The authors wish to make clear to the reader that this is a work of fiction (i.e., none of it is true). Though there are many references to actual people, all of our interactions with those people (and the fictitious ones as well) are, in fact, fictitious. This includes all of the characters and events in the novel involving the Simon & Schuster publishing company. If any of the matter of this novel should be found offensive by anyone, we understand (if not completely) and suggest you find another book to read. We wish we could say that we mean no disrespect.
Published by Akashic Books
©2004 Percival Everett & James Kincaid
Excerpts from this book appeared in an earlier form in Transition magazine.
Cover photo ©AP/World Wide Photos Photo/Ken Lambert, Strom Thurmond greeted by two staff assistants for Mississippi Senator Trent Lott in the Capitol, September 24, 2002.
ISBN: 9781888451573
e-ISBN: 9781617752131
Library of Congress Control Number: 2003116549
All rights reserved
Second printing
Akashic Books
PO Box 1456
New York, NY 10009
[email protected]
www.akashicbooks.com
to Chessie and Nita
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright Page
Memo
MEMO
March 1, 2002
From: Barton Wilkes
To: The Senator
You will doubtless remember me but maybe not. You commented last Tuesday on my tie (bow, new) and red hair (not so much red as auburn, like the school).
But to get to the point, you know that you hold a peculiar place in history. You must know that, for all your modesty, and know too that I mean nothing special by peculiar. That place in history is perhaps nowhere so remarkable as vis a vis the colored people (aka Afro-Americans, negroes, people of color, and blacks). Now that your career has fully matured (you know I mean nothing special by matured), perhaps it is time to explore the true and unmistakable understanding (ripe right to the core) that you have attained vis a vis the subject(s) aforementioned to a nation failing to appreciate not only its most glittering jewels but the true depth and thickness of its historical roots.
While to many in our nation, the new diversity, as we may call it unhappily, may appear as cute as a speckled pup, I feel (and the nation will echo my feeling) it is your place to point out the route we have traveled to arrive at this place. Map it, I say! Like a 21st-century Vasco da Gama.
To this end, I trust I am not overstepping my bounds as I suggest to you that we initiate a discussion leading to the potential production of a possible mode of transport to allow us to travel that route aforementioned. And by this I mean a good old-fashioned Southern Greyhound Bus.
I await your pleasure, having taken such initial steps, baby though they may be, (Did you ever play Mother, May I?) that will pour starter fluid on the briquets.
Devotedly,
Barton Wilkes
Barton Wilkes, Assistant to Aide
March 3, 2002
To: Barton Wilkes
From: Strom
Come to think of it, I did play Mother May I. That’s been a while.
Who are you?
What?
OFFICE OF SENATOR STROM THURMOND
217 RUSSELL SENATE BUILDING
WASHINGTON, D.C. 20515
March 13, 2002
Simon & Schuster, Publishers
1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020
Dear Sir/Madam:
I will be brief.
The project is this: A History of the African-American People by Strom Thurmond. As Advisor to Senator Thurmond, I have his ear and will not say I have been entirely uninstrumental in persuading him to undertake the project in its present form. (By the way, the book title should have no honorific titles in it: no “Senator” or “The Honorable.” That’s the direct wish of the Senator. It’ll be a title without titles, as it were.)
Please contact me at this address and I will relay to the Senator details about such things as:
1. publicity plans
2. advances
3. royalties
Meanwhile, I remain, your friendly and helpful associate in all things,
Most sincerely,
Barton Wilkes
Barton Wilkes
Junior Advisor, Public Relations
The Hon. Strom Thurmond
OFFICE OF SENATOR STROM THURMOND
217 RUSSELL SENATE BUILDING
WASHINGTON, D.C. 20515
April 15, 2002
Simon & Schuster, Publishers
1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020
ATTN: Senior Editor
Dear Sir/Madam:
In ref. to mine of the 13th inst.
Ha, ha. I’m just joking, of course. There’s no need for such formality.
However, there is need for some dispatch, as the Senator always says, when telling the story about how there was only one outhouse at the school pie-eating contest when some prankster—the Senator swears, with a twinkle in his eye, it was not he—put castor oil in the blackberries that filled the pies (blackberry pie, the Senator’s favorite to this day): “There is need for some dispatch, Sammy!” shouts one of the boys in line. I wish you could hear the Senator tell that one.
Of course it will not be appropriate to the project we are discussing.
Or rather, I am discussing. I sent you an inquiry one month ago and have been, you will perhaps comprehend, somewhat confused by your failure to respond.
What am I to understand?
Most cordially yours,
Barton Wilkes
Barton Wilkes
Advisor, Public Relations Department
The Hon. Strom Thurmond
SIMON & SCHUSTER, INC.
1230 Avenue Of The Americas
New York, NY 10020
May 14, 2002
Mr. Blanton Wilkes
Russell Senate Office Building
Washington, D.C.
