by Grant, J. R.
Little by little, it not only destroyed my marriage and made me run from my own daughter, but it killed the person I worked so hard to become. I didn’t know where that Jazz had gone, but I hoped and prayed with all my might she could be found soon. I was tired of hiding, living a lonely life away from the ones who meant the world to me. I was ready to apologize for my actions. I never meant to hurt anyone including my husband.
“Great. I see you two have talked,” Dr. Aimee smiled as she approached Brax and me.
Brax reached out his hand and introduced himself. “Brax Sorrentino. It’s nice to finally meet you.
“Aimee Butterflied, and likewise.” Dr. Aimee turned and faced me. “Are you ready?”
I nodded my head. I was more than ready now to get this over with.
Brax placed his hand on the small of my back, following beside me. We reached the door as Dr. Aimee held it open and walked inside the building.
Dr. Aimee went straight into her office, shutting the door behind her. Brax stopped me before I went in, staring closely at my face.
“I just want to tell you I love you and I’m so proud of you for doing this.”
I gave him a weak smile and took a seat in the waiting room. Being nervous wouldn’t justify the way I was feeling. I wanted Dr. Aimee to hurry up and get this over with. Patience definitely wasn’t a stronghold of mine.
Voices could be heard from Dr. Aimee’s office, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying. Brax placed his hand on my leg and squeezed my thigh.
“It’s going to be okay. I promise.”
I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. I hoped he understood. This wasn’t just about him and me. Hearing yes or no determined what would happen with my future. My fate was in the hands of the DNA test.
I wasn’t sure how long we sat there, waiting for my turn to go in, but when Dr. Aimee finally opened the door, I felt like I was going to be sick.
“Jazz. We’re ready for you.” She waved me inside the room.
I stood up and grabbed my purse before turning to face Brax.
“I don’t know what the future holds, but no matter how it turns out, please know I will cherish every day we spent together. You’ve been my world for five years.” I lifted my hand, wiping underneath my eyes. “I hope you believe me when I say I will always love you.”
I didn’t give him time to reply. With one foot in front of the other, I walked inside Dr. Aimee’s office.
I could do this…
Chapter Thirty
Brax
I couldn’t believe this was it. I had been patiently waiting for this day to come. I didn’t sleep for shit last night, worrying what was going to happen. I knew no matter what, nothing could change the outcome, but I still hoped for the best. Deep down I tried to remain optimistic, keeping my thoughts in check. But after everything we had been through, I still felt a bit leery. Just merely thinking about losing Jazz forever destroyed my life.
As soon as I ran into her in the parking lot, my heart stopped beating. As always, Jazz looked as beautiful as ever. She wore a long green dress with her white coat zipped up under her neck, covering the rest of her body. Her hair flowed beautifully over the top of her breasts, reminding me how striking she was. The only thing I wasn’t able to grasp was the amount of weight she had lost.
Jazz wasn’t a tiny girl, anyway, but since the last time I’d seen her, I could tell she hadn’t been taking good care of herself. Truthfully, it pissed me off. I would be sure to feed my girl a smorgasbord once we got out of the Counseling Center. I was bound and determined to take her home with me.
I waited in the sitting area while Jazz went into Dr. Aimee’s office. I wanted to be there for her, but she acted as if I needed to let her do this alone. So I sat down and said a prayer, asking God to please let everything go our way. If the test came back that Jazz was my half-sister, my life would officially be over. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. I wouldn’t be able to move forward. The last four months had been harder than any time in my life; I knew for certain I couldn’t do it forever.
As I sat on the edge of the chair, Dr. Aimee came out of her office, grabbing a folder off the reception desk. She went through the file then picked up the phone, telling someone she was ready. When she hung up, Dr. Aimee peeked her head through the door and came out with Uncle Teto. As he walked out of the room, I froze, unable to believe my eyes.
Uncle Teto was tall and lanky. Instead of having black hair, he was bald with a white goatee. He stood still, looking down at the ground until Dr. Aimee called his name.
