"I thought you were all friendly and welcoming. Who knew you had catty bitches just like in my world," I muttered, squinting hard at the words that had flown out.
They felt dirty somehow in the presence of Emma. But Emma let out a chuckle and looked back towards where the girls had gone.
"Our worlds are not so different, Katherine. Evil can be found anywhere," she replied and moved a little faster towards her family.
Emma handed John a slice of pie, his grin widening over her choice of apple. I had come with three plates in my hand. Not sure what Nathan would have wanted, I brought him a choice. I stood beside him, my back towards the family and smiled down at him nervously.
He sat up at my approach and fought to hide the eagerness on his face.
"Would you like apple or blackberry?" I asked softly, struggling to hide my smile when I watched him lick his lips as he eyed the plates in anticipation.
"You made these?" he whispered and looked up at me with those penetrating eyes, glimmering with excitement.
I nodded and felt a surge of pride wash over me when his smile brightened.
"Must I choose?" he asked, a hint of mischief in his expression, the same amusement he had shown me when I had tripped on his laundry.
I glanced back towards the family, their chatter distracting them from our quiet conversation. I looked back down at Nathan, his eyes still on me. I tipped the slice of blackberry onto one of the apple plates and settled in beside him, offering him the double slice. He took it from my hands eagerly, his fingers brushing over mine as the plate slipped from my hand to his.
His soft blush and downturned eyes made my skin burn more than the touch had. He was so much different than the men I had known. Shy, hesitant. Never overbearing.
"Thank you, Kate," he murmured and cut off a sizable piece of the apple, slipping it into his mouth.
I watched as his eyes closed, his jaw moving slowly as he chewed. He hummed softly, the deep tenor of it rumbling through his chest. But his lips had me mesmerized as he chewed. They moved with his jaw, turning up slightly in contentment as he took another bite, this time from the blackberry.
Again a soft hum and smile, his eyes opening lazily to look down at me, in a slight daze. A silent conversation seemed to move between us, and more than anything I wanted to touch him, to feel that connection. I knew it wasn’t allowed, so instead I tried to eat. His voice startled me.
“You make pie like my mother did.”
I blinked and stared at him, unsure of what to say. He looked back down at his plate and cut another piece.
“She loved to bake. She made the same leaves on her crusts. Did your mother teach you?”
Green eyes searched me out when I didn’t answer right away, so deep and expressive with the sadness that swirled in them. I shook my head slowly, afraid to say anything that would make him think about his mother any more. It was clear he missed his family.
“However you learned, you can tell it is what you must enjoy doing. Baking that is,” he continued, a smile playing on his lips as he looked down and took another bite. “Your talent will be well known before the day is out.”
“Hannah says it’s my bargaining chip for finding a husband,” I blurted out, cringing when he stopped mid-chew with widened eyes. He recovered quickly, the playful smirk returning once more.
“An honest man would look for more than the ability to make a good pie,” he replied. “He would spend his energy to find what she enjoys in life so that he could please her.”
His eyes continued to hold onto mine, the world falling away from us as I read every emotion roil through him. Fear, hope, caution, and concern. Was he asking me what I enjoyed? Did he want to know me?
“Are you enjoying your time here, Kate?”
I blinked and concentrated on the pie on my plate.
“I am. It’s different than my old life, that’s for sure.”
“Do you miss it?” he asked, his voice a little closer. When I glanced up, I noticed he had slid a little closer, his knee brushing my own as he settled in beside me.
“Miss it?”
He nodded and took another bite from his blackberry pie. I could tell he was trying hard not to devour it like Mark across the blanket. And he was still trying to figure me out as he watched from the corner of his eye.
I shifted beside him, so that my shoulder sat close to his, our faces a little closer for quiet conversation. No one bothered us, although I could see Emma and Abigail glancing time and again towards us.
“I don’t really miss it, no,” I finally answered. “There wasn’t much to miss really.”
He frowned and fingered the chip in the plate he was holding.
“Surely there are people to miss. It must be hard to be away from family? Your loved ones?”
“My family’s nothing like what you have here,” I replied, feeling a sudden sense of longing for what Jonah and Fannie offered as parents to their daughters. I would never have that, not unless I worked at it.
“But your mother? She must miss you?” he asked, his eyes capturing mine in an inquisitive gaze.
I cleared my throat and looked down at my plate, shaking my head.
“My mother died seven years ago,” I whispered.
“I am sorry,” he replied quietly and I felt a warmth work through me when his hand brushed over my own on my lap. It was tentative, hovering before he squeezed it with a gentle pressure. I was transfixed on his hand over mine, so much bigger than my own, and tanned from days spent out in the field.
And warmer than I would have thought.
Comforting.
Safe.
Mark's booming voice broke the spell, Nathan's hand jerked away quickly as if startled from a dream.
"Katherine, that was delicious! Do you think there is any more left? Nathan, come let's get another piece of Katherine's pie before it is gone!" he exclaimed, jumping up and nearly dragging a flustered Nathan along with him.
I tried my best to pretend to ignore Nathan as he walked away, but his back was so familiar to me now, and his brightening smile cast in profile as Mark seemed to tease him made it nearly impossible to ignore. It was nice to see Nathan opening up, and a little more relaxed.
