She reminded herself she was not, and probably never would be, ready to put herself out there again. There was no way she would run the risk of being rejected again. Hadn’t she learned her lesson? She’d already felt dreadful when Ronin had seemingly abandoned her after their night together. What if they did get together and he did let her down again?
“Talk about getting ahead of yourself,” she muttered to the empty space around her. “Very shortly he’s going to be incredibly busy raising a child. He certainly won’t have time for you. Nothing’s happened and nothing will happen.”
But there was a piece of her that wanted something to happen, that wanted Ronin Marshall with an ache that went deep down to her core.
* * *
Ali busied herself over the next few hours unpacking the boxes that had been stowed in the foyer. Some of the items needed assembly, so she retrieved her tool kit from her car before kicking off her heels and starting to put together the change station and the crib. After a short time, even without all the finishing touches, the nursery began to look like a baby’s room. Just doing this, creating a safe and loving haven for someone else’s unknown child, filled the echoing hollow inside her. Even if only briefly. It was why she loved doing what she did.
A sound at the door made her look up from where she was kneeling on the floor, reading the final instructions on the change station. Heat flushed her skin when she saw Ronin. She scrambled to her stocking feet, only to feel at a disadvantage as he towered over her.
“Is everything going okay here?” he asked, his eyes scanning the room.
“Pretty much,” she said. “I just need a step ladder to put this mobile up over the crib. I can bring one out tomorrow, unless you have one here I can borrow?”
“There’s one in the garage. I’ll get it for you.”
“Great. After that’s up I’d best head off. I need to stop at the office and clear messages with Deb.”
“Must you?” he asked, his brows pulling into a straight line. “I was wondering if you’d like to join me for an early dinner. I thought we could go down to Pine Harbor and eat there. There’s a nice place overlooking the marina.”
“Dinner?” she repeated, startled.
“Yes, you know, that meal people have in the evening some time before they go to bed?”
She laughed, but even so she felt her breath hitch just a little. Here it was. An overture. She should make it clear the only thing between them was a professional relationship, and turn his offer down. Really, she should. Hadn’t she just been having a major internal discussion about this very issue? She’d say no, and that would be that. Simple.
“I’d love to,” she said with a smile.
Five
Ali found the drive to the marina in Ronin’s car too short and too long at the same time. She could barely keep her eyes from his long, capable fingers wrapped casually on the leather-covered steering wheel, nor push away the memories that flooded her mind of how those fingers had felt as they’d explored her body. Memories that left her breath shallow, an unignorable sensation tingling at her core.
When they pulled into the parking lot she dragged her eyes and her awareness to her surroundings and an involuntary exclamation of delight escaped her. The marina glowed in the early evening sun. The palm trees that bordered the road suddenly reminded her of another sunset, another dinner shared with this man...and what had come after.
“It’s pretty here,” she said, squirming a little in her seat.
“It is,” he agreed, getting out of the car and coming around to open her door.
He offered her a hand and she took it automatically. Again she felt that electric sense of awareness at his touch. Will this never stop? she wondered. A part of her really didn’t want it to, but then the other part, the fragile broken part of her mind and her heart, craved protection and set up a new caution in her mind.
Not letting go of her hand, he led her toward one of the buildings. They took a seat at the window, looking toward the ferry landing, where passengers—most of them from Auckland’s city center, by the looks of it—were disembarking a vessel.
“This is such a lovely setting,” she commented after the waitress took their drink orders and left them to peruse the menu. “I had no idea this place existed. Thank you for inviting me.”
“Thank you for joining me.”
She studied him a moment. “Why did you ask me to dinner?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” he replied, his eyes doing that thing where they darkened to denim again.
Obvious? Did he feel the same attraction she felt? “Perhaps you need to explain.”
Ronin leaned forward, one hand playing with the condensation on the side of his glass as he chose his words with obvious deliberation.
“I’m not normally an impulsive man, Ali. But there’s something about you that makes me want to throw all my caution to the wind. To be with you.”
“Oh,” she uttered, her eyes widening in shock. Of all the things he could have said—the polite conversation she’d expected—that was probably what she’d least expected to hear.
“Too much?” he asked with a quick grin that crinkled the corners of his eyes and lifted most of the strain she’d become accustomed to seeing there.
“Maybe,” she hedged. Even as she did so, her pulse leapt in response to the intensity reflected in his gaze.
“The way I see it is this. We jumped over several vital steps in the getting-to-know you stages of attraction when we met in Waikiki, and then I ran out on you without explanation. I figure we didn’t really have the opportunity to get off to the right start, and I’d like to remedy that.”
The waitress returned with their drinks, interrupting him for a moment.
“Are you ready to order?” the waitress asked brightly.
