by J. S. Cooper
“Yeah?” I nodded and looked at the TV screen. He was watching some old movie on AMC.
“She had long blonde hair like your mom, though she wasn’t as beautiful.”
“Okay.”
“Your mom was the most beautiful woman in the world.” His voice cracked and I finally looked over at him. He was lying down on the couch and there were tears streaming out of his eyes.
“She was beautiful.”
“Why did she have to die?” He looked up at me with a pained expression. “She promised me we would grow old together. She promised me she would stand with me through thick and thin, good and bad. But she lied.”
“She didn’t lie, Dad.” I ran my hands through my hair. “She died.”
“It was my fault.” He sat up, and reached to grab an empty beer can from the pile of cans at his feet.
“It wasn’t your fault.” I sighed. “She had cancer.”
“Have you ever been in love, son?” He looked at me searchingly.
“No.”
“When you’re in love, that person becomes a part of you. What happens to them, happens to you, and you do everything you can to protect them.” He crushed the beer can in his hand. “And I didn’t protect her.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Dad.”
“I wasn’t the man for her.” He shook his head. “Sometimes when you love someone, you have to know when to let go. Sometimes no matter how much you love someone, you have to let go, because even your best person is not the best person for them.”
“She loved you, Dad.” I tried to comfort him, but my mind immediately went to Maddie. She liked me a lot, and I liked her. I really liked her, more than I was willing to admit. And a part of me wondered if I was just fooling myself. Could any of this ever work? Even if we made the million dollars, I’d still be a Martelli and a thief. And she would be Maddie: beautiful, intelligent, wonderful, caring Maddie. I wasn’t sure if I would ever be able to give her the life that she deserved. The life that I wanted for her.
“But where did that get her?”
“It got her three children.”
“She wanted to leave me.” He threw the crushed can at the TV. “She wanted to leave me and take you boys.”
“I know.”
“I told her she would have to kill me first.” He picked up another can from the ground. “Turns out, it was she who died.” He started sobbing. “What did I do, Logan? Where did I go wrong? I sit back and look at my life, and I don’t understand. Where did I go wrong? How did this become my life?”
“I don’t know.” I bit my lip as I stared at him. But in my mind all I could think was, it was the mayor, the mayor did this to you, Dad. And a part of me broke all over again. How could we ever get through this?
“She was in love with someone else when she started dating me.” It took a few seconds for his words to resonate in my brain, and I froze as I realized what he had just said.
“What do you mean?” I frowned and walked closer to him, so I could look into his face as he spoke.
“She was dating someone else. Someone she was in love with.” He laughed. “But I loved her, and I knew she had to be mine.”
“What do you mean?” My voice rose. “Who was she dating?”
“It doesn’t matter.” He frowned as he took me in. “Get me a beer.”
“There is no more beer.”
“What the fuck do you mean?” His tone changed and his face grew red. “I need a fucking beer, you fucking idiot.”
“You need to go to rehab, Dad.”
“I don’t need to go to fucking rehab. I need a fucking beer.”
“Dad.” I took a deep breath. “Who was Mom dating when you met her?”
“James.” He laughed. “She was fucking dating James. But I got her in the end.” He smirked. “Serves his pompous ass right. The rich guy doesn’t always win out in the end.”
“I thought you dated Mom, and that the mayor just liked her, Dad. What do you mean she was dating James first?”
“It doesn’t matter.” His eyes looked away from mine. “I need another beer.”
“Dad, we need to talk about this.”
I watched as he picked up the remote control and started switching the channels. He lay back down on the ratty couch, and I watched as he kicked some potato chip packets onto the floor. I surveyed the room and all the dirt and knew that I needed to make changes in here as well. I could no longer sit by idly, and let my dad wallow in this mess. I couldn’t be scared of him anymore.
“Dad, I’m going to clean this room tomorrow.”
“Just make sure you get me some beer.”