The Hon. Strom Thurmond’s Staff
Dear Mr. Wilkes:
Thank you very much for your inquiry. We regret to say that the exceedingly large volume of manuscripts/proposals coming our way these days makes it impossible for us to entertain unsolicited inquiries.
We hope you will find a more receptive audience elsewhere.
Sincerely,
Simon & Schuster Publishers
p.s. If you sent a manuscript to us, we have to inform you that we are unable to return it.
OFFICE OF SENATOR STROM THURMOND
217 RUSSELL SENATE BUILDING
WASHINGTON, D.C. 20515
May 17, 2002
Simon & Schuster, Publishers
1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020
Dear Sir/Madam:
I can appreciate a joke as well as the next fellow, as I am sure you will discover in time.
I should begin by asking you to believe that I am whom I say I am, that I represent accurately Senator Thurmond’s wishes, and that my reasons for contacting you in this heartlessly impersonal way will become clear.
Now, as they say here on “The Hill,” let’s get down to business, shall we?
I think you should begin.
Sincerely,
Barton Wilkes
Barton Wilkes, Advisor, Public Relations
The Hon. Strom Thurmond
; Memo: Snell to McCloud
May 29, 2002
Hey Juniper!
Have a nice Memorial Day? It’s my favorite holiday, Memorial Day is.
Here’s who knows what. Barton Wilkes? Maybe you can figure it out. Try. Can you?
Ask the guy for a proposal, but tell him the usual about how we aren’t interested. Make that emphatic. Don’t leave any room for doubt.
Do you keep a cat? I find a well-groomed cat a great comfort. My ex-wife hated cats.
SIMON & SCHUSTER, INC.
1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020
June 1, 2002
Mr. Barton Wilkes
Advisor, Public Relations
The Hon Strom Thurmond
Dear Mr. Wilkes:
Martin Snell, an editor here at Simon & Schuster, has asked me to respond to your letter.
Please indicate in standard proposal form what your project is exactly. At that point, we can evaluate its suitability for
Simon & Schuster.
Understand that this in no way indicates any interest on our part in the project. We receive many proposals and can proceed with only a small fraction of these.
Sincerely,
R. Juniper McCloud
R. Juniper McCloud (Mr.)
Assistant to Martin Snell
OFFICE OF SENATOR STROM THURMOND
217 RUSSELL SENATE BUILDING
WASHINGTON, D.C. 20515
June 4, 2002
Mr. R. Juniper McCloud
Assistant to Martin Snell, Editor
Simon & Schuster, Publishers
1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020
Dear Mr. McCloud,
Surely not coincidental that we are both Assistants to important people, me to the Senior Senator of All Time, Claude Pepper having died, and you to the man who is doubtless the Senior Editor there. It’s a small world. “I was a child and she was a child/ In our kingdom by the sea.” Do you know Poe?
Now, it’s easy to see why you are being standoffish. Perhaps I would be too, though it’s a matter of our inner nature, really, when the sun goes down. Don’t you agree? For instance, my guess is that it is not at all your own decision to be so very formal. I know it wouldn’t be mine. Neither of us is quite his own person, though, not to be presumptuous.
Anyhow, as I said, this will be A History of the African-American People by Strom Thurmond.
Would you need more details—like the number of pages, illustrations, that sort of thing? If not, I think this can stand as description and what you call proposal. I couldn’t at this point supply such details anyhow, so there we are.
Puissant name, “R. Juniper.” Are you from the Charleston McClouds? My own name is a matter of some pride to me, as yours is to you. Someone at your place called me “Blanton.” Oh my.
Yours for now,
Barton Wilkes
Barton Wilkes.
Advisor, Junior, Public Relations
The Hon. Strom Thurmond
Memo: Snell to McCloud
June 22, 2001
We have reason to believe that this guy is connected to Thurmond, but he doesn’t seem to have very many tines to his fork, does he?
It’s almost certainly a no-go, but see if you can find out more. Get him to send you a proposal.
Do NOT encourage him, by any word or gesture. Don’t even hint that we might be interested—give him to understand just the reverse.
Do you wear boxers or briefs? Also, you haven’t answered my question about kitty.
SIMON & SCHUSTER, INC.
1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020
June 23, 2002
Mr. Barton Wilkes
Junior Advisor, Public Relations
The Hon Strom Thurmond
Dear Mr. Wilkes:
We are in receipt of your letter of June 4. Please send us a detailed proposal. Such a proposal should include, but not be limited to:
—a full description of the project
—a detailed chapter outline
—an analysis of the projected audience for such a book
—an estimated time frame for completion
—a discussion of other books in the area and how this proposed book will meet the competition
Do understand that our receipt of such a proposal, should you choose to send it, in no way indicates any interest on our part in the project, much less in publishing it.
