He had me a little distracted.
"I'm sorry, I have tea. You must be thirsty," I rushed out, offering him one of the glasses, which he took gratefully.
"Thank you, Kate," he murmured and drank down most of the tea before taking a breath. I watched in rapt fascination as he swallowed.
I couldn't imagine why something as simple as eating and drinking intrigued me, but it did with Nathan. And my attention to him seemed to make him more flustered.
I liked how his ears would turn red before his cheeks.
I dragged my eyes from his long throat and took my turn looking out at the garden, watching as the house started to cast shadows in the afternoon light. We were quiet as we sat there, I sipping my tea and Nathan lightly tapping his hat on his lap. The silence seemed to only add to our nerves as the minutes dragged on.
One of us had to make the leap.
"It is hot today," he offered and then let out a soft grunt and shook his head as if embarrassed. I laughed softly and tilted my head to watch the blush extend down his neck.
"Yes, it's been hot since I've been here. I like it though. It's a nice change," I replied and realized just a week ago I had been lamenting on how I missed the fog.
Now, not so much.
"What is it like where you are from?" he asked, turning towards me a little more and laying his arm carefully over the back of the swing. His fingers were inches from my shoulder.
"Um, it’s cooler, and the sun isn’t so bright, which is weird I guess since it’s California," I stammered, my nerves making me blather on. “But when the sun does come out it’s nice. It’s never too hot.”
"I did not know you were from California. I thought girls from there were always tan. You have more color since you have come to us," he murmured and hid his nervousness by finishing off his tea.
"Do you want more? I can go get more," I asked and slid over to take his glass, our knees just touching. He straightened a bit and his eyes widened when my hand came in contact with his over the glass. He looked down at my hand over his and shook his head.
"No, I am fine, thank you."
I set our glasses on the table before us and was settling back into the swing when he surprised me with capturing my hand in his. He glanced briefly behind us, as if he were afraid to be caught touching me before he smiled and resumed his timid exploration of my hand in his. His touch was so light, his fingertips just touching the inside of my palm to coax my hand towards him. He studied my hand carefully, grazing over the pads of my fingers and then down to my palm to trace the lines there before turning it over to stroke the tops of my knuckles. His fingers were rough from work, but I didn’t mind.
It added to the beauty that was the man beside me.
Hardworking, honest in his life.
I could feel my heart thrumming against his index finger when he found my pulse at my wrist.
"Does it rain here?" I whispered, trying to distract myself from wanting to vault across the swing and kiss him.
Talking of the weather seemed to be our starting point in conversation.
He shook his head and didn't look up from my hand in his.
"Not as often as we need. This summer particularly has been dry. We need the rain for the crops. Do you like the rain?" he asked and finally looked up at me with questioning eyes.
"I do," I said and held myself very still while his fingertips traced back over my palm before holding it finally in his lap.
“What of your family? The day at the Frolic, you seemed hesitant to speak of your mother. And Jonah told me that your father has not helped you,” he said, his brow puckering at that.
“My dad is a councilman and busy with work,” I replied. “My mom died in a car accident.”
“I am sorry,” he whispered and I could tell by his voice that he was thinking of the tragedy of his own family. We were quiet for a bit, both of us unsure how to continue.
“I have a sister that lives in Illinois,” I said, hoping to drag us both out of the awkward silence that had enveloped us.
"Is that where you were going when you came here?"
I nodded.
“You must miss your sister.”
I nodded again and looked away out into the field.
“She and I are a lot like Emma and Hannah. But she has always been protective of me. She was really all I had after our mother died. My father dealt with his loss by jumping into politics,” I replied and felt a moment’s sadness over not being able to call Stacy after Nathan rescued me.
She’d be worried again.
He was quiet for a time, and I felt hesitant to bring up his family, knowing how much pain he had at their loss.
“Do you live in a large city?” he finally asked, perhaps trying to move us away from lost families.
“No, it’s not a big as San Francisco, but it’s a college town, so there was always something to do there,” I replied and continued to watch as his face reacted to my questions.
"We must bore you with our simple ways," he whispered and pulled away a bit, his look a little forlorn.
I laughed, bringing his head back to me in surprise.
"There is so much to do! I can't see anyone getting bored too easily here!"
That timid smile fluttered on his full lips.
"I just mean you must miss the conveniences of your world. Your music and television. And electricity? You must long for those things?" he asked and shuffled a little closer to me so that he could hold my hand closer to his chest.
The beating of his heart against the back of my hand momentarily distracted me before I could answer.
"I don't really miss any of that. Music perhaps. Music was how I escaped from things," I murmured. "And reading. I miss reading."
"My mother had a collection of books, I can show you one day if you would like," he offered.
"I'd like that," I murmured and returned his soft smile with my own.
We sat for a long while, talking over things I liked to do, and the general questions every boy asks a girl. He had many questions about my life before, his face a little sad when I spoke of my friends, how few I had. How I kept to myself mostly. We never spoke of Sean, and barely touched on my relationship with my family again. He smiled when I spoke about my love of baking.
