Lizzie's List

by Melling, Diane

  If Mum were truthful, I think she would like to have seen me more refined than I am, wearing pretty dresses and married to a city barrister or something similar. Although she has never said so much, I often find comments she makes indicate her true feelings.

  As I arrive, Mark’s car is on the drive, which causes my heart to sink to my shoes. Making matters worse, is the fact that Mark is here with his fiancée, Tabitha. Now let me tell you about Tabitha. She is perfect in every way: perfect hair, perfect figure, perfect city career, perfect, perfect and even more perfect. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I’m stunning, but I can certainly turn heads on occasions; but next to Tabitha, I feel like a frumpy mare. Mum, of course, loves her! To be fair to her, I have only met her a few times, so shouldn’t judge her prematurely, but she’s doesn’t seem the sort of person whose company I would actively seek.

  Tabitha opens the door and gives me the once over as I walk up the drive, leaving me feeling like a cat-walk model on display, only without the model walk or looks. I now wish I had made a little more effort with my appearance this morning. “Hello darling, still driving that old thing, but then I suppose you don’t want to get a decent car full of mud in the country do you?” Tabitha asked rhetorically. Mum and Dad’s house is on the edge of town. They moved out of Chipham Green a number of years ago, but this is as far into the country as Tabitha has travelled.

  “Yes Tabitha, what with us not having tarmac roads in the country- still the old cobbles, we need battered up cars.” I reply sarcastically, but Tabitha thinks I am being serious.

  “I don’t know why you just don’t move to civilisation like the rest of us, you poor thing.”

  I grimace, but remain silent until I get into the house. After the general greetings and Mark informing us about how great he is and also Tabitha telling us how great she is, the conversation turns around to me. “Darling, is The Tea Cosy still ticking along well?” Mum asks.

  “Yes it’s going really well, so Kate and I are happy. We are starting some more of our themed nights soon.”

  “Surely you can’t make a decent living from a cafe in a small village?” questions Mark.

  “You’d be surprised at the number of visitors we get to the village and I’m quite happy living there, and with The Tea Cosy.”

  “Actually, James, my old university friend, is opening some sort of centre for extreme sports and outward bound holidays not too far from you. You might have met him many years ago Lizzie, but you’d still have been at secondary school. I’ve not seen him for a while and need to catch up with him. I promised to go up for the weekend before he opens the centre officially, which should be sometime soon – mid June I think,” said Mark. This is the most interesting thing Mark has recently said to me, because doing an extreme sport is on my list. Maybe I could go with Mark. Even though he does annoy me, it would be a perfect opportunity to complete another task. I do vaguely remember his friend, James, and think he was pleasant enough during the few times I met him – he had long, untamed hair if I remember rightly.

  Task 3–Do an extreme sport

  “Really, you’d come over my way to do some extreme sports?” I ask surprised.

  “Well everything’s extreme in my job Lizzie, I’m sure I could handle a few outdoor activities. I did do stuff like that at university, you know.”

  “I’d love to come with you because I’ve been meaning to do something like that for a while,” I hint, hoping Mark will invite me.

  “I couldn’t bear the mud,” mused Tabitha. This annoys me, so I decide to do some pay back.

  “Oh Tabitha, you must come too. It would be so much fun. We’d all go away together and it would give me more of a chance to get to know you.” I think this may have worked as Tabitha doesn’t like to be left out and adores attention.

  “Oh I’m not sure–maybe. What do you think Mark?” she asks, slightly hesitant, but craving yet more attention.

  “Well you may find it a useful and interesting opportunity in building links by using his centre for your firm–team building and conferences. I’ll call him later and arrange a visit for us all before he opens. Maybe you could bring a friend Lizzie.”

  At this, I feel quite excited. Maybe Ruth and Kate would come. Gosh seeing Mark isn’t working out bad at all now that I’ve got another thing on my list sorted. This reminds me about my current task–the classic novel.

