by Mark Roeder
Ethan and I went to the barn. We got out the tractor, a log chain, and a big hammer and a chisel to cut into the metal. I backed the tractor up close to the remains of the silo, while Ethan knocked a hole in a section of metal big enough to get the chain through. It didn’t take him long to get the chain attached to the silo, and the tractor. Ethan took my place and inched the tractor forward until the chain when taunt. Once the slack was gone, he powered it up. At first, not much happened. I figured the wheels would start spinning and that would be that, but the twisted wreck began to move forward slowly. Ethan added on a little more power and the whole mass moved along at a slow, but steady pace.
It was a good thing that the silo landed close to dirt road that ran between the fields, because it completely destroyed the corn as it was pulled over it. Not too much was lost, just a section about fifteen rows across and maybe twenty feet long.
Ethan pulled the twisted metal along the road until he had it even with some abandoned farm machinery. He unhooked it and left it there. In years to come, it would be the only evidence that a tornado had visited the Selby farm. I was still surprised that it did so little, especially when it totally wiped out a farm down the road and flattened a few homes in its path. Uncle Jack
299
said tornadoes were like that. They could destroy one building, and leave the one next to it untouched. I hopped on the back and rode to the barn with Ethan. We pulled the old tractor into its customary parking place and stepped off. I heard a deafening “bang” and the wood above our heads splintered and showered down upon us. I jerked my head in the direction of the noise and saw there what I least expected. I was instantaneously filled with dread.
“Miss me, stud?” I just stood there gaping. It was Casper’s brother, Jason. He has his arm around Casper’s neck. Nathan was standing just in front of him and a bit to the side.
“You seem surprised,” he said. It was an understatement. Jason was the one person I never expected to see again. I’d never given him a moment’s consideration after the night he’d tried to kill me and Casper. He wasn’t a part of my life after that. I couldn’t believe he was there. I had no idea how he’d been able to track us down. Unless…But no, how could Zac or Devon have had anything to do with it? Still, there was a suspicion in my mind as if I somehow knew they were connected.
My dreams came back to me as I looked at him. I remembered the last of them and the warning I’d been given, “He’s coming.” I should have known it meant Jason. Like a riddle once solved, it was absurdly simple. How could I have been so stupid? Why hadn’t I been able to figure it out? If I hadn’t been so dense I could have done something. Now we were doomed. I’d figured out the warning, only too late. I was filled with fear.
“You and your butt-buddy get over there,” he said, pointing the pistol he was holding to a spot in the middle of the barn. “You too,” he said to Nathan as he shoved him roughly from behind.
I started to step toward him, but he whipped the pistol around and pointed it to Casper’s head.
“I wouldn’t try that, Brendan, or things could get messy.”
I stood there glaring at him, my muscles bulging. I wanted to tear him apart. Ethan was standing next to me. He looked like he wanted to do the same thing. I saw Nathan looking around. I could tell he was thinking of what he could do. There was nothing any of us could do, however. Jason had the gun, and Casper.
“We’ve got a score to settle, little brother,” he said. “Your friends caused me a lot of trouble; almost got me put in jail. Luckily, I was able to convince the judge that I was only looking out for my poor, baby brother.” His voice was dripping with sarcasm and menace.
“Casper saved you,” I said. “We could have just let you lay there and die, but he called an ambulance for you.” That wasn’t entirely true, Stacey had called the ambulance, but Jason didn’t know that.
“So he’s stupid, as well as a little queer,” said Jason. His features were filled with hatred. He looked at Casper. He grabbed him by the front of the shirt and made him face him. He pointed the barrel of the pistol right between his eyes.
“Show your friends how you can beg, Casper. Beg me not to blow your brains out.”
It was all I could do to keep from pouncing on Jason, but I knew Casper would die if I did so. Jason would pull the trigger. I’d be just as guilty of Casper’s death as if I’d shot him myself. I hoped that Ethan and Nathan wouldn’t try anything stupid.
