by Addison Cole
“I’m not asking you to break your plan. I didn’t realize that I had a plan, but apparently I do. My plan is to not get hurt either, and it’s obvious, even after just a few hours with you, that you have the power to hurt me.” He had no idea where the words were coming from, but being with Bella pulled the truth from him.
That brought her eyes back to his.
“So what are you saying? I’m totally confused. You made it clear today that you don’t want to sleep with me because I can’t commit.”
“That’s funny. I thought I made it clear that I wanted to sleep with you, but I wouldn’t because you won’t commit.” He slid his hands to her outer thighs, and she closed her eyes for a beat. When she opened them, desire was still there.
“Well, I still can’t commit,” she answered.
“Won’t, but that’s okay. I’m not asking you to commit. You don’t know me from Adam, and you’re right. I don’t know you very well, either. Both are reasons why we shouldn’t sleep together.”
Confusion filled her eyes again. He squeezed her outer thighs, and she placed her hands on top of his. He could feel the heat radiating from her.
“Then what do you want?” she asked in a breathy voice.
“To spend time with you tomorrow night while Evan is with Jamie. Call it whatever you want.”
“Not a date,” she said adamantly; then she inched his hands higher.
“Not a date.” He wanted to carry her into the bedroom and make love to her, commitment or not. But he wasn’t about to allow his heart to get torn to shreds, and Bella had the power to do it. She leaned forward, and his willpower fell away. He covered her mouth with his, taking her in a deep, sensuous kiss.
This wasn’t going to make it any easier for him if she walked away. He shot a look out the window. Evan was still deep in conversation with Jamie. Thank goodness. He swept her into his arms and carried her into the bedroom, locking the door behind them. He backed her up against the door.
“Caden,” she said wantingly.
He clutched her wrist and held it against the door, kissing her neck, and loving the way she breathed harder with every touch of his lips. Her eyes fluttered closed.
“You’re so beautiful, Bella. You drive me crazy.”
He took her in a rough kiss, trying desperately to thwart the urge to take more than he should. He drew back again and stared into her dark, hungry eyes. She licked her lips, and he kissed her again, slowly, sensually, memorizing the feel of her mouth against his. Holding her to the door with his hips, he just had to taste the soft skin of her belly. Just one taste. Lifting her dress, he kissed his way across her taut stomach, feeling her body tremble with need. He closed his eyes for a beat to try to restrain the need that gripped him. Like kissing Bella, one taste of her would never be enough, but he knew nothing short of making love to her would be enough, and with his son so close, he forced himself to stifle the urge to throw her on the bed and make love to her.
He sealed his mouth over hers again. He had no business kissing her like she was his world, or intimately exploring her body, when she might never be willing to give him what he needed, but he was powerless to walk away. He’d already committed, even if she hadn’t.
He forced himself to tear his lips away from hers.
Eyes still closed, she said, “It’s not a date.”
His lips curved into a smile, and he whispered, “Not yet, it’s not.”
Chapter Six
BELLA STRUGGLED TO remain focused Monday morning and to not let her mind wander to Caden. She wasn’t the type of person who usually moved that fast with men, but with him, she couldn’t stop herself. No matter how hard she tried to convince herself that it was shameful and that she was sending the wrong message to him—no commitment, but ravish me, please—she couldn’t. What they did didn’t feel shameful. It felt incredible, passionate. Right.
She forced her attention back to Dr. Wilma Ritter, the superintendent of Nauset Regional High School. Wilma was tall and willowy, with salt-and-pepper hair that she wore in a messy bun. She had a limp handshake, and based on the fact that they’d been walking around the school since Bella had arrived, the inability to sit still.
“We’ve been pushing for this type of program for years, but there was never enough budget, or the right person to head it up, or…” Wilma waved her skinny hand in the air. “I’m just glad you’re giving it a shot.”
They walked down a long corridor lined with lockers. Wilma rattled on about how much red tape was involved in doing anything with the school system.