“Dad, we need to talk about—”
“Get me some beer.” He reached down and grabbed another beer can from the floor, and this time he threw it at me.
“Night, Dad,” I sighed and walked out of the room. There was no point trying to deal with him right now. As I walked up the stairs, I thought about what Maddie had told me and about what my dad had just said about my mom and the mayor. What was going on? The story was changing rapidly, and now I was beginning to question everything.
***
“We’re really getting it.” Jared grinned at me as we arrived back home after spending the afternoon practicing how to break in to different types of garages. Joey’s friend was some guy from Russia or some Eastern European country, and he was one of the biggest criminals in the world. He had stolen a Picasso from some museum and had been trained by some of the best thieves in the world. We were definitely learning a lot, but I still wasn’t quite happy with everything that was going on. We didn’t know the name of the buyer, we didn’t know who Joey’s contact was, and the teacher told us to call him Tolstoy, which I was almost certain wasn’t his real name. There were so many unanswered questions, and I was starting to worry about everything. It all seemed a bit convenient that Joey would find out about this Bugatti and we would be the ones approached to get trained and to steal it. And the owner would be out of town and we would get one million dollars. But Jared vouched for Joey a hundred percent and I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, seeing as he really seemed to be trying with the whole Maddie situation.
Maddie hadn’t contacted me and it had been about a week since I had seen her, and I was growing antsy. The house was spic and span and had been for a few days, but it seemed like it had all been for naught as she hadn’t called me. I had been planning on surprising her with the invite once she called me, but now I was starting to wonder if she hadn’t already given up on me. At first, I had been shocked that it was taking so long. I had assumed that she would be in contact and apologizing to me within a day or so. But then no call had come through, and I realized that she must have been a bit more upset than I thought. But now it had almost been a week and nothing. I had been unable to sleep well, and Maddie was constantly on my mind, and I was irritable.
“Yeah, as long as everything goes according to plan, we’ll be fine,” I snapped, and I saw Jared and Vincent exchange a glance. I ignored them and ran up the stairs and to my room. I pulled out my phone for what seemed like the hundredth time that day, and saw no missed calls or texts. I called my voicemail to make sure I hadn’t missed a call or a voicemail notification. I threw the phone on the bed when I heard I had no new messages.
“What the fuck, Maddie,” I muttered under my breath as I fell to the bed. “Where are you?”
I looked up the ceiling and felt my heart sink into the mattress as I wondered if she had finally decided that I wasn’t worth it. She was gorgeous; she didn’t need to put up with my crap. Maybe she had met a new guy, someone who had a real future, who wasn’t a criminal. Someone who could take her out and have a good time, someone her parents would be happy for her to date, someone who would invite her over right away. Maybe she was done with me. I thumped the mattress as I thought about her sweetly kissing someone else. I felt murderous inside. She was my Maddie. I couldn’t bear to think about her with anyone else. Not now.
I hadn’t admitted it to anyone, not to her and not to myself, but Maddie was fast becoming my world. When I was with her, I felt like a man, like I could do anything. I felt like she saw the person inside me, the person only my brothers knew. She laughed at my jokes, and when we were together, I felt like I could be anyone, do anything, and I wanted to change. I wanted to be a better man for her. I wanted to climb mountains. I wanted to build ships. I wanted to show her that the man she was falling for was a man that was worthy of her love and affection. Because I had believed her. I had allowed a small part of me to believe in her girlish dreams and jokes. A part of me had pictured Maddie as my wife and as the one I spent the rest of my life with. I would never have admitted it to her, but when she had told me I was the man she was going to marry, a part of me had lit up. I had laughed off her comment, but it had made me feel special and delighted inside. I had begun to hope that perhaps there was a possibility of more in my life. Maybe I wasn’t going to be tied down to my lonely existence. Maybe with her I could achieve something I had never allowed myself to believe was possible. I had believed her when she had said she was willing to wait and be patient for me, but she had lied. She had already given up. I grabbed my phone and stared at the screen again, feeling like a foolish schoolboy. The screen displayed the time, and even though I stared at it, willing it to ring, it never did.
