by Debra Smith
Finding Release
Debra Smith
Eva desperately wants to explore new avenues of sex with her mouthwatering husband but a secret keeps her trapped—after nine years of marriage, she’s never experienced an orgasm with Justin. She feels broken and lost. Taking her fate into her own hands, she buys some toys and tells Justin the truth about her desires.
Justin knows Eva is keeping something from him. When he returns from a business trip, his little angel has a wicked gleam in her eye. Determined to discover her secret, he follows her on a trail of lust he may never want to come back from. Who knew his angel could be so wicked?
Inside Scoop: Eva and Justin try on some light BDSM—a little tying up, spanking and name-calling.
A Romantica® contemporary erotic romance from Ellora’s Cave
Finding Release
Debra Smith
Chapter One
Nine years of believing. Nine years of denying the truth. No longer. The package would arrive, and everything could—no, would change. She told herself over and over. Her therapist reasoned her feelings were nothing to be ashamed of. Doubt still plagued her. What if what she needed proved too much for her husband?
She couldn’t pretend anymore. Afternoon light spilled through the window while she checked her driveway for what felt like the hundredth time. A sigh rushed past her lips. Other options played across her mind like a black-and-white movie. If she couldn’t convince him, maybe they could try a special kind of therapist.
She brought her trembling hand to her side and formed a fist. She needed to be strong. Tonight he would be home. Tonight she would ask him for what she needed. Only praying he wouldn’t deny her. Was she wrong for wanting this? Maybe. It didn’t matter.
Eva moved to sit on the edge of her couch, her heart hammering in her chest.
She closed her eyes as heat pooled between her legs. Her body wanted it even if her mind wasn’t sure. Time for something new in the bedroom. Years of the same had taken their toll. She’d finally realized what she wanted, what she craved.
Starting out slow, she’d ordered some new toys from the internet. Her breath came out in soft pants as she pictured their uses. A blindfold, an under-the-bed restraint system and a small, shiver-inducing butt plug. A knowing smile crossed her lips at the last word. Something so ridiculously named brought such warmth to her body.
She’d spent the week getting ready. Though tempted to find her own release, she refused to give in. Afraid it would spoil the pleasure with her husband.
Instead, she received a Brazilian wax from the local spa. Something she was sure didn’t happen often in her small town. God, she hoped the woman would keep her mouth shut. Later Eva would be bold in her newfound sexual desires but now with them so new, so unrealized, she was worried, maybe even afraid.
Nine years she’d lied to her husband. Minimal sexual experience and misguided love had been the cause. Eva fought the stinging in her eyes. How was she going to tell him the truth?
That in nine long years, he’d never brought her to orgasm. That everything had been faked. Maybe something was wrong with her. She didn’t know for sure but she craved sex with her husband. Centering in her fantasies, his body was all lean strength, smooth, tan skin and solid lines. His dirty-blond hair and compelling blue eyes held her under his brand of masculine allure.
If he refused she would lose faith. Maybe, just maybe, he would want the same. Sometimes he whispered dirty things to her in the throes of lust, bringing her so frustratingly close to coming she wanted to claw and scratch in frustration. He hinted about fucking her in the ass. Secretly tempting and disturbing her.
It didn’t feel normal. Foreign desires brought her to this place, a crossroads. Her gaze strayed to the clock above her flat screen. Two more hours ’til he would walk over the threshold of their home. Seeming like a lifetime away and mere seconds at the same time.
A knock sounded at the door, making her heart jump inside her chest as if she were caught doing something wrong. Brushing her hands along the tops of her jeans, she smoothed nonexistent wrinkles, buying time to calm her wild heart. She opened the door, greeted the smiling deliveryman, took her package and with that, the man strolled down the path and drove off. Eva blinked as she realized she was still staring at the area where his truck once sat. The box, a light weight and a heavy burden, rested on her hip.
Goodness, she needed to focus and find a way to pass the time. Her gaze found its way to the clock again. One hour and forty-five minutes ’til he was home.
Finding her way to the kitchen, she placed her future on the table and busied herself with the normalcy of cooking Justin’s favorite meal.
Chapter Two
Everything seemed perfect. The aroma of baked macaroni and cheese with bacon filled the still air. Her heartbeat accelerated at the sound of a closing car door. He was home. Anticipation and fear formed a bittersweet taste in her mouth as she readied to greet him.
The door opened with ease and his presence filled the room. God, how she’d missed him. Two weeks, the scope of his absence, too long to be apart.
A smile lit his face, causing her breath to catch. Her gaze roamed his body, which was dressed down in his faded blue jeans and a navy cotton t-shirt. Her mouth watered. Utterly delicious. The denim clung to his ass like it knew the near perfection it rested against. Unceremoniously he tossed his suitcase to floor, drawing the cotton of his shirt flush against the hard planes of his back.
Clasping her hands together, she struggled to keep from running them over his body.
“Hi, baby,” he drawled.
Her stomach clenched as she formed a smile. “Hi. I missed you.”
