I expect Emmanuel to jump straight over the table and rip me a new one. But he’s surprisingly calm. “We have history,” he says. “So I’m gonna do you a solid and fix your fuck up. This time, and this time only. I’m counting on you, since I can’t be out there where I should be.”
The message from Emmanuel was clear: I’m in here because I protected your ass, and I’m about to do it again. Consider this a favor for which you will be required to make payment on at a later stage.
Message received. I nod before Emmanuel stands. “I have a phone call to make,” he says as he turns to walk away.
I drive to my possible death with a series of confused thoughts assaulting my mind. When I arrive at the club, Julius is where he usually is, surrounded by the usual bevy of barely dressed women. He gives me a hard look as I walk in with the bag.
“I hear you made a stop to do some shopping,” he says as I sit cautiously opposite him. “With my money.”
“Emmanuel called you,” I say needlessly.
“Yes, and you should thank him for your life, because had he not called me, and were him and I not family, you would almost certainly be lying here in a pool of your own blood!” he screams. “The worst part is, I can’t trust you anymore. And that means I have to replace you now. Not to mention the fact that you’re fucking that bitch who keeps snooping around here.”
Nina? What does she have to do with anything?
“I appreciate it,” I reply, not wanting to say any more than necessary.
“Don’t fucking appreciate it,” Julius replies menacingly. “You have two months to pay me back. You’re lucky I know you. Otherwise, it would be two days. And remember to thank my cousin for the fact that you still have air in your lungs.”
Chapter 9
Evading potential murder is a life-changing experience. I drive the Camaro over to dad’s mechanic shop. Its late afternoon, and all the guys are gathered around a barrel fire eating fried chicken and throwing back beers. Dad doesn’t drink, but he also likes to show the guys a good time for their hard work. He’s respectful like that.
“Jackson,” he says as I walk into the office. He’s bent over a stack of bills, a tired look on his face. He’s not expecting much from my visit. That’s my fault. For the last two years, I haven’t really been worth all that much. But I do believe that someday, I will be better. I just hope he still believes that, too.
“Dad, I want to come back to work. For real,” I say.
“Jackson,” he sighs, taking off his gold-rimmed reading glasses. “I wish I could believe that. How many more chances are you expecting to get from me?” He doesn’t say this maliciously. He’s just tired, both of me and of all the bullshit that I put him through.
“I don’t expect you to believe me,” I say looking down at the desk. “But let me prove it.” I meet his eyes and stare resolutely.
“Okay, but I expect you here at eight-thirty in the morning and staying until five, just like everyone else,” he says.
“Done,” I reply with a nod.
My father rises from his chair and walks over, embracing me in a strong hug. We have an understanding, him and I. And I am so done with disappointing people. My parents. Jade. Even Shana, if she were here, would be disappointed.
There’s one more thing I need to get out of my system tonight, before turning over my new leaf. Nina. I steer the Camaro in the direction of her apartment. I’m quite certain that turning up without calling breaks all the fuck buddy rules. But I’m genuinely concerned for her, being that she’s trying to piss Julius off, and succeeding.
I ascend the stairs at the front of the building and raise my hand to knock. My fist is about to connect with the wood when I hear a male voice, loud and angry, coming from inside the apartment. I don’t even need to bring my ear closer to hear the conversation. Their raised voices filter easily through the solid door.
“I know you’re lying! You know who the other guy is! And the fact that you’re keeping it from me breaks so many codes between us! Not to mention the fact that this is your job!” the voice yells.
“How many times do I have to tell you? I haven’t been able to work out who he is! It doesn’t matter anyway. Our work here is done, we’re handing it over, and that’s the end of it!” Nina yells in reply.
“You really are fucking up Melina, you know that? Whoever you are covering for is not worth it. He or she is a sack of shit. But you know what? Whatever! Do whatever the hell you want. I’m done!” The male’s voice tightens with both rage and defeat.
