by Sable Hunter
“Why don’t you take your worms somewhere else, Ten? Just leave me alone.”
“By God, son. You’re determined to push everybody away, aren’t you?” Jaxson just stared back at him. “Fine!” Tennessee threw his hands up in frustration and plopped the bag down on the counter in front of his brother. “Here! I’ll leave these just in case you finally catch on that there are still some things worth living for. I’m outta here.”
…Day three brought Ryder to the cabin and Jaxson groaned when he saw her bounding up the trail just after noon. “Whose turn is it tomorrow?” he growled from his seat on the porch.
Ryder held up a tan canvas bag she’d brought along with her. “Doesn’t matter whose turn is tomorrow. I’m here now. I brought supplies.” Hopping up onto the porch she gave her brother a big hug.
Jaxson was cold, not returning her embrace. “What’s in the bag?”
Jaxson had brought two of the antique rockers that had survived Katrina out to the cabin to keep on the porch. They were a constant reminder of home and better days gone by. Ryder pulled one close to Jaxson and sat down to open her bag. “We’re going to give you a shave.” She pulled a set of clippers out of the bag along with a straight razor and shaving cream.
“I don’t need a shave.”
Ryder placed a gentle hand on her brother’s fuzzy cheek. “Oh, yes, you do.”
Swiping her hand away, Jaxson looked off at the river. “Knock it off, Ryder.” A part of him could appreciate what his family was trying to do, but Jaxson was getting fed-up with the meddling.
“I’m trying to help, Jax. We all are.”
“I don’t see everybody here. Where’s Pep? For someone so concerned about me, she sure as hell hasn’t been bothered to come check on me.”
“What do you mean? She rode up here with you and you pushed her away like you’ve pushed us all aside.”
“She just doesn’t care anything about me.” For some reason, Jaxson had half expected her to show up everyday – whether he wanted her to or not. She’d pretended to be the one most concerned about him. Her absence just validated his feelings that nobody could love him anymore.
Ryder hauled back and slapped her brother right across the same cheek she’d just gently touched. “Don’t you dare say or even think such a thing! Pepper’s heart is breaking for you. She’s started up here two or three times, but she’s so afraid she’ll come up here and find you laid out dead on the floor from some self-inflicted craziness. She’s been on the phone with Tam every damn day. The two of them are crying their frickin’ eyes out over you.”
Jaxson jumped up as fast as his sore body would allow, leaning on one crutch. “Listen to me and listen good. I’m sick of all this fuckin’ interference. I don’t ever want to hear her name again! Do you hear me, Ryder? Do you understand simple goddamn English?”
Ryder recoiled in horror. Jaxson had yelled at her before, but never like this. “What’s wrong with you? You’ve changed.”
“You are god damn right I’ve changed. I’m missing a big part of myself, in case you haven’t noticed, and I don’t need you coming up here reminding me of how much I’m hurting people or how much I’ve lost. I’m fuckin well aware of the hell I’m in!”
“You lost your damn leg, Jax. It’s bad, but it’s not the end of the world! Life goes on. We’ve all lost something we’ve loved! Ten is going through a crisis and poor Philip is fighting for his life! Or have you forgotten? We all would’ve given everything we had to save you from this, but it’s done. You’ve got to learn to live with it!”
“I don’t want anything bad to happen to any of my family, but you just don’t get it! None of you do! I’m not smart, Ryder!” He threw his crutch out into the yard. “I’m a cowboy! I ride rodeo! How can I be me with only one leg? What good am I to any of you?!”
“Jaxson, you’re an idiot!” Ryder screamed at him.
When he threw up one hand like she’d solved a physics equation, she threw everything back in the bag. “You have people who love you no matter what. Hell, lose your other leg! We’ll still love you! Why can’t you get that through your thick skull?”
Jaxson looked off into the distance. “That’s enough.” Hearing Ryder speak Tamara’s name had brought a fresh rush of pain cascading over his soul. “Just go. Tell the rest of them not to come. Just leave me alone, dammit. Is that too much to ask?”
