Note to Self
Spend more time with Tabitha and Mark – they are good fun underneath their London pretences.
Be proud of my map reading skills, rather than hide them.
Bodily hair – sort it before Ruth’s garden shears are required!
James–??????????????????????????? I am confused!
Chapter 7
Jumping off Cliffs
Tossing and turning like a lively pancake, I finally give in to my sleeplessness. Kate and Ruth’s gentle breathing, the bird’s happy chirping, the light creeping through the curtains are my excuses for waking so early, but in reality it is the fear of the event taking place later today. Rather than lying in bed thinking about it, I get up to distract myself with the final chapter of Jayne Eyre. I may even get two items from my list completed in one day.
Sitting down in a secluded spot near the river, I devour the final chapter with unapologetic, emotional tears streaming down my face. I am not sure if another book has drawn out so many of my feelings as much as this one has. Hearing footsteps approaching on the stone path, I instantly know that it’s James without looking. My heart starts to take on an excited life of its own in anticipation of seeing him again.
“Hi Lizzie, you’re up early – you okay?”
“Yes I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep, so I decided to finish my book.” I reply lightly.
“Well that explains the tears then.”
“Have you read it?” I ask surprised that he obviously knows the story.
“I have actually, but many years ago. So you can now tick off another item from your list. How many have you completed now?”
“Well if today’s gorge crossing goes to plan, then it will be four down and six to go.”
“So I have been present at three of your four tasks: the naked frolics, finishing Jayne Eyre and the gorge crossing?” James questions.
“Well, kind of three and a half really, since you know about the body chocolate.”
James eyebrows rise and he grins. “That was on your list? Well, whoever you bought that for is a lucky man, Lizzie.”
“No it isn’t for that – well not exactly. One of the items on my list was to buy something from a sex shop. When I was in the shop, I wasn’t sure what to buy, so ended up coming out with body chocolate – you happened to catch me as I arrived home.” I reply deciding there’s no harm in telling him this as he knows about the chocolate anyway.
“It seems a shame to waste it–the chocolate. Are you sure you don’t want a bit more help with that task as well as the gorge crossing?” James asks cheekily.
“No your place is helping me with this next task. This one, I will definitely need help with. James. I keep trying not to think about it, but I feel sick with nerves.”
“I’ve worked with people who have fears about such things many times before, and I will help you as much as I can. You don’t have to do anything that you feel uncomfortable with, but I think you can do it Lizzie. Would you rather be roped up with me and go across together or go by yourself if you do decide to try?”
“I’m not sure how I feel yet. Can I decide later?” Roped to James – that would be a torturing contradiction! I would be facing something I am absolutely dreading at the same time as something I am starting to fantasise about, but I am not sure I could cope with the rollercoaster of feelings that both would involve together.
“Of course you can.” James says as he sits beside me causing a shiver in my tummy. His leg touches mine and the spot it touches is burning with heat. I can’t help but wonder if he feels this too or if it’s just me. Before I can get over this, his arm is around my waist and he leans in towards me whispering gently in my ear, so that I can feel his lips brush against my skin. “You’ll be fine Lizzie – don’t worry.” With that he quickly pecks my cheek and is off up the path again before I’ve had a chance to register his comments. “Hey Lizzie,” he shouts back, “you know – I do love chocolate!” and strides off chuckling to himself.
I can’t help but feel slightly light headed from a mixture of pure fear at the task ahead and also from desire through the closeness I’ve just had with James. It takes me some time to respond to his chocolate comment and by then, he’s disappeared. I can’t help but smile as I head back up the path myself to see if anybody else is up yet. As I reach the brow of the hill, I find Tabitha sitting alone in a world of her own, but she smiles as I approach. “Hi, you’re another early riser then?” I ask.
“Not usually, but Lizzie, can I tell you something and you have to promise you won’t laugh or tell anybody?” she replies anxiously.
