by Grant, J. R.
“Are you seriously asking me why?” she hollered. Jazz never raised her voice at me. “You know I love you, B. I always will. No matter what the truth is, no one can take away the love we share, but I cannot and will not go through this. It’s disgusting. I feel gross every time I think about making love to you. Don’t you understand? Don’t you get it? How can you sit here and raise your voice at me for something that’s out of our control?”
There was no way I could sit here and listen to any more of this shit. I was hurting just as much as she was, if not more.
“Because I believe in our love, Jazz. I believe God wouldn’t have allowed us to get married and have a beautiful daughter and the perfect life if we were related by blood. Don’t you think my dad would have spoken up beforehand if it were the truth?”
“I don’t care,” she cut me off. “The truth or not, until I see it in black and white, I can’t subject myself to this type of relationship. I feel terrible as it is, B. I miss you so much it hurts, but this is wrong. So wrong. I can’t handle this pain any more.”
It sounded like she made up her mind. Man, it must have been easy pushing five years out the window.
“So that’s it? You don’t want me to get a hold of Uncle Teto and find out? You just want me to let you go and be happy. Is that what you’re asking?”
She was crying. I could hear her sobbing through the phone. Deep down inside it was killing me. I thought I meant more. I thought what we had was rare, a one of a kind love, a forever kind of love. I guess I had been wrong all along.
“We have to be. You need to move on, I’m no good for you, B. It’s over. I’m at the house right now packing up my things. When I get back to the apartment, I’m going to call your mom to get Savanah. I want to be settled first so she’s not confused. I’m sure it’ll be different with her living there, but I can’t lose her too. She needs me and God knows how much I need her.”
“Oh, hell no, woman. You are not taking my daughter away from me. You are welcome to come and see her any time you want, but she lives in our house and that’s where she’ll stay.”
“Ple-…Please don’t do this. She’s mine, too. I…I need her, too…B…Please let me have her. Don’t…don’t keep her from me.”
Fuck. What in the hell was I going to do? The last thing I ever wanted was to keep Savanah away from her mom, but she had a house, a home, and she needed to be there.
Losing Jazz was destroying me, but asking to take my daughter out of the only home she had ever known was killing me inside. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t lose her, too.
“We’ll talk about it later. Call me when you get settled,” I told her and hung up the phone.
I couldn’t listen to her cry any more. Not when my heart had been broken in more ways than I could handle. Jazz didn’t realize how much I loved her. She couldn’t have. Because if she did, she would fight tooth and nail beside me until we talked to Uncle Teto. But she didn’t and I was stuck going through the motions alone.
Fucckkkkk… I shoved the pile of papers off my deck, kicking the trash can over. I needed to get out of here. I needed to go get fucked up and forget my life ever existed.
Chapter Twenty
Jazz
“I’m sorry,” Stone apologized, as he drove down the highway. After pulling that little stunt by kissing me, I wanted to get out of his Jeep and walk home. But he drove off instead, not letting me out of his sight.
“Why’d you do it?” I asked, kicking myself in the ass. There was too much tension in the air. I couldn’t deal with myself any more than I could deal with anyone else.
I knew I shouldn’t have drank those beers. I should have eaten something instead. But my emotions had me all over the place, making me feel like I needed to be numb.
Stone gripped the steering wheel, ignoring my question. I still couldn’t believe he kissed me. Did I look like some easy piece of ass? Just as I was knocked down to one of the lowest points in my life, he kicked me down even further.
I couldn’t blame anyone but myself. This wasn’t just Stone’s fault. It was mine, too. I let the weight of my problems suck me in and now I felt like a damn fool. I had never thought about going behind my husband’s back. I didn’t even know if that kiss was considered cheating, but the thought of it felt dirty.
Oh God, what am I going to do?
I needed to hurry and get back to Kelly’s so I could get away from him. I felt like I was suffocating. If Brax ever found out his best friend’s lips were pressed against mine, he would kill us both. He would flip a fucking gasket.
Shit.
We made it back to Salisbury faster than I anticipated. As soon as Stone pulled into an empty parking spot, I opened the door. I threw my jacket over my shoulders and grabbed my purse, sliding out of the seat. As I rounded the corner, Stone was right in front of my face.
He placed his arms of both sides of my head, pinning me against his Jeep, refusing to let me go.
He needed to get out of my way. I couldn’t be anywhere near him, but he wouldn’t move.
“Look at me,” he demanded. But I couldn’t. I was so embarrassed—it wasn’t even funny.
“It was the heat of the moment, Jazz. I’m sorry. Would you look at me? Please?”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, praying to God he would move so I could run inside. My buzz was gone. It felt great at first, but the repercussions from acting stupid were eating me alive, making me extremely uncomfortable. But I took the risk and looked up, anyway, noticing how upset he looked.
“I fucked up. I shouldn’t have kissed you. I thought that’s what you wanted. Did I read you wrong?”
“What did I want, Stone?” I asked muddled. “Did you really think I was just going to kiss you and be okay with it?”
Did I give him the wrong impression tonight? Maybe I did, but I sure as shit didn’t mean to.
Stone pushed off the side of the Jeep, moving in front of me, pacing back and forth.
