Chapter 24
Raine jumped to her feet when she heard the lock rattle, wrapping the blanket around herself. She was shaking, but not with fear. She had left fear so far behind she didn't even remember what it felt like.
Seth let himself in, dropping the heavy, palm-sized padlock on top of the dresser. He laid a plate next to it, with something wrapped in a napkin. She was relieved to see that his wound was dressed. The white bandage showed up starkly against his golden skin. A threadbare red flannel shirt hung open over his bloodstained jeans. He held an open bottle of whiskey by the neck. He took a deep swallow.
“You're drunk,” she said.
His eyes glittered, with a wild, faraway look. “Medication,” he said, pointing to the bandage. “This hurts. I brought you a sandwich, if you're hungry.”
“You have got to be kidding.”
“Suit yourself.” He took another swig.
She pulled the blanket tighter. “Are you going to give me some clothes?” She made her voice sharp and businesslike.
He set the bottle on the dresser next to the padlock and advanced upon her slowly. “I don't see the point,” he said. He seized the corner of the blanket and jerked it down, frowning when he saw the nightgown. “That thing is still wet, Raine. You'll make yourself sick. Take it off. The room's warm now. Too warm.”
“I don't want to be naked with you.”
It was the wrong thing to say. She knew it as soon as it left her mouth and saw the hot flash in his eyes.
“Tough,” he said. He jerked the thin straps down, his hands lingering on her skin as he shoved the nightgown over her hips. It felt to the floor around her muddy, scratched feet She forced herself not to flinch back, or cover herself. She straightened up and composed her face. Let him look. She could still be dignified, even if she was naked.
He studied her body with greedy, minute attention to detail. A dull flush was burned deep into his high cheekbones, and his hands scalded her as they clasped her waist and slid up over her ribs. His fingers explored her carefully, as if he were memorizing her.
Despite his unstable mood and the whiskey on his breath, she was absolutely unafraid of him. She placed the back of her hand against his cheek. “You're feverish,” she said quietly.
“Tell me about it. Every time I look at you.”
“You should take an aspirin, or some—”
“What a joke,” he cut her off, as if she hadn't spoken. “The first time I lose my mind for a woman, and it has to play out like this.”
She pressed her hands against his burning forehead, trying to cool him down. “You know that I would never do anything to hurt you,” she murmured.
“Shhh. We're not going to discuss it.”
“But Seth, we have to—”
He put his finger over her lips. “No, we don't Off limits. Don't want to go there.”
She'd crashed into this stone wall before, but it didn't intimidate her anymore. Not now that she had seen what was on the other side; his gentleness, his enormous capacity for tenderness. She slid her hands under his shirt and around his waist, careful not to touch the bandage.
He jerked back and stiffened. His hands fell away from her. “What the hell are you doing?” he snarled.
“Getting warm. You won't give me any clothes, and I'm cold.”
He held himself rigid. “Not a good idea. I'm not in control of myself tonight. At all. Don't push me, Raine.”
She pressed her cheek against his burning chest, rubbed it gently against his flat brown nipple. “I know you,” she said, in a soft, stubborn voice. “You can't scare me, Seth Mackey.”
“Oh yeah?” His arms closed around her, his heat scorching her. “Well, you scare me, babe. You scare me to death.”
She pulled him closer and twined herself around him. His response was instantaneous, and she almost wept with relief when she felt the familiar flare of heat from him. She needed all of his devouring hunger, all of his volcanic heat to drive away the bleak horror of what she had seen tonight. She caressed the hot length of his erection and unbuckled his jeans, wrapping her ringers around his hard, fever-hot penis.
It all moved very fast from that point. He toppled her onto the futon, pinning her against the tangle of blankets, his boots still on, his jeans shoved down. She stared at the ceiling, wide open, and cried out when he shoved himself inside her. It was too soon; she wasn’t soft or wet enough, but she didn't care, she needed this to melt the glacial cold. To make her feel alive again.