“Of course, what’s the matter?” I ask now curious to what could possibly cause this confident woman to worry.
“Well you see Lizzie – I’m really worried about the gorge crossing. I’m not really what you’d call adventurous in this sense, but I don’t want to look silly if I don’t go. I was even thinking of pretending I had to leave early to sort out a work crisis. Do you think I’m soft?” Tabitha rushes out with a deep breath and I realise that Tabitha is also very much out of her comfort zone as well, therefore her true personality and vulnerability is yet again revealed to me. I can’t help but feel affection for her and am please she is confiding in me.
“Oh Tabitha, I’m just the same. I am doing this to try and face my fears because I hate heights, so I am utterly petrified too. Let’s just go together and see how we feel when we are there. You could also mention it to James so he knows–I have.”
“Lizzie you don’t know how relieved I am to hear you say that. Thank you so much. Maybe I will mention it to James,” she says with a deep sigh.
Following breakfast, we all head out towards the highest point on the gorge. The breakfast I did manage to eat sits in my tummy like a hard, stale scone, churning and tormenting me. Tabitha sticks to my side like glue, but neither of us says very much, both deep in our own thoughts. I try to take in the unfamiliar, hilly surroundings to take my mind off the upcoming challenge.
Finally, after what seems like hours, but it is probably only 20 minutes, we reach the gorge. James gears up to demonstrate how it’s done, whilst Pete puts harnesses on the people who have volunteered to go first, Kate being one of them.
As James jumps over the cliff edge, he dangles from the ropes going from one side to the other and pulls himself across the gorge, bouncing all the way. Kate goes next and screams, with delight, as she jumps and successfully goes over to the other side laughing and shouting about how great it is. I hesitantly move closer to the edge and glance down to what seems a long, long way. Feeling worse from this, I take a deep calming breath to prevent panic setting in and wish I hadn’t bothered to look.
After about half the group have crossed, I start to feel uneasy knowing that it will be my turn soon. Suddenly a strong arm circles my waist to pull me away from the rest of the group. “I thought you were on the other side.” I gasped as I turned to James, thankful that he is here to help me.
“I was, but I wanted to check how you felt and see if you want to go over with me or on your own.” He says at the same time as putting the harness on me, before I have chance to think about this and object. Then I am distracted with his fiddling about near my bum–I am talking about fiddling with the harness in case you are wondering–nevertheless it does take my mind off the gorge. “I think I’ll try it by myself.” I’m not sure I could go over being clamped so close to him.
“Great – Lizzie, give me two minutes and I’ll get over to the other side to wait for you – I promise it won’t be as bad as you think.” He says and kisses me full on the lips with a firm smacker. His lips are firm, but soft and I can’t help think that if he promised me another kiss on the other side, I might well tightrope walk across! Is this his ploy to distract me from the actual gorge crossing?
Tabitha gives me an encouraging smile, which is kind, because she
is in her own zone right now psyching herself up, and I turn towards my fate but do not look down. Glancing across to the other side, I register that James is waiting on the other side, so I focus on him entirely. Pete gradually guides me forward, gently urging me on until I am at the point of jumping. I close my eyes tightly and jump, expecting to feel the wind against my face as I plummet to a quick but painful death. However, I am surprised to find that I am still dangling in the air. Pretending the ground is just below me, I close my eyes and pull the rope to move myself across. I hear James shouting in the distance, but cannot concentrate on what he is saying. A gently tugging sensation causes me to move along slightly faster– James must be pulling me across. It seems like I have been hanging there for an eternity, so I bravely open my eyes and look down. Gasping at the descending cliffs below me, I let out a high-pitched scream.
“Lizzie, are you okay?” James asked with concern in his voice. Gradually I get used to the feeling and realise that I am secure, therefore start to take in the surrounding environment. Actually this is okay – terror seeps away slowly like water from a sponge.