“There was never a doubt about it, I have always been attracted to you,” he laughed and looked up into the sky, shoving his hands in his front pockets. “I even told Brax a while ago that if he ever fucked up, I would pick up his slack.”
I couldn’t believe he was saying all of this. Why? Why now? Why did he have to go there? There was a difference with me fucking up, but not him. Not the Stone I had grown to love over the years. The one who respected and cared for me as a friend. Not this.
“I would never interfere with your marriage. I should have known better and I’m sorry.”
Stone stopped pacing and looked down at me. “I was wrong. You’re my best friend’s wife.” He took a step back and pulled out his keys. “Your friendship means more to me than this. I’ll call you tomorrow to check in on you. Will you at least be okay?”
I nodded and walked up the steps. As I reached for the door, he called my name.
“Jazz. I hope you can forgive me. I didn’t mean any harm.” Stone got in the Jeep and took off, while I stood there jumbled.
What in the hell was I going to do?
**
Kelly wasn’t home when I got back, giving me some time to prioritize my plan. I had to come up with something. My anxiety was getting the best of me. I didn’t know who I was any more. It might have only been a couple days since I was ripped away from my family, but it felt more like a couple of years.
I knew I was acting like a sarcastic bitch toward everyone who crossed my path, but I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to act. One minute I had everything I had ever dreamed of, and the next minute, it was all gone.
How did someone in my situation handle something like this? Did they keep going and act like nothing ever happened? Or did they pick up and move on?
I was so lost, so hurt, yet nothing I did felt right. Nothing I felt was right, because it was all a lie. My whole life had been nothing but a fucking lie and I was sick of it. Done. I just wanted to pack up my shit and leave. Maybe then everyone would have a better chance at
a drama-free life.
Acting out and cursing like a sailor had never been a character trait of mine, but that was sure as shit what it turned out to be. I was angry. I was hurt. My heart had been shattered into a million pieces. Now, on top of everything else, my husband’s best friend kissed me. I was so fucked-up, I didn’t know which direction I was coming or going.
I dug in my bag, pulled out my notebook, and made a list of everything I needed to get done. I grabbed my phone off the bed, scrolling through the messages. Brax, Tanya, and Kelly were the only ones who had called, but I didn’t have the energy to listen to them. I knew if I heard Brax’s voice, my mind would have taken a turn for the worse. And God, I just couldn’t go there. I needed to get my shit together, not dwell on things that would never change.
Even though it was late, I called and left a message with the owner of the strip mall, Oliver, where my studio was. He returned my call right away, informing me that the apartment above my suite was, in fact, available for rent. I planned to meet Oliver first thing in the morning and sign a three-month lease. I only hoped I would have more direction by then. If not, I would need to stay somewhere until I knew what I was going to do.
I woke up the next morning, took a shower, and cleaned Kelly’s spare bedroom. She left for work before I could make her aware of my plans, so I dropped her a note, telling her to call me whenever she got a chance. I knew she was going to be mad at me for not keeping in touch, but I needed to start doing things on my own. Kelly was dating Brax’s brother; it was probably best that I kept them out of my business for now. I was better off alone anyway. At least I couldn’t get in any trouble or do something stupid again.
God, I was so ashamed of myself.
I went and signed the lease, got the keys, and drove over to the house, packing up my belongings. It was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life.
When I threw the last piece of clothing in the box, I grabbed a picture frame off the nightstand of Brax and me last Christmas at his parents. There were two pictures side by side in the frame. The one on the right was with Brax smiling while I kissed his cheek, and the one on the left was the both of us facing each other. We were happy, content; our lives could not have been more perfect.
I pushed the tears off my cheeks and stood up, setting the picture frame back down on the nightstand. I sat back on the bed, cradling my face in my hands, and cried myself into a stupor.
Was it wrong of me to miss Brax? Was it wrong that I wanted to say to the hell with everything and just stay home? In our home? The one we shared as a family.
I missed my daughter. I missed my husband. I knew this was going to be hard moving away from my family, but my conscience wouldn’t let me choose any other way, even if I wanted to.
To think I was married to my half-brother wasn’t just gross, it was mind-boggling. I knew I needed to figure out a way to get in touch with Teto, but I couldn’t help but to feel nervous. Finding out I could very well be related to my husband was disgusting, alone, but tracking down the man who could piece the puzzle together scared the hell out of me. All Teto had to say was, yes, that I was Anthony’s, and I knew for certain what that would have done to me. I would want to die. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. I wouldn’t be able to face my daughter, our family, or our friends.
I just couldn’t go there. I couldn’t force myself to find out. Instead, I took my time knowing Brax was at work, and made sure I got everything I needed. We had to have space. There was no way I could come back here and face him. I knew Brax. He would do anything he could to stop me if we were alone and I couldn’t put myself in that type of situation. Not when I was this vulnerable.
I wanted to jump into my husband’s arms and beg him hold me. I wanted him to kiss me and welcome me home. I wanted to sit in the living room with our baby girl in front of the fireplace, surrounded by the ones we love.