It only hurt for the first few rough, awkward thrusts. His breath was harsh and ragged against her neck. His muscles clenched, fighting for control. He drew himself out slowly, surged in again. Already she was softening; he glided more easily with every deep stroke. She twined her legs around his damp, muddy jeans.
His face was a taut grimace of pain. “You're killing me, Raine.”
“No.” She pulled his face back down to hers. 'I'm loving you.”
He wrenched away from her kiss. “I want to believe you,” he rasped.
She caressed his face, her body pulsing seductively beneath his. The pain in his voice tore at her. “Trust me,” she whispered.
He froze, wedged deep inside her. Time stopped Everything stopped. The two of them were clenched together as tightly as a fist. She held her breath, staring into his eyes.
His mouth hardened. He shook his head and pulled out of her body. “Roll over.”
“No!” She tried to pull him back. “At least look me in the face while we make love. You owe me that much.”
“It's not love, and I don't owe you a damn thing.”
He flipped her onto her stomach. She turned her face to the side and shut her eyes against the intense feeling of vulnerability, the heat of his hands caressing her bottom, his thighs wedged between hers. He shoved her open, his weight settling down on her, and penetrated her, pushing himself slowly, deeply into her body.
“Damn you,” he muttered under his breath.
He pushed away the hair that covered her face and pressed his face against her neck. He stayed that way, vibrating with tension. She pried her arm out from beneath her chest with some difficulty, and grasped one of his big, trembling fists that gripped the blanket by her head. She pulled it to her face and kissed it.
A shudder jerked through him. He lifted his weight off, curving himself over her. Warming and sheltering her. He slid his hand beneath her hips, his long, sensitive fingers seeking until he found her tender cleft. He caressed her slick, swollen clitoris with delicate skill.
“You see?” she whispered, pushing back to take in more of him. “It is love, Seth. It's always like this with us. It always will be. We can't hurt each other. It's against our nature.”
“Shhh. Hold still.” His fingers tightened around her hand. “Fm right on the edge. I don't want to come yet. Don't move.”
Raine waited for him for as long as she could, but the wild woman inside her wanted to drive him over the edge and force him to face the truth about the two of them. She arched her back and slid up and down his hard, pulsing shaft, clenching and releasing. She pleasured herself with his body, hungry and bold. Demanding everything he had to give.
Helplessly, he followed her, giving her the rhythm she wanted. He couldn't deny her what she needed for one second, or even try to resist the force that moved them. He was hers, all hers. Fierce joy blazed through her as she pulled him after her, his wrenching explosion of pleasure echoing her own. His body jerked and pulsed into hers, and his cry sounded like a shout of protest.
After several breathless, panting minutes, Seth sat up and started yanking at the laces of his boots. He pulled them off, peeled off his jeans and flung them away too. He lay back down behind her, pulling her close so that her whole back was pressed against his hot chest. His penis, still hard, prodded her buttocks. She gasped as he thrust himself slowly back inside her. His arm clamped across her waist.
“Go to sleep “ he said. “I want to stay right here. Inside you.”
She clutched the thick muscles of his forearm and almost laughed at the ridiculous idea. As if she could sleep in that condition, so utterly penetrated by his body. Then she felt the liquid heat trickling down her thigh, and tingled with shock. “Seth. We didn't use anything.”
His teeth sank delicately into her shoulder, dragging across her damp skin. “No. The condoms are back at the hotel. Want to go ask the McClouds if we can raid their stash?”
“No “ she whispered.
“I didn't think you'd be into that.”
Raine dug her nails into his arm as his teeth and tongue moved their delicate, nibbling caresses to the back of her neck. “It's amazing, without,” he said, in a wondering voice. “I can feel every juicy little detail. I want to explode the second I'm inside you. And I thought I had all this self-control.” His hips pulsed against her bottom and he swelled inside her, sliding in and out. “I could rack you all night long, no problem. I haven't done it without latex since I was fourteen. Congratulations. You've reduced me to a state of adolescent idiocy.”