“Yes I’m okay – just keep pulling me across.” Before I know it, as I am just starting to enjoy it and the spectacular scenery, I reach the other side to be greeted by James’ smiling face. He lifts me onto the cliff top and envelopes me in his strong arms gripping my tightly. As relief pours from me, I sink into him, with my head on his shoulder – it feels right, like his arms are made for my body. As my breathing calms, he gently pulls his head back to look deeply into my eyes, searching for my reaction to having faced my ultimate fear. With his unruly, dark hair and huge, brown eyes, I can’t help but bask in his hold, feeling ecstatic dizziness from the euphoria of my achievement and the closeness of his body.
“How do you feel Lizzie?” he asks.
“Amazing–fantastic!” I reply and then realise he is asking about the gorge crossing and not his hug, “I mean – it wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be, but I am happy to be on solid ground again.” Realisation starts to hit me that I’ve done it – I’ve actually done it! This recognition is enough to drive me out of his arms to leap around giddily like an excitable puppy. I shout over to Tabitha, who is about to go next. “You can do it Tabitha – you really can do it too!”
Tabitha reluctantly comes across, but beams as she steps on the solid ground, falling into Mark’s strong embrace. As I watch them both in their quiet moment, the truth of their relationship dawns on me – that they are two people in love, both supporting and caring for one another very much. Tabitha turns to me with a huge, grin on her face, clearly as elated as I am.
“I did it too!” she shouts. We both laugh enjoying the feeling of having achieved something big – we overcame our fear!
Back at the centre, after lunch, most people are packing their cars ready to leave, with hearty farewell-hugs and banter. Tabitha comes over to say goodbye. “Lizzie I’ve so much enjoyed this weekend and thank you for helping me today – it meant a lot. I really would love for you to come and stay over with us sometime. We don’t see enough of each other and I’d really like to get to know you more.”
“I’d like that too Tabitha – in fact, can I ask your advice, but this time you have to promise not to laugh?” I decide that since Tabitha has shown her vulnerable side to me, then perhaps I could ask her for help in an area I know little about – an area where I feel a little unsure.
“Of course Lizzie, if I can help, I will – go ahead,” she replies looking both surprised and flattered, which causes me to warm to her even more. Could we become true friends?
“Well do you know anything about, erm ... waxing – you know, down there?” I ask. Tabitha smiles and guides me away from Mark a little.
“What I don’t know about waxing isn’t anybody’s business – shall I set up an appointment at the salon I go to and you could come over next weekend? I’ll book myself in for a treatment so we can go together,” she suggests.
“If you don’t mind, that would be great, because I have no idea what to ask for, and quite frankly I need help,” I reply with James in my thoughts.
“Leave it to me.” She says and hugs me before getting into the car whilst telling Mark I’m staying with them next weekend. Mark hugs me too.
“I guess I’ll see you soon then Lizzie – bring some of your cake,” he says holding both my arms, “the carrot cake please, I love that one.”
“Mark you know I only make carrot cake when I’m angry – the whole conflict about carrots being healthy and cake being unhealthy; however because you’ve organised this weekend and invited me and my friends, I’ll make one especially for you,” I reply with a grin.
“Lizzie I’m always inviting you to places, but you never come. Of course, I only invite you hoping that you’ll turn up with cake of course, not because I actually like my little sister,” he teases. Like a lightening bolt exploding in my head, I realise that he does always ask me to stay, and again think that I have been unfair to him. Perhaps it’s me who had the problem.
“I’ll see you soon – with lots of cake – I promise, just so my big brother will like me!”
Kate arrives in the car park with her bags eager to depart and see how Ben has got on with The Tea Cosy. “I’ve had such a great time here Lizzie – thanks for inviting me. It has also given me a fantastic idea for the wedding, which I need to run by Ben and then I’ll see what you think too. Whilst I put the bags in, do you want to see if Ruth’s ready? She was saying goodbye to Pete,” Kate raises her eyebrows suggestively.