Fannie's voice finally broke me from my thoughts.
"Katherine, come. We must help with washing."
I followed Fannie dutifully back to the tables, where food was being separated and brought into the house for storing; cups and dishes were being moved to the wash basins laid out near the porch. Fannie grabbed a stack of dishes, nodding for me to take one as well and followed her to the washbasins. We stood there and worked as a team to clean many stacks, washing and rinsing and passing along to Emma and Abigail to dry and stack. It took most of the women a considerable part of the afternoon to return the Wittmer yard to its original state, with men gathering up the long benches and an army of girls taking the silverware and plates to a large wagon where it all seemed to get packed up with expert efficiency.
With chores completed, I joined Fannie and some of the women on the porch to sort through clothes that needed mending. I was reminded of Nathan's clothes that we had never mended. Needle and thread in hand, I set to the arduous task of sewing hooks back onto vests and trousers, graduating up to patches in children's clothes as the older women watched me work. A few of the women chuckled at my work and remarked at it teasingly.
They were in agreement that I was by far a better pie maker than seamstress.
The afternoon passed quickly, the fence and house repairs completed before the sun had dipped down too far. I was tired from the heat and the work, my eyes drooping as I rested against the porch railing. Fannie's soft hand on my shoulder had my eyes slamming open, blinking away the sleep. She smiled and put her needle and thread back into her sewing basket.
"Come Katherine. We should gather our things and make our way home. Would you collect our plates from Sarah? Jonah appears to want to depart soon," she said and stepped towards our wagon.
Emma, Abigail and I picked up our dishes from Sarah in the kitchen and said our goodbyes. The wagon was already hooked to the horses and the blankets already packed for our departure. John and Mark stood by the horses, nodding to us as we passed. I made a better attempt at climbing into the back of the wagon, settling in next to Emma once more.
Looking around, I didn't see Nathan.
It was on the second scan of the buggies that I noticed the familiar black hat down the line of tethered horses. Nathan was frowning and nodding at the Bishop as the man spoke to him, the elder's hand moving in succinct movements that told me that he was being lectured sternly about something. Nathan glanced our way and looked away quickly, his frown deepening at the words of the Bishop. Our wagon began to move, away from the two men. As I continued to watch, Nathan glanced our way once more, his eyes meeting mine, the emotions running through those dark eyes left me feeling gutted.
He looked regretful.
The Bishop followed his gaze, and I frowned when his glare reached me.
It was obvious now what the Bishop had been telling Nathan.
He most certainly did not approve of me.
Nathan did not come to supper again that night, Fannie tutting and shaking her head as she looked out the window repeatedly for some sign of him. She finally turned away when it was clear he would not be joining us. We cleaned in quiet, tired from the long day. Even Jonah's bright announcement to the end of the day was a little worn.
"A blessed day, our fatigue reminds us of the hard work we accomplished. Let us retire and enjoy an easier day tomorrow," he said and ushered us up the stairs.
As I was following Emma into our room, I felt Fannie's hand on my shoulder, turning me toward her. Her face seemed troubled, looking off worriedly towards her bedroom before pulling me in for a tight embrace. She let me go; I could tell she wanted to say something, but her resolve had failed. I offered her a weak smile, which put her at ease as she left me for her own room. I entered my bedroom, stripping off my clothes quickly and sliding into bed beside a yawning Emma. She opened her eyes and let out a long sigh, reaching for my hand to hold it tight.
"Nathan will be all right. He is probably already asleep. You saw how hard he worked today. Do not worry about the Bishop. He has always had his eye on Nathan. He still wants Nathan to be a part of the community. He is impatient to see Nathan join the Way. You will see, tomorrow Nathan will be himself again," she murmured and closed her eyes.
I heard Abigail shuffling around in her bed and then her small voice cut through the dark.
“He likes you, sister. Nathan smiled today.”
“You will see, Katherine,” Emma murmured. “I have said you are here for a purpose. You will see.”
“I guess,” I whispered, not sure as I thought on the look he gave me as we left.
I lay there fighting sleep, struggling to figure out once again what I was doing.
The regret in his eyes then, as well as him not coming for supper once more had me questioning his motives. The Bishop seemed to know where to steer Nathan's feelings.
I closed my eyes and thought on what Emma had said.
Would he be himself tomorrow?
Was I really here for a purpose? Was this where I should be?
Was Nathan the reason for me to stay?
I made a resolution there in the dark that I would find out.
I had no claim, but I wanted to know what he thought of me.
Tomorrow I would find out.
Chapter 8
I was up before the dawn.
Up before the sisters, amazingly.
I was up so early I surprised Jonah in the hall as I stepped out of the bedroom. I cringed at his startled exclamation and put my own hand over my mouth to keep from crying out anything inappropriate. He motioned me ahead of him down the stairs and followed me into the kitchen where Fannie was already brewing coffee. She turned and her eyes widened when she saw me.
"Katherine, you are up early! Could you not sleep?" she asked, touching her husband gently along the cheek as she passed him.