“No,” said Casper. I knew he was scared, he had to be, but Casper stood right there and defied his brother. I couldn’t believe his courage. It infuriated Jason.
“You’ll beg me, you little fucker!”
He forced Casper down onto his knees and put the barrel of the pistol right in his mouth. I wanted to close my eyes. It was too horrible to watch. I was crying. I wanted to jump Jason. I’d have done anything to stop him, but I was powerless.
Casper looked up at his brother and shook his head. I thought that was going to be the end. Jason screamed in rage and smashed Casper in the face with the pistol. I leapt forward, so did Ethan, but Jason whipped the pistol around and leveled it on us in an instant.
“If you won’t beg for yourself, then maybe you’ll beg for your friends. I was going to let them live Casper, but now I’m not so sure. Which one should it be first little brother?” he asked.
Casper was still on his knees, he was trembling and the side of his face was turning purple where Jason had hit him.
“Maybe this one,” he said, pointing the gun at Nathan. “He looks kind of like you, Casper. Shooting him will almost be like shooting you. Want to watch him die before I kill you little brother?”
Casper didn’t answer.
“Or maybe this one,” said Jason, pointing the gun toward Ethan. “Damn, he’s got even more muscles than your boyfriend. I bet you and him are real close, aren’t you Casper? You like ‘em built, don’t you little brother?”
“No,” said Jason, pointing the gun at me, “I think it’s got to be Brendan. I think killing him will pay you back more than anything else I could do to you. I might spare him if you beg me Casper. Do a good enough job and you’ll be the only one that dies today.” He turned and looked at Casper, smiling.
“Oh,” he said, “I almost forgot. I already did a little paying back, just before I came here. Remember your little friend Stacey? Do you Casper? I paid her back good.” Casper’s heart broke and he bawled.
“I hate you,” he said.
“And Brad,” said Jason, turning to me, “He begged. He squealed like a girl begging me not to kill him. Too bad he didn’t beg quite hard enough.”
I trembled. I didn’t know whether to believe him or not. I feared the worst, however. Jason was a sick bastard. Something in his eyes made me believe it was true. I slowly shook my head slowly as tears flooded my eyes. My best friend, Brad, who had stood by me when I’d needed him the most, gone, killed by that evil bastard. It was more than I could take.
Jason pointed the gun square at my face. He turned to Casper. Beg me not to kill him little brother. Beg me not to turn his pretty face into goo. Beg me!”
Before I knew what had happened, Casper launched himself at Jason. He didn’t punch. Instead he bit Jason right in the nuts, clamping down with his teeth full force. Jason screamed. He whipped the gun around toward Casper. I flung myself at him. Ethan and Nathan launched themselves at him too. All three of us smashed into him at practically the same time. I feared the sound of the pistol. I feared it would fire and at least one of us would fall dead. It flew from Jason’s grasp, however, and landed harmlessly on the hay.
I slugged Jason hard in the face. I threw him onto his back and just kept slugging him. I would have beaten him to a bloody pulp, but Ethan pulled me off him. Ethan tied Jason securely and I ran to Casper to make sure he was safe. He was crying, so was I. He was unharmed, except for the bruise already forming on the side of his face.
“It’s really over this time, Casper,” I said. “H
e won’t get away with it this time. It’s over.” I held him as he cried. I cried too.
Nathan ran in and called the sheriff. Minutes later Jason was handcuffed and was tossed cussing and fighting into the back of a squad car. I was glad that Ethan was there. I really think I would have killed Jason if he hadn’t have been. I would have had to live with that guilt.
As soon as they had taken Jason away, I ran inside and dialed Brad’s number. Casper was right behind me. Each ring took an eternity. I shook with fear.
“Hello.” I smiled; it was Brad’s familiar voice.
“Hey,” I said, “it’s Brendan.” I looked at Casper’s worried face. “How’s Stacey doing?” I gave Casper the thumbs up. Brendan had seen Stacey less than an hour before. She was safe. Jason had just been tormenting us. I filled Brad in on all that had just happened.