And then he finally asked about religion. I fidgeted beside him and looked down into my lap where my free hand lay.
"We don't really go to church much. It was never really important to my mom or dad, except at Christmas and Easter. I don't know much really," I confessed.
He nodded, as if contemplating something.
"You believe in God, though?" he finally asked.
Knowing how important religion was to the Amish, I knew this would be one answer that might determine whether I would be accepted in this community or not, based on my beliefs.
"I believe in God. I just don't know what to think after that. I've never really read the Bible or anything," I replied.
He pulled to let go of my hand and leaned away from me. I thought perhaps I had offended him until I noticed he was pulling out a small black book from his pocket and sucking on his lips in the nervous way he did. He held the book gently, and I could tell it was very old and well used, but taken care of through the years. It seemed very precious by how he regarded it.
"This was my mother's. It was her Bible that she carried with her always. I would like you to have it," he whispered and placed it in my hand.
I hesitated in taking it, the immensity of him offering it to me a little overwhelming.
"I can't take this, Nathan. This was your mother's.”
He shook his head and pushed it back into my hands, covering them with his own.
"I want you to have it. She does not need it anymore. I think she would have wanted you to have it, Kate. And it is something to read, at the very least.”
I held it tenderly, tracing the worn leather of the cover with my fingers. It was indeed old, and soft to the touch. His offering of this to me w
as more than any bundle of flowers or chocolates a boy could give. This was something of his heart and soul. This was his way of life he had handed to me.
"Thank you," I whispered and leaned in to offer him a small peck on the cheek. He blushed and pulled away before I could kiss him.
Rules. Right.
"Sorry," I mumbled and pulled away embarrassed.
"Would you like to take a walk? We can talk and stretch our legs around the yard," he suggested.
Smiling, I nodded and took his hand briefly to stand. He released me almost as soon as I was standing, motioning for me to precede him down the stairs. He fell in step beside me when we reached the grass, walking beside me at a respectable distance.
We made small talk once more. This time I asked about him. I learned the names of his horses: Magnus, the great black he used in the field and Molly and Strider, his wagon horses. I learned about his enjoyment in writing, of which I already knew, but I smiled and nodded as he spoke about prose and how he would read some of his mother's books on poetry when he was younger.
It was poetry that made him want to become a faith leader.
"Do you write a lot?" I asked, hoping that perhaps there were more sheets of poetry in his house.
"Lately, yes," he whispered and his smile seemed to blossom. “I am inspired when I read or when I see beauty around me.”
He tugged at his suspenders at his words, clearly feeling a little vulnerable at his admission, while my heart skipped a beat at the thought that I had inspired him that first night. He moved closer to reach for my hand. I looked around before taking his hand, the barn blocking our view of the house.
"We have a few minutes to ourselves if anyone were to be watching," he murmured and stepped a little closer to me, walking beside me so that our arms touched. His hand trembled slightly in his loose grip until I held it a little tighter, offering him some encouragement at his gesture.
The barn offered a little shade on our side, and it was much cooler as Nathan slowed his pace until we stopped near the door of the barn at the deepest part of its shadow. He turned and touched my other hand gently, silently requesting it. I slipped my fingers through his, the warmth rushing through my body when his long fingers wrapped around mine.
"May I kiss you, Kate? Like yesterday?" he asked softly. I felt his hands pull me towards him with a gentle urging. I swallowed and looked up into his dark eyes. His breath was heavier and I could see his heart hammering in his chest where his shirt lay open.
"I would really like to kiss you," he murmured and leaned in just a bit, keeping enough distance to wait until I agreed.
I could only nod.
His eyes conveyed the need he had; I could feel it myself through this energy we shared whenever we touched. I could see it in the soft pout to his lips as he dipped his head down and soft breath of my name, and then I was closing my eyes to feel him against my lips.
A gentle brushing, to reintroduce us to one another, and the burgeoning heat that built within me grew. He let out a soft hum and moved his lips against mine with a little more purpose, having learned from yesterday that taking my bottom lip into his mouth would cause a trembling in my body. I stretched on my toes, our joined hands pulled to our sides as I craned my neck to offer him my mouth willingly.
He moaned when he felt my tongue brush against his lips, allowing me in with his noise. It was just an explorative entry, to introduce him to more than just lips. The tip of his tongue met with mine, curled slightly as if in hesitation. Another soft noise from him, a moan in my mouth and then I felt his hand slip up to touch my cheek, feather light fingertips brushing along my jaw until they stretched to apply gentle pressure along my neck.
Drawing me closer.
Gently. Asking. Not taking.
It was my turn to moan. He paused in his exploration; cautious of my sound, but I drew him against me with my hands, sliding up his back until they found a place along his shoulders. I pressed myself to him, so that the heat and drumming of his heart soon pounded through me. His body tensed against mine for an instant at the contact, before melting and seeming to enfold around me in a welcome embrace.