The door to the apartment bursts open, and a tall guy in a button down shirt and dark jeans walks out the door. He stops abruptly, gives me a venomous glare, and turns back to face Nina. “Is this why you’re slacking off? You shouldn’t have time for boyfriends!” He turns on his heel and stalks off, slamming the building door behind him.
Nina brings her thumb and forefinger to the bridge of her nose in frustration. “What are you doing here, Jackson?” she asks dejectedly.
“I needed to talk to you. What was that?” I ask, raising a thumb towards the now closed door.
“Come in,” she says, stepping aside.
Nina walks over to the window and lights a cigarette, and taking a deep drag. “Why are you just showing up at my door?”
I walk over and sit on the edge of the bed. I’m about to answer when a hard knock stops me. Nina rolls her eyes tiredly and stubs the cigarette violently onto the windowsill before walking back to the door.
On the other side of the door is the guy from before, again. He pushes past her, completely ignoring me. “I’m not letting this go!” he yells pointing at Nina. “We’ve been working on this for the past two fucking years! I’m not letting you screw it up!”
“Fuck off, Dave!” she spits. “I told you what I know and that’s all I have.”
Dave walks over and points the same aggravated finger straight at Nina’s nose. Something in me stirs. Dave better back the fuck up. Nina doesn’t flinch. He obviously doesn’t scare her. Or me.
“Get out,” Nina whispers threateningly.
“Why the hell should I?” Dave asks, his voice low. “I’m taking you with me to explain this shit to the boss,” he says grabbing her wrist. She looks at his offending hand with disgust, not fear.
“Do that, and I’ll have to mention the numerous hookers we’ve let go after they’ve paid you off in kind,” Nina threatens.
I stand from the edge of the bed and walk over. “I think she wants you to leave,” I say standing next to Nina.
Dave is good and pissed now, but makes the mistake of taking a swing in my direction. His fist connects with my face, hard enough to sting, but not hard enough to drop me. Nina steps in before I can and issues a killer right hook to his cheek.
“Now get the fuck out,” she says threateningly.
Dave finally gets it and walks out the door, slamming it behind him.
“Do you have a fucking death wish?” I ask her as she walks over to the freezer and throws me a bag of frozen broccoli for my lip.
“Again Nina, what the hell?” I ask.
“Are you running drugs for Julius?” she asks venomously, spinning to face me.
“Why?” I question.
“So that’s a yes,” she says, lighting another cigarette.
“Julius thinks you’re up to something. He’s not a good enemy to have. But then it seems like you aren’t short of those. What is the deal with that guy anyway?” I ask, leaving her question deliberately unanswered.
She looks at me cautiously, obviously in silent debate with herself about whether or not she should answer my question. “Fuck it,” she says. “I probably don’t have a job left anyway.”
“The emcee gig?” I ask, confused.
“That was my partner,” she sighs. “I’m a cop, undercover. We were her investigating Julius and his network. His runners. Dave thinks I know who the second runner is, and I won’t give him up, for whatever reason.” Nina eyes me pointedly.
“No, that wasn’t ever part of the plan. Neither was finding out that you are one of the people Dave and I have been going after for the past two years. Neither was lying to my partner to protect your ass,” she says angrily.
“So why did you?” I ask.
“Because from what Jade has told me and the vibe I get from you, you really are not like the rest of them. I get the feeling that you don’t even like the money. I patted you down at the club. You don’t carry a gun. I believed that you are different,” she explains.
“And that had nothing to do with us sleeping together?” I feel flattered, betrayed, and fucking relieved, all at once.
“This is why,” Nina says.
“Why what?”
“Why I don’t get involved with anyone. Because I always have to remember to be goddamn anonymous. Look around. No photos, nothing personal in this whole damn place besides my clothes.” Nina looks frustrated. “That and when you’re a cop, everyone is either a potential criminal or already one. Case in point.”
