by Sable Hunter
He continued to stare at her, trying to read the signs. “I guess that depends on why you came.” Jaxson balked at what he’d learned. His idea of someone with brain damage didn’t jive with these bright eyes filled with intelligence and sorrow. He felt himself tremble, she was just as beautiful as always with a body that would stop traffic and a face so exquisite a man could dream of it forever and never long to see anything else. So, she stuttered a little…so what?
She hung her head, not knowing how to start an explanation.
Out of necessity he pressed on. “I know Dr. Mathias recommended you come to the support group.” He paused, lowering his voice. “I know Dr. Mathias’s specialty, Tammy.”
Tamara’s whole body jerked. Steeling herself, she raised her head and stood up ramrod straight. “Then…you – know.” She swallowed, a tiny hint of a sob escaping her lips. “I have.” She closed her eyes tightly. Saying the next two words to him was torture. “Brain…dam-age.”
Even though he suspected, hearing her speak the reality was like a punch in the gut. “What? How?”
She turned her back on him, moving away from the door to the back of the couch. Tamara didn’t invite him to sit, she didn’t figure he’d want to stay long enough to get comfortable. “Car…hit. Bike.” She didn’t tell him why – not that she blamed him at all. He’d called her and she’d been so thrilled to see his name light up her phone that she’d lost control. For just a microsecond, she’d swerved. Tamara couldn’t blame the driver, even though he’d been drinking. When she came to after the coma, that had been the first thing she did once she could communicate. Clear the driver’s name.
“Crashed. I have…” She’d practiced saying the word, it didn’t come easily. “A – pha- sia.”
Jaxson noticed she’d said the last word slowly, then seemed pleased she got it out.
“Aphasia,” he repeated. Lord knows, Jaxson didn’t know anything about aphasia, but he damn sure intended to find out. “I’m so sorry, Tam. So sorry.” He ached to take her in his arms, but when he made a move toward her, she quickly backed away.
As if she was afraid of him.
The idea that she could be afraid made him feel like he’d been kicked in the head by a mule. “I’m so sorry,” he repeated. “You know I’d rather anything in the world happen than you get hurt.”
She understood. She’d felt the same way about him. “Don’t. Not…your fault.”
He was beginning to see a pattern to the way she spoke. The hesitancy. The difficulty she seemed to have with large words. The concentration on her face told him how much she struggled to speak. “No, and my accident wasn’t your fault, but I took it out on you anyway. You’ll never know how sorry I am that I did that. So sorry.”
Tamara’s chest began to burn with unshed tears. She couldn’t take much more of this. They were standing in her living room. Behind her was the couch where they used to fall asleep watching television. In the next room was the bed where they’d made love. There was nowhere in this house that wasn’t full of memories. Pain begin to seep in her bones, making them feel like wax. “Water – under. Bridge,” she managed to get out. Since they hadn’t moved far beyond the door, she reached over and held it open. “Late.”
Jaxson hesitated, he wasn’t ready to leave. “I want to see you again.”
“Why?”
He could hear the agony in her voice. Jaxson shook his head. “I’m sorry I hurt you.” She didn’t reply, so he added. “I want you to come back to the meetings. They have really helped me. I’ve got more good out of them than anyone.”
“Don’t…know.” If she spent too much time with him, Tamara didn’t know if she’d survive. She couldn’t make any promises. “Not same, Jax-son. I’m…broken.”
“Don’t say that.” Jaxson was experiencing this weird sense of déjà vu. She might be speaking, but he could hear himself saying the same words. All of this was just too familiar for comfort. “Just think about it, please.”
“Jaxson…don’t. Know what…asking.”
He understood. She didn’t need him to repeat the request, she just wasn’t sure if she could comply. “Yes, I do.” he assured her. “I know exactly what I’m asking. Been there, done that.” Reaching out, he cupped her cheek. “I missed you.”
With those three words he was gone.
I missed you.
Tamara wanted to capture them in a butterfly net and seal them in amber.
