by Mia Caldwell
Anything to get my mind off of my family.
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Chapter 11
To my surprise, the secret garden picnic was just the first of many little excursions that Julien took me one over the next week. He would take me away from my work for hours on end, showing me a new part of the castle, or just walking around outside and chatting with me. At first I was incredibly suspicious of this. I mean why wouldn’t I be? Didn’t he have better things to do with his time?
Julien explained it to me that he needed constant breaks to keep his mind fresh. He figured it would make me feel more comfortable if we got to know each other better. And he was right…
The more time I spent with him, the better I felt in general. Even though I was always constantly on my guard, it felt like I could loosen up the reins a bit when he was around. Sort of like I felt safe around him. Maybe that was the point.
Maybe we were spending a bit too much time together though… Marie was starting to get frustrated with me, to the point where she would roll her eyes at me if I asked any questions, or she would act as though I was getting some sort of preferential treatment from Julien. Which was nuts, of course. He was just trying to make me feel welcome in his home… at least that’s what I told myself.
But we were always together, even when I wasn’t working. Hour-long breaks turned to hours at a time, then became not just the breaks during the day but also spending time in the evening together. I began to wonder what exactly was going on between the two of us.
Often I would find him looking at me out of the corner of my eye. I could never really determine what was going on inside his head, and he had a pretty good poker face. My imagination was going wild.
Maybe he was actually into me. He could be nice and not spend all this time with me. He could be nice and not even have much interaction with me at all. But this was something different, I could feel it.
I wished I could call up Rosita and ask her for her opinion on this. With no friends aside from maybe Julien or Alain, there was no one to talk to. The thought depressed me, and I realized that outside of this home I really had no life. And this was only a temporary place… What would happen when I struck out on my own?
After dealing with a cranky Marie all morning, I checked the clock in the kitchen, sighing with relief when I realized that it was almost noon. Julien would be around here at some point soon asking me to come along with him. To where, I had no idea.
Gervaise went ahead and cooked me a small lunch, without me even having to ask. It was nice knowing that at least the chef liked me.
I sat down at the table, trying hard not to completely devour my meal. It was true what everyone said about French chefs; they were the absolute best.
As the minutes ticked by, I had to wonder where Julien was. Usually he was down here by this time, telling me about his morning, while grabbing a cup of coffee.
Gervaise noticed me looking at the time, and cleared his throat. “Ah, mademoiselle. Monsieur Malveaux not coming today. Il est dix-huit Juin,” he said, starting in on his French again.
I thought about it, and realized that he gave me the date. “Dix-huit Juin? Is that today’s date? Today?”
He nodded.
“What happens today?”
He shrugged, shuffling off to another corner of the kitchen to busy himself with something else. That was weird.
I finished up my food, wishing I knew where Julien was so I could ask him. Was something going on today that I had missed?
Without Julien pulling me from my work, I went to find Marie and see what else needed to be done. I was still trying to figure out the schedule, which seemed a bit all over the place to be honest. But when she pointed me to the right place I generally knew what I was doing. For the most part.
I figured I would start in one of the upstairs guestrooms that I had last seen her in. I scoped out the entire long hallway, still not finding her. A noise came from upstairs, startling me. What could that be?
The thing about dealing with PTSD is that you never knew when something will trigger you. I was very cautious as I climbed the next set of stairs, keeping my ear out. It sounded like someone was yelling loudly, maybe even singing. What the hell?
Before I had a chance to further investigate, Marie came rushing out of the room at the end of the hallway. Her face was completely flushed, and she looked seriously pissed. I didn’t know whether to ask her what was going on, or whether to get out of her way.
She paused when she saw me standing there, trying to collect herself.
“Is everything okay? What was all that noise I heard?”
She huffed impatiently, waving her hand about. “No concern. We go back to work,” she insisted, walking right past me.
Seriously? That’s the kind of answer someone who’s hiding something would give. I wanted to wait until she was out of earshot to have a look myself, but something told me not to. I realized where exactly we were in the house, and that made me even more curious. As far as I knew, the room that she had just left was actually Julien’s.
Marie always insisted that she personally cleaned Julien’s room, so I had never actually seen it before.
Once I got back to working down the second floor main hallway, I’d debated on whether I should go up and check on Julien or not. I didn’t even know if he was actually in his room or not, but I hadn’t seen him anywhere else in the house.
Dinner time had rolled around, and I was left again to eat by myself in the kitchen. Even Gervaise was making himself scarce for the night. It was eerily quiet, and my imagination was trying to get the best of me again. I didn’t want to drive myself crazy so I headed back to my room, deciding to call it an early night. Maybe I would see Julien tomorrow. Then he would probably explain what the deal was.