“Are you ready, Mr. Sorrentino?”
Uncle Teto lifted his head, meeting my eyes for the first time in years.
“Is that you, Brax?” he asked with a grin.
I stood up and walked over, pulling him in for a hug.
“I’ll be damned, boy. You’ve grown up.”
Other than having no hair, he hadn’t changed one bit. He still sounded the same, too.
Uncle Teto let go of my back then took a step to the side, eyeing me up and down.
“So that’s your wife in there, yeah?” he asked, pointing into the office behind him.
“Yes, sir,” I said proudly.
“Well, she’s a good catch. You did good, boy.” he replied, shaking the change in his front pocket.
“You’re damn right she is.” I had no other choice but to make it known.
Jazz wasn’t just some random chick. She was potentially Uncle Teto’s daughter. He shouldn’t have acted like he just met her on the street.
“Calm yourself, B. I didn’t mean any disrespect. Just saying she’s a good girl. You did good.”
I gave him a firm nod, clearly irritated by his choice of words. When it came to Jazz, you respected her to the highest extent or you weren’t privileged enough to be in her life. Bottom line. Father or not, no one talked badly about my wife in a disrespectful way.
Dr. Aimee placed her hand on Teto’s arm. “We have to go, Mr. Sorrentino. The lab is waiting for you to pay your portion of the bill for the test.”
He stuck out his arm, allowing Dr. Aimee to lead the way. She opened the main door, exiting the office with Teto following a few steps behind her.
As the door closed, I sat back in the chair, listening to my dad and Jazz talk. She was crying, you could hear her sob out in the waiting room, while my father did the best he could to comfort her.
More than anything, I wanted to go in there and wrap her in my arms, but I was so fucking afraid of her pushing me away again. I knew I would not have been able to handle it.
Jazz had every right to freak out the way she did but her rejection toward me did nothing but kill my soul. It hurt to no end not being by her side and holding her through all the turmoil.
I allowed her ten minutes to calm down before I gave up and walked inside the room. I couldn’t take it anymore. If she pushed me away, then so be it, but at least I could say that I tried.
Fuck…what was I doing to myself?
As I stepped inside Dr. Aimee’s office, the air caught in my lungs. The last time Jazz was around my dad, it hadn’t been good. But to see her sitting in his lap while he held her in his arms, rubbing the top of her head, brought me to my knees. That was my job. I should have been the one consoling my wife, not him.
I cleared my throat, hoping to cut the tension surrounding me. Jazz jumped forward, stumbling to find her footing.
“B…Brax…” She ran, jumping into my arms, crying against my chest.
The only thing I could do was hold on to her for dear life, praying to God He never let her leave me again.
“Hey.” I moved her hair out of my face, whispering in her ear.
“I got you, baby. It’s okay.”
Jazz’s arms squeezed around me tight, not wanting to let me go.
It took everything in me not to lose control, but I had to keep it together. I waited one hundred and forty-six days to hold this girl in my arms again so I couldn’t force mys
elf away from her.
I glanced over at my father and watched him wipe at his eyes. I needed to know what happened to make them this upset. Someone had to tell me.
I carried Jazz to the couch sitting against the wall, and then sat her down on top of my lap. She lifted her head but kept her hands over her face, unable to calm down.
I placed my hands on top of hers, slowly moving them away from her face. When I got a good glimpse at my wife, my heart shattered all over again.
Jazz was broken. This entire situation has destroyed her soul. I could see where it hurt me losing her for those months, but I was all Jazz had. Savanah and I were her world. We meant everything to her. Besides pushing us away, Jazz let go of her friendship with Kelly and Tanya, solely out of fear. I knew Jazz’s thoughts, afraid the girls would leave her, too.
She didn’t have to tell me that was why. I understood my girl better than anyone did. I think that was what Jazz failed to remember when she left me. I knew in my heart we would eventually have our time again, but it didn’t hurt any less.