  “Mum, I’m thinking of buying one of the classics at the bookshop tomorrow in town. Which one would you recommend?” I ask taking the conversation onto another subject before Tabitha has a chance to change her mind or before anybody questions my enthusiasm for extreme sports, when I’ve never expressed any before for such activities.

  “Oh darling, finally you are maturing – wonderful! “ This reminds me of the reason why I haven’t read one yet. “You must read Tess of the d’Urbervilles; it was one of the first I read when I was a teenager. In fact I’ve never read it since – somehow I’m afraid it won’t be as good as the first time.”

  Tabitha looks smug and says, “You mean you have never read any of the classics Lizzie? I just adored them at private school. I can’t stand anything too lowbrow.”

  “Lizzie’s idea of reading would be Heat magazine or some chick lit book,” says Mark.

  The visit is now annoying me again – I love chick lit! I don’t respond, but in the back of my mind I decide to get Jayne Eyre and go with Kate’s suggestion just to annoy Mum and also intend to buy a copy of Heat, Now and Star magazines in protest to Mark and Tabitha.

  I sit through dinner listening to a lot of boring conversation about investment that I don’t understand or want to understand. Eventually dad goes into the garden, so I follow to get away from Mark and Tabitha’s intense presence. I find Dad sitting in the garden admiring his vegetables. Mum can’t understand his desire to grow vegetables, but I love the fact that he does. I am not a natural gardener, but I thrive on being outdoors and I appreciate good quality food, so growing vegetables interests me. “How are the veggies growing this year Dad?”

  “Much better this year, but then it’s still early days.” I sit down next to him and hand him a cup of tea. Dad loves his tea and cake and is one our regulars in The Tea Cosy. He often comes over when Mum is out shopping. “I hope you don’t take what they say to heart Lizzie,” says Dad with one of his warm smiles showing off his calm, contented face. “Tabitha is okay, but I don’t find I have much in common with her. As long as Mark is happy, then that’s fine by me and of course we don’t know her too well, so we must give her a chance. Your Mum always thinks we could have done better for ourselves and Mark is living her dream in a way, so that’s why she hangs on to his every word.”

  “Are you trying to say that I am not?” I ask Dad.

  “You’re not Lizzie, but you are living out my dream and I am intensely proud of you for doing what makes you happy. Neither your Mum nor I completely lived our dreams. I would have been happy to have stayed in the village and she would have loved to have lived in a city. We love each other and have maintained a good marriage despite our differences, but I sometimes feel your Mum doesn’t stop to see that you are more like me and don’t want the same things that she wanted. I think she doesn’t want you to waste your life. But I can see that you are happy, and being happy in what you’re doing is anything but a waste; it’s a dream, so you keep on being happy Lizzie.”

  I hug Dad fiercely. He doesn’t often say much or make speeches, but the one he has just made will be in my memory forever. That one small speech gives me more insight into my mother than I have ever had and I suddenly feel a little closer to her. Nevertheless, I am still choosing Jayne Eyre over Tess.

  “Do you think Mum is disappointed in me Dad?”

  “No, she is proud of you Lizzie and she wants you to be happy, which, of course, you are already. I think your mum just forgets that the things which make her happy are not the same
things that make you happy. I don’t believe Mark’s life would make me happy, but I see how ambitious he is and that it is what he wants right now. You are ambitious Lizzie and have turned The Tea Cosy into a very fine business, but you are also content with it.”

  “Is Mum contented?” I ask, not having ever thought about this before.

  “We’re both happy Lizzie and as a mature woman your mum is now content, however it wasn’t always that way. You know we both went to school together, but only got together romantically during the summer break before our final year at university. Your mum always wanted to get a job in London – she was drawn to glamour and had an idea that London was the place to go, but I was the one who landed a job here first so that’s why we ended up here. We were in love and she stayed with me – we married soon after. Once you and your brother arrived, your mum stayed at home as most women in the village did. She always loved being with you both, but I think for a long time she felt that she hadn’t fulfilled her potential in some way. Your mum has always been switched on, trying the latest thing, be it a new face cream or fashions, whereas I like a more simple life. Anyway, once she started writing for the magazine when you were both a little older, she felt successful and that fulfilled her ambitions in many ways, but she’ll always be attracted to life in the fast lane – so Mark being in London is fabulous to her.” He gives me another dad-like squeeze.