“It’s the same everywhere,” Bella agreed. “In Connecticut we had the same trouble. It’s amazing to me that professional sports teams have more money than they could ever spend, and our educational system barely scrapes by.”
Wilma pushed open the heavy door and waved Bella through. They were behind the school, facing a grassy field that led to a thickly wooded area. Bella followed Wilma down a sidewalk, along the side of the brick building.
“I have a list of businesses that I’ve been putting together since they hired you. Companies that might have an interest in supporting the program, both nonprofit and for profit.” She stopped walking and nodded toward the edge of the woods. “This is what I wanted you to see. Every year we have a few kids who tend to get into trouble. For whatever reason, that spot has become a gathering place for them.”
“What do you mean a gathering place? Do you mean that any kids who hang out there are high-risk kids?” Bella didn’t see any kids hanging around the area.
Wilma nodded, then took Bella by the arm and guided her back toward the double doors. “Well, it would be irresponsible of me to lump them together definitively, but for the most part, yes. Why they come here during the summer, instead of anywhere else, is beyond me, but they come by every few days. It would be great to get those kids involved in something to occupy their time. During the school year, the good kids avoid that area like the plague.”
They went back inside the school and walked back toward Wilma’s office.
“What kind of trouble, exactly? And if you’re sure they’re getting into trouble, can’t you speak with their parents?” She wasn’t quite sure why Wilma thought it was imperative to show her that area instead of just mentioning it.
“Oh yes. We’ve taken all of the appropriate steps. People like to think that parents can control their teens, but we know better.” She nodded knowingly at Bella. “There’s only so much parents or teachers can do, which is why I hope your program might help get those kids and others like them involved in something more productive.”
“That’s the driving force behind it, and the hope.”
“You asked about the type of trouble they get into, and that’s a little hard to define. They’re the kids who bring tension into the classrooms. You know the type. They interrupt class with jokes; they’re generally disinterested and sneer at the kids who are trying to actually learn. They jaywalk, too.”
“Jaywalk?” Bella stifled a laugh.
“Don’t scoff. That’s where it all begins. It doesn’t take much to move from breaking small rules to landing in jail.”
Bella followed Wilma into her office and refrained from telling her that it was that type of thinking that also led kids to trouble. If they were assumed to make bad choices, they often felt a need to live up to the assumption or to walk farther down Bad Decision Alley.
Wilma leafed through a file cabinet and withdrew a manila folder. She handed it to Bella.
“This is the list I mentioned. There are also companies noted that you might want to stay away from.” She whispered, “Unsavory business owners.”
As Bella headed to her car, she didn’t know what was worse, knowing the high school was run by a busybody like Wilma, who appeared to be looking for trouble and willing to spread gossip based solely on her opinion, or the fact that she couldn’t wait to go home and share her own gossip with her friends. She hadn’t known what Wilma was like before she accepted
the summer position, but it wouldn’t have curbed her enthusiasm any more than it did now. She was in this for the kids and the intellectual challenge.
Back at her cottage, she changed into her bathing suit, gathered her laptop, phone, a notebook, and the manila folder, and headed down to the pool. She’d rather go to the beach, but without Internet, she’d have no hope of getting any research done.
She found Tony and Jenna lying in the sun. Tony’s hands were clasped behind his head; his sculpted body was already evenly tanned. Jenna wore a string bikini that was in danger of splitting at the very thin seams.
“You two shouldn’t be allowed out in public with bodies like that,” Bella teased.
Tony squinted against the harsh sun. “You’re not so bad yourself. How was your first day of school?”
“More importantly,” Jenna interrupted. “I didn’t get to talk to you last night after the barbeque. Wanna spill on the mysterious twenty minutes when you and Officer Sexy disappeared into your cottage?”
Bella glanced at Tony and said, “The school was a fact-finding mission, and it was interesting.” She sighed at Jenna. “Twenty minutes in heaven.” Bella set up her laptop on a glass table and shifted the umbrella so she could see her computer screen.
