by Glenn Meade
“He did.”
Kevin pointed below and led me to a pair of massive oak trees. He pulled back some undergrowth and held up the storm lamp. I saw two brown plastic tarpaulins. He lifted one, and beneath it was a blue ATV. It looked in good condition, and two spare jerricans of gas were strapped to the carrier on the back.
“There’s another ATV under the second tarp.” He pointed his chin toward the darkness. “We’re not far from the Cherokee National Forest. A man could lose himself in those forests forever if he wanted to.”
“You’re saying that’s Jack’s plan if he has to flee.”
“I guess it could be. Now, let’s get back. I don’t want to leave him alone for long, just in case.”
As I followed him back the way we had come into the tunnel, an icy chill flooded my spine. “Who exactly would want to harm Jack?”
“The same people who killed DJ and Vera. The kind of people who want to keep a secret. The kind who’d have no hesitation about killing your entire family if they felt it was necessary. Unless we stop them.”
Kevin looked at me. “That’s Jack’s plan. To try to put an end to this, once and for all. To stop the devil in his tracks. Jack’s been a broken man for years, but now that he feels he has to protect you and Sean, he’s back in the ring.”
“What devil? And who are these people? What exactly happened in Iraq that caused this?”
“Simple. A guy named Fazil Tarik is the key.”
“I know about Tarik. I know about the ambush.” Kevin looked at me as if to ask how, but I just said, “Later. How is he the key?”
“That day near Babylon, he fled the ambush driving a truck. Not just any old truck. It contained twenty-five million dollars and a bunch of priceless artifacts from several Iraqi museums. Some said he set up the ambush in the first place, so he could steal the money and the artifacts. Knowing what I do about Tarik, I’d say that was a distinct possibility.”
I said nothing, just listened as we followed the pearly string of lightbulbs along the tunnel.
Kevin held on to the oil lamp. “So Tarik flees in the confusion. When the military realize he’s not among the dead or wounded, they try to track him down. They find him hiding out with relatives near Fallujah two weeks later, but the money and the artifacts have disappeared, and Tarik’s claiming he knows nothing about the money. And here’s where the smoke and mirrors come in.”
“What do you mean?”
“A few months down the line, and Tarik’s a bona fide refugee to the U.S., cleared by a military investigation, and innocent of any blame or theft.”
“Who was tasked with hunting him down?”
“Your father, Chad, and Jack were part of the team. They all knew Tarik, knew his MO, and had taken part in the original deal to get him and his tribe on the U.S. side.”
“You’re suggesting Tarik used some of the stolen money to bribe his way out of trouble?”
“Yeah, you bet. I’m not even sure it was just twenty-five million he disappeared with. He could have salted away more. But for sure, someone helped him. Someone was on his side. And someone aided his theft.”
“Who? My father, Chad, or Jack?”
Kevin didn’t speak, just stared at me.
“Answer me. It was one of them, wasn’t it?”
He still didn’t speak. We came to the tunnel entrance again, the wood stepladder waiting.
“Which one, Kevin?”
“Look, in Jack’s mind, ‘they’—whoever they are—are responsible. They could be the government, the military, or whoever was in cahoots with Tarik and whatever other demons happen to be inside Jack’s head at any given time.”
Kevin climbed the ladder. I followed him up, and he switched off the tunnel lights.
“Are you serious—it could be the government?”
Kevin put down the lamp and dusted off his clothes with his hands. “I have no idea, even if Jack thinks he does. For eight years, he’s kept his head below the parapet here, for fear that Sean and he might be a target.”
He picked up the lamp again. “By doing that, he’s avoided having to confront that fear too often. And that’s been fine. The last thing I wanted to do was knock Jack too far off the rails by doing a forensics job on his mind. In short, we avoided talking about it until all this started up again.”
Kevin took a deep, silent breath before starting to speak again.
“You’ve said enough, Kev.”