  “So have you done everything Dad–as in are you content?” I ask, suddenly wondering if he has done everything he wants to, again this is not something I have previously considered.

  “I am Lizzie. I have everything I want and do everything I want ... although, thinking about it there’s one place I’ve never been and would love to visit. Every year I think I must go, because it’s supposed to be so beautiful, but we always end up going south, rather than north. For some reason or other, I’ve never got there.”

  “Where is it Dad?”

  “Oh just the Lake District – certainly not glamorous and not top of your mum’s list of places to go, which is probably why I’ve never made it up there. Perhaps I’ll go next time your mum is away on one of her ‘Golden Girls’ trips”. At this, I smile. My mum has a group of friends her age and they call themselves the Golden Girls. With their trips out, lunches and spa days – mum has a wonderful time. It would be nice for dad to go away too. I stand up, collecting our empty mugs and can’t help but be full of love for this incredibly stable, strong man who has the ability to fully understand people. I also make a mental note about the Lake District dream of his. It’s his 60th birthday next summer, so if he hasn’t got himself to the Lakes by then, that’s going to be my gift to him.

  The next morning, I decide to go into town to buy my book, so I can get on with my next task, especially since I opted for an easier one to do this time – maybe I like a simple life just like dad. I can’t put off some of the harder ones forever, though – maybe I am becoming more adventurous like my mum. Despite my love of the countryside, I do enjoy visiting Avington and participating in a little shopping. Avington is not a huge town, but has most things you need. It has a centre with some chain stores, but manages to keep a unique charm due to its many independent shops. Many towns have lost this effect, being swallowed up by commercialism, so I feel lucky to have Avington.

  Mum and Tabitha decide to travel in with me, which results in us going in Mark’s car, since mine is not acceptable. Thankfully we split up whilst in town and agree to meet back later at The Cake House. This is my second favourite cafe, after The Tea Cosy of course.

  I visit the book shop just off the high street, which smells exactly as it always has. I love the smell of new books, associating this smell with the anticipation of starting a new book and the many pleasurable evenings of reading, where each new chapter will take me on a journey. Mark has a kindle and laughs at me because I don’t have one yet, but I prefer reading from a book. I love front covers and am often guilty of choosing a book purely from its appearance, rather than content – pastel colours always win me over. I also adore the way the authors have their name printed in the same font on the cover of all of their books, so you can easily recognise your favourite author. I quickly purchase Jayne Eyre, which Mark has already told me is free if I had a kindle.

  Having half an hour until I meet mum and Tabitha, I decide to browse and with no other shopping requirement, I continue out of the side street towards St Anne’s Square. A certain shop catches my attention on the far side of the cobbled square. Oh my goodness, my heart starts to pound as I realise that this particular shop, is the shop that Ruth told me about. I now think it’s time for me to come clean about another item on my list.

  Task 4 – Buy something from a sex shop!

  Again I find myself in a position, where I feel the need to explain myself to you. I think I previously mentioned that I can be shy about such things. I won’t pretend I am completely innocent, but I have never ever had a boyfriend who I have felt completely natural or confident enough with to want to visit a sex shop, therefore I have never been in one. I’ve never actually been in love. Don’t get me wrong I am not intending to buy some sort of whip or can I actually say this to you–nipple clamp–(I am blushing now). However, I would like to have been inside a sex shop, just because it is something else I have never done, and I’m a little bit curious. You may be thinking that everybody has been in one at some point, even if just buying silly presents for hen parties–or you may be shocked if they are places you usually avoid.