He stepped toward her and slid his hands along her back, caging her with his body and his passion. Her nipples pushed against the lace of her bra, sending tendrils of lust snaking down her spine to rest deep in her belly. The slightest touch made her body ache for him. His lips brushed softly over hers, tempting, seducing. Then, with a seemingly wicked smile, he pulled back.
“Dinner smells terrific. You made my favorite.”
Breathless from his kiss, she blinked. “Yes, I did. I even added bacon.”
“You spoil me.”
Grinning, she added, “Don’t you forget it.”
Stepping from his grasp, she motioned to his place at the table. “Have a seat. I will dish you.”
Eva pulled his plate from the cupboard and spooned a large amount of food onto the china. She grabbed the salt and pepper from above the stove in one hand and placed the bounty in front of her husband. He never took his eyes off her. She could feel the heat of his stare on her body as she retrieved a fork from the silverware drawer to the left of the stove. She returned to the kitchen in search of something to soothe her.
“Aren’t you going to eat?”
“No, I’m not terribly hungry.” She bent over to search for a bottle of wine. Turning at what she thought was a groan, she looked behind her and furrowed her brows while he shifted in his seat. Maybe it was nothing. Hopefully the wine would help calm her nerves and give her the strength needed to tell him of her sensual plans.
She paused for a moment, considering her options. She could pretend that nothing was wrong. She could keep things the same. A pang of fear echoed in her chest. If things didn’t change then she couldn’t see herself in the same marriage for the next forty years. It was selfish but no less true. She owed him a chance. He was so much stronger than she. He could handle it.
“What’s the occasion?” he asked almost suspiciously, interrupting her thoughts.
Gently placing the unopened bottle on the counter, she then reached for one of her cobalt-blue wineglasses. “I thought we could celebrate.” She shrugged. After opening the bottle, she sighed
as the deep-red liquid sloshed into her glass.
“What’s in the box?”
“It’s part of the surprise. I thought we could try something new.” She brought the goblet to her lips, drawing his gaze. Slowly she drank the vanilla-and-currant-infused liquid.
“Oh, like what?”
Her face flamed and she felt the heat from her neck all the way to her ears. Swallowing, her mouth dry despite the wine, she tried to find the words to tell him the truth.
* * * * *
Something was up. He knew the moment he came through the door. She’d made his favorite meal and seemed to be holding back. Fuck, he was fighting the temptation to take her. The feel of her beaded nipples pushing against his chest was almost enough to make him throw her on the couch and do what he’d dreamed of for days. Two weeks without her—pure torture.
The chaste kiss of their greeting was designed to suppress his raging cock. But when her scent reached his nose, all he could think about was burying himself balls-deep in her sweet little pussy.
He needed to be careful. She wasn’t that type of girl. Fuck, she’d been a virgin when they married. Pure white snow and he was the devil, desperate to soil her. So instead he fought his desires. Painfully, sometimes, he went slow and did his best not to harm the best thing in his life.
Beautiful. His gaze burned a route over her body, silently marking her, claiming her. She didn’t have a clue about the way she affected him. Her curves were generous, the way a woman should be. Her soft form molded to his every time they touched. Perfection, a lock and key made only for each other.
His cock twitched, reminding him of just how well they fit together. Her jeans hugged her ass while she bent over, searching for wine. He tried to bite back his groan of frustration but in vain. Waves of chestnut-colored hair fell to one side of her shoulder as she investigated the noise.
His hand tried to reform the shape of his stainless steel fork. The innocent but seductive way she looked at him brought his control to the brink. Almost ten years with her. Light-green eyes seemed to search his face, coming up empty. Then when he asked her what new thing they would try, her face turned red. His lips twitched as he fought his amusement.
“I thought we could try something different in the bedroom.”
His eyebrow rose in silent question. He tried to speak smoothly but the words came out dry and gravelly, almost a growl. “Really, like what?”
She finished the small amount of ruby liquid in her glass and nodded toward the box. “Go ahead and open it.”
Trying to fake disinterest, he slowly reached for the box. He used his pocketknife, slid the tip into the tape and removed the rest with a pull. Pushing the tissue paper to the side, his eyes widened.
Holy shit. Lifting one of the contents, he found it was not what he expected. He fought his body’s urges. His angel wanted him to use these things on her. He swallowed, trying to renew some form of moisture in his parched mouth. She must have taken his silence for rejection because she started to cry.
“Eva, baby, don’t cry.”
Moving in front of her, he pulled her into his body, offering her comfort. “Whatever you need, you know I will give you. Is this what you really want?”
She nodded against his chest and mumbled something he couldn’t quite make out.
“I can’t hear you. What was that?”
Between sobs she managed, “I think there is something wrong with me. I can’t come when we have sex. I think I’m broken.”
His muscles coiled with tension, anger and fear, readying for the unknown danger before them. Primal instincts surged to the surface, building his need to protect. Broken. If she even considered herself to be the problem, he’d failed her. He did his best to mask the anger and hurt that she kept this secret from him for so long, but she was brave for telling him. After all, he wasn’t above a challenge.
“Shh… We’ll figure it out.”