Uncle Jack, Ardelene, and Dave returned a bit later. We had quite a story to tell. I was just glad it had a happy ending. I thought we were all going to die. I thought they’d be coming back to find our lifeless bodies lying in the barn. Even when we jumped Jason, I was sure that at least one of us would fall to the ground dead. I think all of us thought that. One of us dead was better than all of us, that’s what was going through my mind. I can’t even begin to describe how I felt when I realized we’d all made it.
Nathan
We all took turns telling Jack, Ardelene, and Dave about our adventure, although nightmare might have come closer to describing it. I hadn’t been so scared since the night that Zac, Devon, and their pals jumped Ethan and me. I hoped I’d never have to experience anything like that ever again. Ethan did most of the talking, because he seemed the least shaken up by it. Casper didn’t say much at all, but then if I’d had a gun pressed between my eyes, and put in my mouth, I wouldn’t have been in much of a talking mood either. Brendan added in some details that Ethan left out, but he was pretty shaken up as well.
Brendan was more concerned with making sure that Casper was okay, than with relating what had happened. Casper was practically sitting on his lap and Brendan was holding him close and petting his hair. Casper seemed to feel pretty secure in his embrace.
One good thing did come out of the attack and that was a change in Ardelene’s attitude toward Casper’s sexual orientation, and his relationship with Brendan. I think knowing that she just about lost him made her feel differently. I watched her as she watched Brendan holding Casper. Before, she’d always had a look of distaste when they were the least bit intimate, but that had changed. I think she finally realized how much they loved each other. Looking at them, it was obvious that they cared about each other deeply. I think seeing Brendan take care of Casper warmed her heart toward him.
Ethan didn’t fail to point out Brendan’s bravery. He’d risked his life for Casper. In that split second when we all rushed Jason, it was Brendan who took the lead. I remembered cringing, expecting any moment to hear the boom of the gun, and to see Brendan fall dead. He must have known he would probably die trying to save Casper, and yet he did it anyway, without hesitation. Ardelene didn’t fail to realize that either. From that night on, she loved Brendan as if he were her grandson too.
I for one was tired of excitement. Ethan and I had experienced more than our share in the past few months. I hoped that this was the last of it. A little boring would suit me just fine.
When Ethan and I crawled into bed that night, I pulled him to me and hugged him close. I didn’t need to almost lose him again to appreciate how much he meant to me, but I held him tightly none-the-less. I didn’t know what life had in store for us, but I knew it would be a good life, because Ethan would be at my side.
Brendan
I awakened in the middle of the night, but I wasn’t sweating or shaking. I wasn’t gasping for breath as if I’d just seen the terrors of hell. This time, I felt peaceful. I remembered less of this dream than all the others, but I knew it had been as different as night from day. I strained to remember it, not because I thought it held some warning, but because it was so peaceful and beautiful that I felt I’d learn the secret to happiness if I could recall it. It stayed just beyond my grasp, slipping through my fingers like mist.
I turned, and saw Casper lying beside me. For the first time, he was openly sharing my bed. I didn’t touch him. I just lie there and looked at him sleeping peacefully. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to have him. All the bad things that had happened didn’t matter. I’d go through them all again if it meant that I could reach this moment. Perhaps I didn’t need the secret to happiness. Perhaps I already had it.
Some Weeks Later I smiled as a familiar car pulled up to the Selby farmhouse. Brad got out and walked toward me. Casper went running to Stacey. She barely had time to climb out the passenger side before he clasped his arms around her and hugged her tightly. Brad and I exchanged a bear hug that nearly left me breathless.
“It’s good to see you,” I said. Moments later, we were all seated on the porch. Ethan and Nathan had joined us. I looked at Brad and asked the question that was on all our lips.
“Well, what’s the news?”
“Jason’s trial won’t come up for a few more months,” said Brad, “but he’s not being held in the county jail anymore.”