She clenched herself around him, dazed by the risk they were taking, and all that it implied. “You'll never forgive me for that, will you?”
“Not in this lifetime.”
“Seth, I—”
“Shhh. No more talk.”
The flat, hard tone in his voice silenced her. She swallowed down the lump in her throat and squeezed her eyes shut At least he was touching her with passionate tenderness. His body knew the truth. She felt it in the way his hands caressed her belly, her breasts, the way his fingers fluttered skillfully between her legs while he surged heavily into her from behind in a slow, relentless cadence.
That went on forever, timeless and lazy and delicious, but finally he began to deepen his strokes, his bream sawing harshly into his mouth against her neck. He muttered something incoherent and jerked her up onto her hands and knees.
That was even better; now she could move, arching and straining against him. She cried out with unbearable excitement at his first deep thrust, and he froze into immobility.
“Don't stop.” Her voice shook with breathless urgency.
“I don't want to hurt you,” he said shakily.
“Damn it, Seth. You're not. You won't.”
She incited him with her panting eagerness, and he let go and gave her what she clearly wanted, deep and hard and driving. She braced herself and thrust back to meet him, reaching for her release. And he gave it to her. Pleasure stabbed through her whole body, as sharp as a fiery spear at first, and then spreading out in widening ripples of sweet, glowing heat Every cell in her body trembled like wind-ruffled water. He spurted inside her, filling her again with his scalding heat. They sagged down onto the blanket, still joined.
Raine pressed her face into the blanket to hide tears she knew he would not want to see or hear, shaken and moved. She could get pregnant. And she would be glad if she were, no matter what. Terrified, but glad. She had seen death that night, and life called to life, all the messy, confusing heat of it She would never shrink from it again.
She woke sometime in the night. Her face was sore, her battered feet stung, the wool blankets were scratchy. Seth's heavy arm blocked half of her lung capacity, and his penis, still deep inside her, forcibly reminded her of certain mundane bodily functions.
“Seth. Are you sleeping?” she whispered.
He stirred and kissed her neck with a short grunt of negation. “I'm never sleeping again.”
She twisted around. “I have to go to the bathroom.”
He pulled out of her and threw back the blanket, reaching for his jeans. “Come on. I'll show you.”
She wrapped a blanket around herself and followed him through the dim corridor. He opened a door, yanked a chain to turn on the light and gestured her in, closing the door after her.
The room was so huge the bathroom fixtures looked lost in it. She took care of her business and eyed the ancient, mineral-stained clawfoot tub. It occurred to her how badly she was in need of a wash.
She peeked out the door. “I want a bath “ she told him.
“Go for it.” He headed back toward the bedroom.
She set the water running. The door opened and Seth entered with the electric heater in his arms. He plugged it in and set it on high, crossed his arms and waited. He was so beautiful, in only his jeans. He dazzled her. Even his long brown feet were graceful and beautiful.
“Would you give me a little privacy?” she asked tentatively.
“No.”
He returned her stare, patient and implacable. Water roared into the tub and steam rose up in seductive plumes. Raine gave into the inevitable with a sigh, and let the blanket slide off her shoulders. Seth caught it and hung it on a hook above the heater.
She knotted her hair up onto her head. It needed washing too, but she couldn't face having it wet again. She stepped into the water, wincing as it stung her abused feet. She sank into it, closed her eyes and floated, letting the roar of the faucet fill her ears.
Seth turned the water off when it reached her chin, and she opened her eyes. He sat cross-legged by the tub, gazing at her with unnerving intensity. He took the soap out of the dish and fished out her foot, lathering it. He paid attention to every toe, every bruise and scratch, stroking and petting and massaging her. He lowered the foot into the water, seized the other foot and gave it the same loving treatment. There was no sound in the room but the hollow slosh and drip of water as he caressed her.