I felt that maybe I was intruding on their quiet time until Jonah sat in his seat and motioned for me to sit by him. Fannie brought over three cups of steaming coffee and sat beside me, her hand lingering along my neck where my hair was bound up. They were both quiet for a long moment, glancing at one another over my head until Jonah finally let out a heavy sigh.
“You have been a most welcome addition to our family these last few days, Katherine.”
Glancing at Fannie I could see there was something left unsaid in Jonah’s words. She smiled and nodded.
“But you have many worries,” she said softly.
I nodded.
“I feel like I might be making things more difficult here by staying,” I said and watched as Fannie frowned.
“You are no trouble, Katherine,” Fannie started, closing her mouth when Jonah cleared his throat.
"I think perhaps it is a good time to talk about what you ran from and what you wish to gain by remaining here with us," he said softly, his eyes finally capturing mine in a fatherly gaze.
I swallowed against the sudden dryness in my throat and nodded. I owed them an explanation. Especially if they found me gone later today. Or worse, here to stay past my welcome.
"You met Sean, that day you discovered me in your buggy," I started, trying to figure out how to best describe the events of my life so that they would understand and maybe not judge me too harshly.
"Yes," Jonah replied. "He seemed to be worried about you. But there was something in his eyes I could see. Something dangerous perhaps."
I nodded and clenched my jaw at the thought of having to flee like a scared lamb from the big bad wolf.
"He has hurt you,” Jonah stated, looking at his wife with a guarded expression.
Fannie already knew some of my story; I relayed briefly some of my history to Jonah, watching as Fannie shook her head sadly. I couldn't look them in the eye as I described the fear I felt the night that made me decide to run. I had tried not to think much about it, the memory of his hands on me lingering deep in my thoughts only in the dark of night. My fingers twined together as I whispered the events that forced me to run. Images that continued to haunt my dreams were still crystal clear in my head.
Sean, a little drunk as we sat around at his friend’s house.
Sean pulling me in for a possessive kiss and me trying to pull away because the taste of the cheap beer made me retch.
Sean's friends laughing when they noticed me struggling in his grasp. His dark eyes that flared with anger at being embarrassed in front of them. His whispered threat that he was done waiting. The pawing of big hands, followed by the cheers by his friends. Shadows closing in, hands everywhere. Struggling to break free when I heard the fabric ripping at my shoulder.
Screaming.
Breaking free when I kicked and connected with soft tissue.
Running out of the house, blind into the dark night.
Running. Fleeing. Hiding.
"Katherine."
My head jerked up to the sound of Jonah's voice. He whispered quietly, the calm in his voice helping me to focus in the present.
Safe.
"Katherine," Fannie started, her hand covering mine as they fidgeted on the tabletop.
“I couldn’t stay there anymore,” I whispered, ashamed at what I had revealed finally.
“And no one of your world could help you?” Jonah asked, his voice low.
I looked up and saw the pain in his eyes.
Or disappointment.
I shook my head.
“I tried with my father,” I replied and shrugged. “But Sean always had an excuse, or he found a way to distract my dad. Honestly there were days I thought my dad was happier having Sean around than me.”
“I do not believe that,” Fannie replied gently. “He must love you. You are his child.”
“Maybe it wasn’t that way, but it felt like it most days, e
specially after my mother died,” I amended. “Sean was everything my dad wanted in a son. But something changed in Sean after the injury. He was meaner. He didn’t like that he had to depend on people.”
“And he took that aggression out on you,” Jonah said, straightening up in his chair.
I hesitated before nodding.
With Sean there was always more.
He always wanted more out of our relationship, even when we were younger and just friends, he had always wanted more. I had never really felt that draw to him, had thought that it would happen eventually. But I also had learned from my parents’ mistakes that I wouldn’t just let him decide when we would make the relationship more. My parents had started too young, had been too reckless, and the result was a loveless marriage, two daughters and my mother’s regrets that eventually made her drink too much, ultimately ending in the car accident that killed her.
My dignity was nothing to Sean, who was more like my father than I cared to think about. Brash and demanding, thinking only of himself and not what might happen should I give in to him. He wanted more and he knew I would break down eventually. It became a game to him. He had tried so many times, but had never truly been forceful, until that night. And saying no to Sean that last time was the final straw.
“I cannot believe your father would not wish to help you find peace,” Fannie said quietly, pulling me out of my thoughts once more. I looked up to find Jonah and Fannie sharing a solemn and silent conversation between the two of them.
I knew it was only a matter of time that they would want me gone.
I was everything they were not.
"It's okay," I murmured, looking down at my folded hands. "I'll understand if you want me to leave."
"Why would we ask you to leave?" Jonah asked, surprised. I looked up into his compassionate eyes and shook my head.
"I don't fit in your world. I'm not good. I'm," I stammered, closing my mouth when Jonah shook his head and placed his hand over his wife's that rested over my own.
"We do not judge, Katherine. There is nothing but love and acceptance in our home. What happened was not your doing, nor your fault. Whatever happened in your past is behind you. It is your choice where you wish to go next. Until then, you are welcome in our home as our daughter," he said, looking deep into my eyes.
Healing Faith Page 10