“Just a few more minutes, please,” Ronin replied. The moment she was gone, he turned the intensity of his attention back to Ali. “I think we should start over. Get better acquainted. What do you think?”
“I...” Ali searched for the right words to say. Regret at her impulsive acceptance of his dinner offer pounded through her brain. Hadn’t she just been telling herself she didn’t want a relationship? It was time to draw a line in the sand. To make it clear to Ronin exactly where her boundaries were. “Look, please don’t take this the wrong way, but I really don’t think that’s a good idea. What happened when we met, I’m not like that. I mean, I don’t usually—”
“Me neither,” he interrupted, picking up the glass of Central Otago Pinot Noir he’d ordered. “That’s exactly my point. Clearly there’s something here—something that made both of us willing to take a chance. Don’t you think the chemistry we shared is worth exploring some more?”
“Look, Ronin, I—”
“Just think about it. A new beginning.” He held his drink toward her in a toast. Automatically she lifted her lemon lime and bitters and allowed him to clink his glass against hers. This was wrong and yet so incredibly tempting at the same time. She already knew they struck sparks off one another—sparks that would make it far too difficult for her to keep a clear head. If she gave in to the attraction between them, she wouldn’t be able to stay detached. She’d fall too hard, too fast and far too deep to be able to pull herself back out without pain. If she had an ounce of sense left in her mind she’d be hightailing it out of there as fast as she could.
Clearly that last ounce had departed.
Tomorrow she’d make it clear that theirs couldn’t be any more than a client/contractor association. She just had to hope that would be soon enough.
They studied their menus. Ali asked Ronin for his recommendations, since he was a regular. When the waitress came back, they were ready. After she’d gone, Ali looked up to find Ronin watching her.
“What?” she asked. “Have I got l
ipstick on my teeth or something?”
“No,” he laughed. “I was just calculating what the odds were of us meeting up again like we did.”
“Pretty slim, I would have thought. It certainly wasn’t a good thing that reintroduced us,” she said, with a pang in her heart for the loss his family had undergone.
“No, it wasn’t.”
“Was your sister your only sibling?”
He nodded. “I still struggle to believe she’s gone.”
“How’s the baby doing?” Ali asked, wishing suddenly that she hadn’t chosen this track of conversation, but feeling committed now she’d started it.
“He’s holding his own. Getting a little stronger every day. They’re trying to establish feeding so he can come home. We each try to spend time with him at the hospital, my mum and dad and I, so he’ll be used to us when he comes out.” A strangely bemused expression settled on his face.
“What is it?” Ali asked, concerned.
“Since he’s been in the Newborn Intensive Care Unit, they’ve encouraged us to be there as much as possible, and to hold him even though he’s been ventilated. Last night, when I went to see him, he was off the ventilator. The nurse told me about kangaroo cuddles.”
“Kangaroo cuddles? I haven’t heard of those.”
“It’s chest-to-chest, skin-to-skin contact. You sit in an easy chair and the nurse lays the baby on your bare skin.” Ronin’s eyes became unfocused for a moment, as if he was lost in the memory. “It’s weird, but it’s like he knows he’s coming home to me. He was fussy when she first picked him up, but as soon as she laid him on me and covered him with a blanket, he gave this little sigh and settled right into my chest.”
“That must have made you feel special,” she said softly.
“Special? I don’t know. He’s so small. So dependent. It’s kind of terrifying.”
Ali felt tears sting her eyes. To hear this big, strong man admit his fear of caring for and raising his nephew tugged at her heart. “He’s so lucky to have you.”
His gaze returned to its usual sharpness. “He’d have been better off with his parents.”
“I know, but at least he has you and your mum and dad, who care so much about him. What about his other grandparents. Are they around?”
“No, R.J.’s parents died some time ago apparently, and he was an only child.”
“It must be hard for you all.”
“It is, but we still have the baby. To have lost him too would have been the final blow for my mother, I think.” He took another sip of his wine and looked out the window for a while before returning his gaze to her. “What about you? Brothers? Sisters? Parents still around?”
Ali latched on to the change in subject. “Oh, I have three sisters, all older than me. All married with families. Mum and Dad complain they never get a weekend to themselves because they’re always having one lot of grandkids or another, but, just privately, I think they love it. They wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“Must make family gatherings fun,” Ronin said, with another one of those heart-stopping grins.
“They’re busy, that’s for sure.”
“And you? Is coming from a big family part of the reason you do what you do?”
Ali had been hoping the conversation would not lead in this direction, but she was well practiced at diversion. “Well, I certainly had plenty of experience helping my sisters prepare for my nieces and nephews,” she said with a forced laugh. “But, I guess I was at a crossroads in my life and I figured there was a gap in the market here for something like that. I’d heard of party and other types of planners here, but when I heard about baby planners in the States, I decided that was what I wanted to do. After some research I did exactly that and started the company.”
