathing, he pressed his forehead against hers. “We can’t do this, Erin. You’d regret it in the morning, and I’d be exactly the man you thought I was.”
He sat up and looked at the beautiful woman stretched out on the bed. “You mean too much to me to let that happen.” He stood. “When our time comes, there’ll be no ghosts between us.”
As he headed for the door, he began to ache, and it wasn’t his leg this time. It was his heart.
Chapter Thirteen
The next morning was cold and dreary outside, making it difficult for Erin to wake up. Plus she wasn’t eager to face Austin.
She groaned. Maybe it was the hormone shots that had caused her to react so strongly to everything, and Brooke’s pregnancy, and maybe being with happily married women when her own marriage had failed so miserably. Thank God Austin stopped when he did last night, or they’d both have a lot more regrets this morning.
To her relief, he acted as if nothing had happened between them; their morning routine went on as usual. Once Lilly had been fed, Erin dressed her and played with her for a bit. Still Austin mentioned nothing as they moved on to his therapy session.
Lilly was content in her bouncy seat on the floor in the corner, busy with her dangling toys, so Erin had Austin begin his routine.
Erin spotted him as he lifted weights for upper body strength. Oh, God, he had massive arms and an unbelievable chest. She had to tear her gaze away and focus on business. Austin had been working hard over the past weeks, and she could see that he wouldn’t need her help much longer.
Soon her time here would be ending, at least the nanny job, and then she’d be back on the graveyard shift at the care center. She smiled. She would be happy to see her friends, especially Hattie.
Only three more days here, yet so much had happened between her and Austin during the past few weeks. They’d seen the worst and the best of each other. She closed her eyes momentarily, recalling his kisses, his touch. A warm shiver rushed along her spine as she thought about what could have happened between them.
She looked at Austin to find him watching her. “Sorry—did you say something?”
“Yeah. Are we about done here?”
She glanced at the clock. “Sure.”
“Good.” He strapped on his leg brace and stood. “How about we go for a ride to get out of the house?”
“Where do you need to go?”
“I don’t gotta go anywhere, but it would be nice to get some fresh air.” He came to her. “How are you feeling this morning?”
She glanced away. “I’m fine.” She opened her mouth to apologize, and he stopped her.
“Don’t you dare say you’re sorry, Erin. I don’t want you to be embarrassed about what happened.”
“How can I not be? It was so unprofessional.”
“I don’t give a crap about what’s professional. We’re friends first, and if I thought you wouldn’t hate me this morning, we’d be lovers.” He closed his eyes momentarily. When he opened them, his gaze was darkened with desire. “Believe me, I wanted you so badly, it took everything I had not to stay with you.”
Her heart clenched with his confession, fueling her own hunger. She couldn’t think of a single reason why she shouldn’t fling herself into his arms and beg him to make love to her.
She swallowed hard. “You shouldn’t say things like that, but thank you for playing the gentleman.”
Mischief gleamed in his eyes and he drew her into his arms. “I seem to be doing a lot of that lately. You’re a bad influence on me.”
Unable to help herself, she reached out and wrapped her arms around his waist. It felt so good to have his strength, but it was more than that. She truly cared about this man. Maybe too much for her own good. She also knew that this attraction between them couldn’t last. She had to leave and make her own life. And he had to make his. “You’re a nice man, Austin Brannigan.”
He pulled back. “Don’t make that mistake, Erin. I want you. And the next time we start something up, I’m not stopping. Unders
tand?”
She swallowed and nodded.
“When it happens between us, I want you to want me as much as I want you. One thing for sure—I won’t be a substitute for your husband. For damn sure, you’ll know it’s me who’s making love to you.”
She started to deny it, but he stopped her and placed a kiss on her nose. “Why don’t you and Lilly go for a ride with me to see my dad? He wants to play grandpa for a while.”
She was glad for the distraction. “Are you okay with that?”
He shrugged. “I still have issues with him, but I’d never rob Lilly of her grandpa.”
“It’s nice to know that all those times being bucked off a bull didn’t hamper you from making good decisions.”