Jenna held her hand out to Tony. “Five bucks.”
Tony reached for his wallet. “You guys get more action than I do.”
“We didn’t do that, so don’t pay her.” Bella stretched out on a chair beside Jenna in the sun.
“I thought you had to work,” Jenna said.
“I do, but I want five minutes of sun before I hunker down and do real-world work.” She closed her eyes and sighed.
“You still have to pay me,” Jenna said to Tony. “The bet was if they hooked up, not if they had sex, and twenty minutes in heaven says way too much to be innocent.”
Bella remembered the look in Caden’s eyes when he was kissing her belly, and the feel of being in his arms. Oh, how she’d wanted to stay in his arms. Forget the ecstasy of kissing him. Just being that close to his warmth and feeling his heart beating against her as he carried her to the bedroom was heaven. He felt safe and sure, and his words held promise for so much more than lust.
“And that smile says even more.” Jenna touched her arm. “Care to share?”
Bella sighed. “He’s confusing.”
“Like women aren’t?” Tony quipped.
“I never said that. I know I confuse the heck out of him.” She’d been thinking all night about what he’d said. I thought I made it clear that I wanted to sleep with you, but I wouldn’t because you won’t commit. She’d also been thinking about what Jenna said about not classifying their relationship. The truth was, Bella was a classifier. She had never been the type of woman to date more than one guy at a time, and she didn’t have any interest in that now, either. She also knew it probably seemed silly to tell Caden or her friends that she didn’t want to date or commit when she was clearly interested in Caden, but it didn’t feel silly. It felt like she was trying to stand firm to her convictions—even if she and Caden were already doing intimate things that she didn’t normally do outside of a committed relationship.
Maybe life choices weren’t as easy as she’d hoped.
And if she were honest with herself, it wasn’t Caden who was confusing at all. It was her.
“What kind of guy won’t…you know…with a woman who’s offering no strings attached?” Bella asked.
“The gay kind,” Jenna answered.
“I’m going to put on my therapist hat for a minute.” Tony sat up and leaned his elbows on his knees.
“You’re not a therapist. You’re a motivational speaker and a surfer, neither of which qualifies you to wear a therapist hat.” The truth was, Bella had gotten lucky in the male friend department. Tony’s advice was usually spot-on.
“Fair enough,” Tony said. “Then I’m putting on my man hat, and I know I am qualified to wear that. First of all, since when are you looking for a scrump and dump?”
Bella rolled her eyes. “I’m not looking for a scrump and dump. I just don’t want to have a scrump-and-be-lied-to or a scrump-and-make-bad-life-decisions experience.”
“Because you dated some jerk who told you he was divorced and he was really working things out with his wife? What power did that guy have over you to make you change who you are? You’re Bella Abbascia, the epitome of strength and confidence. You’re beautiful and smart, and you built an amazing career for yourself. What did that guy do to you for you to leave that all behind?” Tony rose to his feet and paced beside Bella’s chair. “And if he did something so bad, then why on earth didn’t you call me so I could beat the tar out of him?”
“Excellent point,” Jenna said as she rolled onto her side and put on her sunglasses.
Bella rose from her lounge chair and sat at the table with a sigh.
Tony came to her side and placed his hand on her shoulder. “You’re not alone in this, Bella. No matter what it is.”
“I know.” She leaned back and kicked out a chair. “Sit down.”
Tony lowered himself to the chair, and Jenna joined them on Bella’s other side.
Bella pressed her palms flat on the table and drew in a deep breath. She’d held the truth in for months, and it would be a relief to get it off her chest. It would also be a slap in the face, and she knew how much that slap would sting. And she knew that she could spill her guts to Jenna, Tony, or any of the other friends here at Seaside, and they’d soothe that sting with more love than she could ever hope for.