After gazing up with glistening eyes that seemed to shine with hope, she dipped her chin in silent agreement. He held her for minutes, hours, he wasn’t sure. She stepped away and her gaze locked onto the box and its contents.
“I’m going to shower, then we will see what we can do about fixing this.” Lifting her chin with the tip of his finger, he lavished her mouth with soft caresses and deep strokes, both meant to reassure and heat her body. He captured her escaping moan, which was almost a thank-you. He would fix this, no matter what.
Stepping away from her warmth, he asked, “Are you ready or is there something else you need to do to prepare?”
“Oh I’m ready. I promise.”
Chapter Three
Eva continued to stare at the closed door of their bedroom. The sound of the shower pulsed in the silence of her home. Her body trembled. Rubbing her hands up and down her arms, she tried to think.
He’d taken it well. Better than she’d expected. Broken. She couldn’t believe the word had passed her lips but it was true. It was how she felt. Every one of her friends said they could orgasm. Each happy story made her feel smaller, less human, less worthy. She wasn’t sure what was worse, the fact her friends were happy or the fact she lied to make herself seem the same.
She still needed to tell him the rest—about the things she wanted him to say to her. The things she wanted him to call her.
Maybe she should just forget about it. She could just pretend to have been joking. Yeah, that’s what she would do. Pain radiated through her chest, making her gasp. No, she couldn’t pretend anymore. It wasn’t fair. But if he looked at her differently, if the look in his eyes changed from love to disgust, her heart would shrivel up like unkempt flowers, once something beautiful, now left to be blown around by the wind.
Needing to push away her thoughts, she poured another glass of wine and began to clear his half-eaten plate. The wine was gone in moments and like a well-programmed machine, she finished her tasks with precision.
She found herself standing before her box of treats like a dog waiting for a bone. Deciding there was nothing wrong with what she wanted, she began unpacking the contents. She used the special cleaner on them and set them on a towel to dry. Still fighting her emotions, she wrapped them up and placed them back in the box. The only thing she’d done wrong was lie to him for so long. She should have told him sooner. She was cowardly and she needed to fix things.
* * * * *
Justin let the water wash away the tension in his muscles while he tried to figure out what he was feeling. Anger? Not really. He should have been angry but he wasn’t. He was hurt. Yeah, that was it. Fuck, what kind of man couldn’t tell the difference between fake and real? Hell, he should have known.
Absently rubbing his chest, he closed his eyes. Images of Eva tied to their bed made his cock pulse. His hand drifted to his heavy length. He stroked himself from the base of his cock to the tip, his body shuddering in pleasure. She would be his to possess. Ready, eager even, for him to control her, push her and have his dirty way with her.
He quickened his pace. His balls drew tight to his body, readying for his release. He found the pre-cum on the head of his cock and rubbed it around the sensitive tip, drawing a hiss through his teeth.
She would beg him to touch her, fuck her, no longer his little angel but his sex kitten. Yeah, he liked the sound of that. Biting back a curse, he stopped his pleasure.
He turned the nozzle to barely above freezing and finished washing. He wanted to save everything he had for her. Only her.
After toweling off the excess water, he slipped on a pair of boxers and over that a pair of black running pants, leaving his chest bare. Coming so close to release and denying himself put him on edge. He needed to figure out how far she wanted to go and how far he wanted to take it.
He drew a calming breath, opened the door and exited the bedroom. The soft sound of his steps filled the air. He turned the corner and found Eva sitting on the couch, flushed, with an empty glass of wine. She must have been nervous. She stood to greet him but paused a
s her eyes blazed a trail along his body, marking him without ever touching him.
Her gaze captured his. Stepping around the chair, she found her way to stand in front of him, never losing the connection of their eyes.
“I’m sorry I lied to you. I shouldn’t have. Can you forgive me?”
“Yes, I will, but do not let it happen again.”
“Okay.”
“Now we need to set some ground rules. You need to tell me exactly what you want and how far you want me to go with it. The last thing I want to do is mess this up.”
She nodded and he held his breath while she gathered her courage.
His hands drifted to her hips, finding the sliver of skin exposed between her jeans and shirt. Absently he caressed her supple skin. His hands warmed against her flesh despite his frigid shower. He needed to touch her—his mind and body demanded it. Hell, his rigid cock demanded to bury deep inside her.
She shivered under his fingers but he didn’t know if it was from his touch or her trepidation.
Their breaths mingled, he leaned forward and touched his forehead to hers.
“You know that no matter what, I will love you. Do you remember the first time we met? It was Halloween and you were dressed like an angel and I was dressed like the devil. How ironic it was. It seemed so true to me that I was the one unworthy to view your beauty. I was unworthy to even be in the same world graced by such a heavenly apparition.”
“Stop,” she spat. “I am no angel.”
He frowned.
“That’s part of why I couldn’t tell you. I’m not this perfect little creature to be put on a pedestal of perfection. I want things, need things an angel couldn’t possibly understand.”
“I didn’t think—”
She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. Right now matters. And right now I want you to tie me to the bed, make me beg you to fuck me and call me your dirty girl.”