by Addison Cole
His father had never led him astray, and as they drove up to the house, Caden decided to open up to him.
“Well, Pop. I’ve got Evan. I have more to think about than just how I feel about her.”
“Caden.” His father paused as he pulled into the driveway and cut the engine. He turned to face Caden with a serious look in his eyes. “You’ve done a great job of raising Evan for all these years. Everyone who knows you recognizes how much you’ve given up for him, and despite this business of hanging with the wrong kids, he’s a great kid. That’s because of you, Caden. All because of you. But, son, you must know that a man who never puts his own needs first can’t be the best parent all the time.”
Caden sat up a little taller, defending the fine job he’d done of raising Evan, despite his recent trouble. “I think I am a better parent for putting his needs first.”
“You probably are a better father than you might have been if you hadn’t done that, but, son, any way you cut it, a happy man is always a better father than an unhappy man. And for the first time in years, you’re carrying around a banner with a frigging frown on it. You seem like you’ve lost George all over again, and I guess in a sense, if this woman is that important to you, then maybe you have.” His father reached across the seat and settled his hand on Caden’s shoulder. “Think about it. That’s all I’m saying, son. If I can sense the unhappiness, so can he.” He pointed to Evan riding his skateboard toward the car.
He’d been doing nothing but thinking about it since Tuesday night.
Chapter Twenty-Four
BELLA UNLOCKED THE front door of her Connecticut home and stood in the doorway. Tears threatened, as they’d done since Caden said he needed a break. She tried to convince herself that this was all fated to be. What if fate wants me to be in Connecticut? Shut up! She had to believe that fate wanted her to follow her plan. Or maybe that fate sucked and she just had to make sure in her own mind where she belonged. She had a plan. She might have gotten waylaid, but she was back on track now, and she intended to stay that way. Lead with my mind, not my heart.
Two more companies that had been referred to her had signed up for the work-study program, meeting her twelve-company goal for the program. She’d met with the Barnstable County school board and had miraculously been able to hold her emotions at bay long enough to get an offer for full-time employment. When she’d gone to the Cape for the summer, getting that job offer was her top priority, and she was proud to have accomplished that goal.
It had been a tough decision to leave the Cape and return to Connecticut, even for just a day or two, but she had to walk into the school again and see if she still felt the desire to leave the place she’d called home for the last five years. Even before meeting Caden, she’d been excited about starting over in her favorite place on earth. But with her emotions all over the map, she had to be one hundred percent certain that she was either accepting her old job in Connecticut or the new job in Cape Cod for the right reasons—and those right reasons had to be her own. That’s why, despite pleas from Amy and Jenna not to go, she took off that morning and drove almost four hours back to Connecticut. She couldn’t shake the feeling that she’d forgotten something back at the Cape. The feeling had grown heavier with each mile she drove. By the time she arrived home, she realized that the something she’d left at the Cape was Caden and Evan. The distance between them felt terminal.
The house smelled and felt different. Empty. Still. Lonely. She’d lived in the house for four years, and it had never felt lonely before. She closed the door behind her and set her keys and purse on the table in the small foyer. She’d bought the Cape Cod–style home as a foreclosure and had been pleasantly surprised that there weren’t any major underlying issues. She’d painted the interior top to bottom, which had taken weeks, but she’d enjoyed making the house her own. She’d even patched two holes in the drywall, but she’d had to hire a plumber to fix two broken pipes in the basement and replace a bathroom sink.