After locking the door, she rested her forehead against the cool wood, feeling the loss of him deep in her soul.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
At home, Jaxson couldn’t sleep. He rolled to his back, staring up at the ceiling. Thoughts of Tamara were running threw his head. Seeing her again, just reminded him how much their time together meant to him. Looking back, he wondered if things could’ve been different for her if he’d been more of a man. He’d lashed out at her so bitterly, saying things that were patently untrue. One of these days, he needed to tell her he had meant none of those things. Any man would be lucky to call her his own.
Uncomfortable with his own thoughts, Jaxson thrashed around, throwing off the covers. With a grunt of disgust, he rose from the bed to find his computer.
Answers. He needed answers.
After accessing some reputable medical sites, Jaxson read everything he could find on Tamara’s condition. He breathing grew shallow, he was stunned and troubled by what he found. In the United States alone, over two million people have been diagnosed with the condition. There were varying degrees, but the two primary causes were strokes and head injuries affecting the left side of the brain.
He learned how aphasia affects language, but not a person’s natural intelligence. Though not the same, this reminded him of his own struggle with the written word. God, they were a pair.
Jaxson realized with a sinking feeling, that Tamara, like other victims of aphasia, were essentially trapped in their own bodies. The injury to their left lobe interfered with normal signals from the brain. After reading the details of several severe cases, he understood Tamara’s condition could’ve been much worse. This fact gave him little comfort.
“Oh, baby, I’m so sorry.” His heart went out to her. He couldn’t help but remember how they used to be and mourn a little for both of their losses.
As the moon rose high in the sky, Jaxson kept researching, finding out everything he could on possible treatments. He didn’t believe in coincidence. Tamara had come back into his life for a reason and he intended to be there for her in any way he could.
* * *
“Hey, sexy. What’s shaking?”
Tamara stopped working, looking over her shoulder to see who was speaking. A man stood behind her with a coolly assessing expression on his face. “Are…you? Talking – to me?” She glanced around to see who else might be near.
“Yea, I’m talking to you. What’s a sweetie like you doing in a place like this?” He kicked a chunk of horse manure across the portion of floor that she’d just finished cleaning.
“Work-ing,” she mumbled as she took her broom to redo what he’d littered.
“My name’s Royce. What’s yours?” He leaned on the door frame of the stall, blocking the exit.
“Tam-a-rah,” she spoke slowly, wishing he’d go on about his business.
“Well, hello, Tamara. What you say we take a break and check out the hay in the hayloft?”
“No.” She didn’t need to waste her time or effort giving him a more lengthy explanation when one word would do.
“Aww, come on. You know who I am, don’t you?” He crossed his arms over his chest and tilted his head back, attempting to give her a better look at what he thought were his irresistible features.
“No.” Man, she was beginning to like that word.
“I’m the boss.” When she gave him a questioning frown, he clarified his remark. “I’m Royce Sykes, the owner’s son.”
“Good…to know.” Tamara continued her work. She wasn’t trying to be rude, sh
e just wasn’t interested in whatever he had in mind. “Need…to fin-ish.”
Royce looked her up and down, really slow. “You sound nervous. Don’t be. I don’t bite – much.”
Tamara was beginning to feel uncomfortable. When she heard the sound of a vehicle coming up the stable drive, she was glad. “Some…one’s. Here.” They both looked to see who had come to visit. When she recognized their visitor, Tamara felt a mixture of dread and relief.
“That’s Jaxson McCoy,” Royce announced. “Former rodeo champ. Rich boy.”
Tamara didn’t share the fact that she knew Jaxson – quite well.
“Jaxson! Hello!” He called to their visitor, before he turned to Tamara with a wink. “Don’t go anywhere, gorgeous. I want to get to know you a whole lot better.” Royce focused on her breasts and licked his lips, then let out a lout catcall whistle.
Tamara was mortified.
As the two men greeted one another, Tamara went back to her task, throwing herself into the job. She could tell by their conversation that Hill Country Stables was buying some stock from Jaxson’s ranch. They walked out to the trailer and unloaded two horses, leading them into the stable where the elder Mr. Sykes met them to see if they were what he needed. After only a few minutes, they struck a deal and money changed hands. If Tamara could’ve disappeared, she would have chosen to do so.
