by Amira Rain
“Look, Mama!”
For the next two hours or so, Tommy was in seventh heaven, and so was I, becoming fast friends with Nina, who was just as friendly and kind as Denise had said. Nina’s adorable little girl Mackenzie and Tommy became fast friends, too, having so much fun playing together that neither of them even wanted to sit down for hamburgers and fries.
Eventually, when they’d both fallen asleep in the pirate ship ball pit, completely oblivious to other toddlers playing around them, Nina suggested that we put them in strollers and go tour the town and do some shopping. “I brought a spare stroller for Tommy, because the way Denise described things, with you just getting here to the FDS, I wasn’t sure if you’d have one yet.”
I mentally added unbelievably considerate to my list of all Nina’s positive qualities. I was definitely enjoying her company far more than I ever had Nikki’s.
We spent the afternoon exploring Everett and shopping, and I enjoyed every minute of it. Everett reminded me a lot of Sandstone, except somehow a little brighter and cleaner, in a way I couldn’t even describe. It might have simply been the amazingly fresh, slightly pine-scented air from the dense forestland surrounding the town, which was situated in a valley.
Tommy slept for a good majority of the shopping trip, but woke up while we were in a shoe store, groggily and angrily demanding to know “where go toy place?” I pacified him with a pair of new shoes with a cartoon superhero and flashing blue lights on the sides, which I paid for with a bill from an envelope of FDS currency that Denise had given me, saying that it was from Gavin to buy anything Tommy or I needed or wanted.
At first, I hadn’t been quite sure exactly how I felt about being given money by Gavin for both Tommy and me; but then, I’d reasoned that considering that I alone had financially supported our son for over two years, maybe I was entitled to a little “payback” in the form of money to buy some new clothes and other items that I desperately needed to add to the few personal possessions I’d been able to bring from Sandstone.
Chet, who along with Mark, had shadowed Tommy and me all day, drove us back to the mansion a little while before dinner, and when I got inside and spoke to Ella, my good mood from the afternoon out kind of plummeted. I hadn’t specifically asked, but Ella casually mentioned that Gavin wasn’t home yet, and might not be back until the next day.
“There was some kind of a skirmish with the Traitors, and the commander and his men are trying to track down one of them that they think slipped by them, heading southwest.”
I’d really been wanting to talk to Gavin. I needed a lot of answers from him of course, but even more than that, I realized that I just plain wanted to see him. A fact that troubled me and made me feel somehow restless and unsettled, how I’d been the night before.
He didn’t come back the next day, and he still wasn’t home the morning of the next. However, after breakfast, I received a text from him. How are you and Tommy doing? Feeling a bit bristley for some reason, I answered back saying that we were fine. Same old, same old. Single mom and son, no father present. Only now we live in a mansion.
Immediately after sending the text, I regretted it and quickly sent another. I’m sorry. That was rude. I know you’re off fighting Traitors. I just really would like to talk to you. Immediately after that text, I sent another. By the way, thank you for the money. I’ve bought some clothes and things for Tommy and myself, and over the past two days, we’ve spent a small fortune on ride tokens for the little tilting pirate ship at Pirate Cove. Tommy loves it.
A minute or two later, I received a response from Gavin. That makes me happy to hear, and you and Tommy are very, very welcome. I really would like to talk to you, too, and see you both. I’ll be home soon, by this evening hopefully.
He was actually early. Tommy and I had hosted Nina and Kenzie for a playdate that afternoon, and not long after they’d left, I was picking up toys in the east wing living room when I received a text from Denise. Just thought you might like to know that Commander Iverson is home. He needed to take a shower, but I told him you and Tommy are in the living room, so I’d guess you’ll be seeing him soon.
I texted Denise back, thanking her, with my pulse accelerating.