She meandered through the cozy kitchen, the dining room she’d never used, and the living room where she watched Justified and Grey’s Anatomy. She wondered what it would have been like to watch those shows with Caden and Evan, and a shiver ran down her spine despite the warm summer day. As she ascended the stairs, she rubbed her arms to chase away the goose bumps. There were two small bedrooms upstairs: the master bedroom and a guest bedroom. Her bedroom was similar to the bedroom at her cottage, with a pink comforter and lacy throw pillows, white sheer curtains with pleated blinds, and a charcoal-gray shag area rug over hardwood floors. She ran her finger over the top of the dresser and picked up a framed photo of her, Jenna, Amy, Leanna, Tony, and Jamie from a few summers ago. As she stared at the photo, she couldn’t help but envision Caden and Evan in the mix. She set it back down and walked to the window. Her neighbor, Jeannie Mace, and her thirteen-year-old son were playing catch in their backyard. Her mind traveled to Caden and Evan. Her throat thickened. She drew in a jagged breath and turned away. She wanted to bury her face in her fluffy pillows until the pain of missing them subsided. The urge was so tempting that it sprouted wings and hovered around her, taunting her. Go ahead. Lay your head down and give up on your plans, your future. Wouldn’t it feel good to disappear into your broken heart?
Yeah, that was the problem. It would feel too good—for a few minutes. And then it would suck again. Big-time.
Bella wasn’t the kind of person to fall apart.
Then again, she’d never been in love before.
And she was sure that what she felt for Caden was love.
She eyed the bed. You know you want to flop onto your belly and have a good cry, the urge said as it zoomed around her head.
“Up yours,” she said to the empty room.
Bella ran down the stairs, snagged her keys and purse, and sped out of the driveway toward the school.
Her sandals clip-clopped along the linoleum floors as she hurried down the hall toward her classroom, breathing in the unique smell of high school. A different scent filled the halls during the school year than it did during the summer months. During the school year, the halls smelled of perfume, testosterone, and teenage lust, with a hint of the other scent most teenagers gave off—adolescent angst. Images of Evan flashed in Bella’s mind. She remembered the first moment she’d seen him, the evening of the beach bonfire, walking so close to Caden they could have banged shoulders and looking at his father with a mix of adoration and intrigue. She smiled at the memory of Evan and Jamie deep in conversation the night of the barbeque in the quad and the way his eyes lit up when Jamie invited him to stop by and learn about programming. Sadness pressed in on her as she recalled the way Evan had stormed out the back door of Caden’s house the night she joined them for dinner and the petrified look in his eyes when they were on the boat.
She missed him so much. Was he holding up okay? Was he feeling less stressed or clamoring to move back to Boston?
She was with teens all day nine months out of the year. How had Evan torn off a piece of her heart so quickly?
She entered her classroom and drew in another deep breath. Her phone vibrated, and she pulled it from her pocket, hoping it was Caden. Jenna. This was the third time she’d called in as many hours. Bella shoved her phone back into her pocket. She couldn’t talk to Jenna yet. She couldn’t talk to anyone yet. She wasn’t sure she was capable of talking without losing her voice to sobs.
She looked around the classroom. I loved teaching here. She loved her fellow teachers, and she even loved the way her windows faced the courtyard. During many stressful afternoons, she’d lost herself for a few blessed minutes gazing into the courtyard. Yes, she loved this place.
Loved. That was the operative word.
She could spend the next several years teaching the same classes and probably be content. But one thing she realized over the past few weeks of creating the work-study program was that she was missing out on the very things that excited her. Challenge. Diversity. Creativity. Content was no longer e
nough.
Each determined step she took down the hallway and toward the administrative offices solidified her decision. She was sticking to her stupid plan! These were her decisions.
After meeting with Kelsey and firmly turning down the job offer, she went home and began packing. She couldn’t keep her mind from wandering to Caden and Evan. Had they gone to Boston, and if so, had it made them both feel better? Did it bring back the sadness of losing George? If so, was Caden still sad when he returned, or was he strong and self-possessed as usual? Oh, how she wanted to call and ask him all those things, but if she called, she’d never make it through the day, and she had things to get done before she allowed herself to hear his voice again. She had to be strong. She was always strong.
Except she wasn’t always strong, and Caden understood that.
He loved that about her.
She forced herself to focus on packing. She reached up to the top shelf of her closet and brought down a shoebox. Her lips curved up into a half smile. She lifted the top of the box and her smile faltered; her hands began to shake. Tears welled in her eyes.