The angry tone caught me, and I turned. A washed-out Jack leaned against the barn door for support, clutching his freshly bandaged wound. He was bone-white.
Kevin went to him. “Hey, man, you need to take it easy. You shouldn’t be moving—”
“You said way too much.”
“Jack, you’ve got to tell her. It’s time, buddy. This thing can’t go on forever. It’s cost way too many lives. You hear me, man?”
I saw real pain in Jack’s face. His lips quivered as he let Kevin’s words sink in.
“You feel well enough to take a walk outside?” Jack looked at me, his voice more subdued.
“Why?”
“Kevin’s right. It’s time you knew the truth.”
89
* * *
“You need to wait here. I’ll be back in a second,” Jack said, and he went into the house.
When the door opened again, Sean came down the patio steps to join us at the barn, Jack behind him.
“Why Sean?”
“Because I don’t want you running off. He’ll catch you if you do.”
“I haven’t seen my son in eight years, and you threaten to have him tackle his mother to the ground? And why would I run off?”
“I’m just protecting us all.”
“But from whom, Jack?”
“You’ll know soon enough.”
“You’ve got a lot of questions to answer.”
“And I’ll answer ’em.”
Kevin handed Jack a powerful flashlight made of yellow plastic, the blocky waterproof type you often see on small boats. “You may need this. Remember, go easy over the ruts.”
“Quit playing Daddy.”
We followed Jack to the barn, and he went to climb into the Ranger.
Kevin told him, “I’d feel better if Sean or Kath drove. In fact, I’d really prefer you rested and did this tomorrow. If that wound opens again, they’re going to be screwing you into a box.”
“It’s gone on too long, buddy. It needs to be now, tonight.” Jack turned to me. “You’d better drive. Sean could take all night.”
I climbed into the driver’s seat. Sean slipped into the back without a word. Jack eased in beside me and leaned over with a faint groan, one hand still on his wound. He made sure the gearshift was in neutral, and I kept my foot on the brake while he turned on the engine. Jack flicked the Ranger’s headlamps onto full, their silver rays slashing the darkness.
“Go.”
“Where to?”
“I’ll answer all your questions, but first we need to go back to Amy’s grave. It’s important.”
“I’m not sure I’m ready for that so soon.”
“We need to. This story ain’t done yet. There’s something you need to hear.”
90
* * *
My heart pounded again as I eased my right foot onto the gas pedal, my left hovering on the brake.
The Ranger growled forward, dipping into a few shallow ruts. Ten yards from the burial site, I slowed, turned in a half circle, and halted. My body was trembling, my legs weak. I still felt on shaky emotional ground. I really didn’t want to see my daughter’s grave again. The depth of my grief felt so raw.
Jack dipped the Ranger’s headlights and flicked on the yellow handheld flashlight. He climbed out without a word, Sean trailing behind.
The moon was bright, and we hardly n
eeded the flashlight, but when Jack waved it, for the first time I noticed two pine-log benches off to the side of the graves.
“Sit, Kath. You, too, Sean.”
Sean joined Jack on the farthest bench to the left. Jack looked grim, his face like a corpse from the blood loss. I knew Kevin’s concern was real. I had a sudden, nauseating feeling in my gut that he could drop dead at any moment. It scared me. Sean would be distraught if that happened, like a child, totally lost.
Cricket sounds filled the night. It all seemed so unreal, the three of us sitting there, Jack leaning forward, his hands joined as if in prayer. No one said anything as we faced Amy’s grave, Sean staring at the ground, clasping his hands like his father.
My son was staring at nothing in particular except his grubby Reeboks, which looked sizes too big. There was something terribly sad about him. Like my brother, Kyle, he inhabited his own world, and I guessed few people were part of it, except maybe Jack. That hurt me so much.
“You said it’s time I knew the truth.”