CHAPTER 13
Tommy and I ended up seeing Gavin within ten minutes. With his dark hair still damp, he strolled into the living room looking not-entirely-comfortable and said hi to Tommy and me. With my heart pounding for some reason, I said hi in return from where I was sitting on the couch, but Tommy just looked at Gavin, then went back to playing with some toys on the floor, saying “uh-oh man” so quietly that I doubted Gavin had heard him.
Gavin asked if he could have a seat on the couch with me, and I said of course, willing my galloping heartbeat to not gallop any faster. It wasn’t just that I was a little keyed-up about the conversation that was soon about to take place, it was just that Gavin was so damned attractive. The kind of attractive that would make a complete stranger’s heart pound just to look at him, let alone a woman who’d seen even just how much more attractive Gavin became when not wearing clothes.
With what I thought was kind of a melancholy glance at Tommy, he had a seat beside me on the couch, then turned his body and his gaze toward me, bending one long, muscular leg. “I’m sorry I couldn’t make it back here sooner. I’m also sorry that I had to leave so abruptly the other night in the study. I was having some issues with my contact lenses, which, please understand this, Alyssa, hardly ever, ever happens to me. Maybe once every five or six years, and even then, these contact lens issues have only ever happened to me in private.”
For some reason, I was not only somehow pleased that he was referencing our past and my own “contact lens issues” in the parking lot of The Doodle, I was also pleased that he was being very honest with me, albeit in a roundabout, humorously-veiled sort of way.
“It’s all fine, Gavin. I know you’ve had Traitor issues to deal with, and as for your contacts issues, they can happen to the best of us. Even strong dragon shifters, I’m sure.”
He gave me a small smile, softening my heart toward him, but that’s when I realized something. Despite the two apologies he’d just made, I hadn’t yet heard the apology I’d been waiting for, which was an apology for him never returning after the night we’d spent together. Not that he’d had much time to give me this apology, but still. Just the fact that I hadn’t heard it yet rankled me.
Scooching back into the corner of the couch a bit, I loosely folded my arms across my chest. “Look…I know that hearing certain things that Tommy and I said to you when we last met had to be painful, and I’m not without sympathy for you about that…but I don’t think that you were completely undeserving of hearing those things, either. After all, about three years ago, you were the one who said you were going to come back and didn’t. To be frank, you were the one who lied. That was what caused you to miss out on your son’s first twenty-seven months, if it is indeed the case that you do feel like you’ve missed out.”
Gavin scoffed faintly, looking incredulous. “Of course it is. Of course I feel like I’ve missed out. Hugely.”
“Then, to be blunt, Gavin, you have no one to blame but yourself. If you’d come back, I would have told you I was pregnant.”
Frowning, Gavin glanced at Tommy, who was playing with a toy car, slowly reversing it across the hardwood while wearing an unusually serious expression, just a few feet away. “Should Tommy be in the room while we’re discussing these things? I’m sure Ella or one of the other maids could watch him while we-“
“I no go. I stay with Mama.”
Looking up from his toy car, Tommy had gone ahead and answered Gavin’s question for me, and I hadn’t been surprised at all by his response.
“He’s always been uncomfortable when men we don’t know are near me or talking to me, and he obviously still doesn’t know you very well, Gavin. He’s had a very upsetting, emotionally taxing week for a child, to say the least, and I think it would just upset him a
gain to be forced to leave me alone with you right now.
He’s always been very protective. He actually started flinging wadded-up napkins at a man who wouldn’t stop trying to talk to me in a restaurant one time, even though I’d made it clear that I wanted to be left alone.”
Gavin suddenly cracked a grin. “Did he really?”
I smiled, both at the memory and because Gavin’s grin had made my heart do some kind of a wild little flip. “Yes. He hurled a plastic cup at the man, too. He was Mommy’s little protector.”
Still grinning, Gavin chuckled. “Wow. That’s great. Chet told me how vocal he was defending you on the bridge the other night, too.”
Looking at Gavin with his own expression not containing even the slightest trace of amusement, Tommy piped up from the floor. “Me stay with Mama.” Frowning, he paused, then corrected his grammar as he’d occasionally been doing recently. “I stay with Mama.”