“They didn’t let him out, did they?” asked Casper, fearfully.
“No. He’s not free. You don’t have to worry about that. He’s been sent to the Cloverdale Center for treatment.”
I couldn’t help but shiver when Brad said it. No one but me really understood what that place was like. If anyone deserved to go through something like that, Jason did. I couldn’t help but think that maybe even he didn’t deserve it, not even after all he’d done. I knew that Jason was about to enter a hellish nightmare from which he would never escape. Despite everything, I felt for him. He’d made his own choices, however, and now he had to live with them.
Casper looked sad. I knew he was thinking of his brother, before he changed. It had to be hard for Casper. Jason was still his brother after all. I could tell that Casper pitied him. He had to be wondering what had changed Jason so, for there was a time when he was a good brother. I knew as I looked at him that Casper was feeling a loss, as if that brother of long ago had died.
I reached out and grasped Casper’s hand. He gave my hand a little squeeze and looked into my eyes. I knew he was silently telling me “I love you.”
“I guess it’s really all over now,” he said.
“Yes, it’s over, Casper,” I said.
It felt like I was at the end of a very long story, but I knew it was only the beginning. I knew that Casper and I had many, many years ahead. I looked around me. They were all there, everyone I cared about. Well, not quite. Ardelene, Jack, and Dave joined us just then and I felt complete. This was my family.
Casper hugged me tightly and gave me a loving kiss on the lips. There wasn’t a single disapproving glance. No one there cared that we were both boys. They knew that love was love, and that Casper and I loved each other as deeply as it was possible for two souls to love. We were meant to be together and nothing could come between us. Ardelene smiled at us and I knew everything was going to be okay. I knew I was in a better place.
The Adventure Will Continue…
About the Author
Mark A. Roeder is the author of the “Gay Youth Chronicles”, a continuing series about gay youth dealing with the many problems associated with being gay. Information on his current and upcoming books can be found at markroeder.com. Those wishing to contact him may reach him at [email protected].
Other Books by Mark A. Roeder Listed in Suggested Reading Order
Gay Youth Chronicles:
Ancient Prejudice Break to New Mutiny Mark is a boy who wants what we all want: to love and be loved. His dreams are realized when he meets Taylor, the boy of his dreams. The boys struggle to keep their love hidden from a world that cannot understand, but ultimately, no secret is safe in a small Mid-western town.
Ancient Prejudice is a
story of love, friendship, understanding, and an age-old prejudice that still has the power to kill. It is a story for young and old, gay and straight. It reminds us all that everyone should be treated with dignity and respect and that there is nothing greater than the power of love.
The Soccer Field Is Empty The Soccer Field Is Empty is a revised and much expanded edition of Ancient Prejudice. It is more than 50% longer and views events from the point of view of Taylor, as well as Mark. There is so much new in the revised edition that it is being published as a separate novel. Soccer Field delves more deeply into the events of Mark and Taylor’s lives and reveals previously hidden aspects of Taylor’s personality.
Authors note: I suggest readers new to my books start with Soccer Field instead of Ancient Prejudice as it gives a more complete picture of the lives of Mark and Taylor. For those who wish to read the original version, Ancient Prejudice will remain available for at least the time being.
Someone Is Watching
It’s hard hiding a secret. It’s even harder keeping that secret when someone else knows. Someone Is Watching is the story of Ethan, a young high school wrestler who must come to terms with being gay. He struggles first with himself, then with an unknown classmate that hounds his every step. While struggling to discover the identity of his tormentor, Ethan must discover his own identity and learn to live his life as his true self. He must choose whether to give up what he wants the most, or face his greatest fear of all.
A Better Place
High school football, a hospital of horrors, a long journey, and an unlikely love await Brendan and Casper as they search for a better place… Casper is the poorest boy in school. Brendan is the captain of the football team. Casper has nothing. Brendan has it all; looks, money, popularity, but he lacks the deepest desire of his heart. The boys come from different worlds, but have one thing in common that no one would guess.