“Fuck it.” I pressed the numbers I had memorized from looking them up on the computer screen the day before and waited for the phone to ring.
“Hello,” a lady answered the phone and my mouth dried as I realized that it must have been her mother.
“Hi, is Maddie available, please?” I spoke slowly, hoping she wouldn’t ask who was on the phone.
“Sure, one moment please.” I heard her put the phone down. “Maddison, there’s a call for you.”
“Who is it?” I heard Maddie’s voice in the background and my heart skipped a beat.
“A guy, maybe Joey?” her mom answered and I froze, pissed. Why would Joey be calling her?
“Hello.” Her voice wasn’t its usual vibrant self, and I was immediately worried that something had happened.
“Maddie, it’s Logan.”
“Logan?” Her voice changed slightly, and I grinned as I realized she was happy to hear from me.
“Yeah, how are you?”
“I’m okay, you?” Her tone changed back to one of nonchalance, but I didn’t let it bother me. I had heard the initial happiness in her voice.
“I’ve been better.”
“What’s wrong?” Her tone immediately changed to one of concern. “Is everything, okay?”
“You didn’t call me.”
“I was waiting on you to call me.”
“I thought you would call me.”
“I’m the girl, Logan. I don’t want to be chasing you.”
“You weren’t chasing me.” I shook my head and laughed. “I wasn’t running anywhere.”
“I didn’t want to keep coming after you if you weren’t interested.”
“What are you talking about?” My jaw dropped. “Why would you think I wasn’t interested?”
“Are you joking, Logan Martelli?” Her voice sounded shocked. “You have never come after me; it’s always me coming after you.”
“I told you that I liked you. That we were dating.”
“You also don’t want me to get to know your brothers better, and you won’t tell me why you hate my dad. You don’t call me. I haven’t seen you in a week, you never initiate hanging out. You always seem like you’re angry with me half the time.”
“I’m not angry with you at all.”
“Then why are you so mean to me?” Her voice cracked. “A girl can only take so much. I know Jared and Joey said to expect you might not be very nice to me at first because that was your personality, but it’s hard.”
“I’m sorry, Maddie. I never meant to hurt you. I didn’t realize that you were that upset.”
“You didn’t realize I was upset?” She laughed gently. “Are you joking?”
“I mean, I realized you were being emotional, but you know, I just thought that was your personality.” My voice trailed off. I didn’t think it was a good idea to tell her that I thought that was just how girls were, up and down all the time.
“Oh, Logan. What am I going to do with you?” She giggled.
“Come over for dinner tonight and hang out with my brothers and me.”
“Are you sure?” She gasped. “I don’t want you do to something you’re not comfortable with.”
“I’m sure.” I laughed. “I’ve been waiting to ask you all week.”
“So why didn’t you?”
“Because you haven’t called me,” I admitted, realizing how weak that sounded now. “I know, I’m a bit of a doofus. I’ve never really been in a relationship before. I’m a bit of a mess.”
“I thought you said you’d had girlfriends before?”
“Well, I mean, I use the term ‘girlfriend’ loosely.” I laughed. “Have I dated girls and had some fun? Yes. Have I been in a real relationship, per se? Maybe not. At least not with someone I like so much.”
“You like me.” She giggled.
“Don’t you like me?” I needed to be reassured that she still cared for me. I wasn’t sure why it was so important but I needed for her to tell me. I needed to know that the feelings that were building up were there for both of us.
“Of course I like you, Logan.” Her voice was soft and sweet, and all I wanted was to have her there with me so I could hold her close to me.
“How much do you like me?”
“How much do you like me?” she questioned me back.
“I like you a lot,” I whispered into the phone. “A whole lot.”