Nodding, Gavin said okay, and Tommy went back to playing, picking up an action figure and trying to wedge it in the front seat of the toy car. I went back to what Gavin and I had been discussing earlier.
“Anyway, Gavin. If you’d come back, as you promised, I would have told you I was pregnant.”
Sighing, he frowned. “Well, don’t you think that I wish to God that I had come back now? I also wish to God that you had contacted me.”
I just sputtered for several seconds, incredulous. “And just how in the hell was I supposed to do that?”
“Well, didn’t you know that I was the commander-in-chief of the FDS? You could have called the-“
“And just how in the hell was I supposed to know that you were commander-in-chief of the FDS? Psychic powers? I didn’t even know you were a dragon shifter. You failed to mention that little fact during the night we spent together.”
“Well, didn’t you ever see a picture of me in a news magazine or on the internet or the TV news or something? As a head of state, I imagine I’ve appeared in the American media at least a few times. You never saw me at all?”
“No…I didn’t. I don’t subscribe to any magazines; I only rarely surf the internet; and I hardly ever watch the TV news. And I never specifically sought out any information when I heard there was a new FDS commander, because I’ve just never been that into international politics, or I’ve always been too busy to be.
I couldn’t even tell you what the Canadian prime minister looks like. I couldn’t tell you his name, either. At least I’d heard of yours, even though David Alexander didn’t mean anything to me, because I only knew you as Gavin.
"And before you ask if I was completely living under a rock, I’m not the only one who never saw a picture of you in the news, either. I’m guessing my friend Dana, the former bartender at The Doodle, didn’t, either, or else she would have told me, because she knew I was upset at not being able to contact you.
And, by the way, you should know that I did try to find you and contact you. It almost seems ridiculous to me now, but I actually tried to find you on the internet using just your first name, your high school baseball past, and the fact that I was pretty sure you’d grown up in the Midwest.
I spent hours and hours doing all sorts of ridiculous searches. So, don’t you dare ever say again that you wish I had contacted you, as if it were actually a choice for me to do so or not.”
Sighing so quietly that the sound was almost imperceptible, Gavin dropped his gaze to the couch. “I’m sorry.”
Tommy, who’d stopped trying to cram his action figure into the toy car to listen to me with rapt attention, now turned his focus from me to Gavin, then back to his toys.
After watching him for a moment or two, I turned my attention back to Gavin. “I have some questions for you. I want to know why you didn’t tell me you were a dragon shifter, why you left, and why you lied to me when you said you’d come back.
I want to know if the night we shared was all just some fraudulent fantasy to you, like you just needed it to seem romantic and genuine for your own reasons, when really it was just all an act.”
With his strong jaw clenched, Gavin lifted his gaze from the couch to my face. “I wasn’t acting that night.”
“Then, please explain.”
Gavin took a deep breath, then let it out slowly, raking his hands down his face. “I will, but will you at least tell me Tommy’s full name first? I’m sitting here in this room with my own son right nearby, and I don’t even know his full name, and it’s killing me, Alyssa. I don't even know my own son's full name.”
Although irritated by his delay in answering my questions, I decided to just tell him what he wanted to know. "His legal name is Gavin Thomas Clark, but I've always called him Tommy, just because I like it, I guess. Thomas was my grandpa's name, and Gavin was...well, of course, it still is your name.”
“And why did you decide to name him after me?”
I lifted my shoulders in the feeblest of shrugs. “I don't exactly know why I named him Gavin, legally. I guess for whatever reason, I just felt like I wanted him to have some connection to his father…something more than a teddy bear, and something even more than looks. Even though his father never came back. I couldn't give him your last name, though, because obviously, I didn't even know it."
“I understand. But maybe someday-“
“No. No way, Gavin. I’d like you to answer my questions before any talk of ‘someday.’ And, frankly….”