I died a little more each day, from the time I woke up until I went to bed. If I was able to sleep, so be it. But most of the time, I ran off pure adrenaline, hoping every day I would come face to face with my wife. However, the hurt Jazz had been experiencing was ten times worse than anything I could have ever imagined.
“I’m…I’m sorry,” Jazz whispered, as she tried to contain her sobs. Then she lifted her finger to her neck, checking her pulse.
I knew that was a sign of a panic attack coming on so I did the only thing I knew how to do. I grabbed her hand, keeping it enclosed with mine, hoping she would relax.
She just needed to calm down and let me love her. It wrecked me to watch her fall apart. Her panic attacks had been under control for so long, I couldn’t imagine how bad they were when she was alone.
I kept my left arm around her back, refusing to let go. “Stop apologizing. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere, baby. I promise.”
She shut her eyes and took a couple deep breaths, then laid down against my chest.
I didn’t know I drifted off to sleep, until someone tapped my leg and woke me up. I opened one eye and then the other before glancing around the room. My dad, Uncle Teto, and Dr. Amiee were seated together around the table directly in front of us.
I tipped my chin and looked down, finding Ma squatting in front of me. I pulled back, glancing over at Jazz asleep then nodded my head that she was okay. Ma wiped her hand across her forehead as if she was relieved. I knew she had been worried sick over the outcome just like the rest of us.
“Is she okay?” Ma asked in a whisper.
“I think so, but apparently we were tired.”
Ma chuckled quietly. “I bet you both are. Neither one of you have slept comfortably for months.”
Jazz went still in my arms. She heard Ma’s voice. I grabbed her by the arm, shifting her around in my lap, making her face me. She sat up straight, looking almost jumbled.
“What time is it?” She pinned back her hair then glanced around the room.
“Two nineteen,” Ma replied, startling Jazz.
She moved to the side, trying to slide off my legs. I wasn’t ready for her to go yet. So I threw my arm around her, refusing to let up, needing her to let me have my way.
“Not yet,” I said against her back. “I’m not ready to let you go.”
Jazz relaxed, but you could tell by the look on her face that she was unsure what to do.
“Jazz, you can sit there if you’d like. Otherwise, we’re ready to go over the results with you.”
I let go, pushing Jazz forward, then stood beside her. It was time. No matter how much I needed to hold onto my wife, I was forced to let her go.
I moved around the side until we were making eye contact, needing her to look at me when I spoke.
I grabbed her hands and said, “I’ll be right here. You can sit with them and I’ll come with you, or you can sit with me and we’ll listen from across the room.” I took a chance and kissed her cheek, needing to feel her skin against my lips. “You decide, but either way, I’m not leaving your side.”
“I, ummm…can we sit here?” she asked surprising me by her decision. I expected her to fight me on this one, but I was glad she didn’t.
We sat down at the table directly across from Dr. Aimee. I placed my left arm around Jazz’s back and my other hand on her thigh gripping her fingers.
Before Dr. Aimee got started, Ma walked over and asked Jazz, “Can I sit, too, honey?”
Jazz looked at me and then back at Ma before replying, “Of course.”
Ma clapped her hands and then took a seat grabbing Jazz’s other hand. Together the three of us waited to hear out our fate.
A few minutes passed when Dr. Amiee read the results, and immediately, I stopped breathing.
Chapter Thirty-One
Jazz
“Come on, baby, push. A few more times, you’ve got it.” Brax stood to my right, urging me on, but the pain was too intense. I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I felt like I was dying.
“I can’t…” I cried. “It hurts. Please…please…take it away… just take it away.”
Dr. Martin came in the room with a clipboard in her hands, smiling from ear to ear. There was nothing funny about this shit. Did she really enjoy seeing someone in a great deal of pain? God, I swear, if she said something stupid, I would punch her in the throat. There was no doubt about it. The woman was on my shit list right now.