One hand along my neck, the other wrapped loosely across my back, he deepened the kiss and I shivered at the sound of his groan as he gave in and kissed me with much more enthusiasm. His breath was labored and his hand along my back flexed between my shoulder blades, holding me to him. It wasn't until I pressed my body fully against him that he gasped and pulled away hurriedly, his face flushed and his eyes clenched shut.
"I am sorry," he gasped, bending over slightly with his hands on his thighs, propping his body up from falling over.
"No, I'm sorry, Nathan. I shouldn't have been so forward. I didn't mean," I stammered, watching as he struggled to stand up straight. It was obvious that he was struggling to calm his body.
He shook his head and tried to smile, but through his breaths it looked a little pained.
"Please do not apologize, Kate. I should not have asked. I just wanted to kiss you. It is difficult to stop with just a kiss," he said and chuckled awkwardly at his words.
I smiled down at him and touched him gently on the cheek, drawing his face up to mine.
"If it matters at all, Nathan, I enjoyed it. Is that wrong?" I asked and pulled him back to stand.
He shifted before me, his hands immediately tugging at his suspenders. He was blushing as he regarded me with a shy smile.
"I would do it again if you would let me," he whispered, looking at me through his eyelashes.
My heart skipped a beat at his words.
"I would like that, Nathan.”
His smile widened and he leaned forward, allowing only his lips to touch me, soft and lingering for a moment before pulling away and letting out a sigh, his eyes closed.
"Thy lips, drop as the honeycomb: honey and milk are under thy tongue," he whispered and let his eyes flutter open. I was completely taken with this man. His mouth, both in how it moved and what he said to me had me enthralled.
"You are my sustenance, Kate. You feed me with your kindness and your beauty. I have been blessed with your coming here," he murmured and stepped close to take my hand in his again. He leaned in once more, his lips scorching against my forehead as he pressed them softly there, before letting out a soft sigh.
"We will be missed. We must come from behind this barn unaffected," he sighed and held me for a moment more.
"I don't think that's possible," I murmured. Nathan drew away slowly, the color in his face brighter, and his smile appling up his cheeks a bit. I was sure I suffered the same effects. There was no way we would be able to re-emerge as we did before we kissed.
He held my hand quietly as we walked around the barn, squeezing it lightly before releasing it as the house came into view. I felt the separation as we walked slowly back up to the porch, sitting together once more on the swing.
A little closer than before, but still apart.
Those were the rules after all.
But I had a feeling our walks would come often.
We sat for some time into the late afternoon, talking softly. Nathan read from his mother's Bible. Scriptures of respect and love. Something of the kindness to strangers and good will. To be honest I heard very little of what he was saying. I was entranced by the soft timbre of his voice. Deep and clear, but it washed over me like a melody of a song. I found that missing my music was less important to me now.
Hearing his voice as he spoke his words were enough. Perhaps that was his talent; he could sway an entire congregation. Because what he spoke of came from his heart, not just his lips. Regardless of whether I heard all the words, I felt the meaning.
He was happy to have me here. And he would see that I remained happy.
In his world.
As he left that night, I could feel the happiness run through me when he smiled more brightly. He wished me a good night as he always did. But in the cover of the darkness of the porch when I walked him out, his kiss w
as more tender and sure, if only too brief. I watched his back as it disappeared in the dim moonlight.
I couldn't wait until morning when I would see him return.
Chapter 14
I wasn't even half way undressed before Emma and Abigail were chattering at me, asking me the questions I knew would come.
"What did you talk about?" Emma started and then the floodgates opened up before I could get a word in.
"Did he ask to see you again?”
“Is he going to keep coming back?”
“What did you do while you walked?”
“Did he kiss you this time? Tell me he was respectful or I will have to have words with him!”
“He smiled all throughout supper! That is good!”
I was about to admonish them for all the questions when the bedroom door cracked open and Hannah snuck in, lantern in hand and in only her shift, her hair braided down her back. I let out a sigh and hung up my dress.
It seemed it was girls' night tonight.
I had no idea what that meant, in my world or theirs.
I settled into the corner of my bed and slid out the Bible Nathan had given me. It was such a meaningful gift; I was hesitant to show it at first. But Emma's wide eyes and Hannah's smirk made me think they understood.
"He gave you Aunt Elisabeth's Bible?" Emma breathed.
I nodded and opened it carefully, smiling at the thought that just a few hours ago, Nathan had held this in his hands, reading it to me. As I thumbed through the pages, a small piece of paper fell out.
I wasn't fast enough to grab it; it was in Hannah's hands before I could even make a noise. I recognized the paper for the same that Nathan had written on before, for my poem. Hannah opened the tidy folded piece of paper carefully and her eyes widened at the lettering on the page.
"What does it say?" Abigail asked excitedly, covering her mouth at the loudness of her voice.
Hannah held it for only a moment, a blush rising across her cheeks before she grinned and passed it over to me finally.
"I am sorry," she whispered. "I could not resist. But it is for your eyes only unless you choose to share."
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