Too late.
After Royce and his father left with the horses, Jaxson went to leave. He walked right by her, then backed up. “Tamara?” Stunned. She was the one Sykes was flirting with? “What are you doing here?”
Tamara felt hot, sweaty, and more than a little bit stinky. No different than she’d been when Royce Sykes stopped to speak to her. This, however, wasn’t Royce. This was the man she loved. A man she’d given herself to, a man who’d held her while she shattered with pleasure.
Tamara wanted to sink through the floor.
She gave him the same answer she’d given the owner’s son.
“Work-ing.”
“Here? Why?” He pointed to the shovel she held in your hand. “You’re shoveling manure.”
“Yes. This…is my – job.” Seeing the judgment in his face, Tamara felt small. Yes, she knew where she used to be and how far she’d fallen. From Olympic gold to brown manure.
“You’re working here? With Sykes?” Jaxson cut his eyes making sure the cowboy was gone. He’d heard him making suggestive comments earlier – only he hadn’t realized the woman the jerk had been talking to was Tamara. “Why?”
“Need…to work.” She didn’t know what else to say.
Jaxson didn’t like it, not at all. She didn’t belong here. “Why here? This isn’t for you. Why, any moron could do this job.”
Tamara’s jaw dropped. She couldn’t believe he’d said that. “Well. Good. Cause I…am mor-on. Id-iot.” Especially since she still loved this big baboon.
Jaxson saw red. He was furious with her – for her – at her – he didn’t know. Getting right into her space, he shook his finger in her face. “Don’t you ever let me hear you say anything like that about yourself again. Do you hear me?” She narrowed her eyes and he just talked louder. “You are an intelligent, kind, beautiful young woman!”
Tamara grabbed the finger he was shaking at her and twisted it. If she’d been stronger, she could’ve made some type of impact on him, but she didn’t. He practically picked her up with that one finger. No matter she would give him a piece of the little mind she had left. With a wry laugh, she lit into him. “If you haven’t…not-iced, I can’t – say in-telli-gent any…more. Stum-ble over - words with more,” she held up her finger, “one syll-a-ble. Choose short words. Can count.” She was panting, out of breath. “Math is – hard.”
Clasping her hands together, a flush rose in her cheeks as she struggled to speak. Tamara couldn’t stand the thought that Jaxson looked at her and thought she was pathetic. “Horses…don’t care how…talk. They – just like…sound of my voice.”
Jaxson relented, all of the fight draining out of him in one fell swoop. “I’m not angry at you. I’m worried. And I understand how the horses feel, I love the sound of your voice too.”
Tamara wasn’t through, she wanted to get all of this out in the open. Laying down the shovel, she clasped her hands together. “Some-times.” She swallowed and chewed on her lower lip. “Some-times, right word is on tip…of my tongue.” She nervously clenched her hands into fists. “I…still say wrong…thing. Even words know…know…as well as own…” She took a deep breath, knowing the stress of her feelings for him was making this worse. “Name!” She shouted the word. “Words I know…well as…own name…get lost – in my head!”
As she told Jaxson this, unburdening, she saw regret in his eyes.
“Don’t feel. Sorry for me, Jax…son. Going to be…fine! Adjust.”
Jaxson wanted to throw her over his shoulder and kidnap her. Take her home with him and love on her until the middle of next week. But she wasn’t ready for that – she was so strong, but so fragile. “I have absolutely no doubt that you’re going to be fine.”
“Right.” She was out of breath. “I…need to work.”
Jaxson wasn’t ready to leave her here. “I want you to come to the next meeting. Someone will be there you should meet. Besides, I think I owe you dinner.”
“What?” She didn’t know what he was talking about.
“Don’t you remember. When you were in Colorado, before I got hurt, I promised to take you to a special restaurant.”
“Over…look.”
“Yea, The Overlook.” He pushed a strand of her hair from her forehead. “So, is it a date?”