“Kevin told you why I ran and hid. I know you’ve had your own pain to cope with since we disappeared. I know the trauma’s been unreal.” For a few moments, Jack seemed to falter. “Sean and Amy and I, we had our own trauma to deal with. The terror of the crash, along with everything that happened afterward.”
I hated to think of that terrifying descent, the panicked horror in Sean’s and Amy’s hearts at the prospect of a violent death.
“We clung together before the crash. Cried and said how much we loved each other. That was really all we could do. The sheer terror seemed to go on forever, the plane buffeting and swaying wildly, until finally we struck the ground and plowed into forest undergrowth.”
He went on. “I was knocked unconscious. But as soon as my head cleared and I saw the kids start to come around, I checked on the pilot. His neck was broken; he took the worst of it up front in the cockpit. After I assessed our injuries, I called Kevin.”
He stood and moved to put one hand on Amy’s gravestone. “Afterward was a whole other story. I tried to protect the kids and keep them safe, tried to hide. There was the constant worry that the law might find us.”
“Why, Jack?”
“Because I knew the crash was deliberate. That’s why I needed to keep ahead of those who meant us harm. That’s why I didn’t get in touch.” He stared at me. “Don’t you get that?”
I recalled again what Quentin Lusk said on the bridge. But I couldn’t disregard that Lusk was another PTSD sufferer, maybe even a victim of the same delusions as Jack’s. Besides, a part of me was so enraged that I didn’t want to grasp at any reasoning. I just wanted to feed my anger.
“What I get is how crazy this is. Back then, your head was so screwed up you didn’t know what reality was anymore. You were irrational, messed up from post-traumatic stress. Couldn’t it all have been in your own mind?”
“You’re so wrong, Kath. You don’t believe there was someone out to kill me?”
“I don’t know what the truth is anymore. Except that you gave no thought to how messed up I’d be, how grief-stricken. The same for our children. I didn’t hear a word, not even a sign from you so at least I’d know you were all alive. You didn’t care at all about me.”
“Kath, I did, believe me.”
“For the love of God, Jack, I don’t have to believe anything you say.”
Frustration lit his face. “Sure, I had a lot going on inside my head back then. But I know what happened, Kath. I know. And I know who did it.”
“Who? I want proof.”
I saw a spark of pain in his face. I wanted to believe him, but a part of me was still convinced that Jack was mentally unstable. His next words nailed it.
“Not now. All that’s important right here and now is that I want you to know we’re all still a family, and we always will be.”
“Jack, we’re dead, you and I. Don’t you understand that? Finished.”
The moment I spoke the words, I saw Jack’s face collapse. I couldn’t deny it. The life I had lived with him was still a fundamental part of me, but our relationship was over.
“I know this family is messed up, Kath. No one knows that more than me. But Sean’s still your son. And he will come around to you, I know he will.”
“What are you saying?”
“Like I told you. We’re still a family. You, me, Sean.”
I looked from him to Sean and saw silent turmoil in my son’s eyes. “Somehow I really doubt that, Jack. You’re a stranger to me. That’s how I feel.”
He nodded. “I get that. But we need to do something.” Jack touched the gravestone and lowered himself into a sitting position near the granite. “I want you to come sit by Amy’s grave.”
I blinked, not sure how to react. “Jack, don’t make this even harder on me.”
“There’s a reason. Trust me. Sean, sit down here, son.”
Sean obeyed meekly, leaving a gap between himself and his father.
Jack gestured toward the gap. “Sit here, Kath.”
“Why?”
“Just sit. You’ll understand why in a minute. Please.”
I had no idea what Jack was up to, but I sighed and lowered myself into a sitting position between them, facing the inscribed stone.
Jack stretched out an arm. “Give me your hand, Sean.”
Sean did as he was told. Jack gestured to me. “Kath, scoot in closer to Sean and me, and we hold hands.”
“Jack . . .”
“Just scoot in, Kath.”
“What’s going on?”