“Nope. Not at all. You can’t talk sense into a rattlesnake and that’s what you’ve become. An ornery, dangerous rattler just waiting for a chance to strike out at the people who love you best!”
“Yep, and remember the old slogan, don’t tread on me.”
“Don’t worry. No one’s going to bother you. Not tomorrow or the day after. You can let Heath know when you need supplies.”
“You can tell them all I’m still alive,” he said as she stomped off the porch and down the path toward her car.
“Is that what this is, Jax?” She called over her shoulder. “You being alive? Sure, doesn’t look like it to me.”
* * *
After finding out Jaxson’s intentions to move away from Highlands – and away from her, Tamara threw herself back into work. She trained until she couldn’t walk, she wrote a draft for a new textbook, and she met with Joseph who told her he could bring Mad and Storm out to the Austin area to shoot the remainder of the footage they needed. None of the activity prevented her from worrying herself to death about the man she still loved with all her heart.
Tam spoke daily to Pepper about Jaxson, and each time they talked, Pepper begged her to keep trying to call him.
“Please don’t give up on him. If anyone can snap him out of this funk, Tam, it’s you,” Pepper would plead.
“I’m not giving up. I call him. I text him. He just never responds.”
Tamara loved hearing from his family, but it did little to fill the void of her break-up with Jaxson. She would talk and cry with Pepper, the whole time secretly hoping Jaxson would see fit to pick up the phone and apologize or at the very least, say he wanted to see her again. But that moment never came and when Pepper called to tell her Jaxson had moved out of Highlands, she lost all hope. Maybe he’d never loved her to start with, not the way she loved him.
To fill every lonely hour, she’d called the gym where she worked and told them she was available to take on more hours. Grunting out reps on the machines and putting new clients through the ringer was a way to keep her mind off Jaxson.
“That’s great, Tam.” Bill, the gym manager, was thrilled. “People have been calling non-stop to ask about training with you. Word about your good showings in New Zealand and Hawaii spread quickly around here. Everyone wants to spend an hour getting their butts kicked by Tamara Grayson.”
She picked up as many clients and personal training sessions as possible, keeping herself busy from sun-up to sun-down. The gym’s business was booming and so was Tamara’s reputation. Still, no matter how hard she worked her clients or herself, Jaxson was never far from her mind.
What had gone so wrong with them?
She would’ve loved Jaxson if he’d lost both legs. Hell, she would love him no matter what! Tam knew there must be something else behind his desire to distance himself from her. He no longer wanted her to be a part of his life anymore and Tamara needed to understand why.
As she stood over a new client, spotting the bench press, Tamara thought about Chelsea and how smug she’d looked at the hospital when Tamara had been banished from Jaxson’s life. Jaxson had sworn up and down that he and Chelsea were just friends and nothing else, but maybe there was something more to their relationship than Tamara knew.
Every day led to more confusion and heartache.
“That’s it Tony. Two more reps. You got this. Push it!” Tamara encouraged him as he struggled to move the weight a few more times.
“Phone call for Tamara!” a voice called out over the gym’s loud speaker.
“I’ll be right back, Tony.” Dabbing at her forehead, Tamara wen
t to the front desk to take the call. “Hello?”
“Tam, this is Heath McCoy. I apologise for calling you at work, but I’ve been trying to get a hold of you all morning and you haven’t been answering.”
Tamara was shocked to be hearing from the oldest McCoy. “Sorry, I’ve been in training sessions all morning. My phone is in my locker. What can I do for you, Heath?”
“It’s Jaxson.”
Immediately, Tamara’s heart fell into her stomach. “Oh, my God. What’s happened? Is he okay?”
“He’s fine.” Heath grunted and cursed. “No, hell, he’s anything but fine. I know you’ve been talking to Pepper. Did she tell you he moved out?”
“Yes, she did. To your hunting cabin up on the San Saba River, I believe.”
She’d looked the location up on the map the second Pepper told her where Jaxson had gone to. It was only about an hour’s drive from Burnet and every time Tamara passed the junction with Highway 281, she considered heading up to check on him.