She shrugged, knowing he was just being nice. Nevertheless, Tamara smiled at the memory, wishing she could turn back time. “I’ll…think. About it.”
* * *
“If this family grows anymore, we’re going to need a bigger kitchen.” Philip gazed down the long expanse of the dining table, which was heavily laden with food. Christian sat at the head with Olivia at his side. Heath sat at the other end next to Cato, who was holding one of Molly and Ten’s twins. The happy parents were next in line by Pepper, who was holding the other twin on her lap and her new husband, Judah’s, hand. Coming around the other side, Ryder sat between her two husbands, Samson and Gideon, basking in their attention. Rounding out the group were Philip and Jaxson, who were the only single adults at the table.
“We’ve passed being a family,” Jaxson said as he ate a bite of a yeast roll, good enough to melt in your mouth. “I think we qualify as a clan now.”
“Did you know our name used to be McKay instead of McCoy?” Pepper asked as she gave Ella a bite of mashed potatoes.
Heath frowned. “When?”
Pepper shrugged, taking a bite herself. “Oh, sometime in the 1700’s, I think.”
“Oh.” He nodded. “I thought you meant Daddy used to be a McKay.” He waved his fork at his father. “Wouldn’t surprise me. After all, I used to think he was an only child. Now, we know he was one of three and we’ve got a whole passel of cousins. Cousins coming out of our ears.” His voice got louder. “Cousins by the dozens.”
Cato grabbed his hand. “Take a sip of tea, sugar. You’re getting all het up.”
She gave him his glass and he took a sip. The rest of his family watched the spectacle with amusement.
“I think het is a shortened form of the word heterosexual,” Philip said slowly, looking from Cato to Heath.
Heath’s eyes widened. “I’m straight, I tell you.” He looked to Cato. “You tell ‘em I’m straight.”
“Heterosexual is straight,” Molly interjected as the mayhem began. “I think the word Heath is hunting is homosexual.”
“I’m not hunting any homosexuals,” Heath stated emphatically. “Not that there’s anything wrong with it.”
The more Heath talked, the louder Ryder giggled.
“We know you’re straight, baby.” Cato patted his hand, then looked at his family. “I’m sorry, I
misspoke. My Cajun slipped out. I meant heated.” She gazed lovingly at her husband. “You were getting all hot and bothered.”
“Oh, Christ, I can’t stand it!” Ryder laughed so loud, Samson started fanning her.
Now, Heath was laughing. He raised an eyebrow at Ryder, then wagged a finger at Cato. “I always get hot and bothered around you, baby. Maybe we’d better save it for the bedroom.”
Judah and Gideon, who tended to be more serious, were watching the antics of the brothers and sisters with a bit of wariness. “I don’t understand any of this,” Judah whispered to Gideon, who shook his head.
“Me either.”
Holding up his hands, Christian called for attention.
“Oh, no,” Heath complained. “Every time Daddy makes an announcement, we end up with more cousins.”
“No more cousins, I promise.” The patriarch of the McCoy clan pulled himself to his feet. “It’s about Belle Chasse. We have an offer to buy it.”
His announcement was met with absolute silence for about three Mississippi’s until everyone started talking at once.
“No,” Heath said. “No. Just no.”
“The land’s just sitting there,” Ryder murmured, which earned her a hard glare from Heath.
“I don’t think we should sell it either,” Philip interjected. “There’s so much history there. Mother loved the place so much.”
Ten snagged the last piece of fried chicken before Jaxson could claim it, then waved it in the air to make a point. “If we’re not going to sell the property, maybe we should do something with the land, either farming, ranching, or oil exploration.”
“Over my dead body,” Jaxson spoke up emphatically. “A hell no on the oil exploration.”
“Who’ll take care of it?” Ryder asked. “I don’t think Daddy and Olivia are interested.”
“We’re just not up for it,” Olivia confessed sadly.
Jaxson tapped the edge of his plate. “I want to keep it in the family, but we could hire someone to oversee it.”
“You’ve got everything under control here, Jaxson. The hands are well-trained. Why don’t you go over and handle things until we can find someone suitable?” Philip suggested reasonably.