He arched an eyebrow, and she got a full dose of his sex appeal. “Bucked off, yes, but until my accident with my leg, I’ve never had any serious injuries.”
She stepped back. “If you say so.”
“Yes, I say so,” he argued. “I’ve been riding since I was eighteen, and I’ve worked hard to develop techniques to stay safe. Not every yahoo can climb on a bucking bull. Well, they can, but it’s a possible death sentence.”
His look told her he wasn’t kidding around, and he went on to say, “As careful and vigilant as I was, I couldn’t prevent my accident.”
She suddenly realized what this sport meant to him. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”
“So am I.” He glanced at his daughter, who’d been amping up her vocal protest for being ignored. Austin lifted her out of her seat and held her in his arms.
Erin’s heart squeezed when Lilly laid her head against her daddy’s chest and began to coo.
“Come on, darlin’,” Austin told her and kissed her head. “Let’s get you changed so we can go see Papa Neal.”
Ten minutes later they were walking out to the car and loading Lilly into her seat when a familiar sedan pulled up to the house.
Erin tensed when Jay Bridges climbed out and walked up to Austin. The middle-aged manager pulled off his sunglasses and looked up at Austin. “We need to talk.”
“I don’t think so, Jay.” Austin shut the car door.
Jay didn’t budge. “I guarantee you’ll want to hear what I have to say. It’s about your future.”
Austin stood there a minute, then looked at Erin. “Why don’t you take Lilly on down to Dad’s and I’ll be there soon?”
She wanted to argue, but she had no right. She wasn’t a part of Austin Brannigan’s future.
* * *
THIRTY MINUTES LATER, Erin sat on the small sofa at Neal Brannigan’s cottage, which was right behind the main house, where Cullen, Shelby and Ryan lived now. Since Neal had retired from the Denver police department and he’d begun running Georgia’s Therapy Riding Center, this had become his new home.
Neal held his granddaughter in his arms while encouraging her to make cooing sounds. Lilly loved the attention from Papa Neal.
Yet Erin couldn’t stop wondering what Jay and Austin were talking about. Several scenarios played in her head, none of which did she like. Surely Austin wouldn’t be convinced to return to bull riding. Not when he had to care for a baby. She shook her head. No, this wasn’t her business.
Neal looked at her. “What’s got you so tense?”
She jerked her head toward him. “Nothing. Okay, maybe I was thinking about going back to my regular job next week.”
Lilly grasped her grandfather’s finger. “It’s funny how life turns out,” Neal began. “Six months ago, I showed up here to mend some fences with my son Cullen, and I end up running a horse therapy center. Not what I thought I’d be doing in my retirement, but I wouldn’t change it, especially since Austin has come to live here, too.” His gaze met hers. “And look at you. You hired on as a therapist, and you suddenly became a nanny to this little sweetheart.” He grinned at his granddaughter. “Aren’t you the sweetest little girl. Yes, you are.”
“Yeah, it’s a tough job, but someone has to do it.” She tried to joke about the situation, but it only made her sad. “The really tough part will be leaving Lilly.”
Neal looked at her. “Only Lilly?”
She could see the strong resemblance between Austin and his father. Even with Neal’s gray hair, he still was a handsome man. “I’ll miss everyone.”
“What about Austin?”
“Of course. Even though he wasn’t easy sometimes, he’s worked hard...and we’ve become friends.”
Neal arched an eyebrow at her. “Friends is a good start, and you have developed a bond with this little one.”
Erin felt her heart breaking, and she couldn’t let this go on. “Look, Neal, there isn’t anything between your son and me. I was married once, and I don’t want another serious relationship. And I don’t think Austin does, either. He only wants to make a home for his daughter.”
Just then the door opened and Austin walked in. He had a smile on his face, and suddenly she wondered what he and Jay discussed that had made him happy. No, she didn’t think she could stand to know. It wasn’t her business anyway. She was leaving in a few days.
“Hey, how’s it going?” his dad asked.
“Good. Sorry I’m late. I had to talk with Jay.”