“Sean’s lost. He needs to know he’s still part of this family. When a boy hasn’t known a mother’s presence for so long, it affects him.”
“That wasn’t my fault.”
“You’re right, it was mine, but this is no time for blame. We’re all wounded hearts, all hurt souls. And we all need to heal.”
He took a deep breath and let it out. “I know I’ve done us all harm, even if I did it for what I believed were good reasons. Once there were four of us, and now there are only three. But I believe that the love we once had has never really gone away. It’s still there in all of us.”
He met my stare. “Can I tell you something? For months, years, after I hid out, I’d still go back to Knoxville. I’d go alone, in disguise. I’d drive by our house. I’d drive by Chad’s house. I’d see you, see you both sometimes. I’d see you with his child, see you happy . . .”
I could almost feel the agony in Jack’s voice.
“I still loved you. Still wanted you. But I knew I couldn’t come back. I knew that if I contacted you, it would put your life in more danger—and ours, too.”
Jack’s words felt like a stiletto in my heart. His wet eyes met mine. “I want to tell you something else. In all the years Sean and I have been coming here, I’ve never truly felt that Amy’s spirit has been at peace. It’s like there’s a discontent that floats about this grave, a powerful sense of unhappiness. Her spirit’s here, Kath. It’s here, and it’s not at ease.”
I actually tried to feel it. To feel it in the air I breathed, taking in a deep lungful. All I felt was a cool rush of air and my own discontent, my own unhappiness. Were they Amy’s, too?
Jack said, “Wherever she is, she needs us to give her peace. She needs to know that we’re all together, still love each other, no matter what. Sean needs to know it, too. Give me your hand.”
I felt my eyes become wet. It hit me hard then. How mentally and emotionally hurt Jack was by all this trauma. Without a word, I meekly gave him my hand. Jack’s callused skin felt so familiar. My spine tingled at his touch. I hadn’t anticipated that. I felt something pass between us as I looked into his face. Despite everything, he was still the father of my children, still the first man I’d ever loved, the one I’d given my heart and soul to.
He placed
my hand on top of Sean’s. I felt the long, delicate manliness of my son’s fingers. As a child, Sean always had such beautiful hands, just like my mom’s—pianist’s hands, my dad used to say. Their touch made me well up inside.
Jack said, “I have to be honest. Sometimes Sean asked about his mom, but I avoided talking about you in case it upset him. I only did it to protect him, to try to lessen the pain for him. Understand that, Kath. What he didn’t hear or see he didn’t think about. That was my reasoning.”
“And Amy? What happened to her?”
“In the months after the crash, she started getting these seizures. Kevin got her to a hospital. They did all kinds of tests. He can explain better than I can. They put her on medication. It seemed to help, but within six months, she suffered a really bad seizure one night and couldn’t breathe. It led to fatal complications, respiratory and cardiac failure. Kevin got here right away, but there was nothing he could do.”
I felt those steel claws rip into my heart again, shredding me.
“She used to ask about you all the time. It was hard trying to steer her away from any talk of us as a family, so hard. I know how it hurts for you to know that, but it had to be done.”
Jack’s voice cracked with emotion. “Remember after Amy got out of the hospital that time, and we spent the evening on the hillside in the Smokies watching the fireflies? And the way we all felt, blessed and happy and together? We all need to know that kind of feeling again.”
The hurt emanated from him. I felt a gash of pain in my chest. How could I forget such a perfect memory? Sean and Amy chasing a raging symphony of fireflies and the joy that Jack and I felt as parents.
Jack said, “Sean, move closer, son. Put your arm around your mom.”
I couldn’t speak. Wary still, Sean inched forward and put his arm around my shoulder. I felt the warmth of his breath on my cheek. He was still distant, still remote, but his father’s word was law, and he seemed to relax a little, to slacken his unease around me. I wanted to weep as I felt his touch. Something primitive in me took over. I wanted to protect Sean.