She reached into the box she hadn’t opened in years and ran her fingers over the pink fuzzy handcuffs. A single tear slipped down her cheeks as she picked them up and clutched them to her chest. The sadness she’d been fighting so hard to repress and ignore coiled in her belly, hot and venomous.
Caden. Oh, Caden. I love you.
She sucked in a breath as the sadness seared through her body, stealing her strength and her rationale. She collapsed to her knees, rocking forward and back and wailing like an abandoned child. The handcuffs were a joke. They were silly. Stupid. Asinine. But they brought the whisper of Caden’s breath against her cheek, his voice in her ear: Tonight I just want to be close. No games, no props, no diversions. I just want to love you.
I just want to love you.
The memory tore her insides to shreds. Racked by unyielding sobs, she rolled onto her side on the bedroom floor, where she lay until the sun dipped from the sky. Then she rolled onto her back and caught sight of her fluffy pink comforter, lacy pillows, and sheer, frilly curtains.
“What am I doing?” She stared up at the ceiling and swiped at her tears. “Get up,” she commanded.
No, thanks. I’ll just stay here. Me and the urge to wallow in sadness. Constant companions. Maybe strength is overrated.
“No more wallowing. Wallowing sucks.” She reached under the bed to retrieve her cell phone from where it landed when she shoved the silent thing away from her, but it was too far away. She stretched her arm under the bed, inching her fingers along the floor. Her fingertips brushed the edge of the phone. She pushed her shoulder as far under the bed as it would fit, cursing the low-style frame she’d fallen in love with. She could feel the edge. One more push and—Ugh! It slid farther away.
“Now is not the time to mess with me, you little electronic jerk.” She swung her foot under the bed and sent the phone spinning across the floor. On hands and knees, she retrieved the electronic nemesis, pushed to her feet, and flew down the stairs and out the front door.
She came out of the convenience store ten minutes later with an armful of chocolate. Chocolate didn’t make stupid decisions. Chocolate didn’t ask questions. Chocolate was the perfect companion.
If only Caden were there to share it with her.
Chapter Twenty-Five
SUNDAY MORNING CADEN went for a long run on the beach to keep from calling or texting Bella. Gray clouds hovered ominously over the bay, and they felt like a direct reflection of his heart. It was getting more difficult to be apart from Bella, rather than easier. Wasn’t time supposed to heal all wounds? He felt as if his heart had been torn open, the very core of his soul exposed. The wound was so raw that he feared it might never heal. When he ran to the point where he usually turned back, he slowed to a walk. He missed Bella so much. Would it be treacherous if he called? Just once? Just to hear her voice?
He ripped the Velcro band from his arm and withdrew his cell phone. Just a quick call. He could ask her if he left his tool belt at her cottage. Yes, that might work. She might buy that. He pressed her speed-dial number and closed his eyes, trying to calm his racing heart.
“Caden?”
Her sleepy voice filled him with sadness. “Yeah, hi. Sorry to call so early.”
He heard her repositioning herself and pictured her at the cottage, cuddled up beneath her pink comforter. Oh, how he wanted to be there with her.
“It’s okay. Is Evan okay?” she asked.
His throat thickened. Of course her mind went to Evan. Caden was so trapped in his own longing to hear her voice that he’d lost track of the fact that she didn’t have any updates on how Evan was getting along.
“He’s fine. Good, actually. Helping Vera out at her cottage, and he starts with TGG next week.”
“Oh. Good. I’m glad to hear that.”
He looked out over the bay and paced. “I miss you, babe.” His voice was so soft that he hoped she heard him. She didn’t respond, and he thought he must not have spoken after all. “I just…Can I come by and see you?”
“I’m not in Wellfleet.”
He stopped pacing. “You’re…”
“Back in Connecticut.”
He forced himself not to ask why, or if she’d taken the job there.
“What time is it?” she asked.
“I don’t know. Seven thirty maybe. I’ll let you go. I just wanted to hear your voice.”