“Is everything okay?” she asked.
He shrugged. “Sure. It’s nice to know people still want me, but Jay’s expectations are pretty high. So I sent him away.” He held up a set of keys. “A guy from the dealership just dropped off your van.”
Suddenly, she needed to get away. “Thanks.” She took them and grabbed her purse. “Would you mind if I tested it out?”
Austin smiled. “Sure—not a problem.”
She said her goodbyes and was out the door, feeling a sudden rush of emotions. Darn those hormones. She had to stop worrying about what Austin was doing in his life. She wasn’t going to be a part of it. Problem was, no one had told her heart before she’d gone and fallen in love with the man and his little girl.
Austin wanted to go after Erin, but he had a feeling that she was angry about Jay showing up. He was, too, but he couldn’t help but think about his business proposition.
He looked at his dad. “Did you say anything to her?”
Neal shrugged. “Only about how much she was going to miss being around Lilly. Of course, if you asked her to stay, I bet she would.”
Austin groaned as he dropped into the chair. There were so many things his father didn’t know about Erin’s situation, and he had no right to tell the story.
“Look, Dad. I know you want me to settle down, but I have to be the one to decide that.”
“What about Lilly? You can’t go running around the rodeo circuit with a baby.”
This was always their fight when he was younger. “I’m over thirty, Dad. I can make my own decisions about myself and my daughter.”
Austin braced himself for an argument, but he didn’t get one.
“I know, son. And I know you’ll make the right one. I just hate to see you let a good woman like Erin go. This little one has lost one mother already.”
The last thing Austin wanted was for Erin to leave on Monday. But he didn’t have a future to offer her, either. Not yet, anyway.
* * *
SUNDAY AFTERNOON CAME too fast for Erin. This would be her last day with Lilly. She dressed her in cute pink pants and a frilly print top and a matching headband for the big family get-together.
Austin drove them to the Rocking Q Ranch. There was a picturesque two-story house, several well-kept barns and a large horse arena. Down the road through a wooded area were several log-style cabins, then came another clearing and a larger two-story log lodge with a wraparound porch. Erin had been here once before when Brooke married Trent a few years back.
“It’s so lovely here.”
“I agree. And according to Trent, they’ve done well with rentals on the property.”
He parked the car beside several others in the gravel lot. She climbed out and glanced down at her own black jeans, tucked into her knee-high ebony boots, and a royal blue oversize sweater under her peacoat. The early November day was cold, warning them that winter was coming.
Austin limped around the car, dressed in jeans and one deck shoe with his cast on the other. He wore a collared Western shirt and a leather jacket.
The man looked so good. No wonder women followed him around.
He came to her holding the carrier. “Is something wrong?”
“No. It’s just I feel a little out of place. This is a family get-together.”
“We consider friends to be family, too.” He moved in closer, too close. She inhaled his wonderful scent. “I want you to have a good time, Erin. And I was hoping that when we get home tonight we’ll have a chance to talk.”
She nodded, but the last thing she wanted to hear from Austin was that he was going to return to the rodeo. “We’ve had opportunities to talk the past few days. Why now?”
“Because there have been some offers made to me. I haven’t made any decision yet, because I need to talk to some people.” His gaze zeroed in on her. “You’re one of them.”
Before she could respond, Brooke rushed over to them. She hugged them both. “Come on inside. It’s cold out here.”
Grabbing the diaper bag, Erin followed her friend, and Austin brought Lilly. Once inside, she couldn’t help but be struck by the beauty of the large room. The rough-hewn walls, the huge cultured-stone fireplace that took up part of one wall. Two long sofas were arranged to get the full benefit of the fire. Pretty curly-haired six-year-old Addy was sitting quietly reading a book to Ryan and eighteen-month-old Christopher. She turned toward the other wall, where a picture window overlooked the majestic Rocky Mountains.
“This is incredible.”
Brooke smiled. “Yeah, I’d say Trent and my dad did a good job designing this place. And especially for times like this when we get to use it for the family.”
A Colorado Family Page 13