The summary didn’t do justice to how hard she’d had to work to establish her business, or all she’d had to sacrifice. Most of the money she’d received in the settlement when her marriage had been dissolved—after their requisite two-year separation—had been poured into Best for Baby. She’d only kept back enough to pay for six months of living expenses and the lease on her apartment—against her parents’ urging that she move back home with them until she was securely on her feet. She had trusted in her ability to earn enough to make the monthly payments and to live after those first six months.
There had been times when she’d wanted to crawl away from it all and to stay wrapped in the cocoon of safety her parents had offered. But with the failure of her marriage and her own perceived failure of herself as a woman still so sharply painful, she knew she had to reach out for herself, to rebuild her life, or give up all together.
“What about you?” she asked of Ronin, eager to turn the focus of their conversation back to him before he probed too deeply into her past. “What is REM Consulting?”
“We’re a civil engineering company, and we consult on international projects. Mostly major building sites and complexes. My role is mainly as a troubleshooter. Generally I try to prevent the bad things from happening, handle risk management, that kind of thing. When things go wrong and solutions need to be found fast, I get called in to put everything right again.”
She thought about how swiftly he must have had to move when he’d received the news about his sister and her husband. Having that background probably helped him remain calm and controlled in a situation that would most likely render others incapable of logical thoughts.
“Does your work take you away often?” she asked.
He nodded. “And usually at very short notice. It’s why I’ll need a rotation of nannies at the house. You got the brief on that, didn’t you?”
“Yes, I did. I’ve got Deb compiling a list of suitable applicants for initial interview. You mentioned you preferred nannies with nursing experience. Those skills will come at quite a cost. You do realize that?”
He made a sweeping movement with one arm. “Cost isn’t an issue. My nephew’s well-being is all that matters.”
It struck Ali that while Ronin was doing all he could both physically and materially for the newborn, she still had questions about the baby’s emotional support system. Ronin was clearly confident when it came to providing for his nephew, but was visibly nervous at the thought of nurturing the baby. While her family life had been loud and chaotic with six of them crowded into a small three-bedroom bungalow in the suburbs, her upbringing had been a happy one, with love and affection showered on Ali and her sisters by parents who put their children first.
And then there was Ronin’s work. With him being on call for a wide range of clients all over the world, how consistent would things be at home? It was impossible for him to be a full-time father, with all the loving care that should entail, even if he wanted to.
“When will you be available to interview the shortlist of nannies?” she asked, forcing her thoughts back to her tasks.
“It’d probably be best if I see them in my office in town. I’ll check my diary and call you with dates in the morning.”
She’d have to be satisfied with that for now, she decided. No matter her own thoughts on the situation, the baby’s emotional care wasn’t her responsibility, and besides, Ronin was doing his best to step up to his duty to the baby. It wasn’t her place to pry, beyond the scope of her job.
Their meals arrived and they turned their attention to the food. As the sun lowered over the western horizon, their conversation drifted away from what were, for Ali at least, work-related matters, and onto more personal interests. By the time they finished coffee and dessert they’d found a mutual love of English crime novels and old black-and-white movies.
Ali flicked a glance at her watch and sighed regretfully. “As lovely as this has been, I’m really going to need to head home.”
“You could stay with me,” Ronin offered without hesitation. “I have several guest roo
ms. You’re welcome to use one, if you prefer.”
If she preferred? Her imagination set her synapses firing.
“Oh, no, I don’t think that’s a good idea, but thank you for the offer,” she answered with a twist of her lips. As if she could sleep under the same roof as him and not replay in her mind over and over what they could be enjoying together. She had enough trouble in her own bed in her tiny apartment. “I need an early start at the office tomorrow before another round of shopping and then the preliminary interviews for your nannies.”
If he was disappointed in her response, he hid it well.
“Will I see you out at the house tomorrow?” he asked.
“No, not tomorrow, but I’ll be back first thing the day after.”
“I’ll make sure I’m home. We can do lunch together.”
“I am supposed to be working when I’m at your house,” she reminded him with a small frown. “I take my obligations seriously.”
“As do I,” he answered, his face an implacable mask all of a sudden. He leaned forward and took her hand. “Besides, as your current employer, surely it’s my duty to make sure you have all your breaks?”
She couldn’t help but laugh. “Okay, lunch together sounds nice. Thank you.”
* * *
Ronin studied the figures on the estimate for the new project in Southeast Asia. It was the third time he’d applied himself to the document today—or at least attempted to apply himself to it. But he couldn’t make himself concentrate. Giving up in frustration, he pushed his executive chair back from his desk and swiveled around to face the sparkling Waitemata Harbor. Even so, he didn’t notice the spectacular view. His thoughts were elsewhere, far away from his office.
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