By the time Caden circled back toward home, the sun streaked through like glimmering lights of hope. Hope that he didn’t have much of anymore. She was in Connecticut. Connecticut. Was she there for good? Was that her way of finalizing their break? He could kick himself for not asking if she’d taken the job there, but he’d been struck mute by the fact that she was no longer a few miles away.
He arrived home drenched in sweat, which felt right for his frame of mind lately. He ripped off his shirt as he went inside and snagged a towel from a kitchen drawer to wipe the perspiration from his body.
“Hey, Dad.” Evan sat in the living room poring over one of the computer books Caden had bought on his first date with Bella.
He remembered that evening as if it were yesterday. Oh, how he wished he could turn back time and go back to that night and skip over Tuesday altogether.
“Hi, Ev. What are you doing up?” He’d practically had to beg Evan to watch a movie instead of playing PC games last night. When he’d decided to be more focused on his son, he hadn’t taken into account that Evan might not be as excited about the prospect of the two of them spending more time together as he was.
“I told you I was helping Vera today, remember? This book is awesome. Did you buy it for me?” He flipped through a few pages.
“Right. I remember.” He wiped his face with the towel. “I bought that book so I could read up on what you were interested in. You can read it. It’s like a foreign language to me.” He didn’t care about the stupid book. He cared about Bella, and now she was gone. How was he going to make it through eight hours of work?
“Thanks.” Evan’s hair was still wet from his shower, and Caden was glad to see he’d put on clean and unwrinkled clothes.
He forced himself to focus on Evan. “I’m working until five. Want to cook burgers on the grill tonight?”
Evan shrugged. “Bobby wanted to hang out.”
Caden’s stomach clenched. “Evan, I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
“Bobby doesn’t hang out with those guys anymore. I swear it. You can ask him, and he didn’t ever do anything bad.”
“I don’t know, Ev.” Bobby had been cleared of any wrongdoing, just as Evan had, but Caden was nervous about Evan spending time with any kids until he knew them and their parents personally. Maybe it was time to change that.
“I’ll tell you what. Call Bobby and tell him that after my shift I’ll come by to meet his parents; then you and Bobby can spend the evening here.”
Evan cl
osed the book he was reading and sighed. “I’ve been spending all my time here since this whole thing went down. Don’t you trust me to do anything?”
“Yes, I trust you.” Caden sat beside him on the couch and leaned his elbows on his knees.
“No, you don’t. If you’re not working, you’re here with me. Except when you run, but then I’m usually sleeping.” Evan rose to his feet. “You never even go out with Bella anymore.”
“This isn’t about me, Evan. You want to spend time with Bobby? Then I need to meet his parents.” Caden was not bending on that rule ever again.
“I don’t care about that. Fine. Whatever.” Evan shoved his hands into his pockets. “But why do we have to sit around here all night? It’s boring, Dad. It’s summer. We want to go hang out, and there’s a movie playing on the back of the town hall building in Wellfleet tonight. We were going to ride our bikes over and watch.”
Caden ran his hand down his face. He was glad Evan was getting back into life, and he’d done the right thing, so there was no reason not to trust him.
“Fine. I’ll meet his parents after work. You have your new phone?”
Evan pulled it out of his pocket. “Thanks, Dad. Why don’t you go out with Bella tonight?”
Because we broke up. “How about you worry about your own social life, and I’ll worry about mine?”
Evan looked at the floor, then back at his father with a pinched look on his face. “You broke up, didn’t you?”
“We’re…taking a break.” He was done with this torturous break. He couldn’t remember why he’d thought it was a good idea in the first place.
“Why?” Evan’s face contorted. His cheeks heated. “Why’d you break up? Was it because of me?”
“No, it wasn’t because of you, and I said a break, not that we broke up for good.” How could Bella not have known that? How could she have left? How could he have been so stupid in the first place to think he needed this break? Bella understood Evan, maybe even better than Caden did at times.