I had finally drifted off to sleep when I heard the knock at my door. It was so soft that at first I thought I had just imagined it, but when I heard it again I looked over, trying to read the time on my phone.
10:18? Who needs me this late?
I hesitated to get up, but I looked around the room to see if I could grab something to defend myself with… just in case.
The next knock was even louder this time. Giving up on finding a makeshift weapon, I slowly opened the door.
It was Julien.
He looked… well… he looked like a hot mess. His usual clean-shaven face was long forgotten, a layer of stubble already in its place. His hair had not been styled for the day, giving him an unruly look. He had on a pair of low-slung jeans that were desperately in need of hemming. The most startling of all was the fact that he was shirtless, giving me a very close and personal look at his chest. Just as I had imagined he was lean yet toned everywhere else, leaving a slight definition to his abs and hip bones.
He gave me a petulant look, his eyes completely glassed over. “Aren’t you going to invite me in?”
Was he drinking?
Given his intoxicated state, I tried desperately not to ogle him with my eyes. “Is everything okay? You seem a little… drunk.”
He laughed loudly at me, throwing his hands up. “It seems that way, yes.”
I frowned, but let him in anyway.
Julien staggered over to the tall bureau where I had finally put away my clothes for the extended stay. He leaned up against it, shoving his hands into his pockets.
“This day is not a good day,” he mumbled.
“Care to elaborate?” I didn’t care for him trying to beat around the bush at the moment.
Julien shrugged his shoulders, clearly not wanting to. I huffed and went to sit back on my bed. I didn’t know what his problem was, but I certainly didn’t feel like babysitting him either.
“Look, if you’re just gonna stand there and pout all night than we have nothing else to say. I was trying to go to bed and I’m sure —“
“Wait. I just need to talk to you. I need some friends to talk to, I never have anyone to talk to anymore,” he slurred,
wiping his mouth.
I took in the way he was slumped against the bureau, slowly shaking my head to myself. What would have possessed him to possibly get this messed up? I remembered earlier when Gervaise mentioned something about the date. At least I think that’s what he said. I had to wonder if it had something to do with the way Julien was acting tonight.
“Okay. Just come over here and tell me what’s going on.”
I watched him make his way over to me, cursing to himself as he continually tripped over his own two feet. Even though I found myself completely agitated, it was kind of hard not to laugh at him.
He plopped face-down on the bed, a few feet away from me. Now that he was closer I could definitely smell the whiskey on him. It threw me off — I pictured him drinking some vintage wine.
Julien rolled over and turning to face me. “I never told you the story. I’ve such bad timing.”
I pursed my lips, still not in the mood for his riddles. “What story are you talking about, Julien?”
He sighed dramatically, pulling himself up onto his elbows. “It’s a sad one, I’ll admit it. It started with Danica...”
“Who is Danica?” I asked quietly.
“My fiancée.”
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Chapter 12
My muscles stiffened. His fiancée?!? And I’m just now learning about this
“Okay, what about her? Where is she now?”
“She’s gone.”
Out of the corner of my eye I could already tell he was crying, his tears staining the dark blue satin. Wow. Whatever had happened with her and him must have been bad. Maybe I was being too hard on him…
Gone…
It suddenly dawned on me that his fiancée hadn’t just run down to the corner store. Gone… As in gone forever… Gone, as in passed away.
“You asked me why I opened this halfway house to those people who need it. I told you the truth, but it wasn’t all true. It was Danica. I did it because of her,” he began, as he sloppily wiped his face. “I couldn’t help her, so I help others.”
This sounded like it was about to get really serious, really fast. I braced myself.
“We were together for almost two years. I never knew her family had abysmal ties with the Italian Mafia. Her brother was a thug, one of their favorites I think. He ended up being used by the police to lure one a higher-up into a trap. They decided to take it out on his family. Danica went to visit home, and she never came back...”
Jesus. How could I even respond to that?
Julien was openly sobbing now, his shoulders heaving. It didn’t matter that this was about a woman he was probably still in love with, or that he was drunk as a skunk… I considered Julien a friend, and I hated seeing him in such pain.
Without thinking twice, I leaned over and put my hand on his shoulder. I told myself that it was just because I wanted to comfort him – a little lie to keep myself in check. He seemed to relax under my touch, but he wasn’t ready to stop just yet.
“I didn’t want to tell you about her. I didn’t want you to know why I pulled strings and had you brought here… I don’t want you to feel sorry for me,” Julien said, his head hanging low.