As I walk into the centre, I notice Pete and Ruth through the patio windows standing locked in a tight embrace, in the garden area. I knew something was going on between them – I’ll quiz her about it on the way home. Not wanting to disturb them I pop quickly into the lounge where I left my coat and notice that James is lying across the chairs seemingly asleep. I can’t help but go over and sneak a look at him. What am I doing? Normal women, leave this kind of cooing behaviour for watching cute puppies or newborn babies, not ogling grown-up stubbly men, no matter how delicious they look ... but sod it! He seems so peaceful – would it be bad of me to lean in a little and smell him – I mean his manly outdoor, natural smell, I’m not checking his armpits or anything, just in case you were wondering. I steady myself holding on to the back of the chair and cautiously lower myself down to within a few inches of where his face meets his neck and inhale deeply – hmmm ... lovely. Unbeknownst to me, Ruth and Pete walk in at this very moment. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt Lizzie –we’ll wait outside,” says Ruth clearly thinking I am leaning over James for other reasons. This causes me to jump in surprise, losing my balance, therefore landing right on top of James with a bump.
“Sorry James, Ruth made me jump, I was just checking if you were breathing – you looked ... well then I lost my balance and fell on top of you – sorry.” I ramble as I try desperately to get up, but James’ arms are wrapped around me, holding me in place for slightly longer than necessary.
Don’t worry, it’s always nice to wake up with a pretty woman on top of me however, I can assure you that I do usually breathe when dosing,” he says as he lifts me up. “Come on your friends are waiting. I’ll walk you outside.”
We all stand in the car park, Ruth and Pete swapping mobile numbers, Kate in the car, trying not to show how impatient she is to see her beloved Ben, leaving James and me to shuffle about not quite knowing what to do, since technically nothing has happened between us. However, I feel that we have chemistry between us, but James is not making any effort to arrange to see me again – maybe he didn’t feel it too. Diluting the tension, Jack bounds up with a flapping, live fish in his mouth, causing much screaming and shouting, followed by a rescue operation as James dashes to the stream to release the fish. Any moment we might have had, has now well and truly sunk, like a badly made Victoria sponge.
As my little car slowly m
oves down the ribbon-like track unravelling our way from the centre, we wave at Pete and James. Ruth has an enormous smile on her face like somebody who has just won the lottery. “Don’t just sit there smiling – tell all – come on let’s hear it!” I demand.
“Well what’s there to say? Pete and I seem to get on well. I find him very attractive and enjoy his company. We are going out next Thursday for a drink.”
“Quick work there then – you don’t mess around do you Ruth?” laughs Kate. “What about you Lizzie – I apparently missed your clinch with Mr Outward Bound Man himself.”
“Honestly, nothing has happened. Seriously I was just watching him sleep whilst Ruth was saying goodbye to Pete and then I thought I’d see what he smells like. Ruth came in and startled me and I fell on top of him. If anything it was rather embarrassing, but I am kind of getting used to that with James.”
“Smell him? You do have it bad if you were watching him sleep and were trying to smell him. I trust he had a suitable aroma,” says Ruth.
“Yes he does and I would be lying if I said I didn’t fancy him just a little, but am not sure he feels the same. I just can’t tell with him and he’s not made any definite moves or asked me out like Pete has asked you, Ruth. I mean, he has flirted a little and held me on a few occasions, and I certainly felt a spark between us, but he never took it further – kissed me properly or anything. He has had loads of opportunities to, so maybe he was just being kind to me because I’m his friend’s sister.”
Ruth sighs and turns towards me, “Lizzie when will you learn? From where I was sitting, he clearly cares for you, but right now he is in the middle of a grand opening of his centre, and therefore not in the state of mind to think about much else. We were his first visitors, so he must have been a little stressed. He may also not want to hit on his friend’s sister right in front of him and his friends. Have patience – give him some time or ask him outright how he feels.”
Lizzie's List Page 6