“Is your name even Nina? And how old are you? More to the point, you haven’t answered my first question,” I say as I walk over to the sink and toss the soggy broccoli bag into it.
“No, it’s not. It’s Melina. And I’m twenty-five. Look, for whatever reason, I didn’t give Dave your name, but you have to stay the hell away from Julius. We’re handing the case over to the FBI now. And they are merciless. You need to get the hell away from him before his whole operation comes crashing down,” she says quickly.
“Already done,” I say. “But now I know your name, what you do. Isn’t that a bad thing?” I ask.
“It doesn’t matter,” she says. “I’m going back to New York in a few days.”
Fuck it, why not take the chance. “I could come with you,” I suggest.
“No, you can’t,” she says. Without responding, I walk over and kiss her on the lips. Unrelentingly. And though I wish there was the same chemistry that I felt when we had sex, it’s just not there.
“Jackson,” she says pulling away. “This was what it was, and yeah, maybe I just needed to be close to someone for a while. But you and I, we don’t have that chemistry. You know it, and I know you felt it when we kissed. Jade told me about your ex-girlfriend, and if you need my help with that, say so.”
“So, I guess I should go,” I say, feeling awkward all of a sudden.
“You could stay,” she says walking over and looping her fingers into my belt. “One more time for old time’s sake, if you promise not to kiss me.”
Too tempting to refuse. I figure with a fresh start beginning tomorrow, one night of hot casual sex can’t hurt. Nina, rather Melina’s defiance has been replaced by a softness that I really didn’t know she possessed. Sex is a connection, but unfortunately for her and I, it’s the only one we share.
“Why do I feel like I’ve been upgraded?” I whisper as she walks me backwards towards the bed.
“You have. You’ve been upgraded from fuck buddy to friend that I fuck,” she teases.
“Just what I’ve always wanted to be,” I grin as she pushes me back onto the bed.
In her usual fashion, Nina, or Melina, blows my mind. My body implodes from the inside out, as does hers. This time, the last time, there is no holding back. The world in its entirety disappears, the passion between the two of us unsurpassable.
As a tribute to the last time we will actually ever have sex, I stay for a coffee and cigarette after.
“Sure you don’t want company?” I ask, the question coming more from my dick than my brain. Or my heart, for that matter.
“Are we still talking about this?” Melina asks rolling her eyes. “Look, not that I know from experience, but when you meet someone who is absolutely without a doubt perfect for you, you should from that very moment be able to forget everyone that came before her. The thought of her being away from you for even a day should wreck you. I think you should see that person and just know.”
“Wow,” I say with a grin. “Who knew that a badass cop could be so… Poetic. But you’re wrong. That’s in a perfect world. In this world, people don’t feel that way about other people. Everything good is destined to end. Case in point, you won’t ever ride my dick again, and that is a travesty.”
One of the bed pillows comes flying at my face. Melina, AKA Nina, and I say our goodbyes shortly thereafter. It’s not difficult for either of us, and I drive home to sleep in preparation for my new life plan.
Chapter 10
One year later…
“All packed?” I ask as I walk into Jade’s bedroom.
“Yes! Oh my gosh, you have no idea how excited I am!” Jade clutches the two sides of a duffel bag and yanks them mercilessly together in an effort to close it.
“I don’t believe you are going to Brown,” I say with pride. “And leaving me behind.”
“Aww, come here, stupid,” Jade says pulling me into a tight hug. “Besides, I’m saving you a seat at the campus bar.”
“Yeah, that probably won’t ever happen,” I say despondently.
“Hey, you will ace the entrance exams and for sure get a scholarship,” Jade says reassuringly.
For the last year, I have spent my days working my eight and a half hours at my father’s shop and, in the evenings, attended a technical college studying basic mechanical engineering. Jade convinced me to take the entry exams for a few colleges, and I had reluctantly agreed. References from my tutors in hand and some (if I do say so myself) awesome results later, Jade and I sat down and filled out college application after college application, along with countless scholarship applications. She had me apply for what seemed like all the colleges and universities in the country.