  Casually standing on the opposite side of the square, I subtly observe the shop. I think it looks quite classy and displays lovely underwear in the window; in fact it doesn’t really look like a sex shop. As I stand watching, I am startled to see my own mother and Tabitha walk out of the door laughing as though they have just been in the local bakery. Quickly, I dart into a doorway so that they don’t see me watching. I can’t decide whether to laugh or throw up at the thought of my mum buying something kinky in there. Think nice thoughts – rainbows – flowers – fluffy clouds (this is not working) – cupcakes with sweet, pink icing and decorated in tiny butterflies – arrrrgh that’s better!

  Five minutes later, Mum and Tabitha having left, I am still hovering. Sod it, if they can do it, so can I! Boldly walking towards the shop, I purposely enter with my head held high. Inside it is predominantly women’s underwear. Actually, there’s nothing too disturbing; I think this is a place for women to get lovely underwear, but it has the option of allowing visitors to select something more risqué, should they wish to. I casually browse at the underwear, which is very pricey. Being single, it seems such a waste of money buying lacy knickers–just for me. The lady in the shop catches my eye and smiles warmly, so I feel a little more at ease. Since most of my underwear consists of greying and fraying knickers and bras that don’t match, I decide to treat myself to a new set. So what if nobody else gets the benefit of it–it will make me feel good. A sexy, but practical pink set catches my eye, so I grab it from the hook, and feeling slightly reckless, grab a black set as well. I am about to go to the counter and my wild feeling, how I felt in Bluebell Woods, has come over me. “Is buying underwear really fulfilling my task?” I ask myself. Not quite–I stroll over to the mysterious, intriguing corner of the room!

  After a few minutes of trying to work out what some of the things are, I realise this is a low key sex shop, because there is nothing really horrendous here apart from a few vibrators. I opt for some pleasure gel (only because Kate mentioned it once) and a pot of body chocolate as everybody knows you can even buy that from supermarkets. Due to my single status, I have no intention of using this, but at least I will have bought it, and I could always give it to Kate. Confidently walking over to the counter, I smile and pay for my purchases, trying not to let the smile slip, when the lady announces the total cost–£127. Desperately trying to act sophisticated, rather than shout, “How much?” I wait whilst the lady pain-staking wraps my delicate underw
ear into gold tissue paper parcels tided with luxury ribbon. Luckily the parcel fits inside my bookshop bag as I am not brave enough to display my ‘Naughty But Nice’ bag to the whole town – the shopping bag stays hidden.

  Stepping out of the shop, I feel good about my unexpected achievement; I hadn’t intended to complete number 4 today, but am proud of myself. Compared to number 1 on my list that was easy – not having an audience and all that. I pop next door to the delicatessen for a few jars of stuff I need for The Tea Cosy and head off to meet Mum and Tabitha.

  They are waiting at a table in the window as I enter. “Darling we’ve ordered a pot of tea and some scones – I hope that’s okay. You’ll never guess where Tabitha dragged me?” gushed Mum. I am now dreading the answer and also the level of burn that may appear in my cheeks, since I have just left the same shop.

  “Yes, tea and scones are great,” I reply hoping Mum will be distracted if I ignore her question.

  “Well Tabitha spotted a great little underwear shop and simply had to go in. Tabitha bought a simply gorgeous royal-blue set with delicate golden trim and look what I have,” Mum says as she pulls out a black thong, with matching bra – oh no – please help me! I cannot believe I am looking at my mother’s sexy underwear in public. This is just too much – put it away!

  “That’s lovely Mum,” is all I can think of to say.

  “I thought it would suit you and also noticed you badly need some new underwear, so I got it for you,” Mum said smiling. Guilt washes over me like a tidal wave as I realise mum’s intentions, followed by embarrassment, which also washes over me like a tidal wave as I realise mum is holding my underwear up in public and that she has announced far too loudly that my current stuff is in such bad condition.