“I like you a whole lot, as well.” She laughed. “So what time should I come over tonight and what should I bring?”
“There’s my eager beaver.” I grinned into the phone. “Just bring yourself. Come over as soon as you can.”
“I have to get ready.”
“Come as you are. You always look beautiful.”
“What should I bring?”
“Yourself.” I laughed. “And maybe you can spend the night as well?”
“You’re asking me to spend the night?” She sounded surprised.
“If you want to.”
“Well, duh.” She laughed, and I could hear her running up the stairs.
“How long will you be?”
“A few hours.”
“That long?” I frowned. “I want to see you now.”
“I’ll try and be as quick as possible.”
“Good, hurry.” I hung up and jumped off the bed. “Jared, Vincent, where you guys at?” I shouted as I ran down the stairs.
“What’s up?” Vincent called out to me from the kitchen where he was eating some carrots.
“Maddie’s coming over tonight.”
“No way.” Vincent grinned at me and Jared looked up with a surprised expression. I knew he had thought it was over between us.
“Yeah, and she’s staying the night, so don’t be wise guys, okay?”
“Okay.” Vincent laughed. “Whatever you say.”
“What do you expect from us?” Jared cracked open a beer and stared at me as he drank slowly. “Shall we line up like some sort of welcome committee meeting the queen?”
“You’re such an ass, Jared.” I glared at him. “You’re the one who told her where to meet me in the first place. Don’t go getting upset because it didn’t go as you planned.”
“You better not tell her about the plan.” Jared leaned forward. “No talk about the Bugatti tonight.”
“Of course not.” I didn’t tell him that my reasons for not wanting to tell her were different. I was worried that she would look at me differently if she knew I was planning on breaking into a house to steal a car.
“So what are we going to do?” Vincent stood up and walked over to us quickly. I knew he was scared that Jared and I woul
d get into another argument and possibly start fighting.
“I figured we could order a pizza and a salad or something and play some cards.” I looked at them both casually. “Do you think that’s okay?”
“Sounds fine.” Jared shrugged. “Get ham and pineapple on the pizza.”
“What are we going to do about Dad?” Vincent looked worried. “He’s going to want to know who she is. What if he comes out of the living room?” He chewed on his lower lip and I could tell he was nervous.
“I figured we could play upstairs in my room or something.” I took a breath. “I don’t want to involve Dad right now.”
“Yeah, no point getting him upset over nothing.” Jared made a face. “It may not even work out much longer.”
“What does that mean?” I glared at him.
“You know what it means. Do you really think little Ms. Perfect is going to date you forever and Daddy is going to accept you?” He rolled his eyes. “But whatever, I’m not trying to be a jerk. Bad things come to those who wait.”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“Her and her dad will get what’s coming. Whether you do something about it or not.”
“You better leave her alone, Jared.” I moved closer to him and I could feel my blood boiling. “I swear to God, if you do anything to her, you will no longer be my brother.” The kitchen went silent and Vincent and Jared looked at me with shock in their eyes. I felt sad that I had said the words, but I wasn’t going to take them back. Maddie was very important to me, and I wasn’t going to let anyone say or do anything to her that could cause her hurt or pain. I didn’t care why they were doing it. It wasn’t going to happen on my watch. I hated her father with a passion, but I loved her more than I hated him. My vision seemed to go blurry as the realization hit me. I loved Maddie. This was about more than like or a summer fling or crush. This was about more than seeing where a relationship could go and getting to know each other. I already loved her. I knew without a doubt in my heart that she was the one I would dream of until I was old and gray. And I wasn’t scared or worried. I was just happy and excited. And all I wanted to do was to see her and kiss her and hold her tight. I wanted to stare into her beautiful violet eyes and kiss her sweet luscious lips as her soft fingers played and tugged in my hair. I could lie next to her and stare at her for a million years and never feel bored or tired. I had missed her something rotten that week, and I knew that I didn’t want to spend my lifetime without her.