“How far along are we?” she asked the nurse that was holding my legs through the stirrups.
“Fully effaced, the head’s crowning. She’s ready to go.”
“Very well.” Dr. Martin smiled again. “Megan, grab a mirror. Let’s show Mrs. Sorrentino her daughter’s head full of hair.”
I grabbed Brax by the shirt, jerking the tray out of his hand, and threw up all over the floor, completely missing the blue container he was holding.
“Fudddggeeee…” he yelped jumping back.
Dry heaves trickled up my chest, burning the back of my throat. When I was done, a cold rag touched the back of my neck, forcing me to jolt forward. I shifted my overly pregnant body around, allowing the nurse, Megan, to place a rag on my forehead.
“Try and relax, honey. You’re doing great.”
I wasn’t doing shit. I had to push the size of a watermelon out of my vagina. What was so exciting about that?
Brax helped another woman who I hadn’t met, clean up the floor. When he was done, he washed his hands and came right back to where he had been sitting.
“I’m sorry,” I apologized. I didn’t mean to throw up on his feet. I felt like an idiot.
Brax kissed my head and held onto my hand, not leaving my side again. He was going to be a great dad. I couldn’t wait to see him hold our daughter in his arms. I hoped I could love her like she deserved. It would mean the world to me.
Megan came back in the room with a large mirror in her hand. She sat down at the foot of the bed, positioning it right in front of me. With my legs wide open and every part of Uranus showing, Dr. Martin instructed everyone in the room to look at my daughter’s head hanging halfway out of my vagina.
Lovely. My husband was never going to let me live this down. Brax was a jokester. Big time. The man made sure he messed with me at least once a day. I could see him now telling our daughter about her head coming out of me. Literally. Ugh…Just get her out already, geesh…
The baby started kicking me causing more added pain in my stomach. I went to yell, but then the machine went off, beeping uncontrollably and freaking me out.
“What’s wrong?” I looked down at the doctor concerned.
“Get the forceps. Stat.” she told the nurse, completely ignoring my question.
Dr. Martin pulled on a pair of blue rubber gloves. She tied a blue plastic jacket closed around her, placed the hat on her head, then positioned back down in front of me.
Megan went down, assisting Dr. Ma
rtin with whatever they were doing. I looked at my husband, scared to death, praying my baby girl was okay.
Brax pushed my hair out of my face and then kissed my lips. “She’s going to be fine, babe. Just relax. Breathe in and out. I’ve got you.”
Why in the hell does everyone keep telling me to relax? First, the pain with the contractions, and then the monitor going off, scaring me half to death.
“On the count of three, we’re going to move from right to left to right. Ready? One…two…three…”
Brax rubbed the side of my head, forcing my eyes on him. I couldn’t look anywhere else even if I tried. I was starting to panic.
The doctor and nurses scrambled around the room and before I knew it, everything went black…
**
“Look who’s up, baby. Mommy’s here.” I heard Brax speak, but I didn’t know where he was. My vision was blurry. I couldn’t focus on anything near me.
I closed my eyes, giving myself a few more minutes before trying to reopen them again. When I gave it a go, I lifted my head and came face to face with an angel.
My daughter.
Savanah Summer Sorrentino. I couldn’t believe she was finally here.
Tears of happiness trickled down my cheek as I took in the sight before me. Savanah had blue eyes and a head full of dark brown curly hair. Her fingers, toes, nose, and mouth were the tiniest things I’d ever seen. She was the most beautiful girl in the world and she looked just like her daddy.
There were no words to express how much I loved this little girl, even though we first met.
“Wh—…What happened?” I asked Brax, unsure of what went on.
He shifted Savanah to the side of his chest, adjusting the little pink hat on her head.
“The umbilical cord wrapped around her neck, causing her distress.”
“But, she’s okay, right? I mean, she looks good.”
Brax kissed the top of the baby’s head and smiled from ear to ear.
“She’s perfect, baby. Perfect as she’ll ever be.”