The only problem was – she didn’t have the courage. He didn’t want to see her. He’d been emphatic with his feelings, making sure she knew that whatever they’d had between them was over. He’d also shown her how serious he was by making no attempt to contact her since the day he hung that NO VISITORS sign, which had been meant solely for her.
“We’re worried about him, Tammy,” Heath continued in a very somber tone.
“I’m worried too, Heath. But Jaxson has made it abundantly clear he doesn’t want to see me. You were there, Heath. It was you who insisted I should leave the hospital.”
Heath felt her words cut him like a knife. “I was just respecting my brother’s wishes. I guess I was wrong.”
Tamara was glad to hear from the big rancher, but she was still waiting for him to reveal the true nature of his call. “I hope Jaxson is doing well, Heath, but I’m not sure why you’re calling me.”
“Like I said, I think Jaxson made a huge mistake cutting you out of his life, Tamara. I respected his wishes at the hospital, but now something needs to be done to save my little brother. He has rejected the hand each of us has extended his way, but I think you may be the one to reach him.”
“Heath. I don’t know. He was abundantly clear that he no longer wants me in his life, he doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
“I know all about it, but I’m asking you for a personal favor here. Go see him. Go try to talk him out of this misery he’s allowed himself to get mired into.”
Barely an hour went by that she didn’t relive the last time they spoke on the phone. “Us Tamara. You and me. I can’t do it anymore.” The words echoed in her head every time she thought about Jaxson McCoy.
“Please, Tamara. We saw the two of you together. You had something special. I’m desperate, we all are. He won’t listen to any of us. He may listen to you.”
Tamara knew what she wanted to do, she wanted to grab her keys and make a bee line for the cabin as quickly as possible. She’d been wanting to do it for days, but she hadn’t had the courage.
Until now.
Heath was saying what she’d always thought. She and Jaxson had never made anything official, but if others had seen it, then maybe what they shared was as real as Tamara always thought.
“Is he alone?” The thought of Chelsea or some other female being there with him terrified Tamara.
“I drove him up there myself. I can’t say for sure nobody is with him, but I can’t imagine it. He’s pushed everyone away. We called the cabin a few times, but he’s not answering. We’re pretty sure he unplugged the land line a day or two ago and there’s no cell phone reception up there. He couldn’t have left, there’s an ATV up there for him to get around on, but he wouldn’t get far, there’s only a gallon or two of gas in the storage shed.”
Tamara balked. The fact that no one had heard from him worried her. On the other hand, if he had some woman up there, it would kill her. Either way, he wouldn’t be happy to see her.
“Please Tamara,” Heath said, sensing hesitance in her silence.
Chewing on her bottom lip for a moment Tamara considered her options. She didn’t have any, she needed to see Jaxson and this call from Heath gave her the courage to do what she should’ve done days ago. “How do I get to the cabin?”
Heath glanced around at his entire family gathered around him in his office, listening to the conversation. When he pumped his fist in the air, they knew Tamara had said yes. After giving her the directions, Heath let out a relieved sigh. “Thanks, I sure do appreciate you doing this.”
“You don’t have to thank me, Heath. I love the man.”
Once Tamara was off the phone, she hurried back to Tony and told him she had to leave. “A friend needs me, Tony. I’m sorry. We’ll rebook.”
“Sure.” The slender redheaded guy waved her on. “Later.”
A quick shower was all she would allow herself. With her hair still wet and no makeup on her face, Tamara blasted up 281 at top speed, praying all would be okay when she arrived. Part of her was still nervous Jaxson would reject her, but she’d been going crazy with worry about him and she wasn’t about to turn around and drive back to Burnet without at least seeing if he was still alive.
Cedars and scrub oaks covered the land on either side of the dirt road she slowly eased down. The cabin wasn’t supposed to be visible from the road, so she drove until the gravel lane disappeared into the tall grass. Cutting off the engine, she climbed out of the car and locked it. Who she was locking it from, she didn’t know. Other than Jaxson, the only thing out here was probably armadillos and possums. Tiptoeing through the brush, she followed an ATV trail or a game trail through a wooded area until the path led into a clearing.