I paused for a deep breath, suddenly very angry. So angry, in fact, that the emotion had almost startled me.
“Frankly….”
I paused again, heartbeat accelerating. It had slowed somewhat while we’d been talking, but now it was back to a gallop.
“You know what, Gavin? Screw you for saying that. Screw you for even uttering the word ‘someday’ in relation to our son and his last name, when you haven’t even answered any of my questions yet, like you don’t even give a damn. Absolutely just…screw you to hell.”
Gavin, clearly not used to being spoken to in such a manner, unclenched his jaw just long enough to speak. “I realize you’re angry, Alyssa, and you have reason to be. But you should remember that you’re speaking to the commander-in-chief of the FDS. And I must demand that you give me a bit more respect, particularly in my very own home.”
Miles beyond incredulous and miles beyond angry, I just stared at him, sputtering, with my fists balling seemingly of their own accord.
CHAPTER 14
A few moments went by before I was finally able to actually speak and not just sputter.
"You know what, Gavin? You want 'respect?' Well, respect this."
Actually trembling with anger, I lifted a fist, back of my hand toward him, and flipped him the bird. His reaction, which was an indignant snort, wasn't the most dramatic one in the room, though.
From the floor, Tommy looked up at me with his gray-gold eyes wide, his little face the perfect picture of shock possibly mixed with a bit of outright horror. "Oh, Mama." Apparently, Tommy had learned that flipping someone the bird was a Very Bad Thing, probably at daycare.
Embarrassed at having been called out by my two-year-old son, I cleared my throat with my anger quickly cooling but my face flaming. "Tommy, please keep playing with your toys, sweetie. Gavin, please don't snort at me. Don't act like that middle finger was somehow undeserved.
After all, if you’d been raising a child alone for two years, always wondering about certain questions, and then you finally got the opportunity to have those questions answered, but the other party was hesitating in the answering, and then had the nerve to demand respect, don't you think you might be inclined to flip someone the bird? Don’t you think you’d at least be more than a little bit angry?”
Exhaling in a rush, Gavin raked a hand through his hair. “Look. You’re right. You have every right to be angry, and maybe I did deserve to be flipped off. And, really…maybe I even deserve a whole lot worse after what I’m sure you’ve been through these past two years. But, please…I would like you
to show me more respect…particularly in front of our son. All right?”
“Fine.”
Feeling like a chastised child, I’d said the word so quietly it had nearly been inaudible. Tommy, who’d been looking up at Gavin and me again, now resumed trying to cram his action figure into the toy car. Gavin and I both just watched him silently.
Not seeming aware of us watching him, or else not caring, Tommy continued with his task for several moments until his action figure’s leg broke off. Frowning, he pulled it out of the front seat of the toy car and looked from it to the action figure. "Shit."
Groaning inwardly, I shook my head. "No, Tommy. You're not allowed to say that word. Remember? That word isn't for kids. It's a no-no word for kids."
Tommy looked up at me. "Okay."
"Good boy. That's Mommy's very good boy."
I’d thought that issues with “that word” were behind us. Tommy hadn’t said it in weeks. Now very much regretting having flipped Gavin the bird, I hoped that the action hadn’t made Tommy think that all behavior standards were out the window for the day or something.
Sighing, I turned my gaze back to Gavin. “Anyway…I think we were getting to you giving me some answers. I’d like to know why you didn’t tell me you were a shifter, why you left when I was still sleeping, and why you lied to me when you said you were going to come back. Maybe start with the first thing first, please, about why-“
"Shit."
Tommy was now looking at his action figure’s arm, which was no longer connected to the action figure’s body.
“Oh, shit.”
Gavin made a faint snort. "How long have you allowed him to swear?"
I ground my teeth for a moment or two before responding. "I haven’t allowed him to swear, Gavin. One of the kids at daycare overheard an older sibling saying s-h-i-t, and long story short, the word spread around the daycare like wildfire."