“Okay. The truth is, it wasn’t him. It was me. It is me. This was my decision any way you cut it. Jay was nothing. He lied to me. Yeah, that stung, but I broke up with him the moment I found out. But changing my life—taking control of my life?” She shook her head. “That’s all me, baby. I took a good look at my love life and my professional life. And trust me, it wasn’t easy to take off the rose-colored glasses and open my eyes, but I did. You’re right, Tony. I’m strong, and you know what? I’m not sure that’s a great thing when it comes to relationships. I’m loud. I say things that can be harsh or misconstrued. I joke about things that other people might not, but I like who I am.”
Jenna lifted her brows. “We love who you are.”
“Thank you, Jen. I love you guys, too.” She sighed. “I just realized that maybe the reason relationships don’t work for me is that I’m not supposed to be in one. It seems like we women are always looking for Mr. Right, and I realized that I don’t need Mr. Right. I just need to be happy with myself, and I am. So, I decided to take charge of my life and make a change. Sink or swim. And part of taking charge of my career and my life is setting aside the pathetic need to be in a relationship.”
“Bella—” Tony began.
“No, let me finish. You guys know me. I’m a no-bull person. What you see is what you get with me, right?”
Jenna nodded.
“Pretty much, but you hide a lot, Bell, even if you don’t want to admit it,” Tony said.
“I hide?”
“Yeah. You tuck away parts of yourself. I can’t explain it, but I’ve known you long enough to recognize it. It’s not a bad thing. It’s like when I’m surfing. The people I meet around my competitions want to know me because of what I stand for, not who I am. So around those people, I don’t show my real self. You kind of do the same thing. Maybe it’s not the loud part of you that makes relationships difficult, but it’s keeping that other part of you walled off that, I don’t know, creates a gap. Guys feel that, you know. When you women think we don’t know you’re hiding something, we totally see it.”
She chewed on that thought for a minute. There was probably some truth to it, but she wanted to finish her thoughts, and she was too distracted to define those pieces of truth just then. She pushed the thought away to deal with later.
“Okay, maybe you’re right in some ways. And you’re also right, Tony, about me not screwing around for the sake of screwing around.”<
br />
“Wait. Hold up.” Jenna held her palm up toward Bella. “Timmy Brown? Taylor Marks? Do either of those ring a bell?”
“Okay, so maybe there were a few times. For crying out loud, Jenna, what were we? Twenty-two? But it’s not a habit, and you know that. I might talk big, but I want love like everyone else does. I want the stupid white picket fence and the, Hi, honey; I’m home, and all the other baloney that goes along with it.”
Tony shrugged. “Okay, but why can’t you have that and a career?”
“Don’t worry. I’m not some desperate woman who thinks she’s not worth being loved.” She rolled her eyes. “I’m so not that person.”
“We know that.” Tony reached out and touched her hand. “I was just worried that you gave up everything because of a guy.”
“Nope. He was just a nudge to get off my butt and do what I really want to do. I’m a realist. I can handle this, and it’s a good thing. I might actually get to live in my favorite place on earth and fill my creative soul with a challenge.” She inhaled deeply, feeling her smile fill her with happiness. “So my very long-winded answer about why he had the power to hurt me is that he didn’t. He lied about his wife and about his commitment to me, and yes, that stung, and maybe it even made me worry about guys knowing how to not lie. I am only human. But I didn’t make my decision to change my life and my dating habits because of Jay. I did it because of me. I happened to realize what I wanted at the same time that I broke up with him.” She shrugged again.
Tony sat back and crossed his arms. He slid a concerned look to Jenna.
Jenna shrugged. “The woman does know how to take control.”
He shifted his eyes back to Bella. “I can’t argue with that. You’re right. It’s actually a ballsy move.”
“Thank you.”
“What about not-your-date?” Tony asked. “What’s your plan with him? He brought his kid over. Chances are he’s not a scrump and dumper.”
“Not-my-date and I have a not-a-date tonight. Speaking of which, now that I’ve spilled my pathetic guts, I need to get some work done so I can be ready by six.”