Sincerely,
R. Juniper McCloud
R. Juniper McCloud
OFFICE OF SENATOR STROM THURMOND
217 RUSSELL SENATE BUILDING
WASHINGTON, D.C. 20515
June 27, 2002
Mr. R. Juniper McCloud
Mr. Martin Snell
Simon & Schuster
Dear Friends,
Much as I have come to rely on and, indeed, feel some warmth for Mr. McCloud, I expect it is time that he evaporate from the meadow. Marty and I can take it from here.
I am trying to understand your peculiar hesitancy. I do not wish to make judgments hastily, or, indeed, at all. You are evidently not paranoid, nor are you in business in order to drive away profit-making ideas. Or are you? Here I come at you with the plan of the decade (put modestly) and you treat it as one more book on O. J. Simmons, or Mick Jagger, or Spanking. I do suppose you receive lots of ideas that are just plain kooky, or very tired, or both. But try to be alert when the real thing comes ding-donging at your door.
But I think I would be as skittish as you, perhaps, all things considered.
Strange, you will say, that Senator Thurmond did not contact us directly, did not phone, did not set up a meeting. Well yes, strange according to your way of doing business. I ask you simply to respect the fact, undoubted fact, that your way of doing business is not Senator Thurmond’s. This is in no way to impugn you or your practices. It is just that the Senator has his own views on things. It is easier for me to think this way, as I am with him day and night; but now you know.
One mystery I can clear up. The Senator insisted that I convey his views in this manner for the simple reason that he is a believer in justice, equal justice. His words to me were these: “If they like the proposal, that’s fine. If they don’t, that’s fine. That’s how I see it.” I think that’s how I see it too. I would suppose you do too.
The proposal is this: Senator Thurmond proposes to write what he terms A History of the African American People by Strom Thurmond. As the history of the African American People has been, to a great extent, coextensive with the Senator’s own, he will be able to draw on his own life experience (and not just in politics) for much of his material. For the earlier years in America (prior to the Senator’s coming of age, let us say), he will employ books and the research of scholarly advisors.
Perhaps that will do for what you need. Kindly let me (not the Senator) know of your interest, what shape that interest takes, and where it will lead.
Sincerely,
Barton Wilkes
Barton Wilkes
Junior Advisor and Assistant Intern
The Hon. Strom Thurmond
p.s. Mr. McCloud, perhaps we can continue our discussion in a parallel fashion, running as a kind of oblongata to the main business.
SIMON & SCHUSTER, INC.
1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020
July 8, 2002
Mr. Barton Wilkes, Esq.
Advisor
The Hon. Strom Thurmond
Dear Mr. Wilkes:
We received your very interesting and latest letter just this morning and thank you very much for thinking of Simon & Schuster.
Of course we believe that you are who you say you are and that the proposal you suggest is relayed from Senator Thurmond. It is an intriguing idea, or could be, and I hope you will be assured that we try to stay alert to good ideas coming our way. It’s just that we are unable to determine from what you have told us whether
this is a good idea. Really, we cannot quite decipher what the idea is. We can guess, but we wouldn’t be quite the publishing house we are for long if we operated on guessing, would we?
Are you certain that a meeting would not be in order? We can assure the Senator that we will in no way compromise his belief in equal justice, a belief we fervently share, along with probably everybody else alive. It’s just that a meeting would seem to us an efficient and just way to answer your questions and, on our side, to arrive at an understanding of what the Senator has in mind.
You will not be surprised to hear that we are a little puzzled by the title. The Senator’s views on any number of issues are, of course, of great interest. It seems natural that he would be recording his experiences and reminiscences at this stage of his long and colorful career in public life. What we do not quite understand as yet is exactly what the Senator is thinking of when he uses the word, “History.” Will the Senator be providing a continuous narrative and analysis of African-American life from the Colonial period to the present, or will he be concentrating instead on modern times and his own experience and views? Of course there are other alternatives; we are trying only to make our confusion clear. Thank you in advance for removing that confusion.
Wouldn’t you like to call me or provide a number where I can reach you? Perhaps an e-mail conversation would be efficient and move things along more expeditiously?
Thank you for contacting us.
Cordially,
Martin A. Snell
Martin A. Snell, Editor
OFFICE OF SENATOR STROM THURMOND
217 RUSSELL SENATE BUILDING
WASHINGTON, D.C. 20515
July 12, 2002
Martin A. Snell
Senior Editor, Simon & Schuster
Dear Mr. Snell,
I am sure you will not suspect me of being a truculent person, one with hackles easily gotten up. Still, it would be better for both of us if we established a few ground rules, got things straight from the very get-go, as the Senator would say. (Sometimes he says, “From the first rising of my morning glory.” He’s a colorful one, the Senator.)
A History of the African-American People (Proposed) by Strom Thurmond Page 1