A few months after Melina, AKA Nina, left town, Julius was arrested by the FBI, and Club J and its questionable books was shut down. Apparently his network included a whole slew of things that we knew nothing about, like the sale and distribution of heavy duty weaponry. No one questioned my involvement in any of it. I guess Melina kept her promise after all. I did receive a text from her when she arrived in New York, the first and last.
Hey, I arrived! Call me if you’re ever in NY. Love M xx
“Jackson!” Jade yells.
“Yeah, what?”
“I was showing you my new roommate,” she says, swinging her laptop to face me.
“Are you already stalking the poor girl?” I laugh.
“I may or may not have called the administration office and told them that due to religious beliefs, I had to know who I was living with,” she says slyly.
I look at the picture of the girl in front of me. She’s beautiful. For a brief moment, I can’t steal my eyes away. “What’s her name?” I ask.
“Maia,” Jade says. “She looks like a goody two shoes.”
I take another look at the image on the screen. I can’t put my finger on it, but there is something so… enchanting in her brown eyes.
“Stop drooling over my roommate,” she reprimands, snapping the laptop shut.
Jade lugs her seventeen bags out to the Camaro and shoves them unceremoniously into the trunk. We drive to the airport, shrouded in an aura of sadness. I’m going to miss Jade. She kept me grounded for the past year. And now I actually have to rely on myself to stay focused.
Two things happened earlier this morning that threaten to derail that plan. The first was that I got a call from Emmanuel, telling me to pick him up from prison. Seems today was the day he was being released. And Murphy, the PI called me, a whole year later, after I had resigned myself to the fact that he was a con artist and had skipped town with my four grand. He sent me a photo, of Shana, in California. With a little girl on her lap. According to Murphy, the date on the little girl’s birth certificate is eight months almost to the day from the day I last saw Shana.
The photo had hit me like a ton of bricks. I had always known that Shana ran aw
ay, but for the last few years it never occurred to me that she had left the clinic still pregnant. I felt angry, betrayed, and yet, strangely and finally at peace with her leaving. I knew that she was safe, and the conversation about our daughter could be saved for another day.
I felt so guilty about not telling Jade about the discovery that Murphy had made. But I couldn’t bring myself to kill her buzz about Brown, or potentially derail her from going. I owed it to her to give her the same closure I now had. But not today. I drop Jade off and she bawls like a baby as I wave to her through the departure gate. No matter how many times I explain to her that Rhode Island is really only a plane ride away.
* * *
Pulling up outside the prison, Emmanuel is leaning idly against one of the steel fences. I last saw him a few weeks ago, but since being locked up, he looks even more menacing. With nothing else to do except lift weights, his muscle mass appears to have tripled. The mullet he’s sporting is fucking scary as well.
“My baby,” he says as he runs his hand over the dash. I hand over the keys and he gets behind the wheel.
“Hey, can you drop me off at dad’s shop?” I ask.
“What for?” Emmanuel laughs. “We have business to attend to.”
“Man, I can’t do that shit with you anymore,” I say guiltily. “A lot’s changed since last year.”
“I heard about Julius,” he says. “But its cool man, I have enough connections now to set up a whole new operation.”
“That’s not it,” I say. I’ve been dreading this conversation all year long. “I’ve been taking classes and actually working at my dad’s shop, and I applied to a couple of colleges.”
Emmanuel practically doubles over with laughter. “You’re kidding right!” he howls. His mouth snaps shut and his look darkens when he turns his head and sees he’s the only one laughing. “Are you fucking serious? How much money are you making as an apprentice mechanic?” he says sarcastically.
“Enough,” I say, getting a little pissed at his dismissive behavior. I expect, at this point, to get my ass handed to me and be schooled on how many times Emmanuel pulled me out of shit last year. Surprisingly, I don’t get that from him.
Infinite Fear Page 5