Her heart ached with love for him. “I didn't sell you out,” she said quietly. “Someday you'll know I'm telling the truth.”
He lifted her leg out of the water and ran the soap along the length of her calf. “Oh yeah?”
“Oh, yeah,” she said, her voice belligerent. “You're going to feel like a total shit for not trusting me. And I'm going to enjoy every minute of it.”
A smile touched his solemn mouth. “Terrifying prospect”
“We'll see how much you like it when it happens,” she warned. “You already know the truth, if you'd just let yourself believe it.”
He caressed her knee. “Truth is a relative thing,” he commented.
“Oh, stop it,” she snapped. “Now you sound like Victor.”
His soapy fingers tightened and lost their grip. Her leg splashed back down into the tub. He wiped the splashed soapsuds off his face with his arm. “Don't compare me to him. The way things are going, I doubt I'll live long enough to find out.”
She jerked up as if she had been bitten. “Don't say that!”
The water sloshed perilously close to the lip of the tub. He was retreating from her. His remote voice made her think of the dream. Her father on the boat, his eyes sunken and shadowy, drifting farther and farther away. “Please don't say that,” she repeated, fighting tears.
“Try not to sweat it,” he said quietly. “The angel of death in a black ski mask can jump out of the dark anytime. All you can do is look sharp and seize the moment. Like the moment I'm seizing right now.”
He pushed her back down against the curved back of the tub. Raine bit her shaking lip and leaned back, abandoning herself to the love she felt in his big hands. He was right. If this was all there was, then she'd better seize every moment of tenderness she could from him.
She let go and yielded to his tender skill; letting his clever fingers untie every knot, undo her, unravel her. He laved every curve, smoothing her like a potter molding clay. He pulled her up onto her knees so he could wash between her legs, and she held on tight to his muscular shoulders so that she didn't shimmer and melt down into the water. His slick, soapy fingers delved into every crevice and fold, making bold use of his intimate knowledge of her. She braced herself against him, shaking with the intensity of her feelings.
Seth pushed her back down into the water, rinsing the suds away. The water, full of soap, had turned as opaque as milk. He reached between her legs, locking eyes with her, and slid his hand beneath her bottom, pulling her to the su
rface of the water until he could see the flower of her sex, pink and swollen. He touched her as only he could, a magical sensitivity that always knew exactly when to push, when to retreat, when to insist. He pushed and coaxed and caressed until the power tore through her, unleashed Huge and terrifying and beautiful. A blaze of love and longing that blotted out fear.
She drifted in the cooling water, feeling newly born.
All too soon, he was pulling her to her feet. He toweled her off, pulled the blanket off the hook over the heater and wrapped her in it. It was deliciously warm. He scooped her into his arms, and she relaxed against him like a sleepy baby, boneless. No protests or arguments.
He laid her down on the futon and shoved off his waterlogged jeans. He crouched over her, covering her with his naked, scalding heat. “OK. It's make-believe time,” he said. 'This is the part in the story where you show me how much you love me.”
She reached for him. “Seth—”
“Please don't. The less you say, the more believable it will be.”
She stared up into his fierce dark eyes. This was as far as he could come towards her. They were so far outside the bounds of the normal, ordinary world that she no longer took anything for granted. A million impossible things might be true, another million solid truths might be sheer illusion. But one thing was for sure. She loved him. He had saved her life. He was beautiful, and brave and valiant. He had told her that he loved her tonight, and he had meant it with all his heart No one else in her whole life had ever done so much.
What was true would stay true, whether he let himself believe it or not. And if he wouldn't let her use words to tell him so, then she would use the only language left to her.
She held out her arms. She would make him understand.
The window was black when the low knock sounded on the door.
Seth lifted his head as if he'd never slept at all. “Yes?” “Showtime,” someone said quietly.
I'll be right down.” He flipped on the light and pulled on his clothes in grim silence.
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