My phone buzzed in my purse. I knew it was Brax by “Gorilla” blaring through the speakers. He set the ringtone to my phone a while back, thinking it was funny. “Gorilla” was one of the many songs he liked to sing out loud and dance obnoxiously to whenever it came on the radio. I could picture him right now with a mic in his hand, grinding on top of my body, giving me a lap dance. God, I missed him.
I leaned down onto the floor and answered the call, regretting it once I had heard his voice. Just as I thought, he begged me to change my mind and stay home. I told him I couldn’t and that I wanted to bring Savanah to my apartment, but he wigged out on me. I had a feeling he would. I couldn’t blame him; I probably would have done the same thing. But he can’t keep Savanah from me. She was my daughter, too.
Brax started to get angry when he heard me cry and said for me to call him once I had gotten settled. Then he hung up, making me feel even worse. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to run away like this. I had no idea what was the right thing to do. I had never been handed such a clusterfuck of a mess. Growing up, I thought I had it bad, but nothing compared to this.
I just wanted my life back, to be happy and find peace again.
Was that too much to ask for?
**
After unloading the car with all of the boxes and bags, I ran to the grocery store to fill up the fridge in my apartment. I stopped by the studio, spoke with Pam, and gave her a rundown of everything that was going on. I left out the part that Brax might be my brother. I didn’t want her to know all of my family’s business.
She took in stride everything I asked her to do and locked up for the night. I hopped in the shower and turned the lights off. I knew it was only seven o’clock and that I was supposed to talk to Amelia about seeing the baby, but I had a headache and needed to lie down.
Tomorrow would be here soon enough and I wasn’t looking forward to it.
Chapter Twenty-One
Brax
Jazz never called my parents about picking up the baby. She had refused to return my texts or calls. Now her phone was completely shut off, sending me straight to her voicemail after the first ring. She locked up her studio and placed a sign in the window stating she would be gone until further notice.
When I last spoke to Kelly, she said Jazz left a note, thanking her for allowing her stay at her house and that she would be in touch soon, but she hadn’t heard anything more.
I drove around town looking for Jazz’s car, hoping to find my wife, but I’ve had no such luck. I went as far as contacting the Lander’s to see if they heard from her. But, they declined, asking that I kept in touch with them and let them know Jazz that was okay.
I had no idea where Jazz was, what she was doing, or if she was even alive. It was driving me up a fucking wall, literally making me sick. Lately, there had been so much going on, I didn’t know whether I was coming or going. Add taking care of my construction business and Savanah on top of it all, and I was left with one enormous fucking mess.
As we finished up dinner, someone knocked on the front door. I grabbed a rag, wiping off Savanah’s face and sat her down on the floor. She was running around like a wild woman through the house these days. I had a hard time keeping up with her.
Savanah followed me through the living room and into the foyer. I picked her up and opened the door.
“Hey, cuz. How you holding up?” Brix asked as he and Stone made their way into the foyer.
“My little beast and I just got finished grubbing.” I shook Savanah’s leg, as she smiled at the guys. She was such a flirt, batting her eyelashes to get attention.
I walked the guys into the living room, setting Savanah down with her toys. Stone handed me a manila folder then sat back on the couch without saying anything. That was strange. I wasn’t sure what his problem was, but the last couple of days he hadn’t been his normal self.
“What’s this?” I pulled off the top strip, opening it up.
“Everything you asked to get on Teto. It’s all there.”
I pulled out the papers, setting them down on the table, viewing each document one at a time, f
inding out the following information; Uncle Teto lived in Mechanicsville, Virginia. He turned fifty last month, just a few weeks shy from my dad’s birthday. He was married to Tobi Sorrentino, previously known as Beaty, since two thousand and two. He had five kids, four who are from Tobi, and one from a Cindy Driscoll. He retired from the U.S. Marine Corp approximately seven years ago.
Stone reached into his briefcase and handed me another folder.
“Here are the pictures I found. There aren’t many, but it’ll give you a general idea of what he looks like now.”
I viewed the pictures, shocked at what I saw.
“What the hell, man?” I moved through each one flabbergasted. “This can’t be right.” I was completely baffled. “They look nothing alike.”
Brix grabbed the picture out of my hands to see what I was talking about. As soon as he saw Uncle Teto, his whole demeanor changed. Brix laid the picture on the table, resting his elbows on his knees, and then looked up at me.
“What are you going to do?”
That was a good question. If Uncle Teto wasn’t Jazz’s father, who in the hell was?
I shrugged my shoulders, not knowing really what to say. I was speechless, dumbfounded. I had no idea what to think.
“Here,” Stone slid another picture across the table. “It’s one of his kids. I’m not sure which one, but their ages range between twenty-four and thirty-one.”
I glanced over them, not wanting to get my hopes up, unable to see any resemblance to my wife. This was just great. Here I had been running around like a damn chicken with my head cut off trying to prove my father’s theory to be correct and I got this shit. What the fuck.
I didn’t know how I was going to approach this situation next. I was running out of options. I had all my ducks in a row, thinking Uncle Teto was Jazz’s biological father, but I couldn’t see it. And hell, if that didn’t piss me off even more.
“Can you watch her for a second? I need to call my dad.”