I wanted to push the hair away from his face and to tell him I’m here for him, but instead, I just sat there with my hand on his shoulder. I couldn’t bring myself to pull it away.
He lifted his head up and I swear I could actually feel his eyes lock on mine. The pain in them was too real.
“You can talk to me about her. I’m here to listen,” I said, my mouth trying to ease its way around the words. I didn’t know why it was hard for me to say that—I should be supportive of him.
He sniffed, nodding his head. “I want to, but I can’t. It’s too hard. Elle est la poussière. Elle est palready. Je ne peux pas.”
His French was even harder to understand through the slurring, but I understood the last sentence. Je ne peux pas…I cannot. Something else popped into my head, and I thought about Julien choosing the candidates to stay here during their transitions with the witness protection program.
“Julien? You said that she was…that it was someone from the mafia… Was it one of the Five Families? Did you pick me because of that?”
He cocked his head to the side, reminding me of a puppy. “I didn’t want to see another person hurt by those bastards.”
I guess I should be thankful for that, instead of jealous in some weird way. My thoughts were all over the place enough as it was.
The tears kept coming, but Julien quieted down, his eyes sliding away from mine and finally closing after a few minutes. It was only then that I felt comfortable enough to push back that stubborn lock of hair from his face, swallowing around the lump in my throat when his eyes fluttered underneath his lids. Touching him like this was like walking up to a sort of boundary between us, and smudging it with my hand.
I stayed there just like that… It was comforting. I couldn’t help but smile when Julien started to lightly snore.
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Chapter 13
When I woke up the next morning, it took me half a second before I realized that Julien was no longer lying next to me on top of the covers. I shivered as I sat up, trying to warm up my arms by rubbing them quickly.
As I stretched my arms out and tried to scoot out of bed I saw a piece of paper float down to the floor. I hopped down to pick it up, intrigued.
Amira-
I’m sorry about last night. I don’t remember too much, but I know I wasn’t acting properly towards you. Please let me make it up to you. Everyone needs a day off every now and then. Even you.
-Julien
I couldn’t even hold back the grin that pulled at the corners of my mouth. I knew I shouldn’t be so gung-ho, but it didn’t matter. As Julien fell asleep next to me last night I made a decision: I was going to trust him. I felt like I could finally open up and be real with him, and believe me, even before the shooting that was no easy feat.
I wasted no time getting ready. I didn’t know what Julien had in store for me today, but for the first time in what felt like forever, I found myself excited about the prospects of the day.
-
When I pulled up the heavy wooden front doors, I was pleased to see Julien waiting for me. I took in his appearance, my eyes sliding down as I saw that perhaps I was underdressed after all. Well maybe not. I was wearing a sundress after all.
He was wearing a simple pair of black slacks and a dressier button-down shirt with the cuffs rolled up, giving him a more casual look. The sun glinted off of the lighter highlights in his brown hair, giving off a halo effect. I had to admit, it totally worked for him.
Of course the best part about what he was wearing was that sexy crooked grin of his, which he only seemed to show when it was just the two of us. He tilted his head to the side, getting a good look at me now.
I tried not to be too fancy, especially since I didn’t know where we were going after all. It was pretty warm out thankfully, so the yellow sundress and white cardigan I had picked turned out to be perfect. I swept up my hair off of my neck, figuring you might be outside for a while today. And okay… maybe I threw on some makeup just because. I had the right to try and look pretty every now and again, didn’t I?
When I got up to the car I realize that it wasn’t just any car. It was a flashy new BMW, the kind that my old boss would’ve driven around the city, as if it proved something to someone. But with Julien leaning up against it, it wasn’t pretentious at all. It actually fit him quite nicely.
He had the sort of look on his face that made me blush. He wasn’t saying anything, just taking me and with his eyes. I didn’t know what to think of that, so I cleared my throat and began talking up a storm, just like I always did when I was completely nervous.
“So a BMW, huh? I should’ve known. I like the blue color though. It’s an icy blue, but my favorite shade has to be royal blue. Do you have a favorite color? If I had to guess it
would probably be green. I don’t know why, it just suits you for some reason. Oh my gosh, I’m doing it again, aren’t I? Ugh, sorry about that.”
Julien laughed, shaking his head at me. “It’s quite all right. I think it’s amusing, really. I’d rather you be chatty than completely silent. It lets me know you’re settling in… Shall we be on our way?”
I loved the way that he could easily make me feel as though I wasn’t crazy. “We shall,” I replied, sliding into the passenger seat after he opened the door for me.