A few more yards and she saw the cabin. “Wow.” In her mind, she’d pictured a rustic, rundown shack. This was a nice log cabin, bigger than her house and her parent’s house put together.
Pit-a-tuck. Pit-a-tuck. Pit-a-tuck.
A tiny cluster of female Scarlet Tanagers came screaming by at a low altitude, their dull yellow color drawing her eye. Behind the group, a pair of male Scarlet Tanagers were in pursuit. Their bright red plumage made them standout in the lush green environment. Tamara had on a red shirt herself and she couldn’t help but feel like those male birds. Here she was, chasing after Jaxson as he flew off to hide from her.
“I swear,” she mumbled to herself, “if he’s wearing a yellow shirt I’m turning around and going home.”
Her words might sound tough but Tamara knew they weren’t true. She’d been wishing for this moment for days and she wasn’t about to turn back now.
Walking up on the cabin, Tamara saw a swirl of smoke escaping out the chimney. The front porch railing was made from logs that looked to be cut to precise size and stripped of their bark. There was also a split rail fence surrounding the cabin and each picket had its own distinct look and shape to it, much like Jaxson had now. Tamara remembered what Pepper said about him feeling like less of a man after losing his leg and she’d wanted to get in his face and scream at him, give him hell for thinking his loss in some way changed the way she looked at or felt about him. What kind of woman did he think she was? With her heart pounding in her ears, Tamara stepped up onto the porch and made her way in front of a window toward the front door.
Sitting in a chair staring at the fire, Jaxson caught a glimpse of movement outside the cabin. “What the hell?” Either someone was outside or there was a damn whitetail waltzing around on his front porch. Grabbing his crutches, he looking again and saw a head of golden brown hair move past the window.
“Aw, no. Hell, no.” Rising onto his crutches, he moved slowly toward the front. Pulling back the curtain on the glass portion of the door, he came face-to-face with the woman he’d been thinking about for days.
Tamara offered a nervous greeting from the other side of the glass. “Hi.”
Jaxson wobbled on his one good leg. Seeing her gorgeous smile almost brought him to his knees. Good thing he hel
d on to the crutches, because if he got down, he probably couldn’t get back up without her help – and he wouldn’t, couldn’t ever ask her for help. “You shouldn’t be here.”
The hesitant, hopeful smile disappeared from Tamara’s face. “Can I come in?”
Jaxson looked away for a moment. He wanted to see her so badly, he couldn’t breathe. The only thing greater than his need for her was his fear of her rejection. “Pepper?”
“Heath,” Tamara answered, knowing exactly what he meant. “Heath asked me to come.”
“Damn you, big brother.” Jaxson wanted to smack his brother for sending her here, but he also had this strong urge to thank him. “I don’t want you to see me like this, Tamara.”
Tamara placed her hand on the doorknob. “Please, Jaxson. Let me in.”
“Fuck.” Glancing down at the handle, Jaxson unlocked the screen and stepped aside. He wished he could run back to the chair he’d been sitting in and throw a blanket over his legs so she couldn’t see what he’d been reduced to.
“Come in,” he said with a sweeping gesture, holding the door open.
Tamara brushed her hair back over her ear and clasped her hands together in front of her before shyly moving through the open door.
Jaxson wasn’t wearing a yellow shirt like she’d joked with herself about earlier. Instead, he wore a red plaid button-up, open in front to reveal the ridges of his rock-hard abs and that smattering of hair on his chest that she loved to run her fingers through.
“You look nice,” Jaxson muttered before he could stop himself. Damn, she looked incredible. His eyes followed her as she made her way to the kitchen table across the room, putting some space between them that Jaxson didn’t want, but he figured he might seriously need.
“Thanks. I came from the gym. This was all I had to wear.” Small talk was good. At least she’d gotten her foot in the door. “You look good too.” She slid down onto one of the chairs.
Jaxson huffed. “I look like shit. But thanks.”
Tamara wanted to hug him so badly it hurt, but she stayed in her